by Al K. Line
Grandma finished her stirring and muttering, turned down the heat, glared at the extractor fan like she could scare it into working harder, and damn if it didn't clatter louder in a panic—yes, her stare is that fierce. With a grunt of satisfaction, she settled into a chair and smiled.
We drank our tea.
"So, the Chemist finally did it then?" she asked innocently, wiggling an eyebrow at me.
"What!?" I spluttered, tea staining a new t-shirt I'd changed into after a quick "festival wash" involving a lot of wet wipes.
"Don't make a mess of my table," she warned.
"You knew? You knew he wanted to do this? And, er, how do you know what he's done anyway? Only person I've told is Dancer."
"Kate, I'm a witch," she said, as if that explained everything. Which it kind of did.
"And Grandma."
She nodded. "Don't be too harsh on him, he's a complicated man. Not one I enjoy being around, because of the smell, but it's been hard for him."
"Have you known him long?"
"Oh, a while," she said, dismissing the question with a wave of the hand.
A while could mean anything. A year, ten, a hundred. More. Grandma is thousands of years old, spent a lot of her life alone, then only a few centuries ago she married a Regular, and a lot of heartache followed. The vampires killed him, but they had a daughter, Faz's mother, who, again, was killed by the vampires. You can see why I love her so much. That she accepted me into the family, passed no judgment even though she despises most vampires with a hatred so deep it burns, goes to show how fair a person she is.
"We trusted him, thought we were helping him. Then he did this, changed himself into an Elder. I just found a den of them, grubs turning into ghouls, and there were scabs."
"Ah, yes, the scabs. Guess he's started it." Grandma took another sip of tea and smiled in contentment.
"Started? Started what?"
"To raise a family. Did he tell you, how ghouls came to be? They are scabs, and that's got to leave a mark on the psyche. Who wants to think of themselves as a scab? It's depressing."
"So it really is true? That ghouls come from the scabs of the Elders?"
"Of course it is. How else would they be born?"
"Um, the usual way?"
"The usual way for who, eh? Like humans? Or how about like fae, or dwarves? How do you think gremlins come into being, or trolls, or all the other races? It's not all rumpy-pumpy and sweaty times, Kate."
"Grandma!" Even a hint of sex talk with her made me feel uncomfortable.
"Kate, I'm an ancient woman who has had her fair share of bedroom antics. In fact, I once did it halfway up the—"
I stuck my fingers firmly in my ears and went, "Lalalalala," until she stopped talking. "Okay, I get it."
"Good. The Chemist is trapped in this world and much as he likes it it isn't his true home. He's alone, and I knew one day he'd find a way to change that."
"He wants others like him?"
"No, he wants a family, but more than anything he wants ghouls that can stay here. Imagine being like him, stuck somewhere that isn't your rightful place, where you know everyone, every species, is living as they should, can come and go as is the natural order of things. Where those you look up to the most see you as the disfