by Leen Elle
Cameron nodded.
"Your family loves you very much, and I know, even if you'll never admit it to anyone, that deep down, you love them too. Families embarrass each other, Cameron. It's part of the territory. It's okay to vent about it, but you can't hold it in for your entire life."
It was Cameron's turn to let his head drop. No, she didn't want anything else; he had gotten away with one kiss on the cheek but nothing more. Thick hair fell into his eyes and the edges of his mouth tipped into a slight smile. He nodded. "I know that. Now."
Imogen's smile broadened. "Goodnight, Cameron. I'll see you in the morning."
"Goodnight, Imogen."
She wiggled her fingers at him before retreating into her room. The heavy sound of the door closing echoed in the long hallway, and as Cameron headed toward Alex's room he couldn't stop thinking about how his lips still burned from that kiss.
His situation was worse than he ever imagined.
Chapter Ten
Come Slowly To Me
The light was on in Alex's room and Cameron could see it from under the door. Good, he was still awake.
He knocked lightly and Alex's voice, muffled by barriers of wall and door, gave him permission to come in. Cameron licked his lips as he did so, spotting Alex on his bed, sitting cross-legged and surrounded by a myriad of art pieces.
"Whatchya doing?"
Alex didn't look up at his brother. Instead, his fingers lingered over the matted pieces in front of him. His eyes were dark and intense as he studied them, moving them around with deft movements every once in a while.
Cameron settled himself at the edge of the bed, his arms crossed over his chest.
Alex heaved a sigh. "Nothing important. My art teacher asked me to put together a bit of a gallery for the end of the year show. It's not for a couple of months but I'm worried about it." He took his bottom lip between his teeth, gnawing absentmindedly.
"I'm really proud of you, you know."
Alex stopped and looked up. The left side of Cameron's mouth was tipped up in a smile. "Thanks."
"You have more courage in your pinky finger than I have in my entire body, you know that? This… all of this," Cameron swept his arm over the bed. "It's amazing, and it's what you love to do. And you're good at it."
"Eh," Alex shrugged. "It's nothing."
It wasn't nothing. Truth be told, Cameron was envious of his brother. Alex might have been nine years younger, but he certainly was a lot smarter and less prone to caving under pressure than Cameron had ever been. When Cameron was in his place, he caved to everything his parents wanted him to do. He entered college a music major and graduated four years later with a business degree.
That was the way things were in his family, or so he thought. It wasn't up to you to decide what you were going to do for the rest of your life. No, you did what was best, what was practical, what everyone else wanted you to do.
The second semester of his freshman year was when he switched majors, trading in his music theory classes and his rehearsal time for classes in economics, psychology, and business stratagems. What did he get out of that? Nothing more than a crappy job at a bank. He figured he was just destined to hate his life, to hate his job, and to resent his parents, but sitting there in that room with his younger brother, on the cusp of adulthood but with so much youthfulness running through his every fiber, made him realize that there might have been pressure but never an ultimatum. Cameron made his mistakes and learned the hard way. It was up to him to make sure Alex didn't do the same.
"Is this what you want to do when you 'grow up'?" He air-quoted.
Alex swallowed and then nodded. "Well, yeah. I like doing it. It doesn't feel like work most of the time. I'm just scared."
"Of what?"
"Just… you know. I'm afraid that once I go to college, it won't be fun anymore. I'll have to do art. It won't be natural. And then, say I survive and I get my degree and I still love drawing. What am I supposed to do when I don't make any money?"
"You can't be worried about that. Money's no reason to do or not to do something, Alex."
"Yes, it is. It's every reason. I can't expect to live with Mom and Dad for the rest of my life."
"You wouldn't have to. You have me and Bobby to go to if you ever need us."
Alex scoffed, moving a painting of a flower next to a cityscape. The bright colors of the flower contrasted nicely with the grayscale of the night city.
"Bobby and Sarah have a family to worry about."
"I don't," Cameron shrugged.
Alex looked at him pointedly. "You can't say with any certainty that in six or so years down the road you won't."
Cameron laughed. "I'm not exactly the marrying type." He picked up a drawing of a little girl and her mother by a lake. "This is good, Alex."
"Thanks." Alex snatched the portrait and put it back in its place. "Sorry, I'm just trying to figure out the order here."
Silence fell over them and Cameron watched Alex work. He was so absorbed, it was as if Cameron disappeared completely. He was about to say goodnight when Alex, not making any gesture which acknowledged his brother, spoke.
"I wouldn't say you're not the marrying type. Imogen seems to like you."
At the mere mention of her name, Cameron felt his throat constrict and his mouth go dry, as if it were a well which had suddenly gone empty. He had to swallow a few times before he could speak, his voice scratchy when he finally did. "What?"
"What's the deal with you two anyway? You never bring girls over."
Cameron's mind screamed at him. He closed his eyes, focusing on silencing the babble. "Uh… she sort of imposed. No, Mom invited her. I--- she wanted to come along."
"Okay."
The word was neutral in tone, but Cameron knew better. It wasn't just okay, it was okay, I know you don't want to tell me, so I'll play along.
