In A Heartbeat (The Shameful Regret Series)

by King, Liz

  “It’s Rocker Boy, isn’t it? I see that light back in your eyes when he’s around.” Sly asks.

  I smile up at my best friend in the entire world. “Yes, it’s Rocker Boy. I can’t explain it, but Connor makes me feel safe again. He is rebuilding me.”

  The door opens and Connor comes back in holding a few bags of what smells like Chinese takeout. His intense eyes take in the sight of me nuzzled in Sly’s arms, but for the first time, he doesn’t have the jealous or possessive gleam in them. He looks at us and sets the food down on the table. “Is our girl ok?” Connor sits on the other side of me on the sofa, pulling me into him, placing a gentle kiss on the top of my head. “Sweetness, I’m not going to let anything happen to you. I’ve got you now, and I’m not letting go.” He squeezes me tightly.

  “You had better take care of our girl. I love this girl with all of my heart. She is one of the most important people in my world. You do anything, and I mean anything at all to hurt her, I will make you wish you never met her. She’s been through too much. You understand me?” Sly glares at Connor.

  Connor shifts his body on the sofa so that he is facing Sly head on. “I understand you perfectly. Lynae isn’t just some girl to me. I can promise you that I will do everything in my power to make sure that she never hurts again. I don’t know how to explain it, but I know that she is my whole heart. I love her too, and I will damned sure take care of her.” He looks down at me, gently cupping my cheek, his thumb tracing my trembling bottom lip. “Lynae, I love you. I know we haven’t known each other very long, but I already know that I love you. I wish I could take away all of your pain, but I will do whatever I can to help it go away.”

  Tears drip from my eyes again. Only this time, they are not tears of sadness or fear or pain. They are tears of happiness. I never thought that someone would be able to love me after knowing about my past. If for any moment I had thought that I wasn’t already in love with the man sitting next to me, that moment is completely forgotten. The walls around my heart have come crashing down completely. My heart, body and soul belong to Connor Reeves. “I love you too.” I whisper as he leans down to lightly brush his lips against mine.

  Sly clears his throat behind me, reminding me that he is still there with us. My world always becomes consumed by Connor when he is near me. “Lynae, I’m going to head back to the house. I need to change clothes, then head back over to the hospital to check back on Mom. She was pretty shaken up by the fight.”

  “Sly, I’m so sorry. I hate that I’ve caused all this trouble.” I spin around in Connor’s arms to face Sly again.

  Sly stands up shaking his head. “If you don’t quit saying you’re sorry, I’m gonna lose it, Lynae. Nothing. I repeat, nothing was your fault. All of this shit was caused by that asshole. You and Rocker Boy eat, get cleaned up, and come by the hospital later. He’s gone. You can come back to the house if you want.”

  “I’m not letting her back in that house. We’ll stay here for a few days before heading back. Lynae told Carmen that she’d be back Monday. We’ll stay through the weekend, then head home Sunday.” Connor says decisively.

  I can’t argue with him, I don’t want to go back to that house ever again. I hate that I feel that way, but it is now tarnished with the memories of Matt. I am so glad that Connor is here. I honestly don’t know how I would have survived this. I was terrified at first when I felt his presence at Momma’s grave, but now the only thoughts in my head are how relieved I feel to know that it’s out, he doesn’t hate me, he doesn’t judge me, and he loves me. “He’s right, Sly. I can’t go back there. I’ll only see him there if I do. I just can’t.”

  “I get it.” Sly leans down to hug me. “I really do. I’ll see y’all in a little while. Love you.” Sly leaves, pulling the door closed behind him.

  Connor stands up from the sofa, pulling one of the chairs out near the table motioning for me to join him. “Come on, Sweetness, you need to eat. It’s been a long two days for you.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Connor has been treating me like glass for the last few days. It’s Saturday morning, and we are supposed to be heading home first thing. He’s been holding me tightly at night, but hasn’t made an attempt to become physical with me again since that first afternoon. I know he probably thinks I’m scared our experience was only brought on because of my high emotions, but I desperately want to show him that I want to be with him again. Connor has told me that he loves me over and over, whispering it in my ear when he pulls me into his body, and I can see it in his eyes the way he looks at me, but I need to feel it. I need him to show me.

