He placed the boxes on the desk, dropping one next to the other, dipped a small nod with a charming smirk then turned and walked back to his book. My heart raced a little, Okay a lot. I was pretty sure that it was going to beat right out of my chest and fall on the floor at his feet. That silly smirk that said, ‘what you going to do, life sucks, then you die.’ Obviously, the boy got it.
We spent the rest of the period ignoring each other. I’d sneak a peek, hoping to catch him looking at me. But every time he had his head buried in his damn book. I noticed that he used a book mark and didn’t dog ear the page. Another major plus in his favor. It wasn’t until the bell rang and his sister came in that I realized I’d never thanked him for helping move the boxes. How much of an un-cool idiot could I be? He probably thought I was a self-centered airhead. Or worse, that I despised him and was just using his muscles to my benefit.
His younger sister was a freshman with long brown hair and a peaches and cream complexion. I didn’t know much about her other than she rode to and from school with her brother. Her eyes creased when she first stepped into my library. I could tell she was worried about him but she didn’t say a word as she waited for him at the door.
He gathered his book and joined her then turned towards me and caught me staring. He gave me another nod and that death defying smirk. They both left my library and a quietness settled into the room.
I watched them go and my mind drifted. To what could have been, to what my life should have been like.
Shaking my head to clear it of cobwebs, I placed a new book into my backpack and zipped it shut. Once I had it closed it all the way, I immediately opened it and closed it again. Three times I did this before I could leave. Sometimes it sucks being me.
Chapter Three
Scott
I’m a big believer in setting goals. Do more lifts today than yesterday. Straight A’s, that type of thing. Well now I had a new goal. Make it through this last year of high school without killing anyone.
The cafeteria had become my own personal crucible. I made a point of ignoring them. All my former friends. The guys who had my back. The girls who used to smile at me, ask me my opinion about their loves lives. I ignored their nasty looks and whispered comments.
Even the cafeteria lady in her hair net and stained smock gave me the stink eye when she plopped a spoon of mash potatoes onto my tray. She used to give me an extra-large serving. This time they looked like a marshmallow’s worth. Plus she forgot the gravy. Did you ever try to eat cafeteria mashed potatoes without gravy? It ranks right up there with wall paper paste.
Loading my tray with a couple of sandwiches, two bags of chips and a piece of apple pie. I paid another upset lunch lady and ambled into the main room as if I didn’t have a care in the world. No way I’d let them think they were getting to me. You’d have thought that after five days they’d get tired of this crap. But no, the silent stares and sickening snickers continued.
I chose a middle table in the dead center of the room. Within seconds kids were cramming food down their throats so they could get out of there. It was like I had the plague or something.
One of the departing girls left a whiff of sickening sweet perfume. What was it about girls, they covered themselves in some sugary bubble-gum scent and thought it made them sexy. That was one of the things I liked about Gina. She wore a rose lavender mix, always just the right amount. It was sexy as hell and used to drive me up the wall. I closed my eyes for a moment and floated back to that soft smell.
Get a grip Scott, you’re in the middle of the cafeteria for Christ sake. I remembered the smell of roses and lilacs in Danny’s room and my heart hardened a little. Hell it was as hard as a rock. I absently ate my lunch while staring them down, daring them to say or do something.
“You know if the wind changes, your face will get stuck that way,” Katie the library girl said as she sat at my table and opened a brown paper lunch bag. Obviously referring to my permanent frown.
“Um, you know its social suicide sitting there right?” I asked, glancing around to try and figure out what was going on. The girl hadn’t said two words to me for two years, and she sits down like she owns the place.
She chuckled and flashed the hint of a pretty smile. “Oh I’ve been dead to them for years.”
“No, I’m serious, this is not smart.”
She smiled again and finished emptying her bag one item at a time. First half a sandwich that looked heavy on the lettuce, a yogurt and a plastic spoon, and finally a green apple.
“Listen Katie, you should probably move to another table.” She totally ignored me. “Hey, since when do you eat in here anyway?” I asked and glanced at the popular table, maybe they hadn’t noticed.
Of course they all had their heads together discussing the library girl and the traitor.
Katie glanced over her shoulder to see what I was looking at. “They’re planning on jumping you,” she said like they were making a trip to the Kmart in the next town.
I winced, her comments were not surprising but they still hurt. “Hmm, let me guess, John, Jason, and Tommy?” I said.
“Yes, how’d you know?”
“Simple really, John’s the only one with the balls to even think about trying. Jason’s dumb enough to go along, and Tommy will act tough but stand on the sidelines and egg them on. You’ve got first period with John’s girlfriend Nicole. She was probably bragging to Jenny Pearson.
“Wow impressive. You don’t seem too worried.”
I shrugged my shoulders. What could I do? We continued to eat in silence. I’d lost my appetite, which happened a lot lately. John had been a good friend. We’d played next to each other on the offensive line. Gone fishing together last summer a couple of times. I hated the idea of getting into a fight with him, It wasn’t right.
I looked at the girl across from me, really looked. She was pretty, but I already knew that. I noticed the big green eyes and the high cheek bones. Here hair was long, a pretty reddish brown color. I think they call it auburn with a bit of a natural curl. She had a habit of pushing it out of her eyes and behind her ear but it would be back in front a few seconds later.
“Why are you telling me this stuff? Believe me, I’d have figured it out soon enough.
Now she shrugged her shoulders. Her cheeks turned a little pink as she focused on her food in front of her.
“I feel a little guilty,” she said.
“Why?”
