“You’d best tell your friend that they’re better off giving her a wide berth. And yes, to answer your question, I have heard of Arachana. I’ve never met her, and I hope not to.” My mother sounded a little shaky. Shaky enough that it made me pause.
“Who is she?”
“She’s one of the most ancient of Ante-Fae. She’s older than even Urseala, and far more deadly. She also has her wits about her, and she’s cunning and treacherous. To some, she’s known as the spider queen.”
“Like Grandmother Spider?”
“No. Grandmother Spider is reasonable and helpful to humans, even though she isn’t in any remote sense humanlike. Arachana is deadly, and she lives by her own agenda. Tell your friend to walk softly and avoid her if possible.”
I closed my eyes, leaning back in my chair. The last thing I needed was to make a deal with one of the ancient Ante-Fae. And the fact that I was Exosan wasn’t much of a help, either.
The Exosan were all mostly younger members of the Ante-Fae who liked to hang out in the world of mortals, and that made a number of the older Ante-Fae uncomfortable. We weren’t exactly considered pariah, but we weren’t welcome among the others, either. My father was considered one of the Exosan as well, and my mother routinely dealt with humans as one of the Bean Sidhe, so she didn’t exactly fit in with a lot of the older Ante-Fae, either.
“Thank you for the information.” I paused, wanting to tell my mother what was going on, but afraid that she would forbid me to help Gunnar.
“Is there anything else you want to tell me?” Phasmoria asked in a soft voice, soft enough that I had a suspicion she was on to me.
“No, that’s it. Thank you very much. I’ll see you when you get here. Is there anything you’d like me to stock up on from the store?”
My mother had a big appetite like I did, and she had a particular love for a few of the more human foods—like spaghetti, mashed potatoes and gravy, and sub sandwiches.
“Just the usual. I’ll see you in a few days.” The line went dead, which didn’t surprise me. She wasn’t one for long good-byes, either.
I stared at the table, thinking that I needed to call Kipa. I would keep my promise to him, now I knew what I was dealing with. I would have to walk softly around Arachana, but I had already made up my mind. Gunnar needed help, and I seemed to be his only hope.
With a sigh, I called Kipa to fill him in on what I’d found out. I expected an argument and an argument was what I got.
“You can’t do this. If your mother seems cautious of Arachana, then you should be afraid of her.” Kipa sounded dead set against the plan.
“Then you’re sentencing Gunnar to a slow, painful death. How can you justify that? He’s one of your Elitvartijat. You know that Kristian is wrong for what he’s doing. And yet you won’t force him to stop.”
“Of course he’s wrong—but I can’t step in. Yes, I’m a god. I’m a force of nature, the Lord of the Wolves. But I’m not omnipotent and I’m not omniscient. And I cannot interfere in this, at least not directly. There are some wrongs in the world that we can’t attack head-on, for one reason or another. If I were to negate Kristian’s right to blood vengeance, the SuVahta would never trust me again. My own elite guard would be compromised. Do you understand this?”
“No,” I said. “I don’t understand allowing a man to be killed this way when you know that it’s wrong. It was an accident, Solveig wasn’t murdered. And it wasn’t manslaughter or neglect, either. Sometimes things just happen and there’s no way around them.” The thought crossed my mind that Kristian had better hope I never met him in person. I wasn’t one of the SuVahta, and I wasn’t bound by their rules.
“I don’t like this anymore than you do. But Raven, don’t question my ethics on this. I am bound by a set of rules as much as anybody else.” Kipa sounded angry now.
I paused, then said, “Then the only option is for me to deal with Arachana.”
“Tell Gunnar about this and let him appeal to her.”
“Gunnar wouldn’t survive an interaction with her. You know that. You chose to involve me in this, Kipa. You’re going to have to accept the consequences of your choice because I can’t let him die without trying to do something.”
Kipa paused, and when he spoke again, his voice was soft. “Then I will come with you to face Arachana. I won’t let you face her alone.”
“Fine. But if she wants you out of the way, get out of the way. Do you understand?”
