She put a plate in the dishwasher and took another from Nate as he finished rinsing it. “Sure, Uncle Cade. What do you need?”
“Uh, Nate,” Cade said as he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Could you—”
Nate handed Ashley the last plate. “Oh. Sure. I think Jarrett and Delphene are upstairs sparring. I’ll go see if our favorite cowboy wants to go a few rounds with me.” Kissing Ashley, he said, “I won’t be far.”
Her lips tilted up. “Thanks, I’ll be okay.”
As Nate passed Cade, he lifted his brows hopefully. “Maybe you’ll be up for a round later too?”
Cade hesitated. A few months ago, he would have jumped at the chance to spar with Nate, but now his mood and lack of control gave him pause.
“Come on, Cade. One round.”
Looking to Ashley, Cade saw the worry in her eyes, and remembering his purpose here, he agreed. “One round, Nate.”
The eager gleam in his young friend’s eyes and Nate’s excited slap on his arm as he left, eased Cade’s worry. Only a few days at home, being surrounded by family was chipping away at the ice that had formed around his heart.
Part of him wanted to deny himself the comfort of loved ones and run away again to wallow in his pain. Finding happiness made him feel disloyal to Collett. Still, in discovering himself again, a bigger part of Cade wanted to support the family that still needed him.
“Cade?” Ashley questioned, pulling him out of his musings.
“Sorry, I was thinking.”
“How are you, um…”
Cade lifted a brow. “I think you already know, don’t you?”
“I’m not trying to intrude,” she stammered. “You’re just…so loud. I can’t explain it."
Cade held up his hands but did not approach her as he wanted too. “Ash, it’s okay. I’m not here to get after you for intruding on my privacy.” He sighed and pulled a hand through his hair. “And you’re right. Sometimes loud is the best way to describe what I feel. There are days when I want to yell and crash about in my anger. I dream of and lust for justice! Then I realize what I want is vengeance. There are days when I want to fall to my knees and scream, to give my feelings a voice. I’m sorry you are pulled in with me.”
“What I feel scares me,” she whispered.
He huffed out a half laugh. “You and me both.” With a sad look in her eyes, Ashley pressed her lips together, and Cade ached to step closer. “I’m working on it, but the war inside me is no worse than your own turmoil, is it?”
Surprised, her eyes widened. “What?”
“Ash, how bad is it?”
Looking down at her feet, tears welled up.
“Ashley, please look at me,” Cade said gently.
Obeying, she lifted her head and guilt surfaced in Cade when he saw the raw emotion swimming in her eyes. “I feel everything,” she admitted. “I can’t control it. I can’t even go to the store anymore.”
“You’re hiding it well, but not well enough for Jarrett or me. You’re still wearing his amulet?”
“Yes.”
“Why haven’t you told your mother the empathy is getting stronger?” he coaxed.
“I can’t. She’s dealing with so much, and she’ll worry,” she said quietly. “No one besides Collett could have possibly understood, not even me.”
“Ash, you have to face this.”
“I don’t want this. You can’t possibly imagine what it’s like. I feel everything now! Cody’s doubt and guilt, Dad’s worries about you and Mom, Mom’s despair over Jenny and Jeffery, Jarrett and you—” Closing her eyes, Ashley straightened and brought her hands up to wipe her wet cheeks. “I’m not sure why my ability has decided to go into overdrive, but since I can’t control it, I’m trying to repress it as best I can. I’ve been successful for the most part, until Jenny passed anyway.”
Cade slowly moved closer, and she backed up a step. He had a sudden flash of Merilynn easing her hand toward him as he snapped and snarled during his first change. “It won’t work, Ash. You can’t change what you are.”
Crying again, she met his eyes. “I don’t want this!”
“We can’t always choose.”
With a hand on her heart, she confessed, “I’m not strong enough. It hurts, Uncle Cade.”
“I know it does,” he agreed, “but I’ve been reminded you can’t ignore pain.” He stood before her and reached for the chain at her neck. Ashley flinched. Once more, Cade flashed back to himself as a boy after the change, flinching from Merilynn’s touch.
