Apparently I didn’t move them fast enough. In a flash he grabbed his belt from the floor and synched my wrists together. All the while his hips never stopped their assault on my ass. He wrapped the end of the belt around his hand and tugged my wrists over my head. My fingers strained against the arm of the couch. I plastered my eyes closed, all at once realizing the throbbing ache had morphed into pleasure somewhere along the way. Every gasp of pain lifted and was replaced with cries of pleasure. I churned beneath him, the utter helplessness of my bound hands fueling my complete submission.
My whole body quaked. “Oh, that feels great.”
The words spurred him on. He dared to dive deeper, harder. I squealed and wriggled below him. Each and every thrust stretched me out wider until nothing save pleasure consumed me. Noah released the belt. I kept my arms above my head but watched as his free hand moved to attack my clit. He alternated rubbing it and slapping it. His fingers claimed the wetness of my cunt. There were no more coherent thoughts for me then, only a string of vocalizations of half-formed sounds and curses and pleas to every heavenly entity I could possibly call out to for these feelings to never stop.
Not that I didn’t mean it before when I said the words to him, but tonight confirmed in my mind that I belonged to Noah now. In totality. Every time we were together the sum of his existence sent me spiraling to brand new heights, delving into the zenith of the Nevers I so longed to experience. I didn’t ever want to not be his to do with as he pleased. I didn’t ever want to leave life as his possession, as his lover, as his lady.
His hand slapped at the lips of my pussy several times while he buried his cock deep in my ass over and over. My muscles clenched around him. My body tensed and strained to keep time. Wetness seeped from my sex and dribbled down to coat his cock a little more.
Noah laughed darkly. “There you go my dirty little fuck toy. There you go. Take the pain. Live for the pleasure of it.”
All my previously untapped, raw affection boiled to the surface. “Oh yes, Sir, please! More! I want to come for you, Sir!”
His fingers worked against my clit in an expertly practiced dance. “You want more?”
“God, yes! I’m yours, Sir. Please don’t ever stop!”
“Avec plaisir.” Even amidst the angry, sloppy sounds of fucking the French language sounded so goddamned sexy.
Heedless of whether or not I received satisfaction from the pounding my sore little ass took delivery of; Noah sliced another bout of pleasure all for himself. Every thought was amplified by the previous. I took all of them in as kindling for my lust. I asked—nay, begged—him to use me. I begged him to take all of his anxiety, his tension, his desires, and his stress out on me. And he obliged. I couldn’t get enough of it. Just knowing I existed in this moment solely to fuck and be fucked by a man with such raw, animalistic power masked within him ratcheted up my lust. Knowing I was performing well in my duty by how he moved and spoke and cried out in the release of his passion brought me close to the brink. Knowing I was the only person in the world he shared these emotions with just about sent me toppling over.
Because he needed it. Because I needed it. Because we both worked so well together in reaching it.
His hand smacked against my hard, wet clit again in several rapid-fire swats before he went back to grinding his fingers into me. I braced into him. My back arched up in a sharp, rising cry. I bucked against him as best I could. For these precious moments the world fell away. We became the only two people in the world.
Every once in a while he would pull out of the tight sheath of my ass and add some lubricant to his cock by bending low and spitting on it. Were it not for those brief interludes I believe the pain would have been exponential. Noah seized my right leg and pulled it up, successfully rolling me half way onto my side. He planted his left foot on the carpet and caused me to scream out at the sudden change in angle as well as the brisk driving force.
No one else exists, I told myself. Don’t hold back; no one else exists in the entirety of the Universe right now.
“Go on slut, come for me! Come with my cock in your ass while I finger your clit like the horny bitch you are!”
I couldn’t speak. If I could, I would have told him to say it again a thousand times more. All the right words, all the right moves and the simple intricacies of finding the place where I belonged raged in me.
For the last time his hand slapped down on my clit. “Come, slut!”
It was a trigger, a light switch, a turnkey to the core of my hunger. All the muscles in my body went taut. I was no longer in control of myself. My body clicked and obeyed. “Oh God, I’m coming for you Sir! I’m coming!”
“That’s it, come for me! Good girl! So close, pet. So. Fucking. Close.” Noah threw his head back in the ensuing crescendo and practically roared into his orgasm.
He held himself to the hilt as he came. His cock pulsated half a dozen times in my raw ass while my own climax slowly began to recede. When he finished, he seemed to collapse under his own weight. He only barely avoided crushing me by catching himself with shaking arms on the sofa cushion beneath me. Sweat dripped from his dark hair onto my heaving chest.
Through clenched teeth he groaned, “Jesus-Mary-Mother-of-God.”
I managed a breathy laugh, unable to move the majority of my body at all while I recovered. I lolled my head idly from side to side and gulped, “Nope. Definitely not after your halo.”
That got a chuckle from him. He withdrew from me with delicacy. I winced a little at the exit. My aching body was soon soothed by his fingers gently coaxing me to relax.
“Enjoy?” he asked.
“More than I thought I would. I’m sorry I disappointed you.”
