When I reached the break room I skidded to a stop, catching myself on the metal doorframe.
The lights were off, but the room was lit up by the glow of the jumbo-sized flat screen TV. In the flickering digital light, I saw Charlie sprawled out on the couch. Despite the fire alarm, she was fast asleep. And she wasn’t alone, she was clenching Cooper against her chest in a death grip. The poor puppy blinked up at me without flinching, then made a heavy sigh, as if he dutifully resigning to his role as my daughter’s own personal teddy bear.
“Good boy,” I whispered to the dog, making a mental note to sneak him a piece of human food the next time I cooked something in the kitchen.
I glanced across the room at the TV. The guys usually kept the cable box tuned to some sports channel, but tonight the screen was filled with pastel animations. I recognized the movie right away, Frozen, one of Charlie’s favorites.
“She has watched that movie at least three times tonight,” a voice behind me remarked dramatically.
Startled, I jerked around to see Bryce McKinley. I had expected him to be fully geared up and on board the fire engine that was currently driving away from the station… but instead, he was wearing sweatpants and gnawing on an apple.
“What are you still doing here?!”
“Babysitting,” he said, pointing his partially-chewed apple towards Charlie.
“But you’re on-call… shouldn’t you be responding to that alarm with the rest of the crew?”
Bryce scoffed, shaking his head as he took another loud bite of the apple. When my face remained unchanged, he lifted his eyebrows in surprise.
“Wait… did you really think I’d leave Charlotte here, all by herself?” he asked. His voice sounded half perplexed, half hurt. “Rory, I would never do something like that.”
Shit. I had obviously offended him.
“I didn’t mean it like that…” I said. “I just figured that getting a 911 call would take precedence over watching Frozen with my kid...”
“No way,” Bryce shook his head firmly. “I told you I was going to watch Charlotte tonight. I’m not going to renege on that, just because someone’s cat gets stuck in a tree. The crew can handle this one without me.”
“Yeah, well I shouldn’t have asked you to watch her while you were on-call in the first place,” I grumbled. “This is all my fault.”
“You didn’t ask,” Bryce reminded me. “I offered.”
That was technically true. Actually, Bryce had done more than just offer. When I asked him for last-minute babysitter references, he had practically insisted that he look after Charlie himself while I was out with Des.
I had to admit, I felt a lot better about leaving my daughter with a crew of trained first responders than with some teenage babysitter I had never met before. And besides, there was something strangely comforting about knowing that Charlie would be at the firehouse.
I guess I hadn’t thought through the plan until that alert came through on my phone…
“Wait a second,” Bryce said, reading my mind. “Is that why you came back here? Because you thought I had just… left?”
“Well… yeah,” I admitted. “I saw the alert and I assumed everyone would hit the road. I just wanted to make sure Charlie wasn’t alone…”
I let my eyes drift across the room, back to Charlie. She shifted in her sleep, slinging an arm over her head and releasing her grip on Cooper. The dog lifted his head hesitantly, testing his newfound freedom. He craned his neck up in a weary stretch, then eyed me as if he was waiting for further instructions. Finally he licked his chops and nuzzled his head against Charlie’s shoulder.
“She’s not alone,” Bryce said from behind me. “She’s perfectly safe.”
I kept my eyes on my daughter. Bryce was right, she was perfectly safe.
So… why do I still feel so guilty?
“Come on,” Bryce clapped his hands together. “You need a beer.”
“I’m fine--” I started to protest, but Bryce wasn’t hearing it. He was already leading the way towards the kitchen. I rolled my eyes and sighed, then gave my daughter one last glance before I pried myself away from the door frame and followed after Bryce.
The kitchen looked like a cross between a 90s sitcom bachelor pad and a frat house. Blown up shots from the Firehouse 56 calendar decorated the walls. The cooking area was arranged in one corner, and at the opposite end of the room there was a long table flanked with twelve metal folding chairs -- one for each member of the crew. Behind the table, wedged in a corner, was a kegerator and a partially deflated blow-up doll.
