Never Have I Ever

by Clearwing, August

  “I want to see you. All of you. Even the parts you don’t want me to see.”

  Gooseflesh rushed across my skin from the sensations reawakening in me because of those lips, and out of fear of his reaction to the ugly, ridged scars across my back. He lowered my hands to my sides to allow him access to my body beneath its silk wrapping paper. The edges of the robe parted and slipped down my shoulders. I felt his eyes boring into the flawed skin just before he drew a line with his fingertips parallel to the largest of the scars angled down my back. He bent to kiss the flesh there at the top.

  As Noah tugged the fabric free, he dropped to one knee and ran his hands down my sides. “The first thing you’re going to learn to accept is that these scars don’t change my affection for you.”

  I closed my eyes, resisting the urge to jerk the robe back up around my shoulders. He pulled me back a step and kissed his way down my spine to the small of my back, then spun me around to loosen the belt on the front of my robe and placed one more kiss on the flat of my stomach. He looked up at me. The fiery passion in his eyes, though never having quite left in totality, was allowed to percolate to the surface for the first time in ages. I ran my hands through his hair and smiled, almost longingly, at him. His eyes told me all I needed to know. They told me he wanted me more than ever despite how messed up I was. I could only hope my smile told him I reciprocated that desire.

  “It’s all right, Sir,” I told him, “you won’t break me.”

  “Is that a fact?” Noah pulled away just so he could lift me by my waist and sit me atop the dresser. A vase of stargazer lilies rattled on the edge precariously. The dark wood settled beneath my weight. “Spread your legs,” he growled. “I have to taste you.”

  He scooted me closer to the edge of the dresser and lifted my hips as he lowered his head. His tongue roved across my clit, and I opened my legs wider like he commanded. I bent one leg to my chest so I could brace against the top of the dresser.

  “Oh, fuck,” I breathed.

  “You’re wet already,” he mused. The hum of his voice vibrated against my pussy.

  “Only for you, Sir.”

  “Damn right.”

  The light scruff on his face from the day made me giggle, “That tickles.” He only pulled me closer to dive his tongue deep into me until I felt it in my toes. “Ahh, okay, I’ll shut up now.”

  “Wise decision.”

  I moaned at the sparks of electricity slowly rekindling the fire inside me. In all this time he hadn’t lost his touch. His tongue parted my lips to sweep his way up and back down the length of my pussy. He sucked at the little hood of my clit to coax it from hiding. I squeaked when he took it delicately between his teeth. While one hand kept me aloft on the dresser, the other tangled into his hair, urging him on to lap at the juices inside for minutes on end.

  Noah wrapped one arm around me again. He stopped his expert ministering to kiss me hard on the mouth. I locked my legs around his torso, both hands now roughing up his dark hair, encouraging him to hold his lips to mine as long as possible. He spun me down off the dresser to the floor. I lost my balance briefly. He caught me, then at once pushed me into a controlled fall onto the bed where I landed with a laugh. Almost immediately he crawled on top of me, one knee and one hand between my legs.

  His fingers dragged down my inner thigh to my knees while he hovered above me. “You never stopped belonging to me just because you didn’t wear my collar, pet. I meant it when I said I’m keeping you. Forever is a very long time. Yes, I will break you. Over and over again, I will break you. And you will beg for every bit of it.”

  A little gasp escaped me as his fingers danced across the heat of my pussy. “You’re the only one I trust enough to take that chance with, Sir.”

  He backed away just long enough to strip his shirt off. I glided my nails lightly over his hardness pressing against the fabric of his black pants.

  “May I taste you too?”

  “You may.”

  I sat up and helped him unbuckled his belt. The moment his cock was freed from behind the zipper I lowered my face to kiss the tip of it in reverence. I was shaking a little; still somewhat afraid with the memories attached to my last sexual experience. Even so, I was determined to push past it, determined to express my love to Noah in every way I was capable. The head of his cock slid against my tongue. He sucked in a breath. He was shaking too. The feral need to fuck my mouth grew in him instantaneously. I was unsure how long he could hold the animal at bay.

  He wound his fingers gracefully into my hair to assert some control over the depth and speed of my sucking. “Sweet Lord I’ve missed this.”

