by E. A. Copen
“Sorry.”
“You’re fine. And you know what? A solution will present itself, Lazarus. It always does. Worrying about things you can’t change? Now that’s just silly. Especially on your big day.”
I glanced behind me at Adelard who was consulting Jack about the color of my bow tie. “How long have you and Adelard been married?”
A reminiscent smile touched her lips. “A very long time. Do you want to know the secret to a long, happy marriage, dear?”
“Sure.”
She stopped pinning to smile in her husband’s direction. “Love them where they are.”
I frowned. “I’m not sure I understand.”
“Adelard’s not the easiest man to love. He can be a miserable bastard when he wants. But he always comes around and tries to do right, even if he is a little blunt about it.” She turned back to pinning the bottom seam of my pants. “But I don’t expect him to change for my sake. I love him where he is, not for who he might be one day, flaws and all. Marriage is hard work, Lazarus. I don’t mean to belittle it. Sooner or later, you’ll have to rely on something other than love to carry you through the hard times.”
“You saying it eventually runs out?”
She shook her head. “No, but sometimes it goes to ground like a scared animal. You forget the golden days. No one wants it to happen, but it does. A test like that’ll make or break your relationship. When it comes, you just remember… Your love isn’t dead. You just need to go find it.” She smiled and leaned back. “There we are. Now, take these off and I’ll get those seams adjusted for you.”
I thought about what she said as she stitched up the pants, that Emma and I would need more than love. She was right. We already had more than that. Everything we’d been through together, from the moment I met her on my shop’s doorstep to then, had been trial after trial. We’d weathered them all together, and we were stronger for it. Emma and I, we didn’t need a big expensive wedding to make that true. We were more than a couple. We were a team, an unstoppable force. Together, we’d take all comers.
For the first time, I didn’t feel so worried about the future.
I put on a suit sharp enough that Samedi might’ve been jealous had he seen it. Adelard himself looked over every seam, and with a grunt and a nod, called it his finest work. Wearing it, I had to agree. It was like putting on a feather.
“Rings!” I exclaimed suddenly, patting myself down.
Nate cleared his throat from the doorway and lifted a thin chain from around his neck. Two simple gold bands hung from it, the wedding rings Emma and I had picked out. Nate had insisted it was a tradition that the best man kept them safe, and I guess he’d taken his job seriously. Typical Nate.
I took the rings from him. “You brought them all the way here?”
He shrugged. “I wasn’t about to leave them behind. They were safest with me.”
A knock sounded on the door and Eddie poked her head in. “Everyone ready?”
Jack walked a circle around me, stopped to adjust my bow tie, and then nodded.
Eddie disappeared and the door closed.
The walk to the main room was a blur of light and voices. Nate was happily going on about his wedding and how he felt like he was going to be sick the whole time. I knew the feeling. Walking down that hall felt like passing through another world, one where distance and volume had no meaning. The edges of my vision bowed inward, threatening to shrink to a tiny pinprick, while my heart pounded away double time.
I stopped, bracing myself against the wall.
“Lazarus?” Nate put a hand on my shoulder.
Don’t pass out. I closed my eyes and tried to breathe. “I’m okay.”
“Nerves,” Nate said and patted my back.
But I knew better. It was Mask. I could feel him squirming around inside me like a live eel, wriggling toward the surface. Every time he surged, I had to pause to push him back down. I couldn’t live like that. No matter what happened, I had to die the next day to get rid of him before he did some serious damage.
With another deep breath, I pushed away from the wall, straightened my jacket, and strode into the living room.
A fire blazed in the big, stone hearth. Bright red and silver ribbons had been tied around the room with some big bows, making the place suddenly much more festive than it had been before. Klaus had donned a red shirt and suit jacket to go with his freshly pressed work pants and boots. He didn’t quite look like the Santa on greeting cards, but he was close.
