by Styles, T.
I was fuming! She got me fucked up if she thought she was gonna to get to me like that. I knew for a fact I was tougher than her.
“Oh really?” I said stepping up to her with my fist balled up. “Why don’t you try it now! Why you gotta have somebody else do your dirty work. Man up, bitch! Fight me straight up!”
Dopeheads started looking at us and I could tell they were prepared for some excitement to help get their minds off of their fucked up lives. Instead of doing anything, she backed down. Just like I thought. She was a punk!
“You know what, fuck you! If you think you can get the kind of money I find us, be gone! But don’t come crying to me when it ain’t working,” she said walking away. “My pussy is doin’ me just fine!”
The moment the words left her mouth I knew I made a major mistake. I didn’t have a friend in the world and if I let her go, I wouldn’t even have an enemy. Everything in me felt that if I had another chance with Miss Wayne, I would surely take it. Or at least I’d try. I’m sure by now Keith told a bunch of lies on me. All I wanted to do the day I went to Miss Wayne’s was get some rest, and clean up. But when I turned the key to the door, Keith came up behind me in the hallway.
“What you doin’ here, bitch?” he said. “I should fuck you up right now for the problems you caused!” he continued pressing his weight on my back so that my tummy pressed firmly against Miss Wayne’s door.
“Please don’t hurt me,” I pleaded. I hoped someone would come to my rescue. It seemed as if lately, the most violent things were occurring in my life. “I’ll leave and never come back I promise.”
He grabbed a fist full of my hair and mushed my face against the cold door. I could taste my own blood from my teeth pressing against my lips, while my baby kicked wildly.
“Listen…I want you to stay the fuck away from here, and never come back. If you do come back I’ll kill you with my bare hands. You hear me?”
“Yes,” I said shaking my head. Tears ran down my face. “I won’t come back. Just please don’t hurt me.”
“And if you tell Wayne anything I’ll find you. Trust me.”
He released me and I left, vowing to never see my friend again. But now, here with Carmen, all I thought about was getting clean and taking care of my baby. Miss Wayne’s home was just what we needed to get ourselves together. But I had fucked up so much there was not turning back.
“Carmen,” I called out before she left me too. She turned around and said, “What?”
“I’m sorry.” My head dropped. “You’re right; I can’t do this on my own.”
She walked back up to me and smiled slyly. “Okay, but you betta remember next time that although the pussy belong to you, its cause of me you gettin’ paid for it.”
And just like that, I was right back where I started. In hell.
Parade
I saw Jay’s headlights approach my car and I smiled. Then I quickly looked at myself in the mirror and swallowed the Ciroc vodka, straight up that I had in my cup. I wasn’t able to leave Smokes yesterday but I made sure nothing would stop me from seeing my baby tonight. I needed a break after the shit Smokes ran down to me, and spending time with Jay was perfect. Like he asked me to, the only thing I brought with me was a black bathing suit with rhinestones throughout it. I had also taken my tracks out and wore my natural hair down. With my new shoulder length mane, I had it styled in a cute little bob that brushed my cheeks and I hoped Jay would like it.
“You ready?” he asked me as he opened my car door. He smelled and looked so sexy I wanted him right here. We met in Arundel Mills, parking lot in Maryland.
“Yeah I’m ready, baby.” I wished I had a little more to drink when exiting the car. For some reason I was nervous. It was like it was the first time we’d gotten together. “I been waiting for this all night.”
When I slid into his 2008 silver Tahoe my body melted within the leather seats. I loved the smell of a brand new car mixed with men’s cologne. He kept looking at me from the corner of his eyes and I tried my best to keep my tummy sucked in, and my hair neat.
“You look sexy,” he told me maneuvering on the roads. “I’m feelin’ that haircut.” “Thank you.” I fondled with my hair again unconsciously.
“Why do you do that?” He turned up the music lightly.
“Do what?”
“Fidget wit’ yourself every time you wit me?” He paused. “I said you look good, Parade, ain’t no need in feelin’ uncomfortable. I want you to relax when you’re around me.”
