Silenced Memories

by Brittney Sahin

  Her fragile barrier was slipping. She tried to cling to it, but it was pointless.

  She wanted him, too.

  She pressed up on her feet and found his lips. He cupped her face with his hands and brought her closer to him, giving him better access to her mouth. He growled as her tongue slipped between his lips, searching for an even more profound connection.

  She stumbled back, but he held on to her. Every nerve in her body was stimulated by his mouth, by his touch. “Michael . . .”

  He took a step back, lifted her into his arms, and carried her to the bedroom. He flipped on the light as they entered. He laid her down on the crisp white linens and stared down at her.

  She looked up at him in awe. He was the most incredible man she had ever encountered. She watched as he began to unbutton his black collared shirt. His hard body and gunshot wounds were exposed when he pulled his shirt off. His eyes never left hers as he maneuvered out of the rest of his clothing.

  Naked, he moved toward Kate and slipped off her heels. He trailed kisses up her toned legs, and pushed her dress up, exposing her sheer white panties. He shifted on top of her and pulled her upright so he could remove her dress. He slipped it up and over her chest, revealing her strapless, white demi-bra.

  Her chest heaved up and down with each painstakingly slow movement of his. He was taking his time—drinking her in and making her equally drunk with need. He brushed his mouth along her neck as he unhooked her bra and tossed it to the floor.

  She murmured as he pushed her back down and took her breasts in his hands, massaging them—twisting and tugging on her nipples, eliciting soft, ecstatic moans.

  She gripped his back and arched her body when his mouth began to devour her breasts, teasing her with his tongue. His hand moved over her panties and slipped beneath, touching her sex with slow and deliberate movements. She was becoming almost painfully aroused. She reached for his cock and moved her hand over his long, hard length.

  He groaned at her touch and released her nipple from his mouth. He captured her lips again as he pushed his fingers inside her. Her body tensed and shook with desire, needing more. He moved his mouth down her body and to her center. Her hips bucked up as his tongue darted over her clitoris.

  Her nipples hardened, and she moved her hand over her own chest. She didn’t want to orgasm yet, but she couldn’t hold back. Her body exploded with the ecstasy his touch had built inside her after only a few minutes.

  Before Michael took her body, she stopped him and demanded he flip to his back. She wanted a turn to make him quake with desire. She kissed his throat and her mouth wandered over his pectoral muscles. Her lips moved down to find his happy trail and his hard erection. She kissed around the base and placed wet, sucking kisses on his inner thighs. She captured his hard-on with her mouth.

  His body jerked up as she took almost all of him in one languorous swallow. He looked down at her as she tightened her mouth around him. “I want you,” he said in a low, guttural voice.

  With one quick movement, she was on her back again, and he was braced over her. She hadn’t even seen him reach for the condom; he was so quick. His eyes tore through her, making her feel so many emotions that she couldn’t think straight.

  And then she felt him. He moved inside of her—slow at first, and then deeper and faster. He leaned down to kiss her as their bodies collided. His kiss rocked something free inside of her. She’d had her own walls up for so long that she hadn’t even realized they were there. But Michael had broken through them—even if by accident—and now she wanted to cry. To release the emotions swelled up inside her.

  But she didn’t.

  And when their lips broke, he focused on her blue-green eyes, and she knew something was different about this time. The way he looked at her as they had sex—no, made love—it made her feel special, somehow.

  Her body began to quiver and build again as he rubbed his hand over her clitoris in rhythmic time with his thrusts. And then he tilted his head back, finding release. “Kate.”

  She watched as the gorgeous man fell to pieces inside her.

  “You’re amazing,” he whispered in her ear as their bodies broke free.

  She brushed the back of her hand over his cheek and shifted to her side to get a better look at him, her Man of Steel. “How did we end up here—again?”

