by H. M. Ward
That’s when I hiss, “If you do one more thing, just one more thing, I swear to God I’ll rip your lungs out of your body through your nose!”
For a second he says nothing. The expression on his face doesn’t change, he just watches me with those cool blue eyes. My anger settles and it’s like he senses it. Nick reaches for my wrist and pulls my hand away. Our eyes are locked the entire time and my heart won’t slow down. It thumps and races until I’m deaf. I don’t know how much time passes like that, but I feel myself being drawn to him. It’s like there’s a line there, one that no one can see, tugging me to his chest—to his lips.
I want his arms to wrap around me and never let go. We gaze at each other much too long, before I break it and look down at his hand on my wrist. Deegan’s touch felt nice, but Nick’s is incomparable. His grip is firm, so I know he’s strong, but there’s a softness in the way he holds me that is unlike Deegan. It’s unlike anyone who’s ever held me. Nick watches me as my gaze dips to his hand. A second later he releases me. I don’t move. I meant to beat him up, I really did, but now I can’t.
Insults are swirling in my mind, but that’s not what comes out of my mouth. “You really would have watched?” Nick is so still, like a gazelle that knows it’s been spotted by a lion. Is he that kind of guy? It shouldn’t matter to me, but for some reason it does. I want him to say no. I want him to be the man I see under all the polish and charm. That guy wouldn’t watch.
“It’s difficult not to watch you.” His gaze darts away from mine, making my heart beat harder. “I admit I handled it wrong. I didn’t mean to invade your private life like that. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.” Nick takes my arms and shifts so that I’m sitting on the floor and not straddling his legs.
My jaw is hanging open. He likes me? I blurt out the words before I can stop myself, “I don’t understand.”
Nick looks at me out of the corner of his eye as he reaches for his camera. While placing the strap around his neck, he replies, “You don’t understand what?”
“Why? Why are you putting me out of business?” I get to my feet and walk over to him, but he won’t look at me. He fumbles the lens cap and it drops to the floor. The piece of plastic rolls under the bed and we both go to grab it at the same time. Our fingers brush, inciting a warm surge of something unknown to flow through me. His touch is electric; it’s pure energy, addictive and warm.
I pick up the cap and hold it out for him. He looks at it and that smirk returns. Game over. I’m not going to get another piece of truth from those lips tonight. When he starts to speak, I press my finger to his lips and say, “Don’t. You’re better than that. And by the way, if you tell anyone that I jumped at you like a rabid rabbit, I’ll deny it.” My mask is up and my smile is hiding every feeling I have. I grab my gear bag and I turn toward the door, but I pause as I feel his fingers wrap around my wrist one by one. I look back at him.
His smile falters and fades. “Don’t.”
Something is different than it was before. My gear bag slips off my shoulder as Nick reaches for my chin. He gently slides a finger beneath it and lifts my face toward his, eyes watching my mouth as he does it. I can barely breathe. My heart pounds violently and I shiver at his touch. Parts of me awaken and respond, parts I didn’t know were there. The pull between us is intense, unstoppable. It’s ensnared both of us and with each second, our lips move closer and closer. Images of bare, slick skin enter my mind. I picture our bodies tangled together. My breath catches in my throat and the distance between us closes.
Just as his beautiful, full lips brush against mine, a phone chirps. The spell breaks and we dart apart.
Nick runs his hand over the back of his neck, unable to look at me. “See you down there.” He opens the door and walks out.
“Yeah,” I answer without looking at him or asking for an explanation of where ‘down there’ is exactly. I pace the floor, trying to breathe and holding onto my heart. It’s ready to jump if he snaps his fingers. Oh God, I want him to snap his fingers. I almost want to lose the bet just so I can be with him.
I stare at the wall until I come down from my lusty high and then put on clean clothes from my suitcase. After I’m respectably dressed again, I bend down, grab my gear bag, reach for the doorknob and twist—it comes off in my hand.