He paused, then said, “Fine. I still don’t like it. When are you going to do the ritual?”
“Tonight. Gunnar’s wasting away. The sooner we get this over with, the better. Now, I’m going to get off the phone, because I’ve got to find a bloody heart to offer up to her. Which means I need to slaughter something, because somehow I don’t think she’s going to accept a beef heart from the supermarket. Do you have any suggestions?”
“I’ll bring you what you need. I have friends who keep livestock, and I’ll have them slaughter a pig. I’ll bring you the heart when I come over. See you around five.” Kipa sounded about as enthusiastic as I felt.
I murmured good-bye and slumped back in my chair, staring at the table. I was jonesing for caffeine and sugar. Comfort food. I glanced down to see Raj asleep at my feet. Gently, so as not to wake him, I slid my chair back and peeked out the window. The storm had backed off for a little while. We had a good twelve inches of snow, and for a moment I thought of jumping in my car and taking off. Of trying to forget about Gunnar and his problems, but running away never solved anything. I sighed and decided to call Llew. He was always a good sounding board and he was good at helping me figure out my problems.
But Jordan picked up.
“He’s sleeping right now, Raven. I’m not going to wake him. He’ll be in touch with you when he’s ready. Until then, just leave him alone.” Jordan sounded so cold that my stomach lurched.
“Jordan, please don’t be this way. You know that it was Llew’s decision to go with me. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I would never for the world deliberately put him in danger. You know that.”
Jordan paused, then mumbled, “Sorry, I can’t talk right now. We’ll figure this out later.”
As he hung up, the gloom descended even further on my shoulders, and for the first time in a long time, I felt very much alone.
Chapter Nineteen
While I was waiting for Kipa, I made up the guest bedroom for when my mother arrived. She was never on time—always either early or late, and I preferred to be ready in case she was early. Phasmoria didn’t care where she slept, but I liked making my guests comfortable, and given it was my mother, I was constantly hoping for reassurance that I was doing a good job of making it on my own. She had left me with my father, returning to the Morrígan and to her duties, and while I knew that it was her responsibility, I always felt like she chosen a life without me over having me in her life.
The whole abandonment issue was ridiculous on my part. I knew that much. There was no way she could have taken me with her into the tall towers of the Morrígan’s Castle. It wouldn’t have been a healthy life for a child anyway. Yet there was part of me that always felt like I was an afterthought in my mother’s life. Given I had been an unexpected glitch in her short-lived relationship with my father, the truth was I had been an accident.
And she had given me twelve years of her life, taking as much time away from the Morrígan as the goddess had allowed. She had seen me grow up as much as she could. All of these things I knew, and yet here I was, still trying to please her—still striving to hear her say that she was proud of me. Phasmoria had never said she wasn’t, but it crossed my mind that she never really thought that I craved her approval.
When the guest room was clean and sparkling, with fresh linens and even fresh flowers on the bedside table, I wandered back into the living room. Raj was watching Acrobert and the Alphas, and he glanced up as I entered the room.
“Raven want to watch TV with Raj?”
He sounded so hopeful that I couldn’t resist. I curled up on the sofa next to him, and he lay down with his head in my lap as we watched the show together. I wasn’t able to focus on the antics of the superheroes, but I laughed when Raj laughed, and tried to let myself enjoy the down time. At least Phasmoria liked Raj. In fact, she had taken a real shine to him, and had confided in me that I had done a good thing by adopting him.
“Raven loves Raj, I hope Raj knows that.” I scratched his back, my nails sliding over the leathery skin. I wasn’t sure if he actually enjoyed having his back scratched, or whether it was the attention that he liked, but he never complained.
“Raj loves Raven. Raj knows Raven loves Raj.” He glanced up at me, his eyes full of concern. “Raven seems sad. Raven talk to Raj?”
I bit my lip, not wanting to worry him. “My friends are going through some hard times right now, and it makes me sad.”
“But Raven’s okay?” Raj asked.
