In A Heartbeat (The Shameful Regret Series)

by King, Liz

  I don’t know what to say to that. I was terrified, but it really wasn’t him that I was frightened of. He did nothing wrong. I still don’t understand why I feel safe with him near me. Sure, I’m scared shitless right now because I’m worried that my heart will literally beat out of my chest, but I have this general sense of calm and being protected with his hands on me. “About that, I’m sorry.” Is all I can say.

  Connor keeps my chin held between his thumb and fingers. He won’t let me look away. Those emerald pools are staring into me like they can see right into my soul. I almost feel like he can see my secret. “You have nothing to apologize for.” And I’m not sure if he’s talking about just last night, or if he senses that I carry guilt for what happed in my past.

  My entire body is buzzing. “What are you doing here?” I ask and quickly add, “I mean, why did you stop to talk to me?” I hate that I sound completely rude, but I need to know why he came over to our table, and I don’t want to talk about last night. Hopefully he will take the hint. Does he feel the same connection that I do? My heart is hoping that he does, but my head is telling me to be wary.

  I still can’t explain why I feel so safe around him. Usually, anytime somebody other than Daddy or Sly gets that close to me, I have an instinct to pull away. With Connor, I find my body being drawn closer to him. “Help yourself, why don’t you?” I say when he releases my chin and reaches forward to pinch off some more of my cinnamon bun.

  “She does have a bite to her.” Connor chuckles.

  I look at him and smile, then lean forward to pick up my plate off the table. Leaning back in my chair I say “Never come between me and my sweet treats. You will lose a finger.” I don’t know where this flirty confidence is coming from, but I decide to go with it. I pinch off another bite for myself and put it in my mouth.

  Connor continues to stare at me. It’s like he’s trying to decipher some mystery that he sees inside me. “I will remember that for tonight.” His eyes dart towards my mouth.

  “Huh? What about tonight?”

  “Tonight. You. Me. Dinner before our show at Silver.” Connor says matter of factly.

  Ok. So I guess this is his way of asking me out. Well, more like telling me instead of asking. “I don’t date.” I tell him looking down at my lap. I’ve only ever gone out as a group a handful of times in high school and college, and those times were always uncomfortable for me. My anxiety levels are starting to rise.

  “You are going to dinner with me, then you are going to Silver with me. Your friends can meet us at Silver if you want. I’ll leave word at the door that they be allowed in cover free.” Connor’s deep voice is like a balm for my nerves. His take control attitude is having the opposite effect of what I would have expected.

  Michelle picks this exact moment to make her presence known. I wonder how long she was watching and listening to us, because I know it doesn’t take that long to go in and get more coffee. “Hell yeah! She’ll be happy to go tonight! Gabbi and I have been dying to check Silver out! It’s impossible to get in!” she exclaims and puts her hands on my shoulders.

  “Good. Just go to the front of the line. Tell them that you’re with me.” Connor tells Michelle then picks up my cell phone from the table and starts typing. I hear his phone buzz in his pocket, then he hands my phone back to me.

  I look down at the screen.

  Me: Of course I’d love to go out tonight! I will be ready at 7! Nae-Nae

  That’s the text he sent to himself from my phone. He even programmed his number into my contacts.

  My head snaps up and I cut my eyes at him. “If you don’t stop calling me Nae-Nae, I will seriously have your ass!” Oh shit! I can see by the look on his face that my feistiness is something he seems to enjoy.

  “Babe, you can have my ass any time you want. All you have to do is ask.” Connor smirks getting out of his chair. He leans down placing his hands on the arm rails on both sides of my body. “What’s your address?” Connor is so close. If I lean forward just a few inches I could kiss him if I wanted to. I can feel his warm breath on my skin. I can smell the cinnamon on his breath. That and the scent of his cologne is enough to make my head spin.

  “Archdale Commons. Apartment 5507.” Are the only words I can formulate at this moment. My senses are overwhelmed. He is all I can see, smell and hear.

  Connor closes the distance between us and places a small kiss to the tip of my nose then whispers “Seven o’clock. Be ready.” In my ear, then stands up and walks down the street without looking back.

