Still Candy Shopping

by Swinson, Kiki

  “We ain’t finished nigga . . . Deezo wanna see you,” Quan snarled. He had one of his posse call somebody and a black van pulled up shortly thereafter. Rambo was thrown into the van, never to be seen again.

  Ben worked every day from sun up to sun down, tirelessly to pay Deezo back. He wasn’t making any money and Celeste was starting to take notice. She had been waiting to see just how long it was going to take Ben to bring her the usual $100 a week she had grown accustomed to. She waited and waited, but nothing.

  Ben’s baby brother, Keon, had just turned a month old and Celeste was back to arguing and fighting with her baby father, Drake, over money. Frustrated that she couldn’t get shit out of Drake, Celeste turned her attention back to Ben.

  It was an early morning and Ben was getting ready to hit the block. Deezo had told him the night before that he was more than half way paid up, so Ben wanted to get outside early to get it in. The faster he paid Deezo back, the faster he could make more money. He shuffled around his room, layering on clothes to combat against the brick cold winter morning air he knew he would have to contend with standing outside doing hand-to-hand sales. But before he could get finished dressing, Ben’s plans to get out of the house before his mother got up were broken up.

  “Where the fuck are you goin’ so early in the morning?” Celeste asked, standing in his doorway. Ben jumped, she had startled him. He furrowed his eyebrows as he stared at his mother. She had been up all night with Keon, who in Ben’s assessment, did nothing but cry day and night. Celeste looked as if she had been to war. Her eyes had bags under them and her hair resembled a wild bird’s nest on top of her head.

  “I’m going to work,” Ben mumbled, thinking to himself that his mother looked like shit. He sighed when he saw that she wasn’t going to leave his room. His mother stressing him was the last thing he needed right now on top of the shit he was going through with Deezo.

  “Well, I ain’t seen no fuckin’ money from you in a minute so how you mean you goin’ to work!” Celeste snapped. Ben didn’t want to hear her mouth. He rolled his eyes in typical teenager defiance. But Celeste kept on talking. “You think this a free ride up in here nigga? I noticed you been eating shit I put up in here lately too! I ain’t seen a dime from you since before I left to go to the hospital to have Keon. You got all these sneakers and shit though,” Celeste hollered, walking over to Ben’s stack of sneaker boxes and slapping them down from where they were stacked neatly.

  “Eatin’ shit you put up in here? The last time I checked you was the mother and I was the son . . . so ain’t that how it’s supposed to go?” Ben snapped. He was really blown by his mother’s audacity. She was acting like she was talking to her man and not her son. “I gotta go!” He snapped at his mother like she was a lunatic.

  “You ain’t goin’ no fuckin’ place til I get my money Benjamin Early!” Celeste screamed. Just then, at the sound of Celeste’s high pitched, screechy voice, baby Keon started to scream from Celeste’s bedroom. She rolled her eyes in disgust.

  “I don’t have no money for you. I will soon,” Ben tried to reason with her. Between the baby crying and her stressing over not having any money, Celeste seemed to snap. Her eyes were wild and she turned her face into a scowl.

  “What! I said I want some fuckin’ money now!” she screamed. Then she stretched her arm out and slapped Ben across his face. He was shocked. He rocked on the balls of his feet. He wanted to punch his mother in her face so badly.

  “What the fuck you doin’!” he screamed, holding the side of his face. He had drops of blood on his hands. Celeste’s nails had scratched him on the cheek and drawn blood. She seemed to have caught herself. She never really hit Ben before. She knew she was stressed over money, the baby crying all the time and her no good baby father who was in and out the apartment and fucking with every Thelma and Louise in the hood. Celeste’s eyes went low and she wore a sorrowful look.

  “Ben . . . wait . . . I’m just—” she started. Ben didn’t allow her to complete her apology, he didn’t wanna hear what she had to say. He stormed pass her, grabbed his coat and headed out the door. Baby Keon was still screaming his head off. “Ben! Wait . . . I’m sorry!” Celeste cried out to no one. It was too late. Ben was already gone. She just didn’t know how far gone he was.