  I wake up to the sounds of the shower running in the hotel’s bathroom. We are going to the hospital again today with Sly to go over Gina’s discharge instructions. Connor and I have visited with Gina every afternoon that we have been here. Her doctors said that she should be able to go home on Monday, and Sly wanted me to go with him to see her one more time before we headed home and for me to make sure that he was going to have everything that she was going to need at her house. Sly agreed to stay with her for a few days until his aunt could make into town. I look at the clock, it’s still early. We aren’t meeting Sly for a few more hours.

  Steeling myself before I lose my resolve, I quickly strip out of my pajamas and step into the steam filled bathroom. I hear Connor singing quietly in the shower. To my surprise, he’s singing Love Me Tender by Elvis. I pull the curtain back and step in behind Connor. His back is to me, his hands braced against the wall with his head hanging below the cascading water. Before he can turn around, I walk up behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist, pressing my chest to his back.

  “Sweetness? Is something wrong?” Connor looks over his shoulder at me. He tries to turn around, but I tighten my hold on him. “Babe?”

  “I need you, Connor.” I start feathering kisses between his shoulder blades as I run my hands up his chest, tracing the planes of his pectoral muscles. This time when he tries to spin, I allow him. I look up into his deep green eyes. “I need you to love me.” I watch as his eyes turn dark with need, but I can see more than just lust shining through. I reach my hand up to cup his jaw, he leans his face into my hand. Connor hasn’t shaved yet, so the stubble scrapes against my palm.

  Connor’s hands tangle in my hair, tipping my face up meet his. “Sweetness.” He breathes out before his lips come down to claim my own, his tongue probing my mouth with abandon, swirling, licking, tasting. He turns us so that I am now under the hot water. I reach my arms around his neck, trying to pull him impossibly closer to my body, I arch into him. “You need me, Sweetness? I’m right here.”

  When Connor pulls his mouth away, he is breathing just as heavy as I am. He stares down at me, like he can stare directly into my soul. I look at his chest. His tattoo is at eye level to me. I drag my fingertips down to trace the tribal lines lightly. I can feel his muscles tense beneath my touch. I graze my fingers lower down over his abdominal muscles. I run them along each defined ridge, then further still to his cock, now standing fully erect. “I want to show you how much I need you. I want to show you how much I love you.” I whisper to him as I take his cock into my trembling hand, stroking him. I slowly sink down to my knees in front of him.

  “Lynae, what are you-” Connor’s words fade into a moan as I lick the tip of his impressive cock. I swirl my tongue around the head and around the balls from his piercing. “Oh, God!” he cries out.

  I watch Connor throw his head back as I take more of him into my mouth. I continue to stroke the base of his shaft as I push my lips as far down him as I can manage. I feel him nudging the back of my throat, but I try to suppress my gag reflex. The moans coming from Connor are fueling my need to pleasure him as he pleasured me. Connor anchors his hands in my hair, slowing my movements, trying to control the speed and pace. I release him from my mouth, then trace his thick shaft with my tongue. I can’t even begin to describe how magnificent he tastes. I flick my tongue over his piercing before sin
king down over him fully again. His grip tightens in my hair, almost to the point of being painful, but not quite.

  Connor is thrusting his hips towards my mouth, grunting in desire. “Baby, you need to stop.” He breathes out raggedly. “Damn, you feel so good. Don’t stop.” He is panting now.

  I can feel that he is close. His cock grows thicker in my hand and mouth. I hollow my cheeks and suck harder. I want to give him this. I want to make him fall over the edge just as he made me. I tighten my hand and increase the pace of my strokes in sync with the up and down pull of my mouth.

  “Lynae, I’m going to come!” Connor shouts in warning, but I don’t stop. I take my other hand and grasp his hard thigh, bracing myself. A few seconds later I feel Connor’s hot release spurt down my throat. I swallow every bit, then lick his tip clean before I stand up to look at his face. His head is still angled back, his breathing heavy.

