by Styles, T.
“You up, sexy?” some man called from behind me. I positioned my body in the direction of his voice.
He flipped on a lamp revealing my surroundings and the first thing I focused on was him. Who was he? He was chocolate and so thin, his bones protruded from his face. On the couch he sat overlooking dismay as if he was Satan and this was hell. Maybe it was.
“You gonna be okay, sweetheart,” he promised. “I’m gonna take care of you.”
His deep base voice rocked the sleeping dead as they came to wondering where their next high would come from. There was trash all over the floors and five to six other people lying up against the walls next to me. I was in a dope house.
“You got anything?” I asked, rubbing my head and then my arms. I remembered him vaguely. The only problem with heroin was that I sometimes suffered from temporary memory loss. I guess it’s the way my body dealt with the drug.
“Naw. Why don’t you go out there and shake that pretty thing and get some. We’ll leave these lazy bitches here and go somewhere else to hit.”
“I need somethin’ now,” I told him not able to whore around without it.
“You dirty, bastard!” a female yelled from the floor in the kitchen. “I found her and you tryna take her from me. She ain’t just workin’ for you she workin’ for us! If it won’t for me she’d still be sleepin’ behind the Popeye’s Chicken.”
I remember now. I met that girl when I was tryna find something to eat two weeks ago. I lost my apartment so I had nowhere else to go. Everything in the world I own is gone. I smoked up the four hundred dollars I made from selling the TV and everything else I had last week. I don’t even have enough money to call my friends. And when I do get some money, I probably won’t call anyway because nothin’ means more to me right now than gettin’ high.
“I don’t belong to nobody!” I told them trying to get up. When I finally made it up, I tried to move comfortably in the shoes I was wearing that were obviously too big for my feet. I felt hands touching my legs as if they were trying to pull me back down. Kicking them off, I moved toward the part of the floor no one was. “Now I’m gonna get some money to buy some more dope but if ya’ll want to hit, ya’ll gotta help. Hell, this ain’t no free world!”
“That’s right!” he agreed. “This ain’t no free world. And if you don’t bring back some of that money you earn, you’ll have to find some place else to live. Cause Carmen already told me your homeless. You need me just as much as I need you.”
Did he say live? I didn’t even know I lived here. I weighed my options quickly in my head and realized I didn’t have many. If I reached out to Miss Wayne, he would ask a bunch of questions about my new addiction. And I wouldn’t call that bitch Parade if my life depended on it.
I asked myself over and over why did I go back to Ty that night to cop heroin. I had 100 dollars that Jay gave me and could’ve spent it anywhere else. Instead I spent it with him. All I remember after smoking was feeling as if I was floating. It was as if nothing else mattered. It was everything he said it would be and more. I experienced orgasms that moved from my head to my toes and held on to me tighter than any man ever could. I was in love. With a drug.
“I’m with you,” Carmen said. “So what you waitin’ on?” she asked appearing from the shadows. Now that I came down from my high I understand why I trusted her. She reminded me of Sky. She had the same light skin, pretty eyes and soft curly hair. The only difference was that Sky wouldn’t be caught dead in a crack house or wearing the same clothes for two days in a row let alone a month.
“I’m startin’ to feel sick.” I told them rubbing my arms. “So whatever we do we have to do now.”
This drug took a lot of my energy. A lot out of me. It required that I catered to it every second of the day. The only time I was free was when I was smoking. So smoking was the only way to feel some relief.
“Me too so let’s go.” She opened the door.
“You, bitches betta make sure you remember where home is. Both of yall were homeless before I let you in.” I know for a fact I’m not coming back here. I thought. “You heard me?” he yelled.
“I heard you,” I responded not even knowing his name.
“Shut the hell up! We comin’ back,” she slammed the door behind us.
When we left, Carmen was right on my ass. Now that we were outside I could tell I was off of Minnesota Avenue in D.C. I was familiar with where I was so finding a trick should be easy. When I spotted a brick building I ran behind it to fix myself up. “What you doin?”
