by Tia Lewis
I smiled in spite of myself as I came, once more, to the leather ropes that separated this world from the rest. The crowd outside seemed to have died down, but the intensity of The Twisted Sanctuary was still in full swing as I walked out. I pushed against the cool, firm feeling of the leather curtain as it slid across my skin, the metal tips that hung scraping my sensitive body before I exited in a wall of smoke and sex.
The club was now a little bit dimmer, and quieter as I walked across the smooth black flooring to the exit. But I stopped in my tracks when I realized I forgot to pay my tab. I quickly turned and made my way toward the bar. However, the bartender being the professional as he always seemed, met me eye to eye and he gave me a wink and a nod of his head toward the exit. The signal I thought to mean that my tab was already paid. By who, it was obvious.
I mouthed “thank you" and smiled as I turned and left The Twisted Sanctuary. Not even several hours before, I walked in with Mariah and Theresa so unsure of myself and this club. But now, I had a feeling I would be returning and seeing this hallway, and the hallway of the Cave of Pleasure and Pain, more often. I entered in a frightened lamb, unsure of what I wanted. And now, I left as a liberated princess. A glow of passion about me, the smell of sex, the light bruising of tightened rope around my wrists, and a smile.
What more could a woman like me ask for?
The bouncer from earlier was still standing there. Arms crossed over his chest. His sunglasses high on his face as the reflection of lights rebounded off, offering a darkening reflection of the city in front. He looked at the smaller line of people that had formed in the alleyway. He didn't recognize me, how could he? Not only was my strut more confident than when I entered, but he no doubt saw hundreds of people walking in and out of that building all day.
But I must have caught his eye because he nodded and bellowed in that baritone of his. "Hope you enjoyed your stay, ma'am."
“Thank you," I flipped my hair and offered a wave of my fingers at him. My smile ever clear as I walked past the growing list of the late comers and made my way toward the city street. I made my way out from the graffiti walls of the alleyway, out to the magnificence of New York itself. The dazzling glow of neon and boutiques giving the essence of light within the darkness as the light hung heavily in the sky above.
The Twisted Sanctuary didn't have any windows within, which only served to cause me to breathe a sigh of relief as I tried to wave down a cab.
“What a night," I said to myself and took a deep breath. The aroma of the city clung to me. Dirty, cheap, and unclean. Followed shortly by the smoke and oil of one of the city's numerous taxi cabs as it slowed to a halt beside me. I quickly opened the back door and climbed inside.
The cab driver, an older Black man, tilted his head to look back at me, greeting me with a tired smile.
"Where to honey? A good looking woman like you from the club, I reckon home?"
"Yes, please." I nodded as fatigue now overcame me and wearily recited my address.
"Say no more. GPS and all. Punch it in, we'll get you home in no time."
"Thank you," I replied as the power of the car continued on forward. I felt my worn out body slump in against the back of the seat as I relaxed, and let the warmth of the vehicle encircle around me further. The cab driver occasionally looked up at the rear-view mirror as he saw my relaxed state.
"Had a good night, huh?"
“It was something, alright."
The cab driver chuckled as he heard the GPS dictate to take a left, to which he obliged.
"Something, huh? Met yourself a lucky man?"
I smiled in spite of myself. He smirked as well. Bingo, he must have thought. Right on the money with that.
He continued on. "I guess that smiles a yes?"
"You could say that," I replied. I let my mind wander to the thoughts of Ethan McKnight, and the luck I had in meeting him on a day when I wasn't supposed to be there. "I mean. I like to think I'm the lucky one."
"Oh?"
I shrugged and looked out the window.
"I suppose I shouldn't really confess. But I'm divorced, and it's been rough."
"He still wants to give you a whole bit of trouble, huh?"
I nodded my head. "Just doesn't want to let go."
"And I take it this new guy is everything you're looking for?"
I smiled as I shrugged once more. "It's probably nothing more than a one-night fling."
