“Yes,” she answered flatly.
“Serious stuff?”
“No.”
“Then what’s he doin’ here?”
“He’s the landlord.” JeriLee walked back into the living room, kicked off her shoes and sank into the couch. “He makes it easy. He drives, cooks, cleans.”
Licia sat in the chair opposite her. “Fucks too?”
JeriLee didn’t answer.
Licia reached for a cigarette, then stopped and looked at JeriLee. “Got a joint?”
As JeriLee began to roll the joint, she noticed that her hands were shaking. There was no reason for her to be jumpy. Licia hadn’t changed, she hadn’t changed, they were still the same people they had been when they were last together. The grass would help. It would take the edge off. She rolled a bomber big enough to put them both way up there. Carefully she licked the paper, sealed the cigarette and went back into the living room.
Licia had her suitcase open on the couch. She held out a red velvet Cartier box to JeriLee. “I brought you a present,” she said. “Open it.”
Inside, JeriLee found a long rope of oval jade beads.
“Do you like it?” Licia asked anxiously.
“It’s beautiful. But you shouldn’t have done it.”
Licia smiled. “Let me put it on you.”
She took the necklace and placed it over JeriLee’s head. After a moment she nodded. “Look at yourself in the mirror.”
She followed JeriLee into the bedroom. The jade was warm against her skin. JeriLee met Licia’s gaze in the mirror. “Why, Licia?”
Licia moved closer, placing her cheek against JeriLee’s. Her lips brushed against her hair. “Because I love you and missed you.”
JeriLee was silent.
Gently Licia turned her around and kissed her on the mouth. “I missed you so much, baby,” she murmured. “You can’t know how much I wanted to hold you and kiss you and make love to you.”
Suddenly JeriLee felt the tears coming to her eyes and in a moment she was sobbing almost hysterically. Tenderly Licia drew her head down to her breast. “There, baby, there,” she said soothingly. “I understand.”
She led JeriLee back into the living room and picked up the joint. She lit it, took a deep toke, then handed it to JeriLee. “Take a good hit,” she said. “You’ll feel better.”
JeriLee took the smoke deep into her lungs. The grass was good. Mike was right. He got nothing but the best. She took another hit and felt the sudden easing of the tensions. She dabbed at her eyes with a Kleenex. “I don’t get it,” she said in a puzzled voice. “I go up and down like a yoyo.”
Licia took the joint from her and sucked on it. Her eyes watched JeriLee thoughtfully. “You’ve been workin’ hard, honey. You can’t burn it at both ends without paying for it.”
“I have to, Licia, if I don’t want to stay in this business until I shake my tits down to my knees.”
“You’re a long way from that,” Licia said.
“It doesn’t feel like that at three in the morning after you’ve done six turns.”
“It’s not a bad rap, and the money is good,” Licia said, passing the joint back to JeriLee. “Who was that little man here with the stud when I came in?”
“He’s a producer. He’s interested in buying one of my stories for a film. I might even play in it.”
“Is he legit?”
“My agent says so.”
Licia was surprised. “You have an agent? You have been busy. How did you get to him?”
“Through Mike. He knows everybody.”
“What does Mike do?”
“Nothing.” She smiled. “He lives off this apartment.”
There was a faint note of resentment in Licia’s voice. “He’s a pimp.”
“That’s not fair. You don’t even know him.”
“Maybe, but where I come from, a man don’t work, he’s a pimp.”
JeriLee was silent.
Licia took the joint from JeriLee and put it in an ashtray. “I’m not hitting on you, honey,” she said, drawing JeriLee to her. “I’m not holding Mike against you. I know what girls need. Even I can dig a good hard cock once in a while. But I never forget what they really want. There ain’t a man in the world who won’t put you down if he has the chance.
JeriLee was suddenly weary. She felt the energy drain from her. “Mike isn’t like that,” she said.
“We won’t talk no more about it,” Licia said soothingly. “You’re wiped out. You go to bed and get a good night’s rest. We got the next few days to catch up on our talk.”
“How long can you stay?”
“I got a week. Fred’s working in Seattle. I said I’d meet him in Frisco.”
JeriLee didn’t speak.
“I thought it would be nice if you could get some time off. Maybe we could go somewhere and catch up on our rest. I’ve been going at it pretty hard too.”
JeriLee shook her head doubtfully. “I don’t know.”
“We’ll see. Now you go off to bed before you fall on your face.
“What about you?”
“I’ll finish unpacking first. I won’t be too long.”
Licia, watching the door close, was annoyed with herself. She should have known better than to let JeriLee get this far away from her. Especially here where the things JeriLee really wanted were at the tips of her fingers.
She looked around the small apartment. After a moment she had made up her mind. Tomorrow she would look for a more comfortable apartment for JeriLee. Something with enough room for both of them.
The sooner she got JeriLee out of here the better. She could no longer leave JeriLee on her own as much as she had. No matter how much it screwed up her own life, she would have to find a way to bring her back to New York.
Chapter 16
Licia and JeriLee came out of the dust-covered aluminum camper into the bright sunlight. JeriLee’s face was covered with carefully applied smeared dirt and blood.
