by Katy Kaylee
Most of my study was based on the human behavior to the new modern dating psychology. Since joining the site a few weeks earlier I’d gathered a lot of research. It was based on the female narrative and experience of dating in various stages in their lives. Most of the women that I had agreed to go out with had been scorned by the traditional dating methods. Some of them were still reeling from the emotional bondage of the last person they loved. A few were still trying to figure out why the relationship didn’t work. What could they have possibly done differently? I could never answer that without prying more deeply into their upbringing. However, my research did lead me to a limited group of older women who hearts were irreversibly broken. They mostly just wanted companionship without all of the demands and responsibilities of a relationship. They were exhausted from years of rejection or pouring into relationships that didn’t lead to marriage. They were considered to be damaged goods by eligible bachelors. But, those same bachelors would never give them the life they deserved. Not a chance. Instead they would put them in a side chick situation permanently. That was possibly the worst place to be within as a mature, accomplished woman.
Why? Because no matter how deeply their love ran for the man they saw with potential, he would never want anything more than a relationship of convenience. l liked to refer to them as low investment opportunities.
Love belonged to the women with pure accomplishments in life. Some who were easier for a man to mold and make into his trophy or ideal. At least until he became bored and felt the need to trade in his trophy for a higher valued wife. The younger women all still believed that love was possible as long as they treated their partners equally and fairly as they deserved. However, the thing about young women was that their attention span was about the length of a house fly. They don’t stick around long enough for a relationship to mature to its fullest potential. For younger women, it always had to be bigger and better with a lot of fireworks.
Thus, most of my research concluded that people still believed in love at their core beings. However, love yielded a new meaning in today’s society. Most, if not all, were dating out of loneliness, fear of dying alone, security, desperation, or the desire to recreate the love they always once imagined having in their life. Although loving someone today was much simpler and easier in the 1950s and before the late 80s. People had complicated love. That made their demands or expectations on love nearly impossible to obtain. The truth was people would always be complicated. The love we sought to share with someone else along our journey would never die.
I waited until bedtime and settled naked on my bed. The coverlet was made from fur and the satin sheets beneath reminded me of the contrast of textures in a woman’s vagina. I’d turned the lights off and the glow from the scented candle on the dresser had me in an accommodating mood. Sometimes it was the distance that gave an encounter its eroticism. I texted Christina.
Me: Are you available?
Her: Always.
Me: Ready for a new adventure?
Her: Not sure, what did you have in mind?
Me: Well, here’s a hint. I’m naked and lying on fur in the candle’s glow. Why not join me?
Her: Somehow I think it’s not as romantic lying in this trailer with no heat.
Me: You can come over.
Her: No, I need to stay. Now what?
Me: Take off your clothes.
Her: How will you know I did it?
Me: You’re going to turn on that little Facetime camera.
Her: Are you?
Me: Absolutely.
Her: Give me a few minutes. I want to tidy my hair.
Me: No. I want the natural you.
Her: You won’t know the difference.
Me: But you will and I recognize honesty.
Her: Okay, I’m naked, now what?
Me: I’ll call you – accept the video call.
Did you get it?
“Hi, yes, it’s me. Okay, I’m turning the camera on.”
“Ahhh, yes, there you are, my little one. Can you light a candle?”
“Uhm, I don’t have any. I have a flashlight.”
“That will work. Ahhh… yes, now I see you. Kick off the blankets and lie on top.”
“It’s cold.”
I laughed. “This will warm you up.” I watched as she wriggled out from beneath the covers and the cold air hit her. “Your nipples have popped out. I love that about you. Now lie flat on your back and put one pillow beneath your head and another beneath your ass.” She did as asked, looking around for the pillows and placing them exactly as I’d told her. “Now spread your legs and bend your knees just slightly.”
“Nathan, this seems silly. I’m all alone. This is just going to make me feel more lonely.”
“Don’t jump to conclusions. I promise you’ll love this. Do you own a vibrator?”
She sat upright. “No!”
“Calm down. Let’s look around and find a substitute. A banana? Cucumber?”
“Now you’re making me hungry.”
“Not as hungry as I am for you right now. Look around for something about the right diameter that will be clean.” I watched as she bent to look around and finally responded.
“Aha! I found a roll-on deorderant bottle. Not as big, but it’s clean.”
“Go wash it and make sure the cap is on tightly. I’ll wait.” I saw a flash of ass as she scurried off the bed and I could hear water running in the distance.
“Okay, I’m back,” Christina appeared breathlessly before the camera of her phone as she scooted back into position.
“Good. I might have started a little ahead of you,” I said, turning the lens at my erect, naked penis. “I’m lying on fur and satin. We’ll have to get you some of this for when we can’t be together.”
“That sounds delicious. I can see you… all of you.”
“What are you feeling?”
“Uhm, well to tell you the truth, I’m salivating. Is that normal?”
“Oh, yes, you’re a highly passionate person.”
“What are you feeling?” she wanted to know in return.
“You can see the droplets at the end of my penis tip, can’t you?”
“Yes.”