“I am…but…I don’t want you to get turned off either. I know what kind of girls you’re use to.”
“Parade, unlearn all of that shit you think about me.” He rubbed his hand on my knee. “I want you to see I’m real wit’ you. And I’m not the same stupid ass nigga who put you through that shit when we were together. But it ain’t gonna mean shit if you don’t believe me.”
This whole thing is crazy to me. Back in the day he wasn’t feelin’ me, now he was doing all he could to prove he was feelin’ me. How come it took droppin’ his ass to get my respect? When I gave him my heart and my body he stomped on it. And as much as I wanted to believe he had changed, so much damage had been done to my self esteem.
“Can I ask you somethin’?” I said changing the subject slightly.
“Anything,” he said smoothly.
“Have you ever asked Sky to do anything illegal for you? You know…to help you get money?” I was out of line for asking him but I needed to know. My heart had already chosen Jay, but my mind still was locked on Smokes. And I wanted to know if he had been playing me all along or if he ever cared about me.
“You playin’ right?” he asked pulling over on the side of the road. “Please don’t tell me this nigga askin’ you to get involved in his shit.” I didn’t respond. “I knew it!”
“You knew what?”
As if he was holding something from me he cleared his throat and said, “Why you ask me that?”
“I’m just askin’, Jay. It’s not that serious.”
“Listen…if that nigga askin’ you to get involved in his shit I’ll kill that nigga.”
That turned me on.
“No, Jay…he wouldn’t do that.” I lied. “I’m just asking you hypothetically.”
“Hypothetically huh?” He was silent before he said, “Parade…I don’t think that nigga’s in your corner. And I think you need to be careful.”
“Why you say that?”
“Remember the dude Zeeway?” I nodded. “Well the way he talks about the shit Smokes do behind your back, I can tell he ain’t got no intentions on being serious about you. If anything…he’s been checkin’ a lot for that shorty he run wit all the time.”
He must’ve been talking about Sweets.
“Jay, please,” I said smacking my lips. “Don’t act like you were the most faithful-ess nigga when you were dealin’ wit Sky. And for your information I’m sure that nigga cheats so you wastin’ your breath tellin’ me somethin’ I already know. I haven’t met a man on earth who can be faithful. So why should mine be any different? And look at me!” I said realizing I was cheating to. “Look at us!”
“So that’s okay with you? To marry a nigga you know ain’t shit? It’s one thing to fuck wit somebody like that but to be with him for the rest of your life is stupid, Parade!”
“I’m here with you ain’t I?”
“And what’s that’s supposed to mean?”
“It means that I know you got somebody somewhere, Jay. So I’m ridin’ this shit out until the wheels fall off. I’m a big girl now so I won’t cry if you cut me off later. You hurt me enough for a lifetime.”
He sighed.
“I know niggas cheat and I’m not even entertaining that bullshit you just said about me. Yeah I got a few bitches I fuck from time to time, but I’d cut them all off the minute you stop playin’ house wit that punk ass nigga at home.” I looked at him and rolled my eyes. “Now I’m not tryin’ to argue with you. What I’m sayin’ i
s this,” he exhaled. “He talk about shit like you not even in the picture. Like marrying you was always a joke. Parade, I don’t think dude ever had any intentions on marryin’ you.”
“You just runnin’ your mouth.” I was growing irritated. I hated hearing what I already suspected. “He had me pick out a wedding gown and everything.”
“Play the tapes back in your head. Did he ever give you a date for the wedding?” I was silent as I thought about his question. And as much as I hated to admit it, Jay was right. He never gave me a date and I never asked for fear of making him angry. “You playin’ yaself!”
“You know what, Jay…fuck this shit!” I said as I exited his car. I walked quickly on the road ahead of me. Why couldn’t I fall for someone who loved me? Instead I fell for Smokes, a user, a murderer and a cheat. I wished Jay would’ve came back in my life before Smokes but after he realized how wrong he was for treating me badly back in the day.
“Parade,” Jay said running up behind me. The truck lights behind us shined bright. “Stop doin’ this bullshit. Stop fuckin’ runnin!”