  He perched his head on his hand and ran his fingers through her long hair, pushing it off her face. “I guess I can’t stay away from you.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  “How’d your date go?” Kate leaned against Michael on the back porch swing. Her legs crossed up over the edge of the swing, and she looked at ease, despite her situation, as she stared at the lake. She brought her coffee to her lips, and glanced over her shoulder, gauging Michael’s reaction.

  “Horrible. The whole time I was eating dinner, all I could think about was you. And when I went home, and you were gone . . .” He finished his coffee and pushed against the ground, giving the swing a little more momentum.

  “I thought about you, too. I felt . . . jealous. But, I was also a bit worried Dustin might show up and kill me, so I had that on my mind as well.” A smile teased her lips, although she knew it was nothing to joke about.

  He pulled her closer to him, finding her sexier than ever in a long T-shirt and nothing else. “I wish you didn’t go out. Why would you use yourself as bait like that? Why lie to me? Was it really your idea?”

  She watched a sailboat pass on the tender morning breeze. Could Dustin be on that boat? Watching them? Until they captured him, she would never be able to breathe easy. She had allowed herself to get caught up in the moment with Michael the night before, but now she had to put her game face back on and focus on the danger at hand.

  “Kate?”

  She pulled her legs off the railing and set them on the ground. “Why did you decide to bring me here?” She was desperate to avoid the truth.

  “Because the second I saw you with Ethan, I knew I had to have you all for myself. I want to keep you here for the weekend—keep you safe. Tucked away from all the Ethans and Dustins of the world.”

  His honesty surprised her.

  “I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise. But Kate, if I’m going to keep you safe, I need the truth.”

  She rubbed her hands over her face and stood up. She folded her arms and turned to face him. He remained sitting on the swing but brought the rocking motion to a halt.

  “Can we make a deal? If I tell you the truth, you won’t flip out?” She licked her lips before catching her bottom lip between her teeth.

  “I can’t make that promise.” His eyes trained on hers and he shifted in the seat.

  Her shoulders sank forward a bit as she toyed with her hair. “Jake suggested I go on the date and not tell you.”

  He shut his eyes as his lips pulled together. “Go on.”

  “He explained to me the danger of letting Dustin remain on the loose for any longer. He told me the big picture. It’s not about me. Dustin associates with terrorists. He’s a danger to our nation—a traitor. Jake said I could help.”

  Michael gripped the side of the wooden swing with his left hand, and his eyes flashed open. “You should never have sacrificed your safety. We can get Dustin without dangling you in front of him.” He stood up and reached for her. He cupped her face between his large hands. “If anything happened to you . . .” He shook his head, released her, and took a step back. “I’m going to kill Jake. And Connor.”

  “Connor didn’t like lying to you. He didn’t agree with Jake at first.” She didn’t want Michael to hate two of his best friends—not because of her. She followed Michael as he moved to the edge of the deck. He turned toward her and leaned against the railing, crossing his arms. “I’m worried about Dustin, but I’m equally concerned about whoever hired him.”

  She wrapped her arms around his hips and pressed her cheek against his chest. “Me too,” she whispered. “Maybe we could stay here forever.” She hop
ed she could shift his anger away from his friends, at least for a few more hours.

  “Not a bad idea. It’s quiet here.”

  “One of your secret getaways?” A smiled tugged at the corners of her lips, threatening to break her constant sensation of fear.

  “After serving in Afghanistan, sometimes I just need to be alone for a while. I need a place to silence the . . .” He stopped himself as she pulled away from him.

  She tilted her chin up to look into his eyes. Was he about to open up to her? She stilled and held her breath, afraid the moment would pass, afraid he would change his mind and shut her out again. At the same time, she was terrified by what he might reveal.

  “Not a day goes by that I don’t think about Afghanistan. That’s what I dream about when I get those nightmares.”

  The buzzing noise of a distant boat and the soft sounds of the water lapping against the land became white noise as they stared at each other.