“Yes, Raven is fine.” I glanced at the clock. I needed to check on the ferrets. I hadn’t given them very much attention in the morning, and I wanted to spend a little time talking to Elise. That brought to mind another concern. Since it was Llew looking into the curse hanging over their heads, if Jordan interfered with our friendship, I didn’t know who else to turn to. “I’ll be right back. I’m going to check on the ferrets.”
Raj shifted so I could stand up, and then immediately focused on the TV again as the commercial ended. Raj loved television. I had the sneaking suspicion that he watched too much of it, but honestly—if it made him happy, and he was healthy, I wasn’t going to make a fuss about it.
I opened the door to the ferrets’ room, and they poked their heads up as I peeked in. Closing the door behind me, I hurried over to the cage and made sure they had enough food and water, and that their bedding was still fine for the night. I changed it once a day, usually in the morning, clearing out the saturated litter, and spreading clean straw down for them.
Elise stood up to the cage door, blinking her beautiful wide eyes at me.
Raven, I’m glad you’re here. I’ve missed you the past couple days.
It wasn’t that I had been gone, but I knew my focus had been elsewhere and the ferrets could always tell when my attention wasn’t fully engaged. I opened the door, standing back for them to race out into the room and start running around. The exercise would wear them out. I sat down on the floor next to the cage, and Elise immediately made her way into my lap.
“I’m sorry, Elise. I’ve been preoccupied. I was just telling Raj that a couple friends of mine are going through some difficult problems, and it’s taking up a lot of my time. I don’t mean to neglect you.”
Oh, I understand. And we’re fine. Although I was wondering, if it’s nice enough, can we go out for a walk?
I pointed toward the window. “There’s a foot of snow out there right now, and the storm hasn’t broken yet. I don’t think you’d be very comfortable. It’s icy outside. I can open the window for a little while, to let some fresh air in. But I guarantee you it’s cold.”
Elise paused, then blinked. An open window would be fine. Only don’t do it when we’re out running around unless there’s a screen. Gordon might try to squeeze through the window. He’s thinking more and more like a ferret nowadays. I suppose you haven’t—she paused, staring at the floor.
“No, I’m sorry. I haven’t been able to find out anything. Llew’s looking into matters, but I’m going to tell you right now, I’m not sure how successful we’ll be. I’m doing what I can.”
I know you are. And I’m ever so grateful for that. You take very good care of us, and Gordon is extremely happy, even though he’s forgetting who he is. Templeton and I are happy, too. We’re just hoping that someday you’ll be able to free us. She paused, then asked, What happens if we die in ferret form? Will we be free from the curse?
“Honestly? I’m not sure, but I think you would be. So even though you’re trapped within your bodies now, at some point you should be free.”
But haven’t we been in ferret form longer than usual? Ferrets don’t live as long as we have, not naturally.
“That’s another thing I’m trying to find out. And yes, you’ve lived far longer than ferrets usually do.” I stroked her head, smiling at the touch of her soft fur under my fingers. “Elise, I’m happy that you’re with me. I hope you know that. I’m happy to take care of you as long as necessary.”
I know that. So does Templeton. And as I said, Gordon’s for the most part happy—he’s happy doing ferret things. Now and then he has a flash where he remembers who he is, but I’m not holding out much hope that will last much longer.
I played with them for a while, bouncing balls across the floor and playing with the feather toy. Finally, I topped off their food dish and gave them clean water again before locking them back in their cage. I opened the window a little, setting my phone alarm to close it again before the room got too cold.
The doorbell rang, and I turned to go, glancing over my shoulder to see Elise staring at me through the cage. But she seemed content, and I let out a slow sigh, shutting the door to the room behind me.
Kipa was standing at the door.
“I thought you had to help Herne tonight. How did you get out of it?” I asked as he pulled me into his arms and gave me a long kiss, his lips pressing against mine.
My pulse raced. I felt safe and warm when he held me, and right now, all I wanted to do was jump into bed with him. Sex was a great way to procrastinate, especially when faced with a task I really didn’t want to do. It was also a good stress reliever, and right now I was about as stressed as I had ever been.