Patiently, he tilted his head to draw her attention back to him. “Ash, can you trust me?”
She bit her lip and nodded reluctantly.
“You can’t—” Cade hesitated. “We can’t hide from what is inside us. Any magical aid to keep it at bay will only make it worse later. I need to show you.” Reaching for the chain again, Cade eased it over her head.
Ashley gasped as Cade’s emotions, along with her own, assaulted her. Turning, she gripped the counter. “Cade!”
“Hold on, Ash. Breathe, that’s it. Slow and easy,” he encouraged.
She turned again and sank to the kitchen floor, sobbing.
A pang of guilt lanced through him as he crouched down in front of her. He wanted to hug her, comfort her, but knew it would send her over the edge. Instead, he did his best to help her and prayed in his heart it was the right thing. “Ash, can you hear me?”
With shoulders shaking and her face still hidden in her hands, she nodded again.
“It’s worse now, more intense, isn’t it? Even worse than it was before Jarrett gave this to you?”
She lifted her head, wiping at her cheeks. “Please. I’m not strong enough.”
Cade held out the green gem. “You are strong enough, but I won’t force this on you. This is a decision only you can make.”
Ashley lifted her hand, and her fingers hovered above the necklace for an instant.
“The amulet is not meant to repress your kind of gift,” Cade explained. “It’s more for short, energetic bursts—like spells. The gem absorbs magic, and the essence of who you are is magical. It’s taking away your ability to feel any emotion. When I removed it, your power broke free like a caged animal. It’s like a drug. If you use it too much, it will consume and cripple you.”
Ashley dropped her hands and focused on breathing. Several minutes passed before she could successfully employ the meditation techniques her mom taught her during her youth. Careful not to touch her, Cade sat next to her and waited. At some point, he even pulled the hand towel from the cabinet handle and handed it to her so she could clear away her tears.
“How did you know?” she asked after regaining a semblance of control.
Cade shrugged. “Honestly, it was a guess. A gut feeling based on a few factors.” When she stared at him with sad eyes expecting an answer, Cade relented. “When I was younger, I was desperate to control the change during the full moon. I wanted to lock away that part of myself. Merilynn caved to my pleading once and tried a spell to hold it back.”
“Did it work?”
“No. My body didn’t transform, but my mind did. It was awful. The worst night yet. Merilynn had no choice but to clock me with a stick and tie me down. I broke my arm trying to break free, but she knew I couldn’t go out in that condition. At least as the wolf I could run free and avoid other beings without looking insane. Can you imagine people’s reaction to a twelve-year-old boy howling at the moon and running naked through the woods?”
Despite the serious conversation, Ashley smiled, and it warmed them both.
“I am two parts of a whole, and without the wolf, I would be less. Do you understand?”
She nodded timidly, but picked at the edges of the towel and would not look at him.
"In the last few months, Jarrett told me how he used the amulet over the years. I’ve worn it once too and felt its effects,” Cade explained. “When he offered it to you the other night, I didn’t think much about it. But t
he more you wore the amulet, the more I noticed the difference in you.”
She did look at him then. “With Jarrett’s amulet, I felt like I could breathe again.”
“I know.”
“I’m afraid,” she said again.
“I know.”
Clutching the towel like a lifeline, Ashley laid her head back and stared at the ceiling. “There are so many witches like me that go insane from the empathy. If I can’t control it—”
“You can do this.”
“What if I ca—”
“You can,” Cade insisted firmly.
After a minute of silence Cade sighed. “Do you remember New Mexico?”
“I think I do.”
“Do you remember how Collett’s empathy was tearing her apart? She felt everything. It was so hard to watch, just like it’s hard to watch you go through something similar now.”
“I’m not Collett. I’m not strong like her.”
“She wasn’t strong at first either.” Grief resurfaced as he talked about his wife, but it wasn’t the weighty suffocation he was familiar with. As memories of their first encounters entered his mind, his turmoil lifted slightly. “Like you, Collett feared what was inside her. She didn’t even know the extent of her power because she shied away from it.”