  I release the breath that I didn’t realize I was holding and sag back into my chair.

  “Holy shit!” Michelle squeals bouncing around me to sit in the seat that Connor just vacated. “Come on bitch! We have to get you ready for tonight!”

  What did I just agree to? I haven’t been out on a date with a man alone since that night. It’s just dinner. I won’t allow myself to be put in that situation again. That night was my fault. It was in a secluded parking lot with someone much bigger than me. I won’t let myself be taken advantage of again. I’m older now and smarter. It’s time I learn to be the woman that I know I can be.

  Fingers snapping in front of my face pull me out of my daze. “Hello! Earth to Nae-Nae!” Michelle is waving her hands at me. “I know you’re nervous. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen you go out on a real date in all the years that I’ve known you. It will be fine.” She looks at me and she can sense my apprehension. “You can always just call me if you need me to come rescue you. I don’t think you would have agreed to go with him if you didn’t trust Connor. You have good instincts girlie.”

  Yeah, I thought I had good instincts too. That didn’t turn out to be the truth. But, that was eight years ago. I’ve grown since then, and my heart is telling me that Connor is a good guy. “Fine, lets go. I need a manicure desperately. My treat!” I tell her.

  Michelle lets out her annoying girly squeal and hops up dragging me away from the table. I throw some cash down by our plates and let her lead me away. It looks like she gets to play dress up again.

  Chapter Seven

  The clock on the microwave reads 6:45 pm. I’m pacing the kitchen. Michelle left a little over an hour ago so she could pick up Gabbi for their “dinner date” before meeting Connor and I at Silver. I’ve had two cups of coffee in the last little bit. That probably wasn’t the brightest idea. I don’t need the caffeine in my system when my nerves are already high.

  Despite Michelle’s insistence, I settled on wearing an outfit that I would be most comfortable in. I have on my favorite pair of dark indigo boot cut jeans and a turquoise sleeveless top. The top is one of those “mock-wrap” style shirts that pull in at the waist, but the only downside to that is with my bountiful blessings in the cleavage department, the neckline is quite low cut. Michelle made me take off the camisole I wanted to wear under it. I matched this with a pair of leopard print ballet flats. I was not going to another club in heels. I wanted to be able to walk without stumbling into Connor again, although, my mind thinks that stumbling and being caught by him may not be such a bad thing.

  A knock on my door stops me in my tracks. I take a deep breath and make my way to the door. You can do this Lynae.

  I open the door, and just like when I saw him this morning, Connor takes my breath away. He is dressed in dark jeans and a light blue button down shirt that he left untucked. The sleeves are rolled up just above his elbows, and I can see part of the tattoo on his right arm again. Looking at this man makes my stomach flip. I can’t remember the last time I felt like this.

  “Sweetness, you’re looking absolutely edible tonight.” Connor purrs as he walks into the apartment looking around at the space I call home.

  The foyer of my apartment opens up into a spacious living room with the kitchen off to the side. I’ve decorated it with a “comfy” feel to it. An oversized couch and loveseat combo with lots of throw pillows in all different colors and a zebra print rug add a bit of whimsy to it. At
least that’s what I think it looks like. I have lots of photos of Michelle and Gabbi at work, and hanging out here. I also have several photos of Sly and I ranging from when we first met to present.

  Connor picks up one of the pictures of Sly and I from the bookshelf next to the loveseat. “Who is this? I saw a pic of you two as your wallpaper on your phone.” He’s holding one of my favorite pictures of us. Sly was carrying me piggyback in front of the big pineapple fountain at Waterfront Park and Michelle was going crazy snapping pictures of everything with her new camera. It was one of his first visits here when I started college. My head is tipped back and I’m laughing. Sly is looking back at me over his shoulder laughing and smiling as well. It’s times like that, when I’m just hanging out with Sly and Michelle that I feel totally free and open. “Should I be worried of a jealous boyfriend?”