CHAPTER 20
I drop my bag and scream at the top of my lungs. “Get back here you son of a bitch!” But there’s no answer. Nick is long gone. I turn, pressing my back to the door and slide down until my butt hits the carpet. Clawing at my temples, I tug on my hair, wondering how I let him do this to me. It was the dumbest payback ever, but I didn’t see it coming. Who pulls a prank like that? It’s a reprank. Bastard.
I push up and glance around the room, noticing the subtle difference for the first time—no phone. The antique looking brass phone is missing from the desk. I can’t call down for help. The thought makes me lunge for my bag. I didn’t have my cell phone earlier, it’s with my gear. I unfasten the straps and dig through. No phone.
“I’m going to kill him. I am. How did he even get Sophie to agree to let him be at the shoot?” I glance around, not knowing what to do. If I figure out how to bust the door down, the hotel is going to make me pay for it. Not that there’s an ax in here or something.
I sit down hard on the bed and let out a rush of air. Should I stay here and let him have this shoot? What if he’s lying? I mean, Sophie said the shoot was later, not now. She wanted to wait until her hideous cousins were asleep. But if she didn’t want to do the sexy session now, why else would Nick lock me in the room? I think and think, but there’s no answer. Nothing drifts to the top of my mind and it’s so frustrating.
I have to find him. I push off the bed and go to the only way out of the room—the window. I’m on the third floor. A fall from that height won’t kill a person, right? I pull up the window and lean on the sash. There’s no screen. Screens would look unsightly on the hotel façade. Then again, so would a twenty-something white girl hanging out the window. If I hang my legs over the ledge, I can lower myself down to the next floor. The roof of porch is directly below my window. I could knock on the window of the room below me and ask them to let me in.
It’s absurd, but it’s also my only idea. I grab my camera and take only one lens. After attaching it to the body, I swing it around my neck and drape the heavy thing down my back. The contraption is so heavy it feels like it’s going to strangle me. I sit on the window sash and swing one leg over. The pit of my stomach dips when I look out. The ground is so far away, and the gardens are filled with spiky things, like old pointy pieces of iron fence and roses. If I fall, I’ll be impaled and showered in rose petals.
With my heart slamming into my ribs, I swing the other foot over, twist and go for it. Slowly, I lower myself until I’m hanging from the windowsill, my camera dangling from my back. My shoes sweep the air looking for a foothold, but there is none. It’s farther than I’d thought. Damn it. What am I going to do? I try to do a pull-up and go back into the room. As I pull, a grunting noise comes from deep inside my chest, but no matter how hard I try, I just hang there.
“Daddy, look!” a little girl’s voice calls out below. “There’s a lady falling out of a window!”
Shit! I can’t look over my shoulder, but I feel her eyes on me.
A male voice sounds annoyed at first and then panicked. “Danielle, stop making up—oh my God! Go inside and tell them to call the fire department. Go quickly.”
CHAPTER 21
I don’t know what to do. If I admit I put myself here…oh God. So I swallow any pride I have left and say it. “Help!”
The guy below sounds freaked out. “Don’t worry. Hold on, someone will get you. What room are you in? I’ll come and pull you in.”
“The door is broken.” I call it down to him as I feel my fingers begin to slip.
The guy yells and suddenly everyone and their mother is outside. My mother comes, too. “Get down this instant! You’r
e making a spectacle of yourself!” Good old mom, always thinking of my wellbeing.
“I would if I could, Ma!” I yelp as my fingers slip. My palms are sweating and sliding. I’m losing my grip. The people below gasp and I hear a siren approaching. Someone is banging on my door, but it doesn’t open. They must see the knob is broken, because they suddenly stop. “How far is the ledge?”
“Don’t be stupid, Skylar. You’ll break your neck. Just wait for a professional to get you down. I can see the truck now.” Mom replies quickly.
I can’t see anything. The hotel staff has a ladder, but it’s too short. It only goes up to the second floor. There’s a guy on the ladder, a few feet from me. “We should have stayed in the cove.”
“Deegan?”
“Don’t jump, Sky. It’s too far. The ladder truck is almost here. Hold on.”