  A Sucker 4 Candy Amaleka McCall

  Chapter 3

  Ben had worked hard and paid off his debt to Deezo. He was back in Deezo’s good graces and he had graduated from his old weed spot to one of Deezo’s main crack spots. Ben was fifteen now and he had shot up at least six inches in height. His voice had gotten deeper and he considered himself a man now. When Ben first got started at his new hand-to-hand crack spot, he immediately noticed the difference between the customers that he used to sell weed to and the customers who bought crack. Ben’s weed customers had been mostly young dudes and girls, some college students and even some white kids that drove to Brooklyn from Long Island to get the best weed. All of the weed customers, with the exception of a few, still appeared to be “normal” in Ben’s eyes. But he noticed that his crack customers were a lot of women, some he knew from his neighborhood that were mothers. He also noticed that all of the crack customers, men and women looked horrible and would always try to beg for a freebee. Ben often wondered how crack had made them so skinny and fucked up their teeth so bad.

  Ben was starting to learn from his environment. He had grown to have a hardened heart towards fiends and people in general. He had learned from Deezo that it was either kill or be killed out on the streets. Being as young as he was, Ben had gotten his first blow job from one of his customers. It was a hot summer night and Ben was standing on his corner. He was partnered up with three other dudes that worked for Deezo. Quan had told Ben the partnership was for their own protection. They were all standing around talking shit as usual waiting on their regular customers to come back for the fifth or sixth time that night.

  A female fiend came rushing over to Ben and his crew. She was moving back and forth like her ass couldn’t stand still. “Whatchu want tonight Trisha?” Ben asked, knowing the woman by her first name now. He knew she was notorious for begging. Trisha would always try to sell them some shit they didn’t need, like used batteries and other junk. Ben had a scowl on his face as he waited for her to say some dumb shit.

  “I need to borrow something,” the woman said nervously. The monkey was on her back big time and she couldn’t keep still.

  “Yo bitch, you can’t borrow shit!” Ben snapped at her. “If I loan you a rock you gon’ give it back? No! Then it ain’t borrowing bitch. Now get the fuck on.” Ben had been in the game long enough now to pick up on just how the corner boys spoke to the fiends. He had gotten his bark down pact.

  “C’mon . . . please!” Trisha begged, still moving like she was being eaten alive by ants.

  “Trisha, whatchu gon’ do for my man if he give you a free cap?” one of the boys that was with Ben called out to the skinny, drawn up, poorly dressed woman. It was a joke, but they wanted to see how far she was going to stoop to get that crack.

  “I’ll do anything he wants,” Trisha said, sounding real desperate. Her voice cracked and her lips white with ash.

  “A’ight . . . let me see you drop down and suck his dick right here,” the boy said. Ben’s eyes grew wide. Getting his dick sucked was a dream of his. He had heard so many of the dudes he hung around talking about girls sucking their dicks and how good it felt. Ben was dying to receive that first blowjob.

  “I’ll do it. I’ll do anything right now for a cap,” Trisha pleaded, rubbing herself. They all started laughing cruelly.

  “Go ’head Ben, take that bitch behind the building and let her suck you off,” one of the boys demanded. The other boys started chiming in.

  “That’s part of the game son . . . let a bitch suck ya dick for that good good,” they all joked. Ben didn’t know if they were serious or not. He was young and although he had been slanging for two years now, he wasn’t as worldly
as some of his older counterparts.

  “C’mon baby, I’ll suck you off good,” Trisha said, making a failed attempt at trying to be sexy. Although Trisha was dirty, her skin was ashen and she looked like a bag of bones, the possibility and thought of having a mouth on his dick made Ben get hard. Trisha’s missing teeth gave Ben more hope that it would feel real good too.

  “Nigga, you better go before I do,” another boy said.

  “Yeah, I’ll let that bitch suck my dick if you don’t,” another one of the boys called out. They all started laughing.

  “Let me find out you’re scared to let a bitch suck on ya little dick,” they teased. They were ramping up the peer pressure. Ben was hesitant, but the taunts and jeers from his boys started getting to him.

  “Nah, why the fuck I’ma be scared for? Ain’t like I never had my dick sucked,” Ben said, fronting hard. The boys started laughing again. Now they were jeering him even more.