The A.D. peered at JeriLee’s face anxiously and called to the makeup man. “I think we can use a little more gore. And rough up the bike suit a bit.”
“Where are they shooting now?” JeriLee asked.
“They’re on the road. They should be here in about fifteen minutes. They better,” he muttered, scanning the sky. “Or we’re going to lose the light.”
JeriLee followed the makeup man to a small table set under a tree. A wooden crate served as a seat. The makeup man went to work on her face and then with a small razor blade made several cuts and nicks in her bike suit.
Just as he finished with JeriLee they heard the roar of motors. A moment later the big black Harley Davidson screeched up the ramp past the camera. Behind through a cloud of dust came the pursuing souped-up beach buggy. As it sped past the camera they heard the shrill whistle of the A.D. and the director’s shouted “Cut!”
The motors stopped and the crew immediately began resetting the cameras. The sun was beginning to slide slowly down the sky toward the ocean and they worked feverishly to gain time against the dying light.
The stunt driver on the bike flipped up his visor. He took a can of beer from the outstretched hand of one of the crew and walked to the edge of the platform that hung out over the ocean.
“Is he really going over it?” Licia asked JeriLee.
JeriLee nodded.
“That’s a seventy-foot fall.”
“That’s his business.”
“It’s not my kind of business,” Licia said.
The director came up with the driver of the dune buggy, who was wearing a long blond wig and black vinyl bike suit exactly like JeriLee’s.
“You know what you have to do?” the director asked the stunt man.
“Yeah, the minute Tom goes over the cliff I get out of the car and JeriLee gets in.”
“It has to be fast,” the director said. “We’ve only got one camera to work with. It will pan out after Tom, then back to the car. The other camera will pick up his fall. You
got maybe thirty seconds, no more.”
The stunt man nodded. “Okay.”
The director turned to JeriLee. “Once you’re in the car wait for my signal before getting out. Then you walk to the edge and look down. Take a long beat then turn and walk slowly along the cliff toward the cops who will be approaching you. I’m going to try to catch you in silhouette against the setting sun.”
JeriLee nodded.
“We’ll be ready in five minutes,” the director said. “They’re getting the shot of the patrol car coming on the ramp now.”
“How are you holding up, honey?” Licia asked.
“Okay.”
“You look tired. It’s been a long day.” She took a pill from her bag. “Better take this. It’ll keep you going.”
“It’ll also keep me up half the night.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Licia said. “We’ll get you to sleep. This is the last scene in the movie and I don’t want you to look wasted.”
JeriLee took the red and swallowed it with a swig of water from the canteen. She felt the instant burst of energy. Her eyes began to shine.
“Feel better, honey?” Licia asked.
“Much better.” JeriLee laughed thin and high. “I can go another ten hours.”
***
It was dark when she awoke. There was the faint hum of voices through the closed door to the living room. Her mouth was dry and her tongue felt swollen. She got out of bed and went into the bathroom. Thirstily she drank a glass of water, then brushed her teeth vigorously to get the brackish taste from her mouth. She put on the terry cloth robe hanging on the door and went out into the living room.
The voices were coming from the television set. Licia looked up from her chair.
“What time is it?” JeriLee asked.
“Eleven o’clock.”
“I told you to wake me at eight. I was due at the club at nine.”
“It’s okay. When I saw how deep you were sleepin’. I called the club and told them you were sick.”
“It’s not okay. They know I was making the picture. They’ll figure I didn’t want to show up.”
“Then screw ’em. You can get plenty of jobs where you can show your ass.”
“You know better than that. This is a good club. Most of the places are hustlers’ joints.”
“Calm down, honey,” Licia said soothingly. “Let me make you a cup of tea. You can’t keep this up or you’re goin’ to collapse.”
“I got to. I have to keep working.”
“Do you? You’ve been at it steady for about eight months now. You gotta have some money in the bank.”
JeriLee’s eyes fell. “It costs money to live.”
“I know it does, honey, but you only got into this to get enough money to write. You must have enough now to keep you while you get back to work on that play you want to do.”
JeriLee was silent.
“Face it, baby,” Licia said. “Writin’ motorcycle pictures ain’t what you started out to do. An’ you didn’t even write that. They just took your idea and turned it around to suit themselves. You didn’t write no sex and sadism story but that’s what they made out of it.”
JeriLee still didn’t answer.
“You don’t belong out here,” Lucia said. “You’ll only windup trapped in all this shit an’ never write the kind of thing you really want to do.”
“At least I got paid for what I wrote,” JeriLee said defensively. “And they talk to me. That’s more than I get back East. Maybe this is the beginning of something.”
“It’s the beginning all right,” Licia said. “The beginning of the end. Nobody ever makes it out of these pictures. There’s only one way to go after this—down, into straight pornos.”
“What makes you such an expert all of a sudden?”
“I didn’t just sit here while you were out shootin’ this movie. I did a lot of checking on my own. What you made is a double- or triple-bill drive-in movie that nobody watches anyway. The only reason they go to the drive-ins is for hamburgers, hot dogs and fucking.”