  A rush of pleasure pumped within my veins. Those little verbal indications of how much he enjoyed the soft warmth of my lips around his thick member encouraged the hell out of me. I flicked my tongue just under the head of his cock in the most sensitive of places; drunk once more on the intoxication of the subtle twitches it sent coursing through him.

  “Deeper.”

  I looked up into his eyes while I took him almost all the way to the hilt in just a few strokes. Saliva coated his cock in a thin sheen of natural lubricant. My tongue snaked its way around his length, eager to taste more of him if only I could. I used my throat, my tongue, my lips, and a gentle hum of my own pleasure to edge him closer.

  Finally, he pulled me from his cock and stared down, steadfast, into my eyes. “What’s your safe word, my dear?”

  “Cocoa, Sir,” I said, and he smiled. I figured she helped save me once. I should take it as a sign to keep her.

  “Good choice. Lay flat on your stomach. Ass up.”

  Noah gave me a playful slap on my ass as I took the position along the length of the bed. I felt his teeth gently nibble at the fleshy cheeks and pushed my ass out a little higher. He balanced his weight on the bed over me. I adored the confined feeling it gave me, with one of his hands trailing down my side in perfect possession. He bent my body to his will even still. Just a simple touch with a little pressure became enough to act on. He brushed my hair away from my face, his teeth sinking into my shoulder as his cock sunk deep inside the moist warmth of my pussy from behind. The comforter strained against the bed when I fisted it in my outstretched hands.

  Slow, powerful strokes caused every muscle in me to tremble and contract around him. I wanted to keep him inside me all night. He slipped a hand between the mattress and my body to cup my left breast. I buried my face in the pillows to muffle my moans of ecstasy. He tugged my hair to make me turn my head to the side instead.

  “I love the sounds you make,” he told me. His cock retreated from the tightness of my pussy almost entirely. “Don’t hide those from me either.”

  His hips rocked forward. My eyes rolled back until they closed when he entered me again. “Oh God, yes, Sir.”

  He was so hard, harder than I ever felt him before. To his well-deserved credit, he didn’t slam into me the way he was used to doing. I could tell by his own shaking that it took all of his will to hold that back, but he did. He rested his forehead against my shoulder, no doubt looking down to watch as he pumped slow and deep into me.

  “Please, Sir,” I begged.

  “Please what?”

  “Harder. Please,” I implored once more. And I moaned as he drove in with just a notch more force.

  “Maybe I want it nice and slow right now.”

  “Liar,” I teased.

  His hand squeezed my breast. “Beg again and maybe I will.”

  “Please, Master,” I gasped. I thought I felt him harden even more when I called him Master. “Please, fuck me harder.”

  My pleading didn’t go unanswered. Noah drove into me with more force, over and over again. My nipples brushed against his palm and the fabric of the comforter. His labored breath warmed my skin. We were one again. Each thrust chipped away at the little wall holding my orgasm back. His hand moved from my breast, down my stomach and to my clit. Another series of squeals and moans were pulled free from me as his
fingers worked my own wetness into the sensitive nub until I could no longer tell where I ended and he began. I became one giant nerve ready to explode at a moment’s notice. So long without sex made me too sensitive for my own good.

  “I’m going to come, Sir,” I panted.

  “Come for me, pet. Come for your Master.”

  The walls of my pussy contracted to feel his girth pump into me several more times, then I cried out and white-knuckled the blankets beneath me. The orgasm ripped me open to the point I saw tracers behind my eyelids. My contractions nudged him that much closer. He let himself go and pounded ever harder into my cum-drenched pussy. The smell and sound of sex permeated the bedroom. Not a minute later, he arched his back in the throes of his own release.

  When he finished, he caught himself by his elbows on either side of me to regain his composure.

  “I love you, my sweet.” He whispered the words as if they were a delicious secret.

  My heart warmed into an afterglow of a smile. “I love you too, Master.”

  Noah moved off of me to one side of the bed and beckoned me into his arms. When I snuggled up close to him he released a contented sigh and nuzzled into my neck to inhale the scent of the shampoo in my damp hair. “My bed was lonely without you in it. Maybe now I can sleep soundly again.”

  I traced a little figure eight around his scar with my nails while I chased my breath. “Did the night terrors come back?”

  “Off and on, yes, mostly during the month before the shooting. Less than a handful of times since then, though.”