The cab driver continued on the easy drive as we came up to a red light in front of us.
"Well, I guess you'll never know till you try and see what happens. Perhaps that 'one night fling' turns out to be something more."
His words struck me. He seemed so confident as I nodded my head and replied. “Maybe."
I let the passage of conversation die down. My own tiredness overcoming me as the cab driver thankfully allowed me the chance to rest, and collect my thoughts after the restless night that I had happily subjected myself to.
And finally, just like that, we came to the apartment complex that I called home. It was both a refreshing sight and a crushing reality of my situation as I sighed and paid the cab driver his fare.
"Thanks for getting me home,"
"No sweat. You have a good night, ma'am," he winked and counted out the money I gave him.
I got out the cab and watched him drive off into the crowd of other vehicles. I turned and walked to my second story apartment. The somberness returned as I opened the door and entered into my small one bedroom, one bath, kitchen/living room combo apartment. Enough space just for me, but not much else. A stark contrast to the home that Nick kept in the preceding divorce.
Which was fine, as it was a reminder of the marriage that I didn't want anymore. My small apartment was mine, and he couldn't take that away from me.
I yawned, closed the door and quickly removed my stiletto high heels from my aching feet. I made my way toward the living room couch to finally relax. I looked at my cell phone that I left on the end table beside the old, gifted, floral couch. The phone was still on its charger as the blue light gave off to signify messages I had missed. I sighed. I knew who some of the messages were from as I reached over and grabbed the phone.
20 voicemails were from Nick.
One voicemail I noticed was from Mariah, and I smiled a bit. At least there was a friendly name in the list as I clicked the missed voicemail. I heard the familiar rhythmic electronic music in the background. Apparently, the message from Mariah was at the height of our separation at The Twisted Sanctuary. The sound of people laughing and partying nearly drowning out her words behind her.
"Hey, girl!" Mariah started off. "Just sending you a message to tell you to hit me up when you get the chance! I thought I saw you walking off with some sexy guy. Theresa didn't believe me, but I told her, you went and got lucky!"
I giggled a bit at that. So my friends were keeping an eye on me after all.
The voicemail continued. "Anyways. If everything went well, you have to call us tomorrow just to tell us you're alright. Love ya! Bye!"
And just like that, the voicemail ended. I sighed once more when I looked at the messages from Nick, and I closed my eyes as I listened to each one.
"Jess. Your shit is still here from a couple weeks ago. When you're done at the dive bar, come pick it up."
Delete. I guess I shouldn't have told him I was going out when he called earlier.
"Jess. Look. What I said in the previous message was rude. I'm just a bit pissed off you didn't ask me to come with you. Tell you what, why don't you leave the dive bar early and come back and…"
Delete.
"Jess. It's been several hours. You're making me worried about you. Wouldn't want to hear about some bastard giving you trouble. We might be divorced. But I still care. Give me a call, now."
Delete.
"Jess. I just called all the bars you frequent, and no one says you're there. You need to check in with me. Now."
Delete.
And s
o on, and so on. All of his Nick's voicemails were progressively getting worse which alternated between concern, anger, and begging me to come back to "his" house.
The old me would have possibly had done what he asked. But, after the night I had with Ethan McKnight, the owner of The Twisted Sanctuary, I was starting to feel free, and ready to distance myself from my ex-husband completely which meant blocking his number for good.
If only Ethan kept to his word to wanting to see more of me.
That was the last thought on my mind as I closed my exhausted eyes, and allowed myself get some sleep.
Chapter Seven
Several days had passed since that night at The Twisted Sanctuary. I thought about whether I should muster the courage and return to the club to try my luck to see if there was anything between Ethan and me. After all, the further I stayed away, the more I would risk having Ethan forget about me, and thus have it turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy of loss, and a chance that should have been.