Remy and Finn were there, Remy in a thin pink dress and a crown fashioned after daisies on her head. Finn had put on a nice shirt, but still managed to look like he might’ve just come from lounging somewhere rather than fighting next to her
Jack pointed to a place near the fire, indicating that was where I should stand, so I went.
This is it. I tried to swallow the dryness in my throat. This is really happening.
Eddie came in, all smiles, and took out an old record. After blowing some dust off it, she placed it on an antique record player, moving the needle toward the middle.
When the music started, I wasn’t sure what to expect. Adelard and his wife had put a suit together for me, but Emma’s dress was thousands of miles away in New Orleans. There was no way anyone had brought that from home. Maybe Eddie had put her in another dress. It didn’t matter to me. She could’ve put on a pair of coveralls and I would’ve thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world, no makeup or glamor needed.
She stepped around the corner in a gorgeous, glittering silver gown with a matching veil, a bouquet of amaryllis in her hands. I recognized the flowers from her greenhouse. She’d pointed that species out to me before, called it one of her favorites.
If my jaw wasn’t attached, it would’ve hit the floor, cartoon style.
She walked through the living room as if she owned the place, and looking like that, she could’ve owned any venue. It was more than just the beautiful dress, the makeup, the hair. Emma had a sort of magical glow to her, one I’d seen before whenever the light hit her just right.
Love is its own sort of magic. It erases pain, suffering, and lights up the room. Love is what turns a house into a home, and what makes even the simplest moments shine bright. As corny as it sounded, Emma had been a beacon of light in the darkness for me ever since the beginning. Whenever I looked at her soul, it glowed brighter than any other. Maybe that was a sign we were meant to be, she and I, but I liked to think it was just because her light was too bright for even her body to contain.
Even as I took her hands in mine, it felt unreal. I squeezed her fingers, just to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. “Did you ever once imagine this is how you’d get married? Stranded at the North Pole, married by Santa?”
She smiled, radiant. “I stopped trying to guess what you’d do months ago. Never a boring moment, that’s for sure.”
“A good partnership is like that,” said Klaus with a wink at Eddie. “Keeps you on your toes. And marriage is nothing if not a partnership. It’s easy to put on a dress and speak the words, but living it? That’s the hard part. I don’t need to tell everyone here about the importance of words. There are no such things as magic words, not really. No utterance spoken will ever fix the broken or heal the sick. Nevertheless, words can carry the most powerful magic of all. The right word can brighten someone’s day, give peace to the pained, and give the downtrodden the strength to carry on where everything else has failed. Words carry the power of hope, of inspiration, of joy. The intention behind the words spoken here today encompasses all those things and more. They communicate love. More than just the romantic sense shared between the two of you, but a love of all mankind. Certainly, no one has done more for your species lately than you have, Lazarus.”
“Amen to that,” I muttered.
A small chuckle went through the room.
Klaus held up a hand, and everyone stilled. “I bring that up, only to point out that no one needs to lecture you about self-sacrifi
ce—either of you. You’ve been through so much sorrow that sometimes it’s difficult to remember joy. Find it in each other. Focus not on the difficulties, the bills, the rush of everyday life, the things that divide, but on the uniting forces that are love and joy. Remember this, and you’ll have a better understanding of marriage—and the holiday spirit—than anyone.” He paused to clear his throat. “Now, I was told each of you has prepared your own vows?”
I started patting myself down in a panic. Nate tapped me on the shoulder and held out the folded piece of notebook paper on which I’d hurriedly scrawled a few notes earlier in the evening. I mumbled my thanks and unfolded the page with shaky hands. “Emma, I’d say I’m the luckiest guy in the world, but we both know my luck is awful.”
She suppressed a snort of laughter by covering her face.