  “You ain’t never had that baby dick of yours sucked yet,” they taunted.

  “Fuck this! C’mon bitch,” Ben grumbled at Trisha. He was so mad at his boys now he was shaking. Trisha was excited about the possibility of getting a freebee. She needed it badly. She obediently followed Ben around the back of the building. His heart was beating fast and his palms were sweaty. Trisha noticed Ben’s reluctance and decided she was going to try to run game on him.

  “Gimme the cap first,” Trisha begged, she was pressing her luck. Trisha thought she was going to outsmart this young boy. Ben looked at her and took noticed that she really looked horrible. He couldn’t help but wonder where her kids were right now while their mother was at the back of a building begging to suck the dick of a fifteen year old boy for crack. Ben had to put the thought out of his mind. There was no way he was going to let the other dudes on the corner clown him if he gave Trisha some free crack and didn’t let her suck him off.

  “Nah, you gon’ have to do it first,” Ben told her, finally calming his nerves enough to speak.

  Trisha smacked her lips and twisted her face up. Ben nervously fumbled with his zipper and got his dick out of his pants. The air hit it and it started to get hard. He didn’t want to look down at Trisha’s ugly, pock marked faced and her thinning unkempt hair. He was afraid his dick would wilt, so he closed his eyes. Trisha got on her knees and put her dirty hands around his dick. Ben jumped a little, but when she put his now rock hard dick into her warm mouth he felt a tingling sensation all over his body. Trisha slid her rotten mouth up and down his dick hard and fast. Her slob was falling onto her hands and the ground.

  Ben swallowed hard and imagined that she was a beautiful, sexy girl giving him head. He leaned back on the abandoned building and let her go to town on his dick. He could feel the cum welling up inside of him. Trisha started sucking on it harder.

  “Take that shit like its candy,” Ben moaned. He was breathing hard and pumping into Trisha’s mouth now. Ben opened his eyes and put his hand on the back of her head. He couldn’t control himself. This was his first time ever feeling something so good. He started fucking her in the mouth as if it was a straight up pussy. Trisha moaned and gagged. Ben was now banging her face fast and furious.

  “Arrghhh!” Ben sang out while he came. He wouldn’t let Trisha’s head go. She gagged more because he was shooting his cum forcefully into the back of her throat. His body shuddered. He had never felt anything like that in his life. He opened his eyes in disbelief. Trisha was trying to spit out his cum. She was wiping her mouth fiercely. What she hadn’t swallowed had dripped onto her lips and chin.

  “Gimme the cap now,” she pleaded. She was disgusted and pissed with Ben. Trisha had been giving head for years and never had she been manhandled like that. Ben dug into his pocket and took out two dimes. He dropped them into her waiting hand and she scurried away. He wiped off his dick and folded it back into his pants. He was trying to get his legs straight before he went back to the spot with the rest of the dudes. When he was satisfied he didn’t look too whipped, he started walking back.

  When Ben emerged from the back of the building all of the dudes were waiting on him. They rushed at him. “Yo, how was it?” one asked. Ben just nodded. He didn’t want them to think he was feeling a crackhead bitch like Trisha.

  “I hope you told that bitch to fuckin’ kick rocks after she sucked you off,” another dude said. Ben looked at him confused. “Yo! I think this nigga really gave that bitch a cap after she sucked his shit,” the same dude announced. Ben stood in silence. Now they were making him feel like a fool all over again. He didn’t speak to them. He just wore a dumb looking expression on his face.

  “Yup! You did, didn’t you?” another boy said and they all busted out laughing.

  “You ain’t supposed to ever give none of these fiends no free caps. I don’t care if a bitch suck the skin off your dick!” one of the boys lectured Ben. “Shit, you better not let Deezo find out you gave that bitch a free cap,” the same boy told Ben.

  Ben was shaking now. The possibility of pissing Deezo off again weighed heavy on his mind for the remainder of the night. He replaced the money for the missing caps into what Quan was going to collect for Deezo. He wasn’t going to ever give Deezo a reason to think he was trying to cross him again. Ben didn’t plan on ever fucking up none of Deezo’s money or drugs. There was one thing that Ben was learning, and that was that there were hard learned rules to the drug game.