“I told him the truth. That you needed my help tonight, and that I was putting my girlfriend’s needs higher than his. He understood.”
I wasn’t sure how true that was, but I decided to just be grateful that Herne hadn’t insisted on Kipa working. The thought of facing Arachana terrified me, and I was grateful that Kipa had offered to go through the ritual with me.
“Speaking of needs, did you bring the heart?” I grimaced. While I wasn’t squeamish, the thought of playing around with a heart plucked fresh out of a pig didn’t sound like a lot of fun.
Kipa held up a small cooler. “It’s in here. And I’m going to have over a hundred pounds of pork in my freezer, so I hope you like bacon and ham.”
I stared at him. “You really bought a whole pig just to get me a pig heart?”
He grinned. “Hey, you should feel special. I wouldn’t fill my freezer for just any girl.”
It sounded so absurd that I suddenly found myself laughing like a maniac. “That’s the most romantic, ridiculous gesture I’ve ever heard of. My boyfriend bought me a pig heart.” I couldn’t stop laughing, and finally Kipa put his hand on my shoulder.
“Are you all right? It wasn’t that funny.”
I nodded, gasping as I tried to control myself. “I think I’m just a little stressed. Anyway, thank you so much. And I love bacon and ham. So does Raj.” I glanced at the clock, wondering if we had time to take a break before we went through with the ritual. After all, if Arachana was as dangerous as my mother thought she was, I wanted to go out on a good memory.
Kipa seemed to sense my mood. “Do you think we have time…?”
“We can make time. It’s not like she’s expecting me. I haven’t called out her name and offered her the heart. I don’t think an hour’s going to make that much difference.”
Kipa placed the heart—still in the cooler—in my refrigerator. He turned to me, his eyes glowing. Without a word, I reached out and took his hand, and led him into the bedroom.
Rather than the boisterous mood of our last assignation, we were both solemn, and silent. I began to unbutton the front of his shirt. As I slid it off of his shoulders and tossed it across my cedar trunk that held spare blankets, Kipa let out a slow hiss between his teeth. He pulled me to him, stroking my cheek as he gazed down into my eyes. His lips touched mine, warm and searchi
ng, as his tongue slid between them. Still kissing me, he lifted me up around the waist, turning toward the bed. He carried me over and lay me down gently, and I spread my legs as he knelt between them, his hands searching under my shirt.
As I came up for air, I slid back on the bed and sat up, stripping my shirt over my head and unzipping the side of my skirt. I settled back down, pushing up with my feet so that he could slide my skirt down my legs. He caught the sides of my panties with his fingers as he undressed me, stripping them off along with the skirt. I lifted my legs and he pulled them off, tossing both skirt and underwear onto the floor next to the bed.
“Pants. Take off your pants.” I pointed to his jeans, where he was pressing hard against the zipper.
He unzipped, his shaft springing free as he kicked off his jeans. He was glorious, his abs strong and firm, and my head swam with desire as he knelt, once again between my legs. I wrapped my legs and feet around his waist as he kissed me, pressing his chest against my breasts.
“I want inside you. I want to own your body with mine.” He whispered in my ear, his voice low and sultry.
I ached, every inch of my body craving him. Hungry for his touch, I swiveled beneath him in anticipation. My nipples hardened as his chest rubbed against mine, and he leaned down, taking one of them in his mouth, sucking so hard it almost hurt. I gasped, another jolt of desire racing through me.
“Fuck me, Kipa. Fuck me so hard I can’t think.”
As he sucked at my breast, he reached one hand between my thighs and began to rub gently, sending me into a spiral of need. I groaned, and he pressed harder, circling faster, before he slid two fingers inside me, stroking against the inside.
I reached down and clasped my hand around his shaft, giving him a firm squeeze as I stroked along the sides.
“You want me inside?” he teased.
“I want all of you. Fuck me as hard as you can. Drive out the darkness and help me breathe.” I let go of him and wrapped my arms around his waist, trying to pull him into me.
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