“Don’t ask,” was the only explanation Bryce could offer when he caught me staring at the limp inflatable.
He popped open the fridge door and ducked down to survey the selection of beers, then grabbed a pair of brown bottles by their necks and let the fridge door slam shut behind him.
“So what sort of trouble did you get into tonight?” Bryce asked me as he cracked the cap off of a beer bottle and passed it towards me.
“Dinner,” I said vaguely, gripping the beer in my hand. The glass was ice cold, and the ice crystals coating the bottle melted under my palm.
“You’re gonna have to give me more than that,” Bryce said, popping the cap off of his own beer. He raised the bottle and clinked it against mine, then took a swig. “Who’d you go to dinner with?
I shrugged my shoulders. I liked to keep my personal life private. Bryce McKinley had done me a solid… but he was still a coworker, and I sure as hell wasn’t about to have a heart-to-heart with him.
“Must have been someone special, if you got all dressed up. It wasn’t that hot teacher from the high school fire, by any chance?”
“Not this again,” I groaned, remembering the heckles I had gotten in the weight room from the rest of the crew earlier that day. I rolled my eyes as I tilted back the bottle and took a giant gulp of ice-cold beer.
“Well was it?” Bryce grinned eagerly.
I rotated the bottle around in my hand, prying up the corners of the label with the edge of my thumb.
“Yeah,” I admitted finally.
“Damn, McAlister!” Bryce whistled. “I’m impressed. You haven’t even been on the Firehouse 56 roster for a full month yet, and you’re already playing the hero and sweeping women off of their feet--”
“It’s not like that,” I cut him off. “She’s an old friend. We used to live on the same street when we were kids, so… we were just catching up.”
That’s an understatement.
“I see,” Bryce smirked smugly. “So… was she the childhood crush? The one that got away?”
I flicked my eyes up and glared at Bryce from under my brow.
“Come on, dude!” he prodded relentlessly. “I watched Frozen three fucking times tonight, I need some fresh material. What’s the story? Was she your first love? Did you come back to Hartford to finally get your girl and save the day?”
“No,” I said flatly. “That’s not why I came back to Hartford.”
“Ok. So why did you come back?”
“For my daughter,” I said. “Things were getting complicated back in Boston.”
“Let me guess,” Bryce smirked. “Baby mama drama?”
“Basically.”
“Been there, done that!” he whistled, taking a long swig of beer and sighing.
“Yeah,” I nodded, taking a sip from my own bottle. Despite my reservations, I was starting to relax. My shoulders were loosening up, and I started to feel less like I was with a colleague, and more like I was with an old friend.
“So you came to Hartford for a fresh start,” Bryce said. Then, with a grin, he added, “And then you got a little unexpected blast from the past!”
“I’m not so sure about that,” I mumbled into the mouth of my beer bottle. “I’m starting to think that tonight was a mistake.”
“What do you mean? Was your big date with Hot Teacher a dud?”
She has a name… I wanted to correct him, but I wa
s already too distracted remembering how Des had looked in that tight skirt. I remembered her dimples and her long dark hair, and then... that kiss.
“It wasn’t a dud at all,” I sniffed, glaring down at my beer.
“Ok, so… what’s the problem?”
The kiss instantly vanished from my mind, replaced with the feeling of guilt that I had felt when I ran into the firehouse and found my daughter asleep on the break room couch.
In that split second, I had remembered every time my mother bailed on me for her boyfriend-of-the-week. I remembered every time she had stumbled home drunk, stinking of booze and another man’s cologne.
I had never compared myself to my mother before, but in that instant, I had found myself wondering if Charlotte would feel the same way I did. Would she smell the scotch and Desiree’s perfume? Would she feel betrayed, the way I used to feel betrayed?