  I smile wistfully and shake my head. “Not at all. That’s just Sly. He’s like the older brother that I never had. We’ve known each other for years. Sly is my best friend.” I notice a flash of emotion cross Connor’s face at the words “older brother” as he puts the frame back down, then begins walking around looking at more pictures. He picks up a picture of me, Daddy and Momma that was taken shortly before she died, and I see a similar expression cloud his eyes briefly. I can’t put my finger on exactly what that emotion may have been. Surprisingly, I feel at ease having Connor in my space, it feels like he belongs here with me.

  I hear chuckling when Connor stops at my coffee table. “What on earth is this? Who needs this much candy?” he asks pointing to my candy bowl. It has probably about two pounds worth of gummy bears in it. Like I said, I’m seriously addicted to them.

  “What does it look like? That is only the best candy ever invented! Besides, if Gabbi and Michelle hadn’t brought those to me at work yesterday to bribe me, I wouldn’t have been at the club, which means you wouldn’t be here. So, don’t judge!” I cross my arms over my chest, which is a bad move on my part. When you are as busty as I am, crossing your arms only makes your chest rise and stick out more, and Connor obviously notices this.

  With his attention no longer on my large supply of candy and now only focused on me, mostly on the girls, he stalks across the living room towards me. “Ah, Lynae, is this what makes you so sweet? Bribing you with sugar? It seems the most words I get out of your mouth are when I’m insulting your sweet tooth or trying to steal your dessert?”

  How can he make my name sound so much different than when others say it. They way my name rolls off his tongue makes me feel like I could melt. “I’m far from sweet. Now, are you going to feed me? After all, you sort of told me you were taking me to dinner instead of asking.” I try to sound forceful, but I’m sure he can hear my voice shaking.

  Connor shakes his head and reaches out for my hand. I don’t flinch or pull away. I let him take my hand willingly. It feels right. His hands are large and rough, and I feel jolts of electricity race up my arm much like last night when he grasped my shoulders to keep me from falling. “Let’s go, Sweetness, I don’t want to get on your bad side. I recall you saying something about having my ass earlier.” He says as he leads me back towards the front door. And there go the flutters in my heart again.

  I grab my keys and purse on the way out. He still hasn’t let go of my hand. We walk down the hallway towards the elevator, and it is then that I really see how big he is. Connor must be at least a foot taller than me. I guess I didn’t notice the height difference with my heels on last night, even though I knew he was tall. He looks down at me and smiles a heart-stopping smile. “I was thinking we could go out for sushi if that’s ok with you. There’s this great place not far from Silver and we could just park and walk straight there.”

  “Sure, that sounds like a plan.” I nod my head as we make our way to the elevator. I have got to get my heart to stop pounding like it is. I’m sure he can see it beating through my shirt. He’s only holding my hand and I feel as if my heart is going to beat right out of my chest.

  Luckily, there are a few other people on the elevator when the doors open, so I’m not trapped in the enclosed space by myself with Connor for the ride down the five floors. One of the couples riding with us is the Richardsons. I’ve taken care of Mr. Richardson a few times at the hospital. He’s one of my “frequent flyers.” “Hey there sugar, how’s my favorite nurse doing tonight?” he asks me coming in for a hug.

  I smile, letting go of Connor and let Mr. Richardson engulf me in one of his signature bear hugs, “I’m great, Mr. Richardson. You doing alright?” I hug him back just as tightly

  He still has his arm around my shoulders when he scolds me for calling him Mr. Richardson. I know he prefers me to just call him Bill or Pops, I like hearing him get ruffled. “I know, Pops.” My parents taught me manners are very important, so I do as my elders ask of me. Mrs. Richardson gives me a hug as well before leaving the elevator in front of us, and Connor takes my hand again to escort me out to his car.

  I’m not really a car person, but I have to say, I love Connor’s car! It is a 1987 black t-top Camero that looks to be in excellent condition. Show me anything from the eighties and I’m in heaven. I’m often told that I was born several years too late for some of my tastes. Connor opens my door and helps me inside before walking around the front to the driver’s side. I’m surprised his long legs can fit under the steering wheel, but he is so graceful getting in.