“Gettin’ myself together. Just cause we smoke dope don’t mean we got to look like it!”
“I can tell you ain’t been in the streets long.” She laughed, watching me take off my jeans and shoes. She was looking around to see if anybody was watching us.
“Why you say that?” I asked right before I sniffed my panties and threw them down on the ground. They stunk so bad they made me nauseous. Once they were off I put my jeans back on, and tied a knot in the back of my shirt. It was October and there was a slight nip outside but not too cold to bare.
“Cause these mothafuckas care about one thing and one thing only. Pussy. So all the getting neat shit you doin’ is a waste of time.” She continued eyeing my stomach. She was a hater and I knew it. “What you need to do is lay off that beer cause yo stomach damn near pokin’ out of your jeans.” She laughed, pointing her finger at me.
Yeah…this bitch definitely reminds me of Sky. She’s so negative she probably doesn’t realize she’s doing it.
I placed my hands on my hips and said, “Well since you got so much mouth, let’s see who can get the most money.” I told her as I took out my hair and neatly placed it in a ponytail. My mixed heritage allowed my hair to tame a little better.
“You on,” she smirked.
We strolled up and down East Capitol street like D.C.’s finest. Standing in front of the Shrimp Boat, and old restaurant, I knew it was just a matter of time before I made that bitch eat her words. She was on the other end of the boat tryin’ to do her thing too. See, she may have been a user longer than me, but I was a whore longer than her and I knew the streets well. I knew what men wanted without even asking. I just hoped smoking didn’t throw me off.
“You tryna have some fun, baby?” I asked a car with two boys who didn’t look much older than 17. They motioned to get my attention the moment I gave them eye contact. It was a late model Acura TL so I knew they had a little cash to feed my need.
“I don’t know, let me see your titties first,” the passenger with the Red Sox baseball cap said. His long eyelashes made him look innocent but I’m sure he was far from it.
“That’s gonna cost you more, baby.” I advised lickin’ my lips before puckering them seductively.
“Oh we got dough,” the driver with the corn rolls responded, flashing a knot so big it made my mouth water. There in the middle of the street I lifted my shirt so that he could see my breasts.
“You’re a dirty, bitch!” a woman yelled from another car.
I laughed at her. She calling me a bitch and got a kid with her. Whatever!
“Aight, meet us down that street behind that white house. In the backyard.” He pointed. “My man lives over there.”
“Cool can my friend come too?” I asked pointing at Carmen who was walking back and forth looking dumb. She was no match for me and I knew it. At least I could do was show her how to get cash quick.
They both glanced at her and said, “Oh hell yeah!”
“Cool, why can’t ya’ll just give us a ride right now and then we can do it in the car,” I responded anxiously. As badly as I was feeling, I couldn’t risk them going down the street and not coming back.
“Cause we don’t let whores in our car that’s why,” the driver said angrily.
I rubbed my arms and shook my head. “Okay, we on our way over there.”
They pulled off without further explanation.
When they left I told her everything and she was down for it too
. The only thing that got on my nerves was that she kept asking me a bunch of questions.
“How much money they have?” she looked at me like a kid hopeful she’d get what she wanted on Christmas day.
“Enough.”
“How old were they?”
“Does it matter?”
“Do they know I’m coming?” she persisted.
What the fuck was wrong with this bitch? Money was money and all of the questions were irritating and unnecessary at best. So I ignored her and we walked toward the house.
We were at the place he said he’d be for fifteen minutes before they showed up.
“Dats them?” she asked when they arrived. She looked like it was a problem. “They look like kids.”
“Well dem kids got money so if you don’t want to do it, get the fuck from over here because you ain’t bout to fuck my shit up!”
“And let you win the bet?” she rolled her neck and folded her arms. “I’m standing right here.”
“Bitch, I already won the bet,” I advised her. “Who got they trick asses over here?” I paused. “Me!”
They jumped out of the car and moved toward us. Not only did they look real young, they looked like they were in middle school. Suddenly I was starting to feel some kind of way.