But at the same time, what if Ethan wasn't serious about me being his princess? He seemed genuine, open, and so truthful to his words to see me again. But what if it wasn't exactly meant to be taken that way? He did own and operate a club devoted to BDSM, and sex. There was no doubt in my mind that a man as good-looking as him was single for a reason, and that it was possible that I was just another number to his wall. Another 'princess.'
But then again, did it really matter? I didn't go to The Twisted Sanctuary looking for romance. Yes, it was true that there was a connection there and it boosted my self-confidence, even if Ethan took complete control of me. The feelings of desire, arousal, and being wanted took hold of me and made me feel better than I had in years. Not to mention the incredible sex as well simply made me feel... well... Sexy. So even if Ethan wanted nothing more than physical intimacy, was it so bad at least for a little while till I figured out where I was going with my life?
Plus it didn't help that my cell phone since that night had been practically filled with Nick's voicemails, all trying to gain my attention. I blocked his number, but that didn't stop him from leaving messages from other phone numbers. Messages that ranged from downright anger to pleading for me to come to his house, to him asking if he could come over, and more.
It even became bad enough that I felt his presence when I was out in the city itself. Like buying groceries at the corner store, and feeling as if someone was looking at me through the front windows while I shopped and while I walked or rode in a cab. As if Nick's eyes were always upon me every step of the way.
And the more I ignored Nick, the more I forced myself to remain indoors during the night. The idea of Nick possibly stalking me was eating me up. I wanted to know if he indeed was watching me but at the same time, I didn't want to know the truth. Because if he wasn't, then it only meant that I was being paranoid and needed to snap out of it.
But if he was stalking me, then that terrified me. After all, why be so quick to agree to a divorce, then guilt me, and emotionally abuse my confidence to keep me on a leash? It would have felt like another form of exerting control, just now without us being in the same house.
I turned with a blink as I heard a knock at my door. I thought to who it could be visiting me as I felt a tinge of apprehension rise up in me. My mind quickly reeled through a catalog of who would visit me this afternoon.
My parents? Possibly not, as I hadn't given them directions to this apartment due to shame for divorcing Nick.
Speaking of Nick. Could it be him? He knew where I lived, as it was his alimony stipend that paid the rent at the end of each month.
Ethan? There was no way he would know, as I hadn't given him anything other than my name, and even then not my maiden name.
Another knock and a muffled voice from the other side of the door. I stood up and moved toward the door quickly. Several clicks of the lock, a bolt being undone and I opened the door to my surprise visitor. Or rather, my surprise visitors.
Quickly, as soon as the door opened I felt arms giving me a hug as Mariah first came with a laugh and a loud “hello." Theresa followed soon after as I stood there in a bit of surprise. Our talks since the night of the club being generally through the medium of texts. Texts were exchanged on how the night went, leaving out the most private of details. I stepped back and allowed them both to come in. Mariah having recently returned from her shift as a nurse, Theresa as a waitress. Both seemingly by some odd coincidence having had their shifts end together.
I closed my door behind me with a click and another turn of the locks before I looked back at them with an exasperated sigh, but one born of relief as well. It was actually good to see friendly faces after several days.
"God. I didn't think you'd both show up today," I mused with a smile.
I felt like a mess and unprepared for their visit. I was wearing a black hoodie, sweatpants, and my hair was tossed in a messy bun.
But neither of them seemed to really care.
"Well, Jess. It's been a few days and we figured we'd swing by and say 'hello.'"
Theresa first spoke as she turned and plopped herself down on the couch.
"Besides. You can't get rid of us that easily," Mariah said.
I pondered and looked at them for a moment.
"You're up to something aren't you?" I pointed at Theresa. “You guys aren't planning on kidnapping me tonight for another round at the club are you?"
"Why? Got someone you need to see, hmm?"
I blushed a little bit and took my position on the other end of the couch.
"Maybe. Unlucky for you both because I can't really leave tonight."
