by Mikayla Lane
Emily sighed and nodded her head, causing his to nod as well until he pulled away and smiled at her.
“You’ve got a few weeks. Now does that mean we still can’t sleep together? Just sleep!” she said with a grin.
Koda tried to pick her up and had a hard time; he hadn’t been kidding when he told her that he was exhausted by the end of the day. He slid her off of his lap instead and stood, keeping her an arms distance away.
“I will be in the room right through that door,” Koda gestured to the door opposite the one that led to Joey’s room, “if you need me.”
Emily put her hands on her hips and tilted her head to study him, trying to figure out if she could make him change his mind. Koda could tell by the look on her face that she was going to push him to his limits, and he knew he’d never have the strength to stop her.
“Emily, this is really important to me. I haven’t done anything right with us from the beginning. Please, let me do this right. Let me start our new lives together the way I want it to continue, not the way we began,” Koda said as he dark eyes pleaded with her to understand.
Emily sighed heavily and her hands slid off her hips in defeat. There was no way she could turn him down when he looked at her like that.
“This is going to suck,” she complained as she threw herself on her bed. “I haven’t slept more than a few feet away from you for months.”
Koda smiled, determined not to go near her bed.
“I love you, and I will miss having you beside me,” Koda said and held out his arms. “Can I at least have a kiss?”
Emily grinned slyly and slowly slid off the bed, putting a little swagger in her hips as she walked to him. When she was standing toe to toe with him, she ran a finger down the front of his shirt and smiled when he shivered.
Koda grabbed her finger and sighed as he looked down at her.
“That’s unfair,” he whispered as he lowered his head to hers.
Emily wrapped her arms around his neck and parted her lips when he covered hers with his own. Her body melted against his as he pulled her close as his lips began a slow exploration of her mouth.
“Yo, Soda! You coming or what?”
Emily and Koda parted immediately when his comm went off. She crossed her arms over her chest and quirked a brow at him, waiting for an explanation.
Koda tried to stop the fierce blush burning his cheeks as he fumbled in his pocket for his comm. That was one of the things he was trying to correct—when he became flustered, his symptoms increased. His stutter would return, his trembling became worse, and his motor skills were stumbling and awkward.
He knew it was normal. Amun and Lauren had gone into great detail about it with he and Jamal. But he also knew that a commander of a fleet of highly sophisticated spacecraft couldn’t afford to lose a second while stuttering through an order. He needed to learn more control before he could ask his people to put their lives in his stumbling, trembling hands.
“Soda?” Emily asked.
Koda rubbed the back of his neck and tapped a response into the comm.
“It’s a joke . . . I tend to pop off when I get frustrated during training, and they thought Soda Pop was a good name for me. Rhymes with Koda . . .” he explained, hoping she’d drop it at that. He should have known better.
“So . . . you’re running off to play with your friends?”
“Emily, it’s not like that. You know it isn’t,” he said as he took her hand in his and rubbed the back of it gently.
“Grrr, you’re so frustrating,” Emily said as she glared up at him. “Will you at least tell me what’s going on?”
“I needed someone to talk to. About the things that weren’t physically wrong,” Koda admitted, trying not to feel like less of a warrior for telling her that.
Emily launched herself into Koda’s arms and he barely caught her before setting her feet on the floor, unable to hold her slight weight for long.
“I’m so glad you’re talking to someone,” Emily whispered. “You went through hell, and I’m glad you’re not keeping it inside.”
Koda was more than a little surprised at her reaction. He felt like a weak fool for needing it, but he couldn’t deny that it was helping him to deal with the psychological and emotional issues he had no idea could be so crippling.
“You don’t think less of me?” he couldn’t help but ask.
Emily pulled away from him and looked up at him with tears in her eyes.
“Out of everything you’ve done since I met you, admitting that is the bravest, and I’m proud of you.”
Emily hugged him tightly one more time, then stepped back as she smiled up at him.
“Now go! Don’t keep them waiting, Soda Pop,” Emily winked and giggled.
Koda grabbed her and kissed the top of her head before squeezing her tight.
“I love you,” he whispered hoarsely, overcome with relief and gratitude at how understanding she was.
He’d heard the mantra among the doctors for years about how there was no mental illness or diseases of the mind among their people the way there was among the humans, but he didn’t agree with it. Not any longer. He was proof that they were just as susceptible to the frailties of the mind as anyone else, and he was tired of feeling ashamed and less of a warrior because of it.
“I love you too. Now go,” Emily said as she pushed him away and smiled at him. “Come kiss me good night before you go to bed so I know you’re back.”
Emily didn’t wait for him to respond. She went over to the bed, pulled back the covers, and burrowed under the blankets. She couldn’t stop the smile when she heard Koda quietly close her door behind him.
Koda felt like he was on top of the world as he headed down the long hallway. He met Kit and Jamal outside, and the small group made their way to one of the boats docked at the lake. They were making their way on board when someone steadied the boat for them, and they turned to see who’d joined them.
“I was hoping you wouldn’t mind if I came along,” Tarvok said as he held the boat for them.