“I guess I didn’t know her in the beginning.”
Cade’s lips tilted up in a slight smile. “There was so much potential hidden in her, and by the end—” The lump in his throat rose again, but he swallowed it down. “She was amazing.”
Ashley tried to comfort him, “Collett may have been afraid, but she was brave and selfless.”
He pinned her with his golden eyes. “So are you.”
Overwhelmed, Ashley focused on her fidgeting hands again and picked at loose threads on the towel.
“Collett had to find her way too,” Cade pointed out. “We spent hours and hours training and practicing to help her control what she had inside. We went to bed every night bruised and frustrated for weeks. It won’t be easy, Ashley, but you’ll find your way too. The same training won't likely work in your case. But I do know, this––” He held up the amulet, and they both stared at the emerald swaying on the end of the chain. “This will not help strengthen you. Its dampening magic will only take away what is special about you.”
“What should I do?” Ashley pleaded with desperation.
“We'll find out what works for you,” Cade promised.
Ashley contemplated the possibilities for a couple of minutes. “Holding on to Nate helps.”
“How?”
“I can focus on his love for me instead of your grief or Cody’s self-doubt.”
“There you go. Use that. Maybe as you do, you’ll get stronger.”
“As much as I love Nate, I can’t hold his hand twenty-four-seven,” Ashley said, drawing up her knees and wrapping her arms around them.
“No, not just Nate. Can you focus on different emotions? I know the pain is a lot to handle and comes through strong, but that’s not all that’s inside me. I feel anger, frustration, sadness, and guilt. That's not much better than pain, but what I’m saying is people are complex. At any given time, a person will feel several emotions all at once. If you can find those, maybe the different feelings will help you control what comes into you. Set aside things like pain and sorrow. Practice drawing on positive to let go of the negative.”
Laying her head on her knees and meeting his eyes, Ashley turned his advice back on him. “I’ll work on it if you do. I’m not the only one hiding. You should talk about Collett more.”
“I’m trying, Ash, but it’s a process.”
“I believe you, but I felt a change in you when you spoke of New Mexico.”
“I miss her,” Cade confessed.
Closing her eyes, Ashley tried to cope with his torment. “There’s no better time like the present for both of us to practice. Tell me something funny about her, Uncle Cade. Give me something better to feel.”
Cade thought back to the morning he kicked in her door and cornered her by the bathroom after they first met. Sitting back, Cade recounted the story and a full smile bloomed as Ashley laughed out loud. He told her about their first sparring match and smiled when he recounted Collett's whiplash defense.
Thirsty from sparring, Jarrett and Delphene had left Nate with Cody and overheard the private conversation before entering the kitchen. Silently sitting on the stairs, Jarrett and Delphene had listened discretely for a few minutes. When Ashley laughed, relief washed over Jarrett. Grabbing his arm, Delphene pulled him back up the stairs.
“What did I tell you, Wolf?” Delphene whispered at the top of the stairs.
“You were right. I could kiss you,” Jarrett admitted with a crooked grin.
“What’s stopping you?” she asked, yanking him closer.
Delphene’s eyes taunted him, and Jarrett leaned in. Coming down the hallway, Rederrick saw them together and turned on his heel to go another direction. “I need a bigger house,” he muttered.
Delphene laughed heartily when she heard him with her sensitive ears.
With a wide grin spreading across his features, Rederrick wondered if Nate would be interested in another wager.
Chapter 20
“I found something!” Tracy exclaimed excitedly as she came running into the extra room where Cade, Jarrett, and Rederrick were reviewing a digital display of The Faction pedigree chart. Thanks to Jarrett, Cody, and Jeffery, several holes were filled in with names. More than two thirds of the chart had red lines through the names, indicating a deceased individual. With Jenny’s funeral several days behind them, Cade and Jarrett were getting ready to hunt a new target and hopefully add some more red lines.
They all turned to Tracy as she opened a book and set it on the conference table. She pointed and tapped her finger on the open page triumphantly.