Of course she would feel betrayed, I told myself. I hadn’t even told Des that I had a daughter. What kind of father does that?!
The guilt churning inside of me felt hot like molten lava. Being with Des again had felt perfect. I wanted more than anything to have a thousand more nights just like tonight, so we could make up for all that time we lost. But I knew it wasn’t that simple. I knew that it wasn’t just about Des and me anymore...
“I have to think about my daughter,” I said firmly, taking a deep breath. “She comes first. Always.”
“Ok,” Bryce said. “But… you can be a dad and go on dates.”
“I don’t know if she’s ready for that yet--”
“Time the fuck out,” Bryce cut me off, making a ‘T’ with his hands. “Are you telling me you haven’t dated at all since you split up from Charlie’s mom?!”
I just shrugged as I took a swig from my beer bottle.
“I don’t understand,” he blinked at me. “Not one single date?! Not even, like, a fucking 2/$20 at Chili's?!”
“Definitely not.”
“But… you’ve gotten laid, right?” he sounded genuinely concerned for my wellbeing.
I shot him a glare, and he backed away.
“Ok,” Bryce held up his hands. “I’m just asking if the equipment is still functional, that’s all…”
I rolled my eyes and sighed. The ‘equipment’ was just fucking fine, and the truth was that I had had my fair share of one night stands throughout the years. They were always meaningless and going nowhere… and never, ever when Charlie was around. Those were two parts of my life that I kept completely separate.
But Des was different. With Des… that wasn’t an option.
“I guess I’m not seeing the problem here,” Bryce shrugged. “Being a single dad doesn’t mean your life is over. You’re allowed to date.”
“But Charlotte--”
“Jesus, you’re really a ‘glass half empty’ kind of guy, aren’t you?” he grunted. “Charlotte is fine. She knows that you love her, and she knows that you’re not going anywhere. She also knows that you’re lonely. Kids are perceptive to that shit.”
What about Desiree? I asked silently.
I let out a deep sigh and was about to raise my beer bottle to finish off the final swig, when a little voice peeped into the kitchen,
“Daddy?”
Bryce and I both spun around and saw Charlie standing in the kitchen doorway, groggily rubbing the sleep from her eyes.
Shit.
“Charlie!” I dropped my beer bottle into the sink and crossed the kitchen to scoop my daughter up into my arms. She immediately wrapped her arms around my shoulders, squeezing me with all of her might.
“Ready to go home?” I asked, planting a kiss on her forehead. She nodded silently, burrowing her head into my chest.
Charlotte didn’t make another peep as I carried her out to the car and helped her squeeze into the backseat, then switched on the ignition and slowly pulled out of the parking lot. I thought she had fallen back asleep, until I heard her tiny voice from the back of the car,
“Hey Daddy?” her feet tapped the back of my seat gently. “Do you think we can take Cooper home to live with us?”
“I don’t think so, sweetheart,” I said. “Cooper is Duke’s dog. But you can always visit him at the firehouse.”
“Hmm,” she mumbled. She didn’t seem satisfied with my answer, but her eyes drifted out the window and she stared up at the dark night sky.
“Hey Daddy?”
“Yes, Charlie?”
“Did you fall in love tonight?”
“What?!” my eyes flicked up, meeting hers in the rear-view mirror.
“Mister Bryce said you went on a date,” she said, prodding my seat again. “I heard you talking about it in the kitchen.”
“Charlotte, that was a grown-up conversation,” I said sternly. “You shouldn’t have been snooping.”
“If you fall in love with her, that means she can come and live with us, right?” Charlie asked, ignoring me. “And then we can be a family?”
My eyes flicked up to the rear-view mirror again, and I saw Charlie’s giant orbs blinking back at me hopefully.
“We’re already a family,” I told her.
“Nuh-uh,” Charlotte shook her head from side to side. “Real families have a mom and a dad.”
“Charlotte…” I sighed, leaning my neck against the headrest wearily. “You do have a mom and a dad, and we both love you very much… even if we don’t all live in the same house.”