  “So, a nurse, huh? Think you could take care of me in my time of need?” he asks me when we pull onto the main drive winking at me.

  I turn my head to the side to look at him. He’s shaved his stubble that he was sporting earlier. While I like the clean-shaven look, there was something about him with a day’s worth of growth that made him look edgy and sexy. “Yeah, I’ve been a nurse for three years now. Take care of you? Sorry, but I’m off duty.” I say with a flirty wink.

  Connor lets out a deep chuckle and the sound just glides over my ears. I could listen to his voice and laugh all night, then I remember that he is going to be singing again later tonight at Silver, and a chill runs down my spine just thinking about it. “Oh, really? We’ll just have to see about getting you back on duty tonight.” He replies then reaches over to turn the radio on for some background noise.

  Take My Breath Away by Berlin is on, and I start quietly singing along. I can’t help myself. If a song that I know is playing anywhere around me, I just start singing to myself or humming. Connor places his hand on my thigh and I immediately tense a little and stop singing. He is very touchy-feely with me.

  “Don’t stop singing on my account, Sweetness. You have a beautiful voice.” Connor purrs and squeezes my leg. He notices my stiff posture and asks, “Are you alright? You seem to be a bit jumpy sometimes.”

  I shake my head. “No, I’m fine. I’m just not really used to this, you know. Like I said, I don’t date.” I’m suddenly feeling a little embarrassed and self-conscious. I can feel my cheeks getting warm and red so I duck my head down and study my hands in my lap.

  Connor looks at me from the corner of his eye while he is concentrating on driving. “Why on earth don’t you date? You’re fucking gorgeous.” He takes his hand off my knee and lifts my chin up. “Especially when your cheeks get all pink like that.”

  This just makes my cheeks flame even more. I reach over and turn the radio up so hopefully he will get the hint that I’m not great at small talk.

  Connor turns the radio back down. “Lynae, seriously, why do you seem so tense sometimes? You did it last night, and you’re doing it now. Am I doing something to make you uncomfortable?” Connor obviously doesn’t get the hint. “The last thing I want to do is upset you, Sweetness.”

  I sigh. He’s known me less than twenty-four hours and he can already sense my unease. Maybe he’ll get sick of me and leave me alone after tonight. I really hope he doesn’t. My heart seems to be coming alive for the first time in a very long time. It’s time I let go of the past and move forward. “Connor, I’m just not
good in social situations. I get nervous and shy. You haven’t done anything.” I’m great when it comes to dealing with my patients and coworkers, I just don’t like being around incredibly sexy men that make me feel like I could burst into flames at any given moment, and that is exactly how Connor makes me feel.

  He just nods his head and continues driving us to the restaurant. Connor also starts singing along to the music on the radio. His voice is truly amazing. It’s deep and rich like velvet.

  ~

  Our dinner conversation stays on neutral subjects and the two glasses of wine help to ease my jumbled nerves. Connor and I discuss my nursing career at Mercy General, and his job as a mechanic while he waits on Shameful Regret to make it big. We were seated in a corner booth; Connor slides all the way around to sit directly beside me. His leg is constantly brushing against mine, and I feel the same sparks running up my leg. The way he looks at me tells me that he’s feeling it too.

  The muted light and Japanese motif in the restaurant help to ease some of my jumbled nerves. The quiet music and the sound of the waterfall fountain at the back add a calming vibe to the atmosphere.

  When we receive our entrees his eyes seem very focused on my lips as I bring the chopsticks to my mouth, and I know I’m having a hard time looking away from his delectable lips as well. This becomes even more of an issue when our dessert is brought to the table. Connor ordered the caramel cashew cheesecake.

  I can’t help the little moan that comes from me as I take my first bite of the amazing cheesecake. I lick my lips and close my eyes. It is probably the best thing that I have ever put in my mouth. When I open my eyes, Connor is staring at me with his fork paused midway to his mouth. “If you keep making noises like that, Sweetness, we won’t be making it to Silver, quite possibly not even out of this booth, and your friends are gonna wonder where you are.” His eyes have darkened to blazing emerald pools. I can feel the heat behind his gaze.