"I like her, though. She's nice, I think. She wanted to buy an art piece from me," Alex smiled. "I thought it was generous of her to offer but I couldn't afford to get rid of anything just yet, what with this gallery and all. You know what she did? She put in a request for me. She said she was going to give me $25 if I drew her a portrait, but I'm just going to give it to her for free."
"She did that?" Cameron licked his lips. They dried in seconds. It felt hot and stuffy in the room all of a sudden.
"Yeah, she did. She offered to be my prom date, too, if Katie turns me down."
He realized he had no idea who this Katie was and something akin to jealousy flamed up in the pit of his stomach. Imogen knew more about his brother than he did.
Cameron was in a lot of trouble. Imogen had come into his life and taken such an active interest in not only him, but also in everyone around him. No one he met ever took the time to do that, except for Charlotte, whom he didn't allow to get too close to his family out of embarrassment, and Todd, who only knew his family because he grew up with them, too.
Humankind really did astound him at times. Compared to Imogen he was petty and small and selfish. No way could he measure up to that.
He put his hand on Alex's shoulder and squeezed, just to remind him that Cameron was still human. "She won't turn you down, I promise. Whatever Imogen told you to do is good advice. She knows what she's talking about."
"She told me to go to Katie's house with a boombox over my head. Something about always making a grand gesture."
Cameron couldn't help but laugh. "Those usually do it. It's prom, why not go out of your way?" He patted the bed as he stood up. Suddenly he became so tired; his body felt as if it were made of lead. "I'll see you in the morning, bud. Don't fret over this too much, you know." He pointed toward the line up of art on the bed. "It looks better when it's whimsical. Let the chips fall where they may."
Alex nodded, looking up at his older brother for the first time in minutes. "It was nice seeing you this weekend. It's pretty terrible around here without you. No one tells me to just be myself anymore. Mom and Dad are always working."
Cameron gulped. Sorrow filled his entire being and internally he tore himself apart for leaving his brother. His avoidance of his parents was egocentric because he left behind someone he actually did care about. He was sorry for staying away so long.
"Tell you what," he sighed the words, his breath came out in such a gush. "This summer you can come out and spend some time with me in the city. I'll take a whole week off work if that's what you want. We'll catch a baseball game or something."
Alex smiled. "That sounds awesome. Already looking forward to it."
"You let me know when your art show is. I'm going to this next one. I expect a phone call or an invitation at the very least."
Alex laughed. "Whatever. Sure. It's not going to be anything too special."
Cameron smiled, grabbed Alex around the neck with his arm, and with his opposite fist, dug into the top of Alex's head. "Sure it is. See you around, Picasso."
"Hey," Alex said. His hair mussed and poking out from his head, and he held one hand out toward the door, as if he were physically stopping Cameron with some sort of superhuman power. "Remember that thing about big gestures. I have a feeling I'm not the only one in need of a little advice."
Cameron's heart flew up to the back of his throat. "Yeah. I'll remember that."
Damn it. Sometimes the kid was too smart for his own good.
Sleep was the only thing on Cameron's mind as he walked down the hall. When he passed Imogen's bedroom, the door flew open. He and Imogen jumped, he at the sudden movement, and Imogen with the astonishment of seeing someone there when she expected no one.
Her hand flew to the hollow of her throat. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, while Cameron cursed and ran a hand over his temple.
"You scared me," she breathed, laughing the tiniest bit.
"Sorry."
She wore light blue cotton pajama pants which draped loosely from her hips and a silky pink top which was more clingy than draping. He averted his eyes out of politeness.
"Don't apologize, you didn't mean it." She pointed toward the bathroom. For the first time Cameron noticed the toothbrush and tube of toothpaste in her hand. "I was just going to go to the bathroom."
Cameron smiled. "You told Alex to go to a girl's house with a boombox over his head."
Imogen's mouth dropped, one hand burying itself deep in her hair. "I believe that's the best way to ask someone out."
"I asked Charlotte out that way, you know. Except I wasn't at her house. I pulled up next to her in my car while she was walking home with that song Wonderwall by Oasis blaring on the stereo. She stopped, I stopped, and it went from there."
Imogen laughed, slapping her hand over her mouth when it tore through the sleepy silence like a knife. Still she laughed, trying to gain her bearings. "That's adorable."
The last word hitched in her throat when she caught Cameron's gaze. There was something in it which took the words out of her mouth and made her entire body freeze. His eyes were dark and dilated, with an intensity in them which she might have called passion. He was looking through her, into her, and he was hungry.
"What?" She meant to say the word forcefully but it came out as a whisper. Electricity ran up her spine, tingling throughout her body as it traveled through her veins.
Courage, infatuation, recognition or something else writhing inside of him… whatever it was, it allowed Cameron to act with bravery he never before experienced. There was nothing to hold him back, nothing to tell him to think twice before acting. Impulse made him wrap his fingers around her wrist. Impulse made him take those steps toward her, forcing Imogen to move backward into the room lest she be ran over. Impulse made him kick the door shut behind him.