Charlotte was silent in the backseat, and when I glanced up at the rear-view mirror I saw that she had gone back to staring absently through the window.
“Mister Bryce was right, you know,” she said softly, keeping her nose pressed to the glass.
“About what?”
“You are lonely,” she said.
“Hey, don’t be silly! How could I be lonely when I get to hang out with you?!”
“It’s not the same, Daddy. I’m just a kid. You need a grown up so you can fall in love and be happy!”
I sighed, glancing at my daughter’s profile in the rear-view mirror.
There wasn’t a single thing I didn’t adore about that kid… from her eyelashes down to her pinky toenails.
I wasn’t sure how or why I had hesitated at dinner… but if I had the chance to do it over, I would rewind the night and tell Des everything.
I stared out at the dark, empty road that stretched ahead of me. A tiny trace of her lip gloss still lingered on my lips, and I found myself tasting her all over again.
Maybe it’s not too late… maybe I can make this right.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN | DESIREE
“Alright everyone, settle down!” I barked from behind my desk.
The first period bell had rung five minutes earlier, but my classroom was still buzzing with the sound of thirty-some restless students shuffling and clamoring to take their seats, all while giggling and chatting away.
There was good reason for the excitement, today was the first day back at school after the now-infamous cafeteria fire.
Although the blaze had mostly been isolated to the school cafeteria, there was still a fair amount of smoke and burn damage to the surrounding hallways and classrooms. So, the students and faculty of Hartford High School had gotten a week long ‘vacation’ while repairs were being made.
As of the first period bell this morning, Hartford High School was officially back in business… but based on the chatter spreading through my classroom, it seemed like my students were still stuck on ‘spring break’ mode.
There was a stack of freshly printed pop quizzes on my desk, still warm from the Xerox machine, and I rolled them into a makeshift megaphone and held it up to my mouth.
“Last warning!” I bellowed loudly through the paper cone. “Take your seats and zip your lips, otherwise I’m going to have to resort to the clapping game!”
The clapping game was a tactic of last resort, dreaded by teachers and students alike. The mere mention of the ‘game’ usually incited a reluctant hush or chorus of
stifled groans, but not today.
Today, even that wasn’t enough to incite a sense of calm in my unruly classroom. Undaunted by the threat of the clapping game, my first period students kept right on giggling and gossiping away.
I huffed out a sigh and raised my makeshift megaphone again.
“Alright, how about this,” I barked. “You have three seconds to take your seats. Any students left standing after I count to three will be joining me at the front of the classroom to offer a comprehensive overview of this week’s reading assignment. 1…”
Well that did the trick.
A collective hush immediately rolled over the classroom, and before I could even count to ‘2’ all thirty-some students had stuffed themselves into their desks and clamped their mouths shut.
“Wow, no volunteers?” I grinned as I circled around to the front of my desk. My thirty-some students just blinked back at me in silence.
“I hope this doesn’t mean you guys skimped on your reading assignments last week,” I said, unrolling my paper megaphone and hugging the pop quizzes against my chest, “Because we’re actually going to start today’s class with a pop quiz.”
The students shifted around in their seats and exchanged panicked glances. One student raised his hand reluctantly.
“Yes, Bobby?” I called on him.
“Um…” he mumbled, grimacing uncomfortably, “I thought that since we were on a break, we didn’t have to do the reading assignments anymore?”
“Oh,” I made my mouth into a little ‘o’ as I eyed the class. The general look of panic in the room told me that the rest of my students had reached a similar consensus.
“I see,” I said, raising my eyebrows. “Well I was hoping that you would all keep up with our reading assignments, regardless of the break…”
There was an audible gulping sound throughout the classroom.
“But,” I said, turning my stern face into a smile, “After the fire, I think we all needed a week off to reflect and relax.”
The Complete Firehouse 56 Series Page 69