by Styles, T.
“What are you talkin’ about?” I asked, turning up my nose.
“I’m askin’ when you gonna stop poppin’ pills and raise your game?” he winked; taking one last look around him before he gently grabbed my forearm and pulled me closer. Reaching down on the stoop, he removed a lose brick in the concrete and pulled out a tiny Ziploc bag filled with a hard yellow substance. I was so close to him that only he and I could see what he had in his hands. My heart began to beat quickly because I knew exactly what he was saying now. It was the same shit that had my mother running around here lookin’ a mess. Heroin. I vowed to never go that far and I didn’t see any reason in starting now. As far as I was concerned, the E was enough for me. As if he could read my mind he whispered in my ear. “Don’t you want to float away whenever you get ready without catchin’ a plane?” His voice was deep, borderline erotic. The heat from his breath brushed my ear. “Don’t you wanna be able to have a full body orgasm whenever you want to?” As if I wasn’t already captivated, he pulled me so close that not even air could pass between us.
“Don’t you want to get the fuck away from reality?” Out of everything he said, I listened to his last question
the most. It struck home. I do want to escape my life. And if I
wasn’t scared, I would’ve killed myself along time ago. I was
already walking around half dead, but after Sky’s death, I became
colder.
“And how much you gonna charge me if I do decide to go
there?”
“The first ones on me.”
His offer was sounding better and better. Something told
me to run, but my feet remained planted.
“Why you procrastinatin’?! You gonna do it or not cause
I got payin’ customers who woulda accepted my offer a long time
ago?” he quickly turned from the nice pusher man to one of these
young dumb ass drug dealers.
I was about to give my answer until, “Daffany!” a familiar voice called from behind me. “Let me holla at you for a sec.” When I turned around I saw Jay walking in my direction.
I frowned, my face and said, “Give me a minute.” I didn’t want
him to overhear that I was considerin’ takin’ things to the next
level with my habit.
Jay yelled, “Let me holla at you now!”
“Damn, Jay!” Ty laughed, raising his arms and tilting his
head slightly. “We were handlin’ business ova here.” “That’s why I want to talk to her now. Don’t worry lil
nigga. I got you later.”
Ty took one look at me and then at him and said,
“Wheneva you ready, you know where to find me.” “But I’m ready now.”
He looked at Jay again for the okay but with his hands,
Jay told him to cut things short with me. I was angry just thinkin’
about how he was getting ready to fuck my shit up. “Naw...just get up with me lada.” He walked off. These dealers around here respected Jay too much. I was looking at my chance at a high walk away, when I
turned around and saw Jay standing before me. Even though he
had gotten with Parade back in the day, everything about him
reminded me of Sky and I began to feel worst.
“What do you want, Jay?” I asked, as I rolled my eyes. “First off…what’s wit the attitude?”
“I was taken care of somethin’ about a job and you
messed it up!” I placed my hands on my hips.
“So you was talkin’ to a dealer about a job, huh?” “Yeah…I needed some money to catch the bus because I
start my new job tomorrow and he was gonna give it to me.” “Why would you do that when you have a car, Daffany?”
He reminded me.
“Jay, what’s up?” I yelled, embarrassed I was caught in
a lie. All I knew was that I needed to get high and I needed to get
high quick.
“I’ma cut to the chase,” he said, smoothing his invisible
beard with his right hand. “Where’s your girl?”
I knew he was getting ready to ask me about that bitch!
That’s why I wasn’t even tryin’ to hear him when he opened his
mouth.
“I don’t know. I’m not her keeper.” I responded, walking
away.
“You are if I say you are.” He said confidently. When I
turned around he showed me a closed fist with the tip of a C note
peaking through.
I walked toward him. Slowly, but anxiously as if that was
possible.
“What I gotta do?”
“You gotta call Parade for me and tell her to meet you
somewhere.”
“No.”
“Aight…let me know how long it takes you to get half of
what I’m ‘bout to give you tonight. I hear you had that good shit
at one time. But niggas sayin’ you washed up now,” he said referring to my pussy. “So good luck.” He walked away and I let
down my guards. Why give away pussy when he was gonna hook
me up right now.
“Okay!”
“Okay what?” he responded turning back around. “Okay I’ll do it.”
“You sure?” he asked sarcastically. “Cause I don’t want
you to do nothin’ you don’t want to do.”
“I said I’ll do it,” I continued, reaching for the money. “Hold up,” he extended his hand before him taking the
money away. “I want you to tell her to meet you out here
tonight.”
“She not gonna do it because we just had a fight.” Jay looked toward the ground as if he was trying to think
and then said, “Aight, tell her to meet you at the IHOP on
Bladensburg road. Tell her you need to talk and that you were
sorry about whateva bullshit ya’ll was beefin about.” The mere thought of apologizing made my stomach
churn.
“Aight gimme the money.”
“Not until you call her.”
“I will when I get in the house.”
“I’m not fuckin’ wit you, do it now or the deal is off.” He
handed me his silver Blackberry.
I dialed her number disgusted by the whole idea.
