by Burke, Dez
Ty is treating me civilly now at least. I don’t know if it is because they’re keeping him doped up or because he feels bad for everything he put me through. I’m just glad he’s not his normal nasty self, so I don’t question why.
I pick up a Styrofoam cup from the bedside table, bend the straw, and place it between his parched lips.
“Are you in a lot of pain?” I ask, already knowing the answer.
The doctors aren’t giving him enough painkillers to keep the pain at a manageable level. I’m not sure if this is intentional on their part or if they’re simply being negligent.
“Yes,” he whispers hoarsely. “What else is new?”
He takes a long sip of the water then leans back and closes his eyes.
“Trish, you need to go,” he says after a long minute. “For good this time, and don’t come back.”
“For good?” I ask in surprise. “What are you talking about? You need me here. Who would take care of you?”
“The nurses,” he answers, then erupts in a fit of coughing. “Shit!” he swears. “This damn incision is killing me.”
I check the hanging IV bag of pain medicine. Empty again. I hit the call button for the nurse. Not that she will pay any attention. They usually don’t, and I have to chase them down at the nurses’ station where they gather for coffee and goodies brought in by other families. Maybe I should try bribing them, too.
“I’m serious,” he says. “It’s past time you left and got on with your life.”
“What about your life?” I ask. “Why aren’t you agreeing to take the deal you’re being offered by the Feds? I don’t understand why you’re being so stubborn. With good behavior, you will be out of prison in a few years.”
He grimaces in pain and tries to scoot up in the bed. “I would be dead in prison long before that. Big Roy has lots of friends on the inside. I’m not taking the deal, and I don’t want to hear any more about it. You wouldn’t understand my reasons, so there’s no point in trying to explain.”
“But you didn’t do the things they’re accusing you of.” I frown and try to untangle the sheets caught around his legs. “It doesn’t seem fair that you go to prison while Big Roy is still out there running around free.”
Ty opens his eyes and looks directly into mine. At times he reminds me so much of our father, the little I remember about him before he left us. One day we were a family, the next two little kids left alone with an addict mother.
“Deep down, you must know better than that. None of us are innocent, Trish. Not me, not Big Roy, and especially not Jesse. We’re all bad. Real bad. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. The best thing for you to do is save up enough money to buy a bus ticket to California or someplace else far away. Get on that bus and don’t ever come back.”
I touch his hand that the police have handcuffed to the hospital bed. It seems like overkill. Ty can’t move two inches in the bed by himself, much less crawl out of the hospital and escape.
“I can’t do that. You’re my family.”
“If you want any kind of a life, you don’t have a choice. I mean it. Don’t visit me in prison, don’t try to save Mom, and never see Jesse again. Or any other biker as far as that goes. You don’t owe any of us jack shit. You understand? Not even Mom. You remind me of that mangy stray dog that kept hanging around our house that summer. Remember him?”
I nod. “I wanted to keep him and you kept chasing him off.”
“I know. You think I wouldn’t have liked to have a dog and be a normal kid? Hell, I knew we weren’t no good for him. We didn’t have enough money to feed ourselves, much less a dog. No matter how many times I yelled at him, he kept coming back around. I knew he would be better off with any other family besides ours. Eventually he got the point and never came back. I know you’re at least as smart as that stupid dog.”
As much as I hate to admit it, I know there is some truth to what he is saying. All of my relationships are toxic.
“The rest of us are already fucked up,” he continues. “It’s not too late for you. They’re transferring me this afternoon to the prison hospital. I don’t want you here when they come to get me. So go now.”
“What? Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?” Everything is happening too fast. “You’re not well enough to be moved yet. I’ll talk to the doctors and see if they can stall the transfer for a few more days.”
Ty coughs again. “Don’t waste your breath. They don’t give a shit about my health. I’m a criminal, and they can’t wait for me to leave.”
A nurse pushes the door open and hurries in. “I have some pain medicine for you,” she says with a fake smile. We don’t talk as she quickly switches out the IV bags. “There is some nausea medicine in here too, so it will make you drowsy,” she warns before rushing back out the door.
“I’m staying here with you as long as I can,” I say firmly. “A few more hours isn’t going to make any difference in my grand life plan. Do you want to try some yogurt?”
I reach for the container and peel back the lid, turning away so he can’t see the tears forming. Why are they taking him away so soon? I thought they would give him a chance to post bail or something. We don’t have enough money for a lawyer, so he’s stuck with a public defender that is doing a terrible job.
Ty starts to say something and stops.
“What is it?” I ask.
The medication is already kicking in. He tries to hold his eyes open and fails. Struggling to stay awake, he mumbles something that I can’t catch. I lean closer.
“Ty? I’m still here.”
“Just go,” he mutters before falling asleep.
Tears roll down my cheeks. How am I going to be strong enough to keep it together when they take him away? I won’t be able to. There’s no way. Ty knows it too. For once in our lives, he’s thinking of me instead of himself. By pushing me away, he’s protecting me this time.
For a moment, I thought he was going to apologize. In a way, I’m glad he didn’t. An apology would have sucked me right back in again. The truth has always been there. I just didn’t want to see it. He’s bad and I can’t fix him. The only person I can fix now is myself.