“I’ve made a lot of mistakes,” I continued. “Still, I must’ve done something right to get here with you. You do more than bring out the best in me. You make me want to be better. When I’m with you, I’m the best me I’ve ever been, and I hope that you feel the same. There’s a lot I can’t do. I can’t promise we’ll be happy, or rich, or safe. We both know how dangerous the world really is. I can vow to always try to make you smile, to support you as best I can, and to protect the life we build together. Thank you for being willing to look past all my flaws, for meeting me halfway in everything, and for calling me on my bullshit when I need it. God knows I need that most of all. I can’t promise to be perfect, but I will vow to wake up every day and try to be good enough for you. You’re my light. Thank you for reminding me that there’s still good in the world every day up until now, and in all the days to come.”
Emma wiped away tears, smearing her mascara just a little. I couldn’t help but smile as I folded up the paper and slipped it into my back pocket. Typical Emma. She could kick my ass any day of the week, but of course, she’d break down into tears at her wedding. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“You asshole,” she said, laughing. “How am I supposed to top that? When did you learn to write?”
She took a few deep breaths and wiped away another round of tears before continuing from memory. “When we met, I didn’t believe in impossible things like magic and destiny. I lived in a predictable world, or thought I did. Then you showed up and turned everything upside down. I didn’t know what to do with that. Life with you is one part chaos and two parts crazy. Now that I’m here, though, I can’t imagine life any other way. I love the unpredictability you bring to an otherwise monotonous existence, the way you make me laugh, and yes, even that lopsided, mischievous grin of yours. I love the way you see the good in people, and how hard you work to protect the people around you. I’ve never seen anyone love as fiercely as you, and I am both privileged and astounded to be a part of that. I promise to support you, to wait for you, to love you faithfully, and to fight alongside you. We’re partners, you and I, in all the ways that are possible. The world is crazy, and there’s no one I would rather have at my side facing that madness than you, Lazarus. I love you.”
I was glad I’d gone first because, after that, I wouldn’t have been able to speak. My throat was so tight, I had to clear it just to get air moving normally.
Klaus smiled and turned to me. “The rings?”
Nate fished them out of his pocket and dropped them in my palm so I could hand them to Klaus.
Klaus closed his fist around the two metal bands. “Since before recorded history, the ring has been the symbol of love. Unbroken and eternal, it reminds us that love has no beginning and no end, no giver, and no receiver. It exists in a cycle, exchanged freely and frequently in many ways. May these rings forever remind you of your commitment to one another, and of the joy of this moment in darkness. Lazarus, placing the ring on Emma’s finger, repeat after me.”
I took the ring from his palm and slid it onto Emma’s finger, repeating the words he gave me. “With this ring, I give you my promise to love, honor, and cherish you, always and forever.”
Emma took the other ring and slid it onto my finger, repeating the same.
When I bought the rings, they were nothing more than ordinary bands of gold, but now they buzzed with a charge of simple magic, the purpose of which I couldn’t begin to guess. I hadn’t put it there. I gave Klaus a questioning glance.
He winked at me and took our hands, putting them back together. The power humming through the rings intensified, thumping like a beating heart.
I squeezed Emma’s fingers and tried to give her a reassuring smile, but the worry of what was coming was evident on her face. We had tonight, and then I would have to leave again. I would have to die and leave her alone. Though I’d promised to come back, we both knew the risks. I might not. Mask might kill me, or his army could invade and defeat Remy’s. Any number of things could go wrong at any minute, but I couldn’t just stay there with her and do nothing, no matter how much I wished I could.
Klaus’s big hands closed over ours. “Emma and Lazarus, as you’ve declared your love and commitment to each other in the presence of these witnesses, and the exchanging of vows and rings, by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the bride.”
Emma and I’d had our fair share of memorable kisses. There was the first one, the last one, the one we shared when she came back from Hell, the ones late at night behind closed doors. There were I love you kisses, be safe kisses, and I’ll see you after work kisses.
Not one of them could stand up to the wedding kiss.