Noah bent down to remove the belt from around my wrists and shushed me, “Once you’ve learned your lesson it’s over. The capacity to stay any semblance of angry at you doesn’t exist in me, sweetness.”
“Yes, Sir.”
He planted a delicate kiss on my lips and murmured, “I think I adore you.”
I was fair sure I was beginning to adore him just the same.
{CHAPTER THIRTEEN}
Pre-dawn, my apartment complex was silent. It was far enough away from the hustle and bustle of the center of Pasadena that the wooded area behind it blocked the noise from the city. If you didn’t know any better you would swear you were in the country. And, since few people woke up before five or six in the morning it was easy to forget that there were other people in the world at all. It was in these pre-dawn hours, when only the earliest of the birds began to rise, that Noah and I stayed awake.
The living room light was squelched in favor of the more subdued kitchen light, and we reclined together on the couch, me with my head in his lap, and talked about anything and everything. His trip to Paris and my finals were the hottest of topics that morning.
“I can’t believe you’re not walking,” he said as he brushed his fingers through my hair. I loved the soothing, comfortable feeling of safety that simple action brought. “My parents would have killed me if I told them I didn’t want the photo-op.”
“Nah. The ceremonies are long and arduous and I’m not going to subject my friends to that particular form of boredom. Everyone important was at Tannigan’s anyhow.”
“Your family wouldn’t fly in from New York?”
We were so wrapped up in the here and now that I never got the chance to tell him about my family. Or, for that matter, my lack of one.
“Ah. No. My dad did for my Bachelor’s degree. That’s all I needed. I’ll see him during the holidays.”
“You two aren’t close?”
“No, we are. We’re really close. We’re all we’ve got.”
He paused for a moment as if to decide whether or not to ask the next question. “Is that an implication your mother isn’t in the picture?”
“She died when I was in the second grade,” I said matter-of-factly.
“Oh.” The question hadn’t bothered me, but I began
to get the impression it was almost like walking on broken glass for him. “Sorry. That’s… terrible.”
“Understatement of the year.”
“No, it really is. I can’t imagine what losing a parent is like.”
“Neither could I,” I replied with a deep, tired breath. “But then it happened and I could imagine it quite vividly. It was like my whole world shattered and froze in time all at once.”
“How did she die? If you don’t mind my asking, that is.”
I didn’t mind. It was awful of me to say so, but I was better off without her. She was a cheat and a drunk and not at all deserving of my father. Instead of giving him the entirety of my life story I said, “Oh God, talk about complicated. You’re not supposed to speak ill of the dead, but in the simplest of terms: she died of her own stupidity and selfishness.”
“That’s not cryptic at all,” Noah encouraged with a wan smile.
My voice was near to monotone as I said, “On the night she died my mother had a Blood Alcohol Content of point two four.”
“And she got behind the wheel,” he inferred. I nodded. Noah squeezed his eyes shut and pinched his fingers against the bridge of his nose. “Oh, Christ. I’m the stupidest man alive. How could you let me drive you home the first night we met after that?”
“All my faculties weren’t exactly in order that night.”
“Fuck, I feel like a Grade-A imbecile.”
“No-no-no,” I reached for his hand and pulled it back down to my face. I held on tight and kissed his fingers. “You didn’t know, Sir. You couldn’t have known. Besides, that night all worked out for the best didn’t it?”
He smiled and brushed his thumb across my chin. “I suppose it did at that.”
“Don’t worry about it,” I assured him.
“Just… promise you’ll never let me do that again, all right?”
“All right, I promise.”
“Thank you.” He pulled my hand up to his lips to kiss the back of it. “What time is it anyway?”
“Late,” I said. “Or early depending on your perception of time. Probably close to five o’clock.”
“Shit. I really should go.” He bent down to kiss my forehead and moved to slide out from his place as my pillow. “I have a meeting later today.”
I watched him gather his clothing with my arm propping me up on the sofa. “Wait. You’re leaving? You just got back.”
“Don’t you have work today too?”
“No. I took the day off because I had a feeling I would be smashed by the end of the night.” I was smashed, just a different flavor of smashed than I expected.
“Still, you need your sleep just as much as I need mine, sweetness.”
“Then stay here, Sir. I have a big comfy bed and everything.” I motioned to my bedroom.
“I know, I’ve been on it,” he said suggestively.
“Didn’t we just have a conversation about driving? Don’t you think you’ve worn yourself out enough?”
“Drunk driving,” he corrected. He shrugged on his shirt. “And what I meant was with you in the car. I don’t care about me.”
What the hell kind of statement was that? I sat bolt upright and shot him a glare. “I care about you. That doesn’t count for anything?”
“It does. Of course it does.”
“Then stay, Sir. Please.”
He shook his head. “I’m sorry.”
And then it hit me. It wasn’t that he was tired or that he couldn’t wake up in time for the meeting; it was that he was afraid. I watched him dress in silence, trying to weigh the pros and cons of telling him I already knew about his fears. I decided to be subtle about it. He would tell me in his own time, I was sure. I stood from the couch, still naked as the day I was born, and walked over to him as he gathered up his wallet and keys.
“Please,” I requested once more.
“Don’t, Piper.”