“Now, spread your legs again, very wide. Hold the lens close up so I can see you.”
She did it and I drew in my breath at the raw, trusting youth. “Like this?” she wanted to know.
“Exactly like that. You’re beautiful.”
“Thank you. Now what.”
“Wet your finger and rub yourself there, right on the nub. Round and round. I’ll pump myself.”
“Ohhh, that feels wonderful,” she sighed, closing her eyes. I knew she was too involved in her own senses to watch me. That was fine. The female body was a work of art and when touched in that special way, it is the most erotic thing I know.
I came quickly and soon, I saw her convulsing and heard the sounds of her release. I don’t know how she managed to hold the phone still, but it doesn’t matter, because it was perfect. Utterly perfect.
6
Christina
I was two months behind on my electric bill when I started using candles to see at night. A part of me wanted to beg Macon to come back. At least then I would have just a little bit of help with the bills. Two weeks earlier the diner I was working at part-time shut down for renovation. I collected my last check from them about two weeks earlier. Between groceries, toiletries, and my cell phone bill, I was still constantly strapped for cash. Everywhere I looked, most of the jobs hiring work part-time. The pay was beneath minimum wage. I’ve been putting in applications for full-time jobs at several places online. But, getting my application seen online was harder than finding a needle in the haystack.
As a last ditch effort I thought about reaching out to some of my college friends to see if they knew of any opportunities. But, most of them had moved back in with their parents or were struggling just as much as I was at the moment. I had hoped the online dating site would
lead to a roommate. But, most guys and a few girls were looking for someone to take care of them or sleep with them for money.
The world was in a pathetic place. I was battling every bone in my body not to pick the phone and call my parents. I knew they were worried about me. I’d basically gone mute since Macon and I split up. I knew my mom hated his guts and my dad only tolerated him for the sake of peace of mind. My mom was always the hard ass in the house. She ran our house with an iron fist. I remember one time my dad forgot that she was making her famous pot roast for dinner. He came home with a large pepperoni pizza. My mom went bananas. She made my dad throw the pizza in the garbage and made us eat her pot roast for two weeks. Until this day I will never eat another pot roast.
My dad would give me his left arm and right leg if he knew it would make me smile. That was just his natural heart. He always wanted to see the people he loved happy especially me. When I started dating Macon, my dad just would nod his head and agree with my mother. I’d run out of the room in tears. My dad knew how much I loved a good chocolate chip cookie. He’d sneak inside my bedroom once my mom was asleep and give me a tray of fresh baked cookies. “It’s going to be okay.” He’d advise and plant a warm kiss on my forehead.
I never quite understood what my dad saw in my mother. I would think the woman was an alien if I didn’t act and sound so much like her at times. I was running down to last couple of bucks in my pocket. I had enough to buy a few frozen pizza and a one way trip in Uber for an emergency. I knew my parents were going to bitch and moan, but they would send me some money. With a quick prayer to God, I dialed my mother’s number.
“Christina, sweetie is that you?” Mom asked awkwardly.
“It’s me, Mom.”
“It’s good to hear from you, sweetheart. I’ve been thinking a lot about you,” she admitted. “Oh yeah…Hopefully all good things, Mom.”
My mom paused momentarily. I could hear her breathing through the phone. She cleared her throat and said, “I wish it was all good stuff, sweetheart.”
“I bet, Mom,” I agreed. I could feel her gearing up for a lecture on why I hadn’t called in a while or where Macon was? I intercept and change the subject. “Hey Mom, is Dad around? I’d love to speak with him.”
“Christina, your dad went to the grocery store a short while ago. He should be heading back soon. If you stick around for a few more minutes you might be able to catch him,” She reaffirmed. I hesitated. The longer I was on the phone, the more she was going to pry into my personal life. “No, that’s okay, Mom. I just wanted to call and say hello,” I lied.
“Christina, I can tell when you want something or when you’re lying, young lady. You can either tell me now or wait until your father returns and still get a no.”
I sighed. She was right. As much as I loved my dad he was the weaker link of the two of them. “It’s no big deal, Mom. I’m a little tight on cash. Can you float me some money?” I confessed.
“Well, how much do you need, sweetie?”
“Just a couple of hundred for the month. I’ll pay you back within a few days.” I lied.
“Sure, I’d be happy to send you some money. Is Macon contributing to the household?” she questioned. Just when I thought it was safe to get my hopes up again she tricked me.
“No, Mom. We broke up.” I admitted begrudgingly.
“Well, you were better off in the first place. That boy was as a lazy as skunk.”
“Right. So, can you put the money in my account today or tomorrow?” I inquired.
“Are you working, Christina? I need to know when I can get my money back from you. You’re a grown woman, remember. You’re old enough to make your own decisions.”
I sighed. I removed the phone from my ear as the tears and anxiety of having this discussion caused me to become upset. I knew that was going to happen. I just hoped it would be less painful. “No, Mom, I’m not working right now. If you’re going to give me the third degree every time I call, don’t worry about it. I’ll figure something out.”