  That same night Ben was put to yet another test. Before he left the block to go home, Deezo had asked him to stash drugs in his house. He had been reluctant at first, but Deezo had convinced him that it was the only way he could gain enough trust to move up to the next level.

  Ben was lured by the money.

  He was making enough money now that he was able to stash some and buy clothes with the rest. He had continued to hit Celeste off with a few dollars too, but he couldn’t give her too much, because then she would figure out that it wasn’t coming from a newspaper route.

  “Yo Ben, I’m tryna move you up in this here game. But you gotta pass a coupla test,” Deezo told Ben as Deezo sat behind the wheel of his brand new Porche Cayenne. Deezo had been changing cars more often now.

  “Yeah wassup, Deezo?” Ben had asked eagerly.

  “I need you to stash some bundles in ya crib for me,” Deezo told him.

  Ben’s heartbeat immediately dropped when the words had finished leaving Deezo’s mouth. That was the one thing he was afraid to do. Celeste had always warned him that if she ever found out that he was using or selling drugs she would beat his ass and then call the police on him herself. She had implicitly warned him against bringing any drugs anywhere near her house. But Ben wanted to be down so badly he’d do just about anything for Deezo. He also wanted to keep making money to feed and clothe himself.

  “A’ight Deezo, I’m down. You know I’ma do what it takes to be a soldier . . . I’ma rider,” Ben had replied enthusiastically.

  Deezo starting laughing. He was clearly pleased. “You muthafuckin’ right. Nigga, you been riding since I put your little ass on,” Deezo replied. Then he reached his fist out and gave Ben a pound. Ben returned the gesture.

  He felt good getting a compliment from Deezo, but Ben’s mind was racing with how he was going to pull off stashing the drugs. The apartment he shared with his mother wasn’t but so big and when Celeste got ready to search Ben’s shit for money she would go through all his belongings with a fine-toothed comb. When Ben agreed to stash the drugs for Deezo he had stepped over an invisible boundary that his mother had put up. Still, Ben didn’t go back on his word with Deezo.

  That night, Ben slid into the house as quietly as he could. He was hoping his mother would be sleep or fucking—her favorite pastimes. As he tipped into the darkened apartment, he held onto his fat pockets, which were loaded down with five bundles of crack.

  “Fuck you, Drake, you piece of shit!” Celeste’s voice boomed.

  Ben was startled. His mother’s screams stopped him dead in his
tracks. His heart starting racing like crazy.

  “You ain’t never got shit. No money, no time. Barely giving me any dick! What the fuck I need you for,” Celeste continued her tirade.

  Ben listened for a few minutes and was relieved that his mother was preoccupied with her usual argument with Drake. He knew that would give him a few minutes of free time to get the bundles hidden. He was breathing hard but he was concentrating. When he rushed through his bedroom door, he was caught a little off guard when he noticed that baby Keon was in his bed.

  “What the fuck she put the baby in here for?” Ben said under his breath. He looked over at his baby brother, who was surrounded by pillows on the bed just in case he rolled over. Ben shook his head. He kind of felt sorry for baby Keon because he had to be stuck inside the house with their crazy mother all day long.

  Ben eased down onto his knees. He stopped and listened again. Celeste and Drake were still at it. “Good. These assholes just don’t know how stupid they sound,” Ben mumbled to himself. He pulled his nightstand drawer out of the base of the nightstand and set the heavy drawer down. He slipped the drugs in the slot where the drawer was supposed to be, and then he spread the packages out so that the drawer could fit back in the slot. He carefully fit the nightstand drawer back into its place. The drawer wouldn’t close all the way, but it was good enough.

  Ben figured at least if Celeste came searching while he was sleeping, he would be able to hear her since the nightstand was right next to his bed. Ben took his clothes off and moved some of the pillows. He sucked his teeth when he looked at his baby brother taking up most of the bed. He was scared to move Keon. He didn’t want to risk waking him up and having to deal with him while Celeste dealt with Drake. Ben folded his body around his brother’s and when he did, the baby nuzzled in closer to him. He hugged his baby brother back. As thugged out as Ben thought he was, this was the most affection he had had in a very long time. He started to think he could get close to baby Keon and maybe even love him.