She hesitated for a moment. I could tell she was embarrassed. “Because I didn’t tell you about Gina.”
“You couldn’t have known.”
She looked at me like I was a patient escaped from an asylum. “Everybody knew, correction, anyone who knew anything about her and paid any attention.”
Great, not only was I with a cheating bitch. Now I learned that everyone had been laughing at me for months. I threw my spoon and the last half of the last sandwich onto my tray. I was getting so tired of all this crap. How is it that a guy could get all the way to eighteen years of age and be so dumb? I shook my head and tried to ignore them all.
Before I could run away in my mind. My little sister had to sit down and ruin it all.
“What are you doing here? We talked about this, remember,” I said to her. The last thing I needed was Mattie’s life being ruined because of me. I glanced at Katie to see if she might support me on this. She looked at her lunch acting as if she wasn’t there.
Mattie flipped her brown hair behind her shoulder and finished sitting down. Her brow creased in a frown as she shook her head. “If she gets to sit here, then I get to.”
My sister always was relentless. She’d been on me for days to let her sit here with me during lunch so she could show the school that at least one person supported me. I loved her more than anything, but there was no way she got involved in all this.
Ever since our parents had been killed in a car accident we’d been closer than most siblings. Living with Grandfather drove us together. I know she
worried about me. She’d never really liked Gina. I’d chalked that up to her having a school girl crush on Danny. She’d always worshiped the ground he walked on. However, even my fifteen year old sister was smarter than me when it came to Gina.
“Hi, I’m Mattie,” she said, holding out her hand for Katie. “Seeing as how my big brother has the manners of a brick, I thought I should introduce myself. You do know its social suicide to sit her, right? Hey, you’re the girl from the library aren’t you?”
Katie’s eyes grew to the size of beer coasters at the exuberant young girl who had sat next to her. She reached to shake her hand and said, “Hi I’m Katie.”
“So why is she sitting here?” Mattie asked me. I knew she was trying to change the subject and hoped I’d forget she’d placed herself here in the middle of the battle zone.
“I’m here to warn you brother that the cool kids are planning on jumping him later.” Katie said.
“Jesus, she doesn’t need to hear about all this,” I said. “It doesn’t matter anyway, they’re not going to do anything for a while. They’ll wait until Danny comes back.”
“How do you know? You can’t be sure. You should tell someone. Come on Scott, this is serious.” Mattie said. Her face scrunched up in that worried look she got whenever something bothered her.
“She’s right,” Katie added while opening her yogurt.
“She doesn’t need your help Katie. Neither of us need your help.” I said with a little too much anger. I wasn’t mad at them. I was pissed off that they were involved in a bad situation. A strong protective urge came over me whenever I thought of either of these two young women being hassled or disturbed. I could understand the feeling about Mattie, it was sort of surprising though to be feeling it for Katie Rivers.
Katie blanched and her face turned white at my harsh words. Before I could apologize we were interrupted again.
“Hey Mattie, mind if I join you.” A pimply faced ginger haired boy slid into the seat next to Mattie before she could answer. He adjusted his tray and smiled at me. “So what’s everybody talking about?” He asked like we were discussing the chance of rain. The boy either had the brains of a goat or the balls of a bull to be sitting here now.
Mattie’s face turned beet red and her lips were locked in a tight line. This was a first, a speechless Mattie was not something you saw every day.
“Hi, I’m Kevin Hays,” he said. “You know my older brother, Jason. He’s the dumb idiot over there,” he said nodding toward the popular kid table. The boy was all elbows and freckles with a long lanky frame and bright eyes that didn’t miss a thing.
You could have knocked me over with a warm breeze. “Do you have any idea what you’re getting yourself into?”
“What?” He answered with a mock sense of innocence. “The edict from on high that no one is allowed to talk to you or face the wrath of those that matter?” He shrugged his shoulders as if it didn’t concern him.
“Yes that,” I said as I looked at Katie to catch her staring at me, her eyes twinkling while she suppressed a laugh. It made me want to laugh too.
“Well I figured this would be my chance to sit next to Mattie,” he said. “You can’t blame me now can you? I mean, come on. Think about what this is going to do for my reputation in the freshman class. I ignore the edict from on high, confront the big bad brother, and most of all, I actually get to sit next to the goddess who is Madison James,” He said before stuffing half a sandwich into his mouth.
Definitely balls like a bull I thought.
Katie snorted and brought her hand to her mouth. Mattie looked like she wanted to melt into the floor. I caught her sneaking a glance at him from beneath her brow and a flash of appraising interest. Oh Christ, my kid sister was interested in a boy. And worse, a boy was very interested in her. The protective emotions kicked into high gear. My hands clinched into fists without me thinking about it.
Katie read me and gently placed a restraining hand on my arm. She realized what she’d done and quickly withdrew her hand as if she’d burned herself on a hot stove.
The kid, Kevin, was oblivious to all of this or at least acted that way. “You know they’re going to jump you? I heard my brother talking about it,” he said to me as he took another bight of his sandwich.
I ignored him and focused on trying to figure out why Katie pulled her hand back so fast and why it felt warm where she’d touched my arm. I looked at her again and was struck at how pretty she was. Her glasses didn’t hide her big beautiful green eyes. They reminded me of a corn field in late spring. That calming green that made you feel good every time you saw it. When she smiled her whole face lit up like a sun beam breaking through a stained glass window. A sudden desire to make her smile seemed to be all I could think about.
Get a grip Scott. No way are you getting interested in a girl ever again. I’d learned my lesson well. The last thing I’d ever do was become interested in someone ever again.
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