  “My men and I were on a routine mission. We were sent to gather intelligence in the Helmand province in Afghanistan. My platoon usually travels, does some recon, and makes sure that everything is safe before more troops come.” He shifted his eyes away from Kate’s and lowered his gaze to the wooden deck. “No one was supposed to be there—it was supposed to have been deserted. But our information was inaccurate. I can still smell the smoke. I can still see the debris of the IED explosions all around me. We were sitting ducks. Surrounded. Almost everyone died.” He tightened his hold on Kate.

  “An explosion blasted near me, knocking me to my feet, and then I felt the first bullet splice through my shoulder. I was on the ground, dust in my face, as the boots approached me. He was dragging someone. A female soldier. She was a medic traveling with my team. And she was screaming. The man looked down into my eyes and held her before me. I tried to get up, but I couldn’t move. He shoved his boot heel against my open wound.”

  Her heart slammed against her ribcage, hating the words he would have to utter next, and hating herself for making him relive the memory. The color was beginning to drain her face.

  He exhaled and two empty blue eyes stared out into the water. “The man reached into his pocket for a knife and muttered something in Arabic before slitting her throat. Her eyes were on me as the life drained from her body. And then he took out his gun and shot me twice.” He focused his attention back on Kate before continuing, “I was clinically dead. Somehow, secondary forces swooped in to fight off the Taliban insurgents—and I was resuscitated on my way back to the base. Not a day goes by that I don’t regret that I lived. I should’ve been able to stop it. I just keep seeing her eyes—looking up at me with such horror.”

  She couldn’t fight back the tears any longer. They rushed free over her face. He moved his thumb across her lips. “Don’t cry,” he said, cradling her head against his chest. “Please, don’t cry.”

  ***

  “I’m glad Julia uses your place every once in a while,” she said while smoothing her hand over the woman’s crisp, white jeans. She was happy to be the same size as Julia, as well. “Any food in the house?” She exited the bathroom and found Michael sitting on the bed, dressed in cargo shorts and a plain black tee. He was wearing a sexier-than-hell smile with a glint of amusement flickering in his eyes. “What?” She looked down at her clothes and back at Michael.

  “I’m just thinking about your lack of undergarments.” His eyes dipped from her braless T-shirt down to her waist. He ran his tongue over his bottom lip and got off the bed.

  She was relieved that the weight of their earlier conversation was on the backburner for now. But she knew another painful moment was on the rise—just as soon as Michael phoned Jake.

  Kate elbowed him in the side and chuckled as he grabbed her by the hips and lifted her into his arms. “I’m hungry,” she said before faking a pout.

  He set her on the bed and took a few steps back. “Good, me too. I was hoping that you were on the menu.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Is that the best you can do? I expect more from the one and only Michael Maddox.” Her lips curved at the edges and her eyes glinted with excitement. He wanted her again, and the sudden pain in her groin suggested that she did, too.

  “Strip,” he commanded. He ripped his own shirt off and unbuckled his shorts.

  Her body was vibrating with need as she sat up and removed her T-shirt, exposing her naked chest. She studied his body, taking him all in. “You’re incredible.”

  “Take it all off,” he said in a throaty voice.

  She kept her eyes on his and started for her pants when she stopped. She had to know.

  No, not now. Don’t do this. Everything is blissfully perfect right now. Let it be perfect for just a few more hours. She hung her head low and squeezed her eyes shut, fighting the battle between her mind and body.

  “What is it?” he asked. He buttoned his shorts back up and sat beside her.

  She opened her eyes and grabbed her shirt, holding it in front of her in some lame attempt to be modest. Although it was a little too late for that. “I know you said that you want more, but I have to know something.” She couldn’t look him in the eyes, so she darted her gaze toward the ground. “Who is the redhead? How many women have you slept with since we were first together?”

  The silence in the room grew heavy. If she moved her arms, she had a feeling they would feel the awkwardness that now filled the room.

  “Kate,” he said. “Do we need to do this right now?”

  No! Just make love to me. Make me forget everything.

  “Yes,” she whispered.