His hands moved up her arms and came to rest on her cheeks, cupping her face between his palms. They were so close that they were breathing each other's air, feeling the wet condensation of breath that wasn't theirs settle on their mouths.
"Cameron." Her voice was trembling as she said his name, her eyes fluttering delicately before they closed, the toothbrush and paste she carried forgotten as they dropped to the floor with a light thud.
A jolt ran through him when she said his name. This time it was seductive and spine-tingling, completely different from any other time she might have spoken the word. The meaning was no longer the same. It was heavy and romantic and the way she said it told him all he needed to know: she wanted him, too.
He wasn't crazy. Half an hour before, when he kissed her cheek, it sparked something in the both of them. They remembered that they were human. They remembered what it felt like to reach out and grab someone. They remembered how it felt to desire and be desired.
Cameron continued to move forward, turning Imogen at the last moment so that her back was flush against the wall. His fingers ran over her neck, feeling her pulse quicken and then catch, quicken and then catch…
She made a small noise and he nearly fell apart. Mouth open, he brushed his lips against hers, ever so slightly. She opened her mouth in return, begging and hoping for sweet collision.
It had been so long since she'd been this close to someone. Too long.
"I want to know you, Imogen," he exhaled, skimming the tip of his nose against her cheek. She tasted his breath against her tongue. "Inside and out."
"Yes," she said.
No other response from her was necessary. His mouth enveloped her own and he trapped her between himself and the wall. The taste of her was enough to drive him wild and he couldn't get enough. They roamed the dark, unexplored crevices of their mouths, teeth nipping and tongues sliding against each other at different intervals. Finally Cameron utilized the wall, using it for leverage to push Imogen up from the ground and wrap her around his waist. She dug her fingers into the fabric of his shirt, holding on for dear life.
For the both of them, the world melted away and disappeared. Everything and everyone no longer existed in this new world they traveled together. There was only him, and there was only her, and there was only breath, and there was only warmth.
Cameron moved to the bed, lying Imogen gently down on her back. He pulled away to watch her face, making sure it was okay that he tugged her shirt over her head. Her eyes sparkled with fire when she allowed it.
She was more beautiful than he ever imagined she could be. Her soft, creamy skin beckoned to him to touch, and he obliged with no hesitation.
Her body awakened under his caress, like a flower that unfolds itself under the sun's warm, golden rays. Her back arched off the bed, pushing into him, begging for more contact. Cameron's hands were soft and steady as he ran them over her collarbone, through the valley between her breasts, and came to rest over her bellybutton. There he could feel her pulse throbbing under his wide, warm palm, her heart was beating so hard.
She was trembling underneath him, with anticipation, with want, with need.
Cameron was able to retain control over himself, but his knees were weak and his stomach light as he hooked his thumbs into the sides of her bottoms and pulled them down the long length of her smooth legs.
Imogen blushed and, feeling over exposed, covered herself. But Cameron placed a hand on her wrist, pulling her hands away from her chest.
"No. Please don't hide from me."
She swallowed the lump in her throat and took a deep breath to calm herself. Cameron's jaw ticked as he pulled his own shirt over his head. Imogen propped herself up on her elbows, watching as Cameron stripped himself next of his pants.
The clothes fell heavily to the ground.
This meeting was entirely different than any they'd experienced with each other before. This time, there were no more barriers. There were no more secrets. This time was different because they were utterly exposed to one another, and it was up to them to continue down this new, inevitable path with its one inevitable ending.
Imogen let her eyes meander over Cameron's body, from his strong legs up to his hips, over his stomach, up his chest and neck and finally to his face. She gave him a
n appreciative smile before he moved over her. Their mouths met again and he placed a hand on her forehead, pushing her head back onto the pillow.
Somewhere inside of her she had the feeling of courage, too. He was strong and large in her arms as she pulled him toward her, trying not to think about what would be said in the morning or even when they got back home to the city. All she wanted was to live in the moment, to enjoy the experience at hand.
His lips on her neck elicited a deep moan from her throat. After that it was all she could do to keep quiet for fear of raising any interest from the rest of the house to the goings on in her bedroom.
* * * *
Imogen knew she was in a predicament.
For a week the only thing she saw when she closed her eyes was the way Cameron looked at her that night and the good, wholesome way his hands felt when they were on her skin.
During the nights she would turn and expect to see Cameron's solid form there in her bed, the sheets rising and falling with his chest, but all that was there was emptiness.
They hadn't spoken in six days, since they'd come back to the city. Imogen's head was jumbled and her heart was confused. She thought it best to take some time out for herself, to retreat deep inside her conscious and figure out what the hell she got herself into. She went back to work at the small bookstore, but as she scanned books and looked up prices for customers, all she could think about was the way Cameron looked at her when he held her in his arms afterward and the smooth velvet of his fingertips when they pushed back the hair matted to her forehead by sweat.
No detail was left unscrutinized. Every millisecond of that night spent together, in a way which neither she nor he ever anticipated to spend, had been run through her mind in an infinitive loop that she couldn't escape. Now it felt as if everything changed. Everything had changed. Imogen couldn't decide whether it was for the better, or for the worse.