“How old are ya’ll?” I asked the one who was driving the car. Both of them looked fresh and I could tell they were drug dealers.
“Well let me see, I’m one hundred dollars, my man right here is one hundred fifty.”
“They sound old enough to me,” Carmen smiled, dropping to her knees on the grey dirt, no grass. She was in full dick sucking mode.
“Naw we want pussy.” The driver spoke.
She got up and looked at me.
“Fine wit me,” she continued looking around. “Dis ya’ll house? Cause we ain’t got no problem goin’ inside.”
“Naw…this our boy’s house. We gonna fuck ya’ll right out here.” The passenger said. I could tell they were lying about knowing anybody who lived here, but I needed a hit bad so arguing wasn’t an option.
“Where you want it?” I inquired looking around the run down backyard.
He pointed to a rusty ass green picnic table. The paint was peeling revealing the ugly cream color beneath it. I felt my sickness coming on and decided we needed to hurry up. Hopefully they had some dope on ‘em that way, we wouldn’t have to go far to get high.
“Bend over on the picnic table and spread ya’ll asses.” The driver said as the passenger laughed. We eyed the bench style table.
Looking at each other briefly, Carmen and I did as we were told. Once our clothes were at our knees, we placed our stomachs on the table, our knees on the seat and spread our asses. We wanted this to be over quickly. It was humiliating.
“Aight don’t look at us cause we don’t like nobody lookin’ at us when we fuckin’,” the passenger advised giggling the entire time. I heard the faint sound of a chain rattling and panting.
“Aight,” Carmen said looking at me strangely. “Did we bother askin’ how much money they given us?” she whispered to me as we waited for the ordeal to be over.
“You heard their names. We gonna get over two hundred dollars. That’s more than enough.”
I was trying not to put too much pressure on my stomach because for some reason it felt tight and hard.
“Damn, ya’ll got some pretty pussies,’ the driver said.
“Yeah…look at the shorty who looks Chinese,” he said talking about me. “Her pussy look like it’s smilin’ at me,” the passenger responded.
“You mind if we lick it first?” the driver asked.
“Whatever floats your boat just hurry up. We tryna get high.” Carmen advised.
“We got you. Spread your ass cheeks further apart.” Mine was spread so far it felt like it would split. I hated to think of who would pop up and see us. “Yeah that’s good.”
When I opened all the way, I felt a hard tongue on my pussy. It was rougher than any tongue I ever felt before. I wasn’t trippin’ because I wasn’t tryin’ to cum. I was tryin’ to get paid. The panting sound grew louder.
“Keep that pussy open,” one of them encouraged. We did.
“Aight! Just do what you gotta do so we can leave.”
“Get the other one too,” the other said. “Spread your pussy open red bone.” She did. “Yeah just like that.”
“What the fuck?” Carmen said with wide eyes. “Yo, I don’t think they licking our pussies.” She looked surprised and scared.
“What you mean?” I asked frowning thinking she was complaining again.
“I think it’s a dog or something.”
“What?” I asked.
I turned around and saw the head of a dog. I jumped up and almost threw up after seeing that shit. These little mothafuckas had a nerve to be filming us on a camera phone getting eaten out by a big ass German Sheppard. I tried to pull up my jeans but they were so tight it was taking too much time so I ran with them falling at my ankles. Carmen was right behind me but she had hers pants pulled up already. I had one thing and one thing only on my mind, getting that camera. The thing about it was, had they paid us, it probably would not have mattered.
“Give me that camera, bitch!” I screamed.
“I told you this was some bullshit!” Carmen called out adding to my fury.
I felt like a fool. I was running down the block with my ass out no panties. When I finally got my pants up I ran smack dab into a police car. I turned around to see where Carmen was and noticed she was gone. That dirty bitch must’ve seen them coming and didn’t warn me.
The officer jumped out of the car and instructed me to put my hands on top of it. “Put your fuckin’ hands on the car!” the black male officer screamed.