I don’t know what it is. Every time things get emotional between me and Jay, I run away. I think it’s my way of preparing for the day he realizes he really doesn’t want me. I guess I want to be the one to end it first.
“Jay, please!” I tried pushing him off. “Just let me be!”
He stopped holding me against my will and said, “You know what, I’m sick of this shit. If you want to keep runnin’ away from me than do it. I’m not putting up with this shit no more. Anything I say to you, you turn around and I’m sick of it. All I was doing was trying to protect you. That’s it.”
I could tell in his voice I was about to lose him so I turned around.
“Jay…uh….I.”
“You ain’t gotta say nothin’ baby,” he told me looking in my eyes. “Just stop running away from me. And we ain’t got to talk about dude because I already know what type of time he’s on. But do this…when you go home tell him you want to marry him now and that you don’t care about having a wedding. I guarantee you that nigga gonna give you an excuse on why he can’t do it,” he continued as he grabbed my hand and walked me back to the car.
“Why do you think you know so much?” I asked sitting in my seat. He started up the ignition.
“Cause I know niggas and I know game. And you gotta always be thinkin’ two steps ahead.” I thought about what he said long and hard and I took his words to heart. “But tonight let’s not think about that shit. Cause you wit me.”
He was right. I was all his.
Smokes
Smokes was sitting in his house watching his kid run around the kitchen. He was waiting for his mother to pick him up because being around a busy three year old wasn’t something he was trying to do right now.
“So what’s the hold up?” Ace, his Dominican connect asked over the phone. “We waited long enough.”
“I know, but I’m gettin’ ready to move on it now. You gotta give me some time.”
“Well you ain’t got no more time” he reminded him. “I’m sure you dry out there by now.”
Ace was right, unless he got Parade to get on that plane he wouldn’t be able to run his business. Ace was instrumental. Not only did he supply him with the best dope to keep his operation running smoothly, he gave it to him at a good price. All Smokes had to do was convince naive unsuspecting woman to make the trip to the Dominican Republic. Once there, they’d be sold into sex slavery. Smokes had been involved in this line of business for the past ten years. American women were exotic over there and went for much more.
“She’ll be there,” Smokes said seriously. “If I have to bring her there myself.
“That’s what I wanted to hear.”
When Smokes hung up on him, he called Zeeway. Ever since he’d been home, he’d been using him to handle all of his dirty work. And tonight he wanted to talk to him about another job.
“Zeeway, make your way over here. And quick. We have a lot to discuss.”
“I’m on my way now.”
Parade
The longer we drove to our destination, the more beautiful things became. Jay had taken me to a gorgeous rental home in Deep Creek, Maryland. I never knew Maryland had places like this. The mountains were large and sat in the backdrop like a beautiful painting. And when we entered the cabin style house, it had a smooth country appeal. It was far more relaxing than anything I’d been around in my entire life.
“Sit down at the kitchen table, baby,” he said as he ran back to the car returning with four bags. When I tried to help him he refused so I sat down and my legs shook nervously.
“Just relax and let me do this.” He unpacked all of the bags alone.
“Why are you doing all of this, Jay? I’m not use to you treating me like this and I don’t know how to handle it.”
“I’m doing this because I was wrong for how I treated you.” He gazed into my eyes. “So tonight don’t ask why, just go with the flow. Aight?”
I nodded yes.
“I got you,” he winked. “So put on that bathing suit you brought and meet me on the balcony.”
“The balcony?”
“Just do it,” he demanded. “it’s back there.”
I disappeared into the rental home stealing a look at the scenery. I was comfortable and couldn’t wait to see what he had in store. Once in the bathroom, I slid into my black bathing suit with silver rhinestones and looked at myself in the mirror. I liked what I saw so I smiled. For the first time in a long time I felt comfortable and sexy. I wasn’t sure if it was the buzz I had going or anxiousness. I ran my hand through my bob style haircut, and struck a pose.
“I’m gonna make him realize how much he needs me tonight,” I said to myself.