My brow knitted together in frustration. “Then, this trust thing only goes one way?”
So much for subtlety.
“What?”
“I put myself on the line for you. I went to a random dance studio and put myself on display for a complete stranger, scared out of my mind that I’d wind up dead in a ditch somewhere all because I wanted to prove to you I could do it. The least you can do is put a little faith in me in return.”
There was no hiding the look on his face. The confusion was replaced with understanding, but he tried to play it off like he had no clue I knew his secret.
“I trust you, Piper,” he lied coolly. He closed the distance between us to give me a quick kiss. “And I am going to walk away from this conversation because we are both exhausted. People say things they shouldn’t when in our present frame of mind. Emotions overrule reason. Good night, sweetness.”
“You don’t trust me enough yet to tell me about the night terrors.” The words were out of my mouth before I realized I said them.
He froze at the door and glanced back at me. A beat later he connected the dots with a sigh.
“Declan.”
“Don’t think he’s at fault; I practically pried it from him.”
“Son of a bitch.”
“How long were you expecting to hide it from me?”
He turned to face me again and smoothed his hair back in aggravation. “Forever, if I could help it. Forever. Yeah, that sounds about right.”
I sort of laughed and shook my head. “It doesn’t work that way. Shouldn’t I have the right to know?”
“It’s not something I want to discuss. Though I guess it’s too late now.”
“Sooner or later you’ll have to.” I allowed the words to hang a moment before I continued, “Look, you don’t have to tell me what happened to cause them. I have a feeling it’s got something to do with Selene. But I won’t push it. There’s this old, corny saying: Like someone for their virtues; love them for their faults. How am I even supposed to like your faults when you won’t let me in far enough to see them?”
“You’re not supposed to like them! That’s why they’re called faults, as in;” he bounced his hand in the air as if pointing out each word in the sentence in front of him. “Undesirable qualities in a person.”
“Nothing is undesirable about you, Sir,” I said flatly. Noah opened his mouth to speak, then immediately shut it. For once in my life I was the one making someone speechless. I dared to chip at his defenses a little more. “Maybe I’m out of line. And maybe, as your sub, I shouldn’t be saying these things. But you deserve to know how I feel. Besides, we’ve slept in the same bed before.”
“No. No, it’s different. It was my bed then,” he countered. He was struggling with this something awful. “For some reason they get worse in unfamiliar places. That’s why—Agh, never mind. No, I don’t even want to think about it.”
“That’s why,” I trailed off, tilting my head up and nodding slowly as I finished his thought aloud, “you called me from Paris at three in the morning talking about Oscar Wilde’s permanent residency at your hotel.”
“Yes,” he admitted. “Yes, that’s it exactly. And now you know. And now I’m going.”
I stepped up to him and touched his arm, trailing my fingers up and over his bicep. “Tell me, how else are you going to make someplace familiar if you don’t stay long enough to get to know it?”
“Stop making sense,” he said sharply. He was shaking a little. “Please.”
I snorted a laugh. “What? Why?”
“Because pretending to be normal is something I excel at. With you it’s difficult to pretend. I might very well give up on my delusions of normalcy and give in to your conviction.”
“That’s the idea. I don’t want a mask. I want you; undesirable qualities and all.” I slipped my hand into his unbuttoned shirt to glide my nails across his chest. “Let me convince you.”
He took a deep breath. “You are incorrigible, pet. I’ve already broken so many of my own rules for you, you know that?” I nodded. He went on, “I do
n’t want you to see me in that state. I don’t want to hurt you when it happens. Not be be overly dramatic, but you shouldn’t have to sleep with one eye open wondering if I’ll snap. Eventually, I will. It’s not pretty.”
“Law of Probability aside, I won’t lose sleep over it. I mean, the only alternative is to never sleep next to me again.”
“Seems to be,” he said with a solemnity I didn’t expect.
“Does that mean you’re staying,” I asked with a hopeful smile.
Noah tossed his key across the room. They clattered against the coffee table and slid to a stop at the other end. “All right… However! Only because I’m too tired to argue, and I want to test a hypothesis anyway.”
Of course, it had nothing to do with my begging.
“What hypothesis?”
“I’ll let you know if the result is a success.”
Watching Noah undress again was just as enticing as the first time, even if it was merely to sleep. At first he seemed stiff and wary. I couldn’t blame him. The idea of waking up screaming from something that wasn’t real with a witness to what could be construed as personal weakness would scare me too. Exhaustion eventually took its toll on him though and he relaxed enough to pull me to him. I felt completely safe and at ease with my back to him and his arms around me, cuddled between the summer comforter and cool sheets.
He made certain to warn, “If something does happen just stay back and let it pass.”
The flicker of fear that anything would trigger a terror in the middle of the night barely existed as a blip on my radar. We would cross that bridge when we came to it.
***
I was the first one up. It was nice to not be jolted awake by an alarm for once. The morning had passed without incident. A small smile crept across my face as I kissed his cheek then reluctantly climbed from bed to make a pot of coffee and whip something up for breakfast—one in the afternoon—okay, brunch. After such a long month and so much time awake I decided to let him sleep as much as he needed.
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