“I can’t!” My hands have slipped so that only my fingers are holding me up.
“I can’t reach you from here, Sky. Don’t you dare let go. They’re almost here. Hang on.”
I feel so stupid. The crowd below has grown larger and everyone is watching me. My hands continue to slide over the window sill. I can’t stop them.
The ladder truck below is calling to me and I’m trying to dig my nails into the plaster. “I’m going to fall!” One hand slips completely free and swings through the air. I scream and the other hand follows. My ass hits the roof hard and gravity pulls me down faster than I thought possible, directly toward Deegan. I’m yelling and I cannot stop.
“Sky!” Deegan looks down, but before he has a chance to move, I slam into him. The ladder that was carefully perched against the white shingles suddenly has two people on top. The thing sways in slow motion and we start to fall backward.
Someone below yells, “Jump! Let go!” Deegan releases the ladder and disappears, which makes me scream more.
As the ladder comes crashing down, it collides with a big blue sheet and then the ground. The wind is knocked out of me and I can’t breathe. Panic makes me close my eyes and then I feel a hand on my shoulder. I want to scream but I can’t. A moment later, my breath returns and fills my lungs. And then I scream—loud and clear—and very late.
When I calm down enough to figure out what happened, I hear someone saying, “She seems a little unstable. I mean, first she was wearing a shower curtain in the hotel lobby and now this.” Concern rings her voice, but it hits me like a gong over the head.
I’m still lying on my back as the fireman asks my name, then checks to make sure I didn’t break any bones. My camera, on the other hand, is cracked and unusable. It went flying when I fell with Deegan. It’s not insured because I haven’t paid them this month. I lay there for a moment, staring at the stars wondering why I can’t pull it together. I mean, I did this to Nick and he didn’t crush the Shelter Island Fire Department.
Deegan is never going to talk to me again. Humiliated, I sit up and cringe. The crowd of people surrounding me drops their voices to whispers, but continue to stare at me. Well, everyone except my mother who has already gone. She probably hoped I would die on impact or spontaneously combust. She handed me a book when I was in fourth grade about spontaneous human combustion. Apparently, it happens at random and the only thing left is a pair of smoking feet. I took it as a hint.
A fireman is talking to me. His face is haggard, like he’s done this too many times today. I shake his hand and tell him I’m fine. He tries to get more information from me, but I walk away, too embarrassed to stay there.
CHAPTER 22
By the time I get back to my room, they’ve got the doorknob fixed. Again. The evil redhead from reception is there along with a maintenance man.
She sneers at me. “It’s unusual to have the same door act up twice in one day.”
“Yeah, well, what can I tell you? I have bad luck. If you’ll excuse me, I’d like to go to bed. I just fell out a window and don’t really feel like talking.” I go to push past her, but Red blocks me. I imagine her evil horns growing out of her scalp as she slaps her hands on her hips.
“There are cameras everywhere. If we find out that you tampered with this piece of hotel equipment—”
“The doorknob.”
“Yes, then we will fine you and charge you for all related damages and expenses. Do you understand?” She says the last three words as if I hit my head, but I didn’t.
I get into her face. “If you had footage, you would have used it by now, so don’t go getting all up in my face without any proof. You should be worried that I could sue the hotel for crappy doors and shitty windows. Don’t tempt me.” I shove past her and slam the door in her stunned face. Her mouth forms that little O that people make when they’re shocked. Since the tampering was done in a discrete way, they didn’t see me. I guess they didn’t catch Nick either. Rat bastard.
Look at that. He’s gone up a level from plain bastard to rat bastard. I throw my busted camera on the floor and flop down on the bed, draping my arm over my eyes. My hair covers his pillows and linens. I didn’t bother to pick out the twigs and dirt before I lay down. I wiggle on his white sheets making them a ghastly shade of brown in certain spots, before rolling off onto my pallet on the floor.