Whatever he got to say to her I sure hope it’s worth it. “And, Daffany,” he interrupted, stopping the call. “You
don’t want to fuck wit’ that shit.”
“What shit?”
“That bullshit you was ‘bout to cop from Ty. It ain’t for
you, shawty.”
Silence.
Why did he care if I was thinkin’ about fucking with
heroin? It was my business not his. Still, a part of me felt good
that he even cared and the other part said he needed to mind his
business and let me run my life. Whatever life I had left.
Parade
I gripped onto the edge of the shelf in the tiny pantry closet trying to handle Smoke’s swift strokes against my ass cheeks. Light peeking under the doorway allowed me to see his pants hanging down by his ankles and my toes spread against the cream porcelain floor. As big as this house was, Smokes insisted on fucking me everywhere else but in the bedroom. His reason? As long as we were together he’d always make it hot. And as good as this bald headed mothafucka treated me, anything he wanted I was down for.
“Damn, ma!! This pussy is the bomb! Squeeze them walls again.” He demanded.
I complied.
“Squeeze that thang tighter.”
I tightened up more.
“That feel better, but you gotta work on that shit,” he continued, pumping in and out of me.
Sometimes he treated me like I was in training when we made love and I hated it.
“That pussy smells good though,” he continued, as he took his finger, rubbed
it over my clit and smelled it. He loved the smell of pussy. “Why that shit smell so good?”
“Cause nobody hittin’ this but you, daddy and I keep it clean.” I responded, backing up. I liked when he wanted it on the spontaneous tip minus the lessons on how to work it. Besides, I been working my shit for years and if there was one thing I knew how to do, fucking was it. Just so long as he didn’t want it the wet way. I’ll explain that shit later.
“You betta know that’s right,” he continued, as he banged me against the canned green beans causing one of them to fall to the floor, missing my foot by inches. None of that stopped his purpose, busting a nut inside of me.
Since the day we talked about marriage, he had a vision. What was it? Me walking down the aisle pregnant with his baby girl. He always said that when he had another child and wife he wanted to marry both of them at the alter. Not only did he want me to be pregnant ruining any chances of me having fun on our wedding day, he also wanted me to give him a daughter. Like I had the power to pick the baby’s sex. The only thing was, when I tried to stop the birth control pills I was taking, he would continuously tell me that now was not the right time. It was like he was saying two different things.
“Shit!” He grabbed my ponytail and used it for leverage. His thickness was first class and I never been with a man his size before. I could feel his sweat fall against my back making my baby-t moist.
“I love you, ma.”
“I love you too, daddy!”
“Ain’t you glad I wifed you?”
“Yes, daddy! You saved me.” He loved when I talked to him like that. It brought him on quicker and I was willing to say anything to help get him there. I had gotten mine fifteen minutes ago and was starting to get cramps in this awkward position. My fiancé was anything but a two minute brother. He almost climaxed until he heard my phone ring.
“Hold up, baby!” he was growing harder and harder. “I’m almost there.”
“Beat that shit, baby! Beat that pussy up!” The slaps of his balls against my ass resonated throughout the closet. It’s a good thing Lil Damian, his son, was away at his mother’s house.
“You, sexy mothafucka what you think I’m doin’, huh?” he asked, as his sweat dripped on my lower back.
“That’s right, baby! Handle it!”
I hoped he was able to ignore the ring tone sound of Mirror by Neyo playing on my phone.
“Awwwwww shiiitttt!!!” he yelled.
I guess he was able to tune it out after all. He squeezed my waist hard and pushed all of his creamy load inside of me. A tingly sensation overwhelmed my belly. I loved being able to please him.
He kissed my shoulder and pulled out of me. When we were done, he opened the door and a gust of air came rushing in. It was hot in the tiny closet so the breeze was welcoming. He pulled up his pants and helped me with my panties, kissing my butt cheeks before placing them all the way on.
“Who callin’ you in the middle of the night?” he asked, as he sat on the stool at the black marble breakfast nook in our kitchen. “They all most fucked me up.”
“I don’t know, baby. You want something to eat?” I asked, going directly for the cabinets. The question was rhetorical cause he always wanted to eat after we fucked.
“Yeah…warm me up some leftovers.”
“Got it, baby.”
“So you gonna call them back or what?” He persisted, as he wiped the sweat off of his head with a paper towel.
Let me tell you about my man. In the back of his mind he thinks I’m steppin’ out on him. He might not say it, but he’s definitely thinkin’ it. I would be a fool for cheating on him. I live in a beautiful home in a quiet residential area. I have more clothes in my closet than I can wear. I can shop at Tiffanys, Saks and Nieman & Marcus without flipping over tags, and I feel sexier than I ever did in my life, despite this dark skin that has plagued me since I was born. I was living the glamorous life.
“I don’t even know who it was, baby,” I tell him as I remove three Tupperware containers filled with barbeque ribs, mac and cheese, and collard greens from the fridge. “I’m tendin’ to my man right now.”
“Is that right?” he smiled.
“You want to go another round and ask me that question again?”
