by Katy Kaylee
Enough time had passed. I picked up the stick, took a deep breath, and looked down. A plus sign glowed back up at me.
Positive.
27
Ted
Veronica was in the bathroom for a long time.
I paced back and forth, trying not to be nervous. I wasn’t sure what the result was, and what her reaction would be either way. I felt so damn stupid. How could I have let this happen? How could I have put her in this position? I was a doctor, I was a fertility doctor of all things. I of all people knew how to handle this situation maturely.
Sure, Veronica wanted a child. But not right away, not like this. She wasn’t finished getting ready. And who was to say she even wanted to have my child? She was supposed to be choosing a donor. Someone of whom she could actually approve. We were trying to take things slow, and now… now we had accidentally made one of the biggest commitments that it was possible for a couple to make.
How were we supposed to handle this? Or, rather, how was she supposed to handle this? It was her body after all. I couldn’t make her do anything. And if she wanted to raise the kid without me… I would have to respect that, even if it would gut me. I wanted to be there for my child. I wanted to raise them. Sure, it was earlier than I’d expected. I was super busy at the clinic, sure, but I could find a way around it. Anything for my kid.
Because if it was my kid, I wanted to be around them. The only thing stopping me would be Veronica. She’d had enough men - enough people, I couldn’t forget her mom, either - telling her how to live her life and how to treat people and be treated. I wasn’t going to be like that. If I could, though… I’d give that kid the world. Didn’t matter to me if it was unexpected or surprising. I just wanted to be there, be the dad that I wished I’d had growing up.
Then, on the other hand, what if she wasn’t pregnant?
What if we had just gone through all of this fear for nothing?
It put our relationship into stark relief, for sure. We would have to be more careful. Use condoms, since Veronica couldn’t be on birth control while she was starting fertility treatment. It would force a talk about our relationship, either way, and I knew… I knew this was the part where we had to figure out if we were all in or not. Or, rather, if Veronica was all in or not.
I knew where I stood. I just wondered about her.
Despite my initial shock - I was excited at the idea of being a father. Of making a baby with Roni. The more I thought about it the more hopeful I got, and I wanted to give her space, but… I had to know. I knocked gently on the door.
“Roni? Hey, sweetheart, you okay?”
The door opened and Veronica stepped out, clutching the test in her hand. I could see from the way she was holding it - there was that little blue plus sign on it.
A thrill rushed through me like electricity, one that I couldn’t control, one that seemed to settle into my very bones.
Veronica’s expression, though… well, that concerned me. She looked like she was trying not to cry. “Hey, Roni, sweetheart, it’s okay.” I took her by the hands, prying the pregnancy test from between her fingers and setting it aside before leading her to the bed. “You’re okay.” I sat her down. “What is it?”
A few tears slid free, and Veronica wiped at them savagely. “What am I going to do? I didn’t plan this. I’m not… I’m not ready. I hadn’t even picked a donor yet. This is all so sudden.”
“Life can be that way sometimes,” I pointed out, trying not to be unkind. “You’re going to be an excellent mother, even if it’s sooner than you expected. And I’ll help, Layla will help, we’ll all help in getting you what you need so that you’re all prepared when the baby arrives. You’re going to be good at this. So what if it’s six months sooner than planned? You’re ready to be a mother. You’ve been wanting this for ages. Don’t let fear get to you now.”
Veronica looked up into my eyes. “How can you be sure?”
“Because I know you, that’s how. I know that you were kind to me, and good to me. Sure, you weren’t perfect. And yes, you gave into your parents at the end there. But a few mistakes doesn’t make you a bad person. You’re kind and funny and you care a lot about other people. You’re determined to be independent and to forge your own path, to do what you want. You’re sophisticated and educated. You’ll make a great mother. I have no doubt about that.”
I gently brushed her hair back out of her face, tucking some of it behind her ear. “Hey, sweetheart, isn’t this what you wanted? And if it’s not what you want, that’s okay. You’re allowed to change your mind. But if this is what you want… then who cares if it came a little early? Better six months early than six years, right? You’re in a good place right now. Even if you don’t believe that you are, I promise, it’s true. You just need to believe in yourself the way that I believe in you. Because I see a woman who’s going to be an excellent mother. Most importantly because you want to be.”
“What if I mess it up?” Veronica whispered. She seemed pale, her eyes sparkling unnaturally with stress and tears.
“I asked my therapist about that a lot,” I admitted. “I was scared about being a father because I didn’t want to be like mine. I didn’t want to repeat his mistakes and continue the cycle of abuse. And you know, she said that of course I was going to mess it up. I’m human. I’m always going to make mistakes, we all are, there’s no way that we can be perfect all the time.
“And just like when I made a mistake anywhere else in life, I was going to own up to it, and apologize, and work through it. So of course, you’ll make a mistake. And you’ll patch it up. What matters is that your child knows that you love them, and that you’re always there for them, and that you’re willing to admit when you’re wrong. That’s what’s important.”