Koda looked at the man strangely, trying to remember who he was.
“I’m Tarvok Krustev from Valendra. I was a Relian captive for a year,” he explained.
Jamal held out his slightly trembling hand to Tarvok.
“Welcome aboard. Mmm . . . maybe you can get us there a little quicker than these lame assholes,” he joked.
Tarvok shook his hand and grinned as the men boarded. He was getting ready to push off when he saw someone running towards them and he held the boat.
“Who’s that?” Kit asked as the blond approached.
“That is Amun’s mate, Jess. I wouldn’t mess with the doc,” Tarvok advised the human.
“Hell, no! Off limits,” Kit agreed.
“Can I come?” Jess asked, partially out of breath from running.
“What the hell?” Koda asked, wondering what was going on.
“I heard about the meeting from Rick in the dining hall,” Tarvok admitted. “I thought Jess might want to come as well.”
Koda slapped a hand over his face wishing his buddy had kept his big mouth shut. He hadn’t wanted what they were doing to get around among their people.
“Fine, fine, get in and let’s go,” Koda said as he reached up to help Jess in the boat.
He didn’t realize he’d been holding his breath until the boat left the dock and they were leaving the lights of beta’s city area behind.
A few minutes later and they were getting out of the boat at the dock on the other side of the lake. The group was quiet as they made their way slowly up the stairs and into the empty, private lake house Koda had asked Thjodhild if they could borrow for their meetings.
Koda sucked in his breath when he saw the dozen people in the room with Rick and Bart, all joking and laughing as they set up chairs around the large kitchen and dining area. He was wondering what the hell was going on when Rick saw him.
“Soda Pop! Come on in, man! We need to get sta
rted now that we have a real group going on!” Rick yelled out, calling everyone’s attention to Koda.
He was stunned speechless when the room erupted in applause and even more confused about what was going on and why so many people were there. He mutely accepted the pats on the back as Jamal and Kit ushered him over to a chair and sat down beside him.
Everyone else began to take their seats, and a few minutes later it became quiet. Not one to ever remain silent, Rick stood and faced the group.
“For those of you who don’t know who I am, I’m Sgt. Rick Baker. A human. I was a helicopter pilot and was shot down in Afghanistan during a mission. I was burning alive in my chopper when Bart over there came in and pulled me out,” Rick began.
“The depression started immediately. The feelings of uselessness and lack of purpose and direction became so overwhelming that it was affecting my ability to recover and heal. As a warrior, human, hybrid, alien . . . doesn’t matter, when you think you can’t be a warrior again or perform and protect like you were trained, you feel lost. And alone. I never felt more alone. That’s why we’re here. To talk about it. To heal and to help one another work through those dark times and those dark moments. So none of us ever have to feel alone in our fight again.”
The room was silent for a moment and Koda again wondered why the hell the other people were here when Jess stood up.
“I was a captive of the Relians my whole life. I wasn’t a warrior; I was a child. I never knew anything but helplessness and fear. I still have nightmares, and although Amun is the most amazing person I’ve ever met, he has a hard time understanding the depth of what it feels like to be a victim. Not only of those who hurt you, but of yourself and your own doubts and fears,” she admitted before she sat back down quickly.
Tarvok reached over and hugged Jess while Jamal patted her knee and nodded his head.
“I-I know what you mean. I beat myself up over everything all the time. I’m my own worst critic,” Jamal admitted, while the rest of the room nodded.
Koda looked around the room, and it finally dawned on him why everyone was here; he couldn’t believe this many of his own people felt the way he and the human warriors felt. They were truly the forgotten and needed one another more than ever before. He stood and faced the room of forgotten and wounded, knowing it was more important than ever before to become a different man—a different kind of warrior.
“You all know who I am . . . and what I’ve been through. Every day I struggle with feeling like a burden; I fight harder than most to keep myself from becoming depressed over every setback. The physical wounds will almost fully heal, but the emotional scars left behind are what bring me here. To talk and listen to those who’ve been where I am, who fight and struggle with themselves to pretend a normalcy we will never feel,” Koda admitted, stunned when others nodded their heads in agreement.
“We will never be normal again inside of our heads. We can never pretend an innocence or invulnerability we can never get back. But we can help one another fight our way through the darkness, and help each other remain in the light.”
Everyone applauded, and when Koda sat back down, he listened to others as they spoke of their fears, their perceived mental flaws in dealing with the traumas and pain they’d gone through, and he realized what he needed to do. Not just for himself, but for each of the forgotten who were bravely facing those turbulent emotions and feelings in order to share them with the others.
*****
Grai shook with emotion as the tears slipped silently down his face. He was torn between going to his brother and waiting until Koda came to him. Unwilling to embarrass his brother or the others with him, he called out through the Shengari’ and waited.
Since it was so late at night, he knew it would take a little time for everyone to arrive, and he paced the conference room as he watched the secret meeting take place on the other side of the lake.
His emotions ran the gamut of anger, fear, concern, and pride before the group slowly made their way into the room. Grai turned off the vid and turned to face the obviously tired group.