“Gross says that he can get me a few more pictures after this. He says Ansbach is happy with the film.”
“But they’ll be the same kind of pictures.”
“I don’t know.”
“You’ll see. It’ll be like the clubs. Each time you’ll have to take off a little more. Next thing, fuck shows.”
JeriLee was silent. She knew that a lot of what Licia said made sense.
“I’m not pushin’ you, honey,” Licia said earnestly, taking her hand. “But someday JeriLee Randall will want to come back and by that time it may be too late. Jane Randolph will have taken over for good.”
“I need a drink,” JeriLee said.
“Don’t drink. Take a Librium.”
“I took two before I went to sleep.”
“Take another. A drink will only charge you up. What you need is more sleep.” She rose from the couch. “I’ll get it for you.”
JeriLee took the pill with a swallow of water, then Licia pushed her gently back onto the couch. “Now you just sit there and relax while I fix a nice bath for you. After that you go back to bed and I don’t want to hear a sound out of you until morning.”
JeriLee took Licia’s hand and squeezed it. “I don’t know how I’d have gotten through the last few weeks without you,” she said gratefully.
“I love you, honey. I want to take care of you.”
***
The tranquilizer wasn’t working. Restlessly JeriLee sat up in bed and turned on the light.
The bedroom door opened. “You okay?” Licia asked.
“I can’t sleep.”
Licia sat down on the edge of the bed. “You need a vacation. A change of scenery.”
JeriLee started to laugh.
“What you laughin’ at, honey?”
“Look who’s talking? When’s the last time you ever took a vacation? Even out here, you’re always on the telephone running your business.”
“There’s a difference. I’m doin’ what I want to do. You’re shootin’ off in so many different directions, you don’t know what you want anymore.”
“I know what I want. I want to write.”
“Then do it.” Licia paused for a moment. “If it’s money that’s holdin’ you up, forget it. I got enough money to let you do what you want.”
“I don’t want your money. You’ve done more than enough already.”
“You’re being childish.”
“I’m not,” JeriLee answered stubbornly. “It’s important that I take care of myself.”
“You wouldn’t feel like that if I were a man, would you?”
Licia’s sudden coolness took JeriLee by surprise. “What makes you say that?”
“It’s the truth, isn’t it? It’s okay for a man to support you but you can’t accept it from another woman.”
“That’s not true.”
“Would you give the same answer to that stud if he offered?” Licia asked. “I’ll bet you wouldn’t. You’d fall down on your knees and suck his cock in gratitude.”
“Don’t say that, Licia. You know better. If that was what I wanted I could have had it a long time ago. It doesn’t make any difference whether it’s a woman or a man. I still have to make it on my own.”
Licia laughed harshly. “You talk a lot about the truth but you don’t face, it, honey. Why did you call me when you had no place else to go? Because you knew in your secret little heart that I wanted to ball you. And that was okay if we kept it on an airy fairy level but now we’re down to the gut and you don’t like that. Why don’t you come out of the closet, baby, and admit what you are? You’re no different than me. You want cunt just as much as I do.”
JeriLee’s eyes were wide and staring. With trembling hands she reached for a cigarette. Licia took it from her and put it in the ashtray.
“You’ll wind up setting fire to the bed,” she said. As she removed her robe, her honey-colored skin shone in the glow of
the lamp. Gently she drew JeriLee’s face to her breasts. Her voice was husky as she spoke. “Here, baby,” she said softly. “Mother knows what you want. Mother knows what you need. Let Mother take care of you.”
JeriLee closed her eyes and inhaled Licia’s warm musky smell. She wanted to sink into the safety of Licia’s arms, but she suddenly knew that she could not.
What Licia offered was no different from what men had offered. Sex was still the currency of payment. The fact that she was a woman didn’t make it a fair trade item. Freedom was the right to be yourself. It was not something that could be bought and paid for. It was earned by being honest with yourself, whether or not you liked what you saw.
She pulled away from Licia and looked into her eyes. “You were right,” she said. “I was not being honest. Not with myself and not with you. I’m sorry.”
Licia didn’t speak.
“I’m grateful for what you’ve done,” JeriLee said. “I want to be your friend. And I want to make love to you and have you make love to me because I enjoy it. Maybe more than any other kind I know. But I’m not in love with you any more than I am with anyone else. Maybe I’m not capable of love in the same way other people are. All I know is that I don’t want to own anybody and I don’t want anybody to own me. I have to be free.”
Licia’s voice was dull with pain. “Even if it means being alone?”
JeriLee looked at her for a long moment, then nodded slowly.
Licia’s eyes filled with tears. And this time it was JeriLee who drew the woman’s head to her breast and comforted her.
Chapter 17
Marc Gross Associates consisted of one harried secretary and an answering service. Gross himself was a young man who had worked for several of the big agencies before striking out on his own. He drove a Lincoln Continental on which payments were always two months behind and was given to continually dropping names and talking about the big deals that were always pending. Despite it all, he was a likable young man and did the best he could for the clients who happened to drift through his door. The real problem was that the most promising talent was always grabbed up by the more established agencies while he had to make do with the hopefuls.
The Lonely Lady Page 35