Sliding into my black high heels, I seductively walked to the balcony. My mouth dropped when I saw the Jacuzzi running with rose pedals moving throughout. On the side was a bottle of Ace of Spades champagne chilling in a silver ice bucket. It was dark but I could still see the leaves on the trees moving in the warm breeze. This was the most romantic thing he’d ever done for me.
“Damn, Parade,” he said looking at my body. “You’re sexy as shit! I must’ve been trippin’ when I let you go.”
Hearing him say that made me feel warm inside. Kicking my shoes off, I exposed my manicured feet and slowly eased into the water. The bubbles tickled my body. Then I moved in front of him and wrapped my arms around his neck. His curly hair was wet and clinged to his scalp. Jay was the finest man I’d ever seen in my life. And tonight he was all mine.
“You’re fine as hell,” I told him pressing my body against his.
“You know you gonna be mine right?” he asked me as our bodies floated underneath us.
I remained silent.
“I’m not gonna play this game long with you and dude, but after everything I put you through.” He continued. “I know you gotta find out on your own what type of nigga he is first. And I’m willing to work at it Parade, but I ain’t gonna wait forever. Pretty soon you gonna have to make a decision on who you want. Me or him…straight up.”
Instead of speaking I just pressed my lips against his. Everything about right now felt good. It felt right and I didn’t want to spoil it with verbal details. When I felt his fingers running over my body my heart raced in anticipation of being with him again. Sexually and mentally.
“I want you,” I said kissing him passionately. “Now.”
When I said that I felt him move the seat of my bathing suit over and ease into me slowly. The water pushing us softly didn’t take away from how he felt. Ummmmmm. My mouth remained open until he pushed everything he had into my wetness. The water bubbles danced around us.
“Damn you feel so fuckin’ good, Parade!” He held my waist. “I miss this shit.”
“You too, baby. You feel so good.”
I slowly began to wind my hips in small circles. My stomach felt tingly as he remained in control of my waist and met m
y pumps with each motion I made. The last time I had sex with Jay, he was cold and heartless. Now it was passionate and sweet. Removing my breasts from my bathing suit he sucked my nipples softly. I bit my bottom lip as the warmth from his tongue circled my nipples. They immediately hardened in his mouth. In all of the times we’ve been together, Jay has never sucked my breasts. And he was so damn good at it.
“Don’t stop, Jay…please!”
“I ain’t gonna stop hittin’ this shit until you remember the nigga I am. You mine, Parade Knight. You my, lady.”
In and out. Over and over, Jay consistently hit the right spots. Although the lovemaking was on point, for some reason I wanted more. And since he was working overtime to show me he was a changed man, I knew it would be on me to spice things up.
“Jay, stop bullshittin’ and fuck this pussy!”
He looked at me like he finally saw me for the first time. And with his eyes, he agreed with me. But what he did next I didn’t expect. He lifted me out of the water and sat me on the edge of the Jacuzzi. I was a little chilly at first until he moved my bathing suit aside and ran his tongue around my clit.
In my entire life, no man had ever eaten my pussy and I didn’t realize how good it felt. I heard people talk about it, but never knew it would feel this good. Every part of me was sensitive as he sucked on my throbbing clitoris. I couldn’t hold back. I grabbed the back of his head and unconsciously pushed my wetness toward his face. His tongue strokes didn’t stop until he sucked ever last drop of my oil. My body shivered as I looked at him.
“Oh my, gawd!”
He gently pulled me back into the water and said, “I’m not done with you yet. “I’m about to fuck this pussy up!” He began going in and out of me roughly. The oily residue from my last climax allowed him to enter me with extreme ease. “I’ma leave my mark on this pussy.”
My entire body tingled from my toes to nipples. I was open, and knew it. There was no way I could go on with marrying Smokes or living with him for that matter. I wanted out. But what was I gonna do? I knew first hand the kind of man he could be. After all, he had my best friend Sky killed and promised to kill Jay if I saw him again. All I knew was this, if I had to lay down my life to be with Jay, then it was a chance I was willing to take. Cause living without him anymore, would already make me want to die.