"Tell me about it," Theresa sighed as she rolled her eyes. "Another shift tomorrow early in the morning. Gotta get those hours in. You going to take this bag from me or am I going to have to sit here and look like an idiot for a while?"
"What is it?"
"Food silly. You need to eat."
I grabbed the box and inhaled waves of deliciousness that lingered in the air. She was right. Hunger was now overtaking me as I saw an assortment of appetizers inside the box.
"Welcome, love. So about tonight…"
“About that…" I said, my eyes wandering between them both. I felt that I needed to ask them something more important than going out to a club. I knew their distaste toward Nick. Their reactions having been less than ideal during my marriage to Nick, mostly to remain aloof and far away whenever he was around before I found the courage to file for a divorce. "I'm actually glad both of you stopped by. I've meant to ask you both something."
"Oh?" Theresa's eyes widened as she crossed her legs.
"Is it to take you back to meet your boyfriend?" Mariah followed through with a teasing tone.
I laughed. "Yes. Actually. Just... I need your help avoiding Nick."
And like that, it was as if the joy in the room suddenly disappeared
"Jessica. It's just..." one started.
"I don't know. It's..." the second one started almost at the same time.
Then, they both stopped for a second before they looked to one another.
"Hell with it. I'll say it first. Jessica. We don't like Nick."
"At all." Followed Theresa next.
I knew that this was their reaction. They had never liked Nick, and in the early years of my marriage I never knew why. It wasn't until Nick seemingly changed that I saw their reasoning.
"I know you two don't. But why won't you help me avoid places where I know Nick will follow me?"
"We're afraid of him, you didn't know that?" Mariah caught me off guard at her candid response.
I looked at her with a shake of my head. It hadn't occurred to me. I knew they didn't like him, but I didn't know they were afraid.
"I didn't know," I said, Theresa followed through with what Maria had said.
"Hon. I know you didn't want to notice when you were married to him. But... Nick is not a good person. I know you know that now, but we've always known it."
“I feel
like such an idiot for ever marrying him," I replied. The truth of the matter was hard to bear, but no doubt harder to say. “I don't know why I didn't see red flags at the beginning of our relationship. He was the perfect man until he changed."
"Because that's what evil people do. They put on this front until their true colors are revealed. Nick's got ties to the mafia, Jess. From what I hear about him he's a thug with a rap sheet and the police have an interest in him. I always thought that marrying you was just a cover for him to look more innocent."
"Mariah is right," Theresa said. "It might have worked. He hasn't been arrested since. But where do you think all that money comes from. That upper-middle-class house in New York and he doesn't work a full-time professional job? Red flags, Jess."
Mariah nodded to me as I continued to look at them. Uncertainty and doubt were now eating at the corners of my mind as each word only made me come to terms with empathy for their side of the story.
"Not to mention how he's always looking at us, and threatening us if we don't bring you home at a certain hour."
That last bit sent a shock through my body as I turned and looked toward Mariah, my mouth opened from surprise. "He has? He threatened you? Why am I just hearing about this now?"
Mariah sighed. "Because we knew you were feeling down about your divorce like you were a failure. Even though we told you countless times that you weren't and you made the right decision. We didn't want to add more stress on your plate. You're looking for a new career, you got your own apartment, thinking about going back to college… Basically, rebuilding your life all over, so we didn't want to worry you."
"That's why when you first divorced Nick we'd been trying to get you out at least once a week. To get you away from him because we know how easily you fall prey with sweet talk and promises to be a better man. We didn't want you to have to rely on him anymore."
The revelation of Nick and my friend's fear of him didn't sit well with him. I realized what a fool I had been, and how I hadn't even noticed it because I was too busy focusing on me, and my problems.
And the realization that Nick's ties with criminals and organized crime like the mafia was partly, if not the primary the reason why people have kept their distance from me. At least in regards to Mariah and Theresa, the last two of my social circle. I had my family who supported me, and who's love only came flooding back the moment I announced to them my separation from him.