  I stand there staring at the man I have fallen in love with. Watching him compose himself is the sexiest sight I have ever seen. When he opens his eyes, they are blazing. He steps towards me until my back is flush against the cool tile of the shower. Connor plants his hands on either side of my head and he brings his mouth down to mine in a bruising force. His kiss is not gentle, it is rough and hot. I whimper into his mouth, his tongue forcing it’s way into my own. I bring my hands up to his shoulders to hold myself up because I am sure that I could slide right down this wall with as weak as he is making my knees feel.

  Without warning, Connor breaks our kiss, grips both of my thighs and lifts my body off the ground, slamming his still hard cock into me with such force that it takes my breath away. “I love you, Lynae!” he growls into my ear before biting and sucking the sensitive skin along my neck.

  “Oh!” I cry as my sex clenches around him. “Connor!” I toss my head back against the shower wall, wrapping my legs around his waist as he pistons his hips up and into me.

  “This is what you need?” Connor groans. “You need to feel me, Sweetness?”

  “Yes!” I moan at the sensations. I got myself so worked up while I was pleasuring Connor, that just the slightest movement of him within me has me near orgasm already. His piercing is hitting me in just the right way. “Yes, Connor, I need you.” I pant. “I need-“

  “I love you, Lynae, come for me baby. Tell me you love me.” Connor’s words send me flying over the edge of passion into oblivion.

  “I love you!” I cry out as I come hard around him, he follows quickly behind me, pumping hard and fast.

  Connor gently sets my feet back down on the floor, smoothing my dripping hair away from my face feathering kisses all along my forehead, nose and cheeks. “I love you so fucking much, Lynae.” He kisses my lips. “I will do whatever I can to make sure you always know that and feel that.”

  I bury my head into Connor’s chest. I press my body as close as I can to his. I feel his hard planes melding with my soft curves. This is my favorite place to be. When I’m wrapped in Connor’s arms, I can’t feel the rest of the world around me. All I can see, smell, hear and feel is him. The steady pounding of his heartbeat against my ear is so soothing to me. “I love you, Connor. More than I thought possible. Thank you for being here and for loving me.”

  Connor kisses the tip of my nose before he reaches around me to adjust the water that has started to turn cold. “You don’t have to thank me for being here, Sweetness. I’ll always be here for you. Where you go, I go. I’m afraid you’re quite stuck with me now.” He wraps his arms around my lower back, tracing small circles into my heated skin. “Lynae, I’m sorry I was rough with you. I couldn’t control myself. I hope I didn’t hurt you. You’ve been through too much.”

  “Connor, I love you. You didn’t hurt me.” I reach up, grabbing his face between my hands to look directly into his eyes. “I wanted you. I wanted to be with you. You gave me what I needed.” I kiss him firmly on the lips. “I am not going to think about the past anymore. I’m done with it. I want to look towards my future and not look back.”

  “I love you too, Sweetness.”

  We continue our shower, although it takes a lot longer than it probably should. I help Connor wash his back, and he washes my hair and insists on washing the rest of my body. His touch is slow and gentle. I feel so at ease in Connor’s presence. The soft intimate touches and glances warm my heart. I not only see the love reflected in his eyes, but I feel it in his touch. When we step out of the shower, Connor towel dries my hair and wipes every last drop of water from my body. I feel cared for, protected, and cherished.

  Connor dresses in yet another pair of ripped jeans. I think that every pair of jeans this man owns has rips in just the right places, and hang on his hips in the most delicious way. He pairs them with a dark gray t-shirt that stretches across his muscles making my mouth go dry. Running his hand through his thick hair, he has that messy look that makes him look like he just crawled out of bed. My fingers itch to run through it as well.

  I feel Connor’s heated gaze as I shimmy into my denim capris and dig through my suitcase looking for a shirt to wear. I am standing in just my bra and pants when he walks over to me. Tingles run up my spine before he even makes contact with my skin. Just when I think he is about touch me, he pulls one of my sleeveless tops out and holds it up for me. It’s a bright yellow and white floral print top with a low scoop neckline.