My mother hadn’t wanted me. Or at least, she hadn’t wanted me enough to come back for me or take me with her. My father hadn’t wanted to give me up to foster care, I think either for the state child support or out of some kind of pride, but he was controlling and never admitted when he was wrong. He certainly never gave me the impression that he loved me.
But Veronica? Oh, she would make sure that child felt that love. I knew it. Her own parents were pretty damn controlling and always thought that they knew best. They overrode Veronica’s own desires. They refused to admit when they might be wrong. It had been that way her entire life. All through high school, and before, and since. Veronica knew what that was like. And I knew, she’d do better. I believed that, one hundred percent.
“You want to be a mother, don’t you?” I asked her. “Isn’t that what you’ve always wanted? Your big dream?”
Veronica nodded. “I mean, of course, but I wasn’t expecting it to turn out like this, I guess.”
That scared me, I can admit that. I was afraid of what that meant. That Veronica didn’t want it this way because she didn’t want me to be the father. She didn’t want me to have anything to do with her family. That I was just… a temporary thing to her. She had wanted to go slow, after all.
I didn’t want to put pressure on her by demanding answers, though. She was practically vibrating already. Instead I focused on what I was thinking and feeling. I wanted to make it clear what she meant to me, and then she could take it or leave it.
“I’m excited,” I told her. “I know that it’s not how I planned it, or how you planned it. I know that we’re going slow, and I respect that. We can still go slow in any other aspect, if you want. But I want to be a father, and I’m glad that I’ll finally get that chance.
“Ultimately, this is your baby. You’re the one who wanted a baby and set about looking for treatment for that. But if you’re okay with it, if you would let me, I would love to be the father to this baby - in every sense of the word. I want to help raise the baby with you.”
Veronica gave a shining, silvery laugh, one that seemed to be startled out of her.
“What is it?” I asked, concerned that she might be getting hysterical.
She s
eemed calm, though, when she looked at me. “Nothing, I’m… it’s just… so much for taking it slow, right?”
I laughed too. “It may not be what we expected, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t a blessing. This is something we’ve both wanted for years, and now it’s here.”
Veronica looked down at our joined hands. I couldn’t even remember when we’d interlocked our fingers. It just felt that natural. “I wanted it to be you,” she whispered. “All the time I was married to Chad, I just kept thinking - oh God, if only I’d stood up to my parents and stuck with Ted. And when I was looking at the donor options, I just kept thinking about how they compared to you.”
I squeezed her hands. “I had no idea.”
“Of course you didn’t, I was so scared… and I was letting my fear control me. I kept thinking that I was so… I had just won my independence, and I was scared of losing it again.” She looked up a me. “I should have known that with you, I’m never losing anything. I can still be myself, independent, and be part of something bigger.”
“I think it’d be ridiculous if we weren’t a little independent. If you’re so conjoined with your partner… it’s almost like becoming one person, and combining too much and then… you’re almost alone all over again. Because they’re the same as you.”
“You’re right,” Veronica said slowly. “I never thought of it like that.” She squeezed my hands. “I’ve always loved how different we are. And I… I’m sorry.”
“What for?”
“For… for being so scared. For making you wait. I’ve known for a while, but I didn’t want to face it, and last night I… I knew, like, like I couldn’t hold it in anymore, and I wasn’t sure how to say it but I felt it so strongly and I feel it now and… and Ted, I feel like I should be scared and I am sort of but at the same time I’m not, I’m really not.” She gave me a blinding smile, tears leaking out the corners of her eyes. “I love you. I love you, and it feels so right. Like this whole time I’ve had something in me missing and now it’s finally back. I finally have it back again, and it’s you.”
I pulled her into me, hugging her tightly. “I love you,” I promised her. “I’ve loved you this whole time, even though I was sure that it was madness. That it was stupidity.”
Veronica clung to me. “This isn’t how I planned for this to go,” she admitted.
“Yeah, I personally pictured a violin, some flowers…”
She laughed. “You don’t have to wine and dine me or impress me.” She pulled back so that I could see her face. “You never have.”
“I was actually thinking more along the lines of some good pizza, and going out stargazing,” I told her. “And telling you that way. I didn’t plan to tell you, that night, when we first had sex, but it just slipped out, and now… now I wanted to plan it and make it right. But I hope this is an okay substitute.” I winked at her.
Veronica kissed me, taking my face gently in her hands. “Of course it’s okay,” she whispered. “I’m just so relieved I’m not… I’ve been so alone, but in all the wrong ways. Now I’m not alone, in the right ways, and I’m myself, the way that I should be.”
“The way that you always should be. Any man who tries to snuff out your light is an idiot.” I kissed her again, and again, unable to stop myself. I felt like I was walking on air. I was going to be a father. I was having a baby with the love of my life. What could possibly be better?
Veronica laughed into my mouth, the kind of laugh that people gave when there wasn’t anything particularly funny, they were just wildly happy and couldn’t hold it in anymore. I could feel myself smiling back, breaking the kiss because we were too busy smiling like idiots to be of any use.