I can’t stop thinking and I’m scared to death that I’m going to lose everything. The guy is using me and I’m attracted to him. Great combo. Wonderful. Deegan doesn’t come by to see if I’m all right. No one does. I’m the crazy shower curtain girl who fell out a window. They avoid me like the plague. It’s clear that I don’t fit in here, but I never fit in anywhere.
It’s well past two in the morning when Nick tumbles into our dark room. A giggling voice is there with him. I hear her purr, “Come on, Nick. Just for the night, no strings.”
“Sorry, baby, but I can’t. Roommate.” He sounds remorseful. Good. I hope he chokes to death and dies.
“So, throw him out. I promise to make it worth your while.” I hear silence, then giggling, and then more ragged breaths. I hate her. I hate him. I hate everyone. Grabbing my pillow, I pull it down over my head so I don’t have to listen, but it doesn’t help.
Nick moans and I despise the fact that I love that sound. Deep in my belly something twists and I wish I were the one making him react that way. I tug the pillow tighter and chase away the thought. He’s not forgiven and never will be. He kept me from Deegan, broke my camera, and pretty much tossed me out a window.
After more kissing noises, Nick backs into the room and closes the door. Slut on heels click-clacks down the hall and, despite the carpet, I can hear her leave. Before looking at the bed, Nick sits down on the edge and grabs his hair in his hands.
He remains hunched over like that for too long. Something’s wrong. I watch his back expand with every breath, but the man doesn’t look up. He remains like that, rubbing his temples. When he speaks, his voice is barely audible.
It’s not meant for me, he’s saying it to himself. “I can’t do this.”
CHAPTER 23
The following morning, I’m up before Nick. It’s not even sunrise. I slip out of the room and head for Sophie’s room with an arm full of clean clothes. I knock lightly. Bleary eyed, she opens the door. Her annoyed expression changes instantly and she tries not to laugh. “Fall is my favorite season.”
“I thought I could fly, what else can I say? It didn’t work out.” I make light of last night otherwise I’d cry. We both know it.
“You and that book.” She’s talking about Peter Pan. Sophie’s the only other person who understood why I liked it. The whole thing is about freedom and innocence, purity of passion and hope. She closes the door and follows me into the room. While sitting down on her big bed, she says, “I thought you’d leave—jump on a plane and fly away after high school. I never thought you’d stay in New York, not in a million years.”
I shrug my shoulders like it doesn’t matter. Plane tickets cost money and if I ever get the chance, I’m heading directly for London to see the statue of Peter Pan in Kensington Gardens.
That day may never come. I answer her with a sarcastic tone, “Yeah, well, you know I want to hang out in Babylon and become my mother. It’s easier to do with her nearby.”
Sophie snorts and pats the spot beside her on the mattress. “I thought you skipped out on me last night.”
I want to tell her that it was Nick, but I bite my tongue. I have no idea why. “Sorry, I fell asleep. Not flying really takes it out of you.”
She laughs. “You mean falling.”
“Yeah, that.” I lay back and look at my best friend. We’re both quiet for a moment, before I ask, “Do you love him? Would you jump out a window for him?”
She smiles fondly. “In an instant.”
“Would you ride a rhinoceros? Pet a pachyderm? Slay a sloth?”
More laughter and she shoves my arm. “Very nice idioms.”
“You mean alliteration, and yes, slay a sloth is my very own. It’s trademarked, so don’t go using it in your wedding vows.” We both laugh and Sophie falls on her back next to me.
We stare at the ornate ceiling and the way each curved line is painted in gold with spiraling flowers in the center. Someone stood there and painted that. Artists are so important and so totally shafted. Sophie’s room is the bridal suite. Everything is ornate and over the top pretty in here.
“I’m going to miss you.” Sophie shoves my arm and I grin at her. “Well, I already missed seeing you naked. How was the shoot? Was Ferro a creeper?”
Sophie’s sweet face pinches. “What are you talking about?”
“Nick, he said he was shooting your boudoir pictures last night. He came to get me and then, well, I fell out the window.” My eyebrows creep up my face. “He didn’t shoot you?”