  “I’m sorry, Sir.”

  He pressed me closer. “No, no, no. You’re not allowed to feel sorry. I’m just very happy you decided to let me act on my affection again. It’s become increasingly difficult to stop myself from physically loving you.”

  “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For everything. For loving me the way you do.”

  “Nobody else in the world deserves it as much as you. Hey, I want to show you something.”

  He rolled over to the nightstand on his side of the bed and pulled out a folded rectangular brochure. He slipped it into my hands to examine. The pamphlet boasted an image of a large telescope nestled on a secluded mountainside in upstate New York, surrounded by amber and red leaves of Fall. The bottom of the brochure’s stylized cursive bid me ‘Welcome to Rayda Ridge Observatory’.

  “What is this?”

  “This, my dearest love, is what I hope you will agree upon becoming our new home.”

  My mouth fell slightly agape. “You’re kidding.”

  He kissed my temple, lingering there so I felt the heat of his breath through my hair. “I bought it. For you. Your very own observatory. Los Angeles doesn’t sit well with me these days either. I can’t call this place home anymore. Rayda Ridge needs a little work, sure. Nothing so bad we can’t fix up. Together.”

  I gave a little laugh. “Noah Wellington, are you asking me to run away with you?”

  “As far and as fast as humanly possible, Piper Minogue.”

  It had been my dream to operate my own observatory since I became interested in science in high school. “How did you know?”

  “It’s on your list,” he chuckled. “Right below white water rafting in the Grand Canyon. Should have been higher than that in my opinion.”

  “You kept the list of Nevers?”

  He furrowed his brow. “Fuck yes I kept the list. We haven’t even come close to covering half the things on it.”

  “I—wow. Holy shit,” I laughed nervously and backed away ever so slightly to look at him. “But, this is too much. I can’t accept this. I can’t let you buy me a freaking observatory.”

  “Too late. It’s done.” He grinned that Loki-esque grin of his; all charming and goofy at once.

  “How, exactly, do you plan on running your technologies business in Los Angeles from upstate New York?”

  “About that… I don’t. I’m in the process of selling it. All of it.”

  “You—Pardon?”

  “Ethan’s baby, not mine. Remember? It’s time for me to move on and invest in something more meaningful than SQL servers and Java applets for major corporations.” He then amended, “It’s time for me to invest in someone more meaningful.”

  “This is… really?”

  “Really. I want to share everything in my life with you, Piper.”

  I clutched the pamphlet to my chest and rolled onto my side to face him with bright eyes and childlike glee. “We’re going to New York, Sir.”

  Noah slid his palm across my cheek as he leaned in to kiss me. “We’re going to New York, sweetness.”

  Wounds heal. Scars fade. Awful memories can be overwritten with better ones if given the chance. The little imperfections of our psyches become overshadowed by the people whose love we cherish because they cherish us despite our faults; physical, emotional, spiritual, or otherwise. This thing we call the human condition with all its bittersweet blind corners and senseless humor evolves from within ourselves and not because of some pre-ordained reverie we desire to cast in the constellations.

  All in all it is what makes life worth living. I wouldn’t have loved Noah any less had Ethan’s intervention not transpired, but it would have taken me much longer than it did to appreciate our love as genuine. While everything doesn’t necessarily happen for a reason, every action we take will have an equal and opposite reaction. It is written in the laws of physics, and in the laws of life. What we do with that information, and how we react and adjust to actions upon us, is what defines us in the end.

  Then again, that’s only my hypothesis. Even if all of my reflection turns out to be utter bullshit, I’ll always take solace in the wisest of words from the great Neil Armstrong: Every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don’t intend to waste any of mine.

  As Noah and I curled naked and imperfect around each other for the first time in eight months, neither did I.

  {AUTHOR’S NOTE}

  I hold no delusions about what I have written here. Erotica, by its very nature, is porn with a plot. No one style of sexual writing will appeal to everyone. It would be boring if it did. My hope, however, is that I was able to weave the plot into the porn well enough for you to take something more away from these pages than just another trashy stroke novel. These characters, their faults, their trials, and their relationships mean something to me. They have since the inception of the concept of this novel.

  Perhaps they mean something to you now, too.

  – AUGUST

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