  He moved off the bed and reached for his shirt. She watched his tanned muscles flex as he put his shirt back on. “I haven’t slept with anyone but you. But I can’t talk to you about Trisha—the redhead . . . I just can’t. Not right now.” There was pain in his voice as his eyes cast down at the floor. “I should go call Jake. He and I need to talk.”

  ***

  “Answer your phone.” Michael slammed his cell phone down on the couch and rubbed his temples. He had called Jake five times in the last five minutes, with no answer. “Where are you?” he said under his breath as he paced the living room.

  He glanced over at the bedroom. The door was shut, and he assumed Kate had no intention of speaking to him, but he also knew she needed to eat at some point. He couldn’t risk going to the store, and he hated the idea of having a delivery man come to the house, but he had no choice.

  He grabbed his Smartphone and ordered a pizza online. He then dialed Connor.

  “Hey.”

  “Shit, Connor. What’s going on? I can’t get hold of Jake. Is everything okay?” He ruffled his hair and walked into the small kitchen.

  “Yeah. Jake is working on some leads. He knows that if he talks to you, you’ll just flip out. Which you have every right to do.”

  “Where are you guys? My place?” He tried to keep his anger in check, at least for the moment.

  “We’re close to you, actually. We’re staying at a hotel in Cornelius. Jake thought we should be nearby.”

  Michael was quiet for a moment. “Is Jake still using Kate as bait?” He pressed his hand on the counter, trying to steady himself.

  “No,” Connor said after what felt like too long. “He just wants to keep a close eye on you and Kate. Give you some back-up.”

  For some reason, Michael didn’t believe him. “Tell Jake to call me.”

  He turned around when he heard the bedroom door open.

  “Something wrong?” she asked with a soft voice.

  He was beginning to wish she did have undergarments because seeing the swell of her large breasts beneath her shirt was far too distracting, and he needed to concentrate. He set the phone down on the counter and moved toward her. “Jake’s ducking my calls. Afraid of me, I guess.” He didn’t want to tell her what he really thought—that Jake was still holding Kate out like a carrot for Dustin.

  But what else could he do—take her back to his place in the city
? Risk bringing her out into the open again? Then again, his cabin was definitely not made with bulletproof glass.

  “I ordered pizza.”

  She slipped him a small smile and took a seat on the couch, clasping her hands on her lap. “I’m not hungry.”

  “You need to eat. It’s getting late, and all you’ve had is coffee.”

  “That’s not true. We split the granola bar you found in your cabinet earlier.”

  Her mood seemed a little better. “It should be here soon.” He sat in the chair across from her and found himself unsure of what to say. He knew she wanted answers about Trisha. But what could he possibly say?

  They sat in silence for an awkward twenty minutes until the food arrived. He pulled out his phone and opened the security app, which showed the driver of the delivery car via the camera on his driveway gate. He allowed the delivery man access to the property and retrieved his 9mm from the nightstand in the master bedroom.

  Kate gasped upon sight of the weapon.

  He ignored her response and tucked the gun in the back of his pants before opening the front door. He was careful not to turn around when the long-haired twenty-year-old handed over the box of pizza and the liter of soda.

  Michael handed him a hundred. “Keep the change.”

  The delivery man’s face cracked into a deep smile. “Thanks, man.”

  Michael watched the kid enter his car and waited until he was out of view before heading back into the house.

  “I guess you didn’t need your gun.”

  He set the pizza down in the kitchen next to the bottle of soda and put the gun back in his bedroom. When he came back to the kitchen, he found Kate peeking inside the pizza box. “Looks like someone is hungry, after all.” He grinned at her as she reached for a slice of pepperoni.

  She rolled her eyes at him and slipped the pizza into her mouth.

  He grabbed a slice, too, before reaching for his phone, hoping for a text, at the very least, from Jake. The sun was beginning to set. Its gold light spilled onto the lake, and his concerns grew with each passing minute.

  After finishing two more pieces of pizza, Kate spoke up again. “What’s the plan?”