In essence, nothing had changed. I was still me, she was still her, and we were still us. But at the same time, everything had changed. We were forever, deathless, powerful, limitless. That moment made us more than our minds and bodies could ever be alone. I wanted to cry and to soar at the same time. It was impossible for a single meeting of lips to encapsulate that feeling, but ours came close. Her lips didn’t just take my breath away, they taught me how to breathe all over again. It was over in the time it took lightning to strike, there and gone but powerful nonetheless.
Against the applause of the small crowd gathered, we turned hand in hand, finally presented to our friends for the first time as Mr. and Mrs. Kerrigan.
Chapter Thirteen
The evening was a whirlwind of celebration and congratulations. Eddie put together a small feast at a long dining room table with Emma and I crammed into one end and her and Klaus at the other. Between us, friends gathered. Nate swapped jokes with Jack while Finn and Remy flirted openly. Emma didn’t toss her bouquet, but if she had, I was certain it would’ve gone to my daughter. She and Finn weren’t even trying to not be obvious anymore. Once, it’d bothered me, but Finn had turned out to be a good guy. I wished them the best, even if I had to maintain appearances until they made it official.
We had roast duck with an apple and pomegranate reduction, poached pears, sweet potato souffle, stuffing, and pumpkin soup. Laughter permeated the room in small bursts. It wasn’t how I’d imagined our wedding reception would be, but it was better.
Emma and I agreed we’d have to have another ceremony eventually, maybe for an anniversary or something. Her parents would insist. For now, the two of us were content just to have the small reception and each other. Nothing after that was guaranteed.
Eddie brought out a simple but delicious marble cake with buttercream icing and a cookie crumble on top. Emma and I had sampled a couple of different cakes from the bakeries around New Orleans, and Eddie’s blew them all away. Maybe it was the company, and maybe it was the impending doom hanging over my head, but it seemed everything was just better.
Nate rose just as dessert was winding down, his glass of wine in hand. “I was still working on my big speech. I promise this’ll be short and to the point, kind of like my introduction to the supernatural. I’ve always been a believer, but I got thrown off the deep end with Lazarus, as we all know he tends to do. I’ve never met a crazier guy, or two people more deserving of each other and the happiness that being
in each other’s company will bring. I’m happy to say I know both of you, but I think I speak for everyone when I say…once this is all over, it wouldn’t hurt you to lie low for a little bit and stay out of trouble.”
We all shared an awkward laugh while I tried not to think of what life might be like for Emma if I didn’t come back. That was still a possibility, though I hoped only a small one. Dying was always a risky business, going to the Nightlands even more so.
A sudden pang of hunger hit me, despite having just stuffed my face with food. All I could think of was how good the texture of raw meat sounded, the feeling of fresh blood sliding down my throat…
I shook my head and tried to settle my stomach. No. That’s not me. That’s Mask. Knowing didn’t make the craving go away or any easier to resist. I’d never wanted anything quite so bad in my life as a handful of warm, bloody meat.
Deny it if you want, echoed the voice in my head. Go ahead. See how long you can fight. You have to sleep eventually, and when you do…
“Is everything okay?” Emma’s voice brought me back to the present.
I forced a smile. “It’s a lot to take in, isn’t it?”
She touched the side of my face, her hands warm and soft. “Lazarus?”
I took her fingers in mine and kissed her knuckles. “Everything’s going to be okay, Emma. Just…make sure I don’t fall asleep, okay?”
She flashed a mischievous grin. “I think I can do that.”
After the reception, Jack showed us to a small but adequate room in the back of the house. Unlike the rest of the house, this room was done up in muted blues and white, not the overbearing red and green of Christmas. There were no signs of the holiday unless I pushed aside the curtain to look out at the lights and snow.
From there, I could see the camp Remy’s people had set up and the bright magical fires burning. Guilt tugged at my heart, thinking of them out in the cold while we celebrated in safety and warmth. People had died here, the evidence all over in streaks of red snow. They’d died for me because I’d done something stupid again.