My mom became equally agitated. Her tone began to elevate and she said, “If you think you can talk to me like that young lady you have truly lost your mind. Who do you think you are, Christina?”
“You know what Mom, I’m sorry I’m such as disappointment. Tell Dad I said hello and I’ll figure this out myself.” I stated. Click. I burst into tears uncontrollably. I wanted my mom to have some compassion for me. But, all she ever did was judge me and make me feel less than. I buried my face inside my shirt as the tears fell from my eyes. I knew that there was a way out of this situation. It just seemed impossible at the moment. If there was a God I needed Him to show up for me.
A few hours after lying in bed all day, I received a message from Nathan that he wanted to meet. I almost declined because I was in such a bad mood that I didn’t want to ruin things. I agreed to have dinner, at least it was a free meal for the night. I slipped into a pair of jeans and a flirty olive green top that I picked up at Forever 21 a few months earlier. I used my Uber money to meet Nathan at a semi-formal restaurant called The Block. As soon as I arrived I walked into the restaurant and spotted Nathan sitting in the corner with his head buried inside of a book. I walked over toward him and greeted him with a kiss.
“Hello, beautiful!” He said with extra pep in his voice.
“Hello, yourself handsome,” I added, complimenting him for his white tee shirt and dark blazer.
Nathan planted a few more kisses onto my cheek. Before long, I blushed and turned red from embarrassment. “Nathan…stop!” I urged playfully. He began to obey himself just as the server appeared to take our order. I ordered a bleu cheese burger with home style fries. Nathan ordered the same with a vanilla milkshake.
As soon as the server disappeared to place our order, Nathan pulled my chair a little closer to his. “I want you as close as possible to me,” he said with a smirk.
“I don’t mind that at all.”
Nathan bookmarked a few pages inside his book and closed it. He laid it flat onto the table and reached for a sip of his water. “Did you do anything fun today?” he asked, placing his glass of water back unto the table.
“Nothing as interesting as being here with you,” I admitted.
“That’s sweet, Christina,” he remarked with a chuckle. “No, really tell me about your day.”
I took a deep breath and shared that I was considering going back to school to get my master’s degree. Immediately Nathan’s eyes perked up with excitement. “That’s great! Do you plan on enrolling in college this semester?”
“Not quite. I’m in a little bit of a pickle.” I confessed.
Nathan turned his head sideways and looked at me with concern in his eyes. His lips disappeared as he waited patiently for me to explain in more detail. I shrugged my shoulders. “I’m too embarrassed to talk about it with you.”
“No,” Nathan replies sternly. “You can tell me anything. You’re safe with me.”
“Since you put it that way, I’ll tell you. I’ve been struggling to pay my bills since my boyfriend and I broke up a few months ago. That was part of the reason I joined the site. Not for just hook ups or anything; to find a roommate to offset some bills.”
Nathan nodded his head and listened closely. I waited for a barrage of questions and judgmental comments. But, instead he just waited until I was finished and asked, “Have you found any work lately?”
I let him know that put in over a hundred applications at youth centers across the city for a youth counselor with no luck. When that didn’t work I settled for a part-time job at local diner. Unfortunately, it closed a few weeks earlier. “Talk about a shitty job market,” Nathan stated.
I released a sigh of relief and laughed at his comment. “What? The job market is terrible here in Milwaukee, especially for beautiful college students, “he admitted.
“Trust me; my son couldn’t get a job to save his life.”
“Yeah, it’s not like I haven’t been trying; it’s
just hard and I don’t know what else to do.”
Nathan lifted up my chin and looked me in my eyes and said, “ I don’t want you to worry another minute about this. Let me see what I can do. We’ll figure it out together.”
He made me feel better just as our French fries and burgers came to the table. I laid big kiss on Nathan’s cheek. That was the best news I’d received all day.
A few days later Nathan informed me that he made a few calls to the university to some of his former colleagues. There was an opening in the American studies department. The position didn’t pay much. But, it offered tuition reimbursement and I got to take the classes I wanted. Once the good news was confirmed, Nathan asked me to take up a class in sex therapy. He agreed to help me with my “homework “as needed. How could I ever say no to that offer? I felt Nathan’s request and started getting excited about starting class soon.
7
Nathan
I was becoming increasingly selfish and possessive over Christina. I wanted her all to myself and there was nothing I wouldn’t do to make her happy . She was the reason I was starting to believe that there was a thing called soul mates. I’d found my second soul mate in Christina. When she started taking class at the university I wanted to be in the classroom right next to her studying. I knew that would be too much to ask for, so I opted to have her study beside my good friend, Roy Barnes.
Roy and I had been friends for quite some time. We often joked that we would travel the world talking about sex therapy. Oddly enough I followed our dreams for a short time until my life changed permanently. I knew if anyone would be take care of my beloved Christina, it would be Roy. After two weeks of being in class, I insisted that Christina bring her homework back to my place to study. Since she had informed me of her situation I wanted to be as helpful as she would let me. She knew I was falling for her like a dog in heat. Yet, she let me have my way because she trusted me.