Approaching the book first, Cade eyes widened when he saw the drawing on the yellowed page. “Get your sword,” Cade told Jarrett.
“Yeah, on it,” Jarrett said with astonished wonder as he stared at the image.
“I’ve got it,” Tracy supplied, and chanting swiftly, summoned a smoky mist that poured over her hands and covered the conference table like dry ice in a pot of water. As the mystical fog cleared, Jarrett’s sword lay on the table next to the book.
“That’s some trick,” Jarrett observed, clearly impressed.
“It’s nothing,” she replied.
Rederrick grinned. “That’s the same spell she used as a kid to sneak goodies to her room at night after bedtime.”
Jarrett’s lips quirked. “A rebel then?”
“I have a sweet tooth,” she admitted.
“It’s the same mark,” Cade interrupted, solemnly picking up the sword, he stared in awe at the mark etched into the pommel. “Look at it. Where’d you get this book?”
“I purchased it from a collector I know,” Tracy told him. “I’ll have to have it translated. It’s Latin for sure. I can only decipher certain words like protector and chosen.”
Disappointed, Cade shook his head. “I hated Latin and never felt the need for it. I only know a few words myself.”
“For they are protectors. Their hearts valiant and pure. The weapons they wield, pure light, to smite the dark,” Jarrett read. When he looked up and saw them all watching him, he scowled. “What? I speak other languages. Latin happens to be one of them.”
Raising his brow, Cade questioned, “But not French?”
“Wasn’t a big fan until recently,” Jarrett replied honestly. “Besides, I haven't ever met a demon that spoke French, but most of them do speak Latin.”
“What else does it say?” Cade urged, gesturing back to the book.
Tracy audibly winced as Jarrett picked up the aged text without gloves, and she cringed as he turned the fragile page roughly. “That book is a rare, one of a kind. It has untold historic value,” she scolded, but Jarrett didn’t even acknowledge her comments.
He re
ad for a while and explained, “The passage referring to the symbol is only two pages long. It begins as a warning to the demon races. It tells them, ‘Evil be warned of the marked chosen. The righteous shall not fear, for they are protectors. Their hearts valiant and pure. The weapons they wield, pure light, to smite the dark. It is they who will drive away the evil machinations that plague mankind.’ It rambles on for three more paragraphs after that about the wickedness of men, blah, blah… mostly naming vampires, beastly men, and the war against wickedness. I think it refers to a personal event. Fear, faith.” Jarrett shrugged. “It’s a recording of sorts. A disorganized recording.”
“That’s because it’s a journal. A very old journal,” Tracy explained irritably.
Jarrett lifted a brow at her tone and went on, “At the end of the second page it reads, ‘My salvation came from a champion’s silvery strike. Yet my praise falls meekly to the scrolling rune etched into my mind as it was etched into his blade. The image passes. With age, my memory fails me.’” Jarrett scowled and looked to Tracy. “How much of this book have you looked at?”
“Not much. It’s slow going since I respect the age of the book, and I lack your ease with Latin,” she said pointedly. “Then with Jenny… I put it aside until our meeting the other night. It’s a collected accounting from some priests on pilgrimage in pagan lands. It has many references to demons, but it’s hard to tell the real demons from the pagans. The priests considered Vikings heathens or demons. Some of what’s in there is random and unrelated, but as I was looking it over this morning, I saw that drawing. As I said, I can’t read it all so I wasn’t sure what it said.”
“He was forgetting, but he thought it was his age,” Cade said, thinking out loud. “How old is this book?”
“It’s dated to 984 AD,” Tracy answered, reaching for the book to save it from Jarrett’s causal page turning.
Surprised, Jarrett relinquished the book. “That is an old journal.”
“Older than you, so be a little more careful,” she admonished.
“How many people have forgotten?” Cade questioned out loud, his expression worried. “That book is over a thousand years old, and what he’s talking about… They forget. The image passes.”
The Truth of Victory: A Powers of Influence Novel Page 18