“What’s the charge?” I asked already knowing the
answer.
“Indecent exposure,” he advised. Moving in closer he really let me know how he felt when he said, “And for being a dirty fuckin’ whore who’s pregnant!”
And that’s how I found out I was carrying a baby. Shit! Now what?!!!
Parade
Our kitchen always made me relaxed. The royal blue painted walls with yellow highlights on the borders gave it a rustic and quiet appeal. And the stainless steal refrigerator, countertops and cabinets made it look even more powerful. I had prepared dinner and all of the lights were out with the exception of the long candles I lit on the table.
Although everything appeared perfect on the outside, for real it wasn’t. I caught Smokes putting something in my toner and I needed to know what it was. The sad part is, I’m afraid to ask.
“How’s dinner?” I asked Smokes as we enjoyed our meal. I looked at his handsome face across the candle’s glow. I prepared steak, mashed potatoes and garlic green beans.
“It’s cool; I got some things to take care of later so I can’t eat long.” He placed the silver fork in his mouth before reaching for another bite.
“I understand,” I said cutting a piece of my steak. “I have a few things to talk to you about, though.”
“Like what?”
“Today… I came in the bathroom and saw you putting something in the toner for my face? What was it?”
He dropped the fork and carefully picked it back up. He looked as if I’d caught him in something. But what?
“It’s nothing. Just skin bleach.”
Skin bleach? I thought.
“I don’t understand,” I frowned and could feel my blood boiling. “Why would you do that?”
“Because I’m looking out for you that’s why,” he said with ease. I sensed that he didn’t care about how he made me feel. “Anybody on my arm has to look the part. You know that.”
“Oh,” I whispered. His reason hurt. One minute I was pretty enough and the next minute I wasn’t.
“So what’s the other thing?”
“Huh?” I asked still confused by his response.
“You said you had to talk to me about a few
things.”
“Oh yeah,” I focused on my plate instead of his face.
“Cause I actually want to talk to you about a few things too,” he took his final bite before dropping his fork on the plate.
“Did you want to go first?” I questioned wondering what he could possibly want to talk to me about.
“Naw…tell me what else is on ya mind. It’s obvious the bleach thing wasn’t all you wanted to know. You been kinda short all day.”
“Ok,” I wiped my mouth with a paper towel. “Baby, this is hard for me but it has been on my mind. Uh…ah…don’t know how to begin.”
“You want to know if I still plan on killin’ you and your friends.”
Long silence.
I stared into his eyes wondering how long he had known that I wanted the answer to that question. And most of all why he kept me in suspense so long.
“Yes. That’s it.” I was unable to look at him.
“I got to give you credit.” He laughed. “Talk about unconditional love. You waited until now to ask me about that shit accepting my ring and everything. You pretty, gangsta.”
I felt desperate.
“But since I plan on makin’ you my wife we might as well get the shit out in the open. But after this, I don’t want to talk about it again. Got it?”
“Yes.” I smiled weakly.
“Cool,” he paused. “when I found out that my wife had been killed at the party ya’ll went to, I was fucked up. I couldn’t understand how number one somebody could get me wrong by fuckin’ with mine,” he pointed at himself. “and number two how they could kill somebody who ain’t do shit to ‘em. First I thought it was drug related. You know…a nigga tryin’ to get at me got at her instead. And then I find out that Sky killed her from somebody at the party. And then I remembered meeting her at the movie theater one day earlier that week.”
“At the movies?”
“Yeah…her and that nigga Jay,” he placed emphasis on his name. “came up there when we were catchin’ a flick,” Smokes folded his arms revealing his sparkling diamond Rolex Presidential watch. “This bitch Sky was doin’ everything in the world to get my attention. She was giving me the eye while her nigga was buying snacks and bending down in front of my dick. She was on it hard. So I knew she was sweatin’ me. And I ain’t gonna lie; I woulda smashed her if sheda waited. So when she was killed,” he breathed heavily.