“I’m going to be a father,” I blurted out, the reality continuing to sink it. Part of me was waiting to wake up from this dream, wondering how this could possibly be reality, how I could’ve stumbled into my perfect life like this. The rest of me was giddy, and hoped that if this was a dream, I never woke up.
“You are,” Veronica promised me. “You are, we’re going to be parents, together.”
“Together.” Forever, if I had anything to say about it.
I kissed her again, and this time, I couldn’t stop the hunger that I felt rising in me. This beautiful, wonderful, sweet woman was my lover, and she was carrying my child. The idea of that made heat course through me, and I deepened the kiss, my hands starting to roam over her body. I wanted to slip inside of her and imagine that I knew what I was doing, that we were planning on this baby, and that this was when we were doing it. Our official joining to create something new.
I rolled her over and Veronica wrapped her arms and legs around me, as if she wanted to join us immediately, like she couldn’t wait a second longer. I rolled my hips, letting her feel how hard I was for her. She was carrying my baby, and it turned me on like nothing else.
We were still in our pajamas, so it was easy enough to get them off, the silk and cotton sliding away to leave nothing but warm, bare skin. Part of me wanted to slide down and get my mouth on her cunt, get her aching and dripping with need, but I also couldn’t bear to stop kissing her, or to pull away from her. Instead I slid my hand down, lightly stroking her, tender and soft. She was so soft, my Veronica, my darling, and I could feel so much emotion welling up in me that I nearly choked on it.
Veronica shuddered in my arms, but I didn’t let her come. Not yet. I moved my fingers back and forth inside of her, building her up, getting her stretched and ready for me, but I didn’t let her come. That would be later. I wanted it to be together.
I wanted us to be together in everything.
28
Veronica
I gasped and arched in Ted’s arms as he covered me, stroking me. I could feel my need, my orgasm, building slowly inside of me, much more slowly than usual. Ted was holding back, making sure that I was turned on, that I was ready for his cock, but not doing enough to give me release.
I didn’t mind. I just wanted him to be connected to me. I wanted him inside of me.
I almost wished that I knew which time it was that had gotten me pregnant. That I could pinpoint the moment that we had joined together inexorably. I hadn’t been thinking about pregnancy when he’d fucked me before, even though I probably should have. So now I pretended, as he slid carefully, deliberately into me, that this was the time. That this was when he was filling me with his seed and making me pregnant.
With Chad, I would’ve been ashamed to think such… naughty, dirty thoughts. I knew he wouldn’t have approved of them, even if he went off and did whatever dirty thing he wanted with the women he was cheating on me with. But no, I was his wife, I was a Southern belle, I had to be pure and better than that.
Ted, though… with Ted I might not have said it out loud, but I knew that if I had, he would be okay with it. He would go with it. Because Ted let me be myself.
I felt so safe with him, safe to tease, to be naughty, to be whatever I wanted. Whoever I wanted. As I looked up at him, Ted moving back enough to be able to enter me, I realized… he had all of me. My whole heart.
We both gasped as he slid into me. It was far from the first time we’d done this but in a way it felt like the most intimate. We were joining together, becoming one, just as we had become one in a way when we conceived a child together. I gasped soundlessly as he moved inside of me, feeling every inch of him shifting in me, and it was such exquisite delight, I never wanted to leave this moment. I never wanted him to leave me.
Ted moved slowly, deeply, making sure I felt all of it. My orgasm was still building inside of me, like oncoming wave, but not an explosion like usual. It was gentler and deeper than that. It felt like we were truly making love.
I wrapped my arms around him and encouraged him with whispered words of affection. We kept kissing, our mouths rarely leaving each other, even for a moment, and only then enough to murmur sweetheart or darling. I felt so incredibly loved and valued.
When I came, it was with his name on my li
ps.
Far too soon afterwards, it was time for us to pack up and head home. Our romantic weekend getaway was over and we had to return to reality.
I didn’t want to. I wanted to stay here forever with Ted. But we couldn’t remain in this perfect little bubble and I had to start preparing for the baby coming.
The baby. Our baby.
On our way home, we were just going to ride together in Ted’s car. None of this international woman of mystery stuff. We were already planning that, but now it felt even more significant, knowing that there was a baby inside of me. We didn’t talk much, the car ride passed mostly in silence, but I felt as giddy as I had as a teenager, sneaking out to see Ted. No, more than that. Because now there was no fear of getting caught. Just euphoria.
Ted held my hand tightly almost the entire way home, driving one-handed. I could practically feel his love for me with each beat of his pulse against my palm. I was filled with this overwhelming wave of love, like I wasn’t standing on the beach with the tsunami but rather riding the gigantic wave, enjoying it, embracing it.
“I thought I was ready to be a mother on my own,” I said. “And I… I’m scared, or I was scared, but I was determined. I knew I would find a way to make it work because I wasn’t going to give up on this dream, no matter what. But the fact that… that I’ll have someone so supportive by my side. You’re so supportive and I don’t think you even realize just how much, and how much I appreciate it. And I know I’m not the only one in your life who feels that way. To have that - it makes all of this even better.”
Ted squeezed my hand again, smiling at me for a split second before focusing back on the road.