Leaning down, I brush the hair back from his forehead. He’s already snoring softly. I take a deep breath. This might be the last time I ever see him. He’s treated me terribly, but he’s still my brother. Like Jesse said, I can’t choose my family and I can’t help how I feel.
“Goodbye, Ty. I love you.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
TRISH
“Trish!” Roger yells to me across the bar. “Would you mind running back to the storage room and grabbing a package of red plastic cups for me please? We’re running low over here behind the bar.”
“Sure.”
I drop the towel I’m using to wipe off the tables and head for the storage room. Once inside, I search through the tall metal racks to look for the cardboard box of cups. What a disaster the room is in. How am I supposed to find anything? Maybe I should offer to come in on my day off and organize things. The extra hours would come in handy.
Finally, I spy the cups high up on the top rack. I drag the rolling stepladder over and climb up. Even with the ladder, I can barely reach the edge of the box. I grab onto the shelf and lean toward it.
“Need some help?” a familiar deep voice says below me.
My heart catches in my throat.
I’m afraid to look.
And even more afraid to get my hopes up.
If I look down and it’s not Jesse, the disappointment will be more than I can bear. I’ve spent the past few weeks forcing myself to not think about him.
Every time I remember the night he walked out the door of the hospital, I want to sob. It’s taken all the strength I have in me to keep things together well enough to go to work, much less not cry myself to sleep every night.
Letting go of Jesse was the worst decision of my life, one that I’ve regretted every minute since. With all the stress I’ve been under lately, I
’m probably imagining his voice now. I grip the shelf tighter so I don’t fall.
“I have to admit the view is looking pretty fine from down here,” he says, a smile in his voice. “Those pink panties of yours are doing things to me that you can’t even imagine. Want to come down and check out the effects for yourself?”
It’s Jesse, alright.
I let out the breath I’ve been holding and turn to look down at him. He’s standing there in jeans and a solid black t-shirt that does little to hide his ripped muscles.
“Is your filthy mind always in the gutter?” I ask.
Jesse gives me that gut-wrenching smile that turns my stomach inside out.
“Where you’re concerned, yes it is, ma’am.”
He reaches up a strong hand, and I hesitate only a split-second before taking it and allowing him to help me down the ladder. When I reach the floor, he tugs me close against his chest.
“Jesse,” I mumble against his shirt. “What are you doing here?”
“Shh...don’t say anything,” he says, burying his face in my hair and inhaling deeply. “Let me hold you one more time before you send me away. I’ve missed you so much.”
For a long minute we stand there, holding each other and not moving. I never want this moment to end.
“Did I ever tell you how good you smell?” he asks into my hair. “No, I probably didn’t. I meant to. I’m sorry for not telling you those things. I was sure we had more time. That we could take it slow and easy. That I would have all the time in the world to show you how I feel. And maybe at some point to tell you too.”
I’m almost afraid to breathe or say anything. I’m scared he’ll stop talking or take back the words. Or even worse, laugh and say he’s only kidding.
“I came to tell you that you’re safe now,” he continues. “Big Roy was killed in a motorcycle accident. He’ll never hurt you or anybody else. So you never have to worry about the Liberators again. I made sure of that.”
“He’s really dead?”
A huge wave of relief engulfs me. I didn’t realize how much the threat of Big Roy was hanging over me until it was gone. No more looking behind me when I walk down the street or triple-checking to make sure I’ve locked the doors.
“What about the other Liberators?” I ask. “Won’t they pick up the pieces and keep the feud going?”
“Not this time. Cut off the head of a snake and the body dies.”
I slide my arms around his waist and look up at him.
“Is that all you came to tell me?”
He gently tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and kisses me softly on the lips. “No, that’s not all. Not by a long shot. I want you to come back to Georgia with me.”
He tilts my chin up so his mesmerizing blue eyes can stare intently into mine. All I want to do is melt against him and never let go.
“I want you, Trish, and I’m not leaving here without you. No matter how much time it takes. I won’t give up. Tell me what I need to say or do to convince you to give us another chance to be a real couple.”
As much as I would love to be with Jesse, the thought of being broke and homeless again scares me to death. I finally have a tiny bit of stability in my life, and to think about starting all over again is terrifying.
“How can I go back with you? I wouldn’t have a job or a place to live.”
“We’ll work all that out once we get there,” he says. “I need my girl by my side. Not four hundred miles away. I want you to move in with me so that your gorgeous face is the first thing I see every morning and the last memory I have at night.” He makes a face and smiles. “In the interest of full disclosure, you would be living with Sam too since we share a great big farmhouse. He’s cool though. Once you get settled in, you can take some time and decide what you want to do with your life. There is even a college close by that you can commute to if you want to go back to school.”
My mind is already whirling with possibilities. I don’t know what to say. I’m afraid to grab onto the hope. There’s nothing I would like more than to build a life with Jesse.
“Let me take care of you,” he says. “Give me a chance to show you how good we can be together. I know you’ve been through so much. So that’s all I’m asking of you for now. Until you’re ready for more. Just be with me. I will take whatever you’re willing to give at this point.”