“You got it,” he winked. “I can’t fuck wit it right now. You tryna put a nigga in a coma.” Just when he said that his phone rang and Lil’ Wayne’s Mr. Carter blasted as his ring tone. “Speak on it.” He yelled into the receiver. Most people said hello but not my man. “Nigga, what you want?” he asked, standing up moving to the fridge grabbing a beer. “What you mean ya’ll out? You got the rest of my money yet?”
Silence.
“Well bring that shit and meet me at my house in forty minutes! And, Silver…don’t be late.”
When I placed his warmed up food on the nook in front of him, he wrapped his arm around my waist and whispered, “Go put some clothes on.” I was getting ready to do as he said when he pulled me back and said, “And look cute too. Wear that red joint I picked up for you yesterday.”
“Okay,” I smiled slightly embarrassed at how he insisted on dressing me. I know I was a bottom of the todem pole bitch, but I believe my game has raised a little since we got together. I know what to wear and how to look. I subscribed to 9 magazines to keep up with the latest fashions. “You want anything else before I get dressed?” I forced out.
“Naw.”
With that he made another call. I grabbed my phone and noticed the missed call I got when Smokes was banging my back out was blocked but I had a voicemail. I dialed my mailbox and waited for the message. My heart dropped when I heard Daffany’s voice.
Parade, its Daffany. I’m sorry about what happened earlier today. We need to talk cuz I hate beefin’ with you. When you get this message I’ll be at the IHOP in Bladensburg. I know its last minute but I really need to talk to you. Come see me. Please. Whoa! I can’t believe she actually reached out. Daffany is more stubborn than me. When she holds a grudge she never comes around. I’m not gonna lie, hearing her voice and apology made me feel better because I’d been thinkin’ about her and our friendship being over ever since I left her earlier.
I rushed to our bathroom, shut the door and freshened up real quick. Smokes was off the phone roaming around the house which meant Silver’s ass was on his way. I hated looking at him knowing he was Markee’s brother. And I was secretly happy that Jay had his ass murdered for raping his cousin.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
“Come in, baby.” I hollered, as I smoothed the toner on my face. Lately whenever I washed my face and used my toner, I noticed the smell was stronger than normal. Smokes came in and wrapped his arms around my waist and looked at me through the mirror.
“I didn’t mean to brush you off.” His breath smelled of barbeque sauce. “Silver’s bitch ass is on the way. Seems like this nigga can’t even hold his dick without my direction,” he continued, rocking me lightly. “I just like to make sure my wife is on point at all times.”
“We’re not married yet,” I joked, washing the cleaner off my face.
“You belong to me now.” He was serious but maintained a smile. “And I’d do anything for you.”
“I know honey.”
“Will you do anything for me? Anything? Even if it means death?”
Silence.
Hoping things would never get that far I said, “Anything, baby. You can count on me to come through. I just can’t do it tonight,” I giggled. “Daffany just called and wants to hook up. We meetin’ at the IHOP.”
“I thought ya’ll weren’t talkin’?”
“I know but she called me and said she wanted to apologize. We been friends too long to keep up shit wit’ each other.”
“Yeah whateva. Call me when you get there.”
“I will.” I turned around to kiss his lips. “I love you.”
“You know I’m feelin’ you too.” He smiled rubbing the back of his hand on my face. “Parade, you keepi
n’ the windows rolled up when you out?”
“Sometimes why?”
“Cuz you gettin’ a little darker. I don’t want the sun messin’ up my baby’s beautiful complexion.”
That hurt.
“I’ll be mindful in the future, Smokes.”
“Don’t be mad, Melanie. I’m just lookin’ out that’s all.”
Silence.
“Parade.”
“Parade what?” He sounded confused, but I wasn’t.
“My name is Parade.”
“I know what your name is.” He responded defensively.
“You called me Melanie again, baby.”
“Stop trippin’,” he said going for the door. “I know what I said. Just make sure you call me when you get there.” He walked out the door.
He’s called me his wife’s name at least three times since we’ve been together. Sometimes I wonder if he’s trying to replace her using me. What scares me the most is not that he thinks I’m her sometimes, it’s that I don’t care.
I made it to IHOP an hour after Daffany called me. I didn’t see her car anywhere. I looked overdressed with my red and green Gucci short set. But fuck it! Since I’m here I might as well grab a bite to eat.
After being seated by a little white girl I decided to order the Southwestern Omelette and a glass of water. I checked my watch one last time to see how long it had been since Daffany called. Exactly two hours passed. I was getting heated just thinking that she left me hanging.
“Anything else, mam?” the waitress asked, dropping my plate off.
“No.” I smiled. “I’m fine.”
When she left I realized she forgot my water. I turned around to remind her but she was already in the back. When I turned around to eat, Jay was sitting in the seat in front of me.
“What’s up, Parade?” his curly hair was neatly shaped. The black t-shirt he wore showcased his platinum chain beautifully. The cologne he wore was an aphrodisiac. I’m so glad I wore this outfit. I knew I was looking hot! And he looked so fuckin’ sexy.
“What are you doing here, Jay?” I asked, fiddling around with my omelet.
“I’m here to pick up my carryout order.” He fell back against the booth style seat.