  “You really need to put that on if we are planning on checking out on time, Lynae.” He smiles as he saunters past me to sit on the sofa to pull on his shoes.

  That man can turn me into a puddle with just a look and a few words. I shake my head, put my top on then go back into the bathroom to finish getting ready. I blow dry my hair, pull it up in a ponytail, and put on my normal makeup, mascara and chapstick.

  When I come back out, Connor has already packed up both of our bags and is standing by the door. He’s leaning against the wall with his hands in his front pockets, much like he was the first moment I saw him that night at Metro. If you had told me that just a few weeks after seeing that incredibly sexy man staring at me across the club, that I would be in a hotel with him after all the drama of the last few days, I’d have told you that you were crazy.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  “You look so much better, Gina!” I hug her tightly when we enter the hospital room. She really is starting to look like herself again. Gina’s cheeks are brighter and she’s sitting up in the recliner beside her bed. Sly is lounged across the couch in the corner of the room, but moves his feet down so Connor can sit. I plop right on down on the hospital bed beside her.

  “Ew! You don’t know what’s on those sheets, Lynae.” Sly groans.

  “Oh, grow up. It’s sheets your mother has been lying in. Give it a rest.” I laugh at him along with Gina. “You big baby.” Sly leans back into the sofa pouting and folding his arms over his chest.

  “I’m gonna miss you, baby girl. I wish you still lived out here.” Gina turns away from Sly to reach over to take my hand. “You were always like my daughter. Still are.” She smiles warmly. “You two could have been raised together, the way you act and look out for each other.”

  I know she’s referring to Sly standing up for me when Matt came into the hospital room the other day. The bruises on Sly’s face are starting to fade, and the swelling of his lip has gone down. I still feel horrible that she had to witness that while she is trying to recover from major surgery. I begin to look away, but she squeezes my hand, drawing my attention back to her.

  “You are such a strong young woman. I want you to know that. I’m always here if you need to talk about anything. You got that, honey?” Gina’s words remind me so much of my own mother. After Momma died, Gina was always there for me. “You have me, Sylvester and that tall drink of water sitting with him over there.” She motions her head towards Connor.

  I smile when I look at Connor. His cheeks are turning red with the cutest little blush from Gina’s comment. He shifts in his seat. “I’ll take good care of her, ma’am.�
�� He says.

  “I know you will, handsome. I trust you. If Lynae thinks you’re ok, I know you are. She’s got good instincts. She’s a smart girl.” Gina pats my hand with her other one before releasing me. “Now, Lynae, would you mind running down to the cafeteria to get me some real coffee. The stuff they bring on the trays isn’t fit to serve dogs.”

  “Of course. I’ll get you decaf, Gina, you shouldn’t be having caffeine right now. It’s not good with your meds.” I waggle my finger at her. “And thank you. I’ve always thought of you as a second mom to me too. I love you. Just don’t go off and scare the hell out of us again like this, ok?” I reach down to hug her again.

  Connor stands up to come with me, but I wave him off. I need a few minutes by myself to think. So much has happened over the last few days that I just need time to process. Besides, I want him and Sly to get more comfortable around each other. Other than Daddy, they are the two most important men in my life.

  Gina’s right. I have been through a hell of a lot in my short life. I guess I am stronger than I thought I was. I’m finally beginning to see that it wasn’t my fault. I said “No.” Even if he did feel like I had led him on, Matt had no right to force himself on me. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders as I exit the elevator into the cafeteria. There aren’t many people in there this time of the afternoon. It’s after the lunch crowd, so the tables are scattered with a few employees and I see two police officers sitting in the far booth in the corner.

  I decide to treat Gina and the guys to the Starbucks kiosk inside the cafeteria instead of the hospital coffee. I place my order with the girl behind the counter then move to the side to wait on our drinks to be prepared. As I’m standing there eyeing the different pound cakes in the glass case, I get familiar chills running down my spine. I hear a deep laugh that makes my heart leap up into my throat.