He places his hands on both sides of my face. “I know this is fast and I’m rushing things. I’m not going to apologize for that. If there’s one thing I’ve learned lately, it’s that there are no promises of tomorrow. Or even the rest of today. I love you, and I need you to know that now. Today. No more holding back, thinking there’s more time.”
Closing his eyes, he rests his forehead against mine. “Tell me you’ll slide on the back of my bike and come back home with me.”
This must be a dream.
It has to be.
Fairy tale endings don’t happen to girls like me.
How can I possibly resist him?
I reach up and run my fingers through the dark hair at the nape of his neck. He tugs me up against him with his hands gripping my hips.
“I’ll need to give Roger a two-week notice,” I say.
Jesse raises his head and smiles. His blue eyes are twinkling. “Is that a yes?”
I nod. He grabs me in a bear hug, lifts me off of my feet, and whirls me around.
“You’ve made me the happiest man alive. Let’s get out of here. We can swing by wherever you’ve been staying and pick up your stuff. With any luck, we can be home for a late breakfast if we leave right now. I don’t mind driving in the dark, if you don’t mind riding. I can’t wait to get you home.”
“Whoa! Wait!” I say, laughing and trying to catch my breath. “I can’t just leave. I need to help Roger finish closing up the bar tonight. Didn’t you hear what I said about giving him notice? I don’t want to leave him in a bind. He’s been so good to me that I can’t treat him that way.”
“I have a confession to make,” he says in a serious voice. “I hope you don’t get mad. I’ve been talking to Roger about you every single day for weeks. I needed to be sure you were okay. He knew I was coming back for you as soon as I knew it was safe. And when I was able to ride again.”
To know Jesse has been thinking and caring about me this whole time chokes me up. Tears spring to my eyes.
“You’ve been checking on me? I wish I had known. I’ve never felt so alone as I have lately.”
“If you’ll remember, you weren’t returning any of my phone calls or texts. Any other man might have given up.”
I bury my head in his shirt and try not to cry. What if I had driven him away for good? I can’t bear to think about how things might have turned out.
“I know, and I’m so sorry. I was confused about Ty and you and everything. And by the time I realized you had been telling me the truth about Ty, I was too embarrassed and ashamed to call you back. I felt like such a naïve idiot. It devastated me to finally accept who Ty really is.”
“You love your brother and it clouded your judgment. Luckily, I’m not the type of man to let things go. I told you it wasn’t over, and it’s not. Not now, not ever. You’re mine now. If you’ll have me.”
“You’re the only man I can ever imagine being with, Jesse.” Something he said stuck in my mind. “What did you mean about being able to ride again? Did something happen? Are you okay?”
He runs a steady hand up and down my back in reassurance. “Nothing that time couldn’t fix. I took a spill on my bike. Dislocated a shoulder, sprained an ankle, and had a few more bumps and bruises. No big deal,” he says with an easy smile. “I learned my lesson and I’ll take the curves a little slower next time.”
“Now I feel even worse to think that you were hurt and I wasn’t there for you. What kind of a bad person am I?”
“To be honest, I’m glad you weren’t there. I wanted to keep as many miles as possible between you and the Liberators. No regrets, Trish. Okay?
Everything now is about the future, not the past. We can start fresh. It’s not too late.”
A loud rapping on the storage room door interrupts us.
“Trish! You still in there?” Roger yells through the door. “I’m leaving now. Turn off everything and lock the back door to the bar when you leave. Everyone else has gone home for the night.”
Jesse winks at me and I stifle a giggle.
“Okay!” I yell back. “I will.”
“Jesse?” Roger says after a minute. “I know you’re in there too doing God knows what. Can the phone calls stop now? You’re worse than my Mama about calling every damn day.”
Jesse smiles. “No more phone calls, Roger! I promise.”
“Alright then. I’ll leave you two lovebirds to continue whatever you’re doing. If you make any kind of a mess, clean it up.”
We wait silently until we hear the back door of the bar slam shut then burst out laughing.
“I owe that man big time,” Jesse says. “I hope I get the chance to repay him someday.” He takes my hand and opens the door to the storage room. “Come with me,” he says, leading me out into the now empty and dark bar.
“What are you doing?” I ask as he drags me toward the long wooden bar lining one side of the room. “Where are we going? I need to lock up.”
“Not yet. From the first night I saw you, I’ve had this fantasy playing through my mind,” he says. “No way am I going to miss the chance to act it out for real.”
He suddenly spins me around to face him. In one smooth movement, he picks me up and plants my ass on the edge of the wooden bar with my legs hanging over. I don’t know what he is planning, but he already has my whole body trembling in anticipation of his next move.
In an instant, his lips are everywhere, kissing every inch of my face and down along my neck while his hands pull my bikini top loose, exposing my breasts to the cool air-conditioning.
Jesse’s harsh intake of breath tells me how much he likes what he sees, his body stilling as he stares down at my breasts. The dark gleam in his eyes sends my heart racing.
“Wow!” he says, stopping for a long moment to look. “I’ll never get tired of this view. You take my breath away every single time.”