“I apologize for dragging you from your beds, but I have become aware of a situation that affects us all,” Grai began. “I believe the importance will become obvious once you see what I mean.”
Without any more explanation than that, Grai pressed the vid and started it from the beginning.
“Wait . . . she said she was going to visit Cari!” Amun said when Jess came on the screen.
“Sit down, and it will become clear why she felt the need to lie to you,” Grai ordered and turned back to watch the vid again.
By the time they watched Koda and the others hugging, clasping hands, and joking with one another as they departed, the entire room had gone completely silent, and Grai turned off the vid and faced them.
“They believe they are forgotten,” Grai said, then had to clear his throat to control his emotions. “And they are right. Somehow along the way we wrongly led ourselves to believe that we were superior to the humans because of the beast, and we inadvertently left them all to suffer in silence and with a shame we should feel, not them.”
“We only considered the diseases caused by brain problems or physical issues. We never thought of the emotional ones,” Lauren admitted.
“Because of that, we ostracized those who no longer felt like they could be the image of perfection our people expected,” Ivint said, looking at the group paused on the vid screen. “I counted over a dozen Valendran warriors. Some I’ve known for years and never had a clue they were suffering in silence. I knew some, like Tarvok, came forward to help Jess when she was found, but I had no idea the depth of the pain he was still suffering.”
“I sleep beside her every night,” Amun added, his head in his hands. “I had no idea she still had nightmares.”
“The problem,” Grai said as he looked over the people in the room who could make a difference, “is that they are ashamed to speak of it because we’ve made them believe it is something bad and beneath us as a species. Obviously, it is not. If anything, we are beneath those who’ve shown the courage to come forward and admit they need help. I can’t imagine the courage it took for them to walk into that room, knowing that their presence alone showed what they believe is a weakness in themselves.”
“I’m not even sure what we could do to help them. We aren’t trained for anything like this. I wouldn’t know how to begin, but I’d be damn interested in trying to learn,” Amun admitted hoarsely, ashamed that he’d not considered that Jess still suffered from her past.
As a doctor, he was trained to heal, and as he looked up at the room of people, almost all of which he’d treated for a physical problem in the past, he couldn’t believe he’d never thought of the wounds he couldn’t see.
“I agree, we need to find a way to learn how to help them,” Lauren added, upset that she’d overlooked at least two of her own hybrids from the folly who were at that meeting.
“Their next meeting is in two days. I want a damn plan of action on our side by then. We’ll meet here while they’re meeting and see if we can gain any insight into how to help them. My biggest concern,” Grai said, making sure he had everyone’s attention, “is that there are a lot more of our people who need this and they’re being ignored. This can’t continue.”
“I agree,” Ivint said and crossed his arms over his chest, disgusted with himself for not seeing this earlier. “I think it would be a good idea to help along the rumors in this case, see how many more show up to the next meeting because of word of mouth. It will give us an idea of the scope of assistance we need to come up with.”
“You can bet for every one that shows up, there is probably one more who was afraid or ashamed to go,” Lauren suggested.
“How did they even think of having the first meeting? Whose idea was it?” Dread asked.
Grai cleared his throat, trying to quell his own hurt feelings that Koda hadn’t come to him.
“Koda met with the human
warriors after dinner one evening, and they started talking about their experiences and what they thought were their failures. It slowly grew from there after Crator and Mikey joined them. I assume it was Crator who probably spoke to Tarvok, and it grew from there. The humans were the ones who knew how it important it was to talk about it with one another,” he admitted.
“Then maybe we need to turn to human medicine for the solution,” Amun suggested.
“Hey,” Lauren said, sitting up straighter in her chair. “That’s not a bad idea. We can troll the human medical information to see what forms of therapy can help. Maybe see if we can get some staff trained specifically to help.”
“Get your ideas ironed out and bring them back here in two days. They are meeting at midnight again, and so will we. If we forced them to suffer in hiding and in the dark of night, then we will find a way to help them during the same hours,” Grai ordered dismissively as he watched almost everyone file out of the room.
“Why didn’t he come to us?” Traze asked, his hurt showing in his face.
“Because he didn’t think we would understand, and truthfully, we wouldn’t have. Not like they do,” Grai admitted, gesturing to the group of forgotten who’d met in the dead of night.
“Then how can we help him?” Traze wondered, wanting to help Koda in any way he could.
“We can’t, and we have to be smart enough to recognize that so we can find a way to get them what they do need,” Grai said as he threw his arm around Traze’s shoulder. “Until then, we listen when they want to talk and make sure they know we think no less of them for it. If anything, I think that’s the bravest group of warriors among us. I would not have had the courage to stand among them and admit I felt that damaged inside. I will not let that bravery be kept in the dark.”
Grai finished speaking the last although his voice cracked, and he left the room to try and deal with his own emotions.
David stepped forward and stood beside Traze, staring at the paused vid.
“You knew didn’t you?”
David nodded his head.
“I saw what Kit and the other guys went through. There was no way that Koda wasn’t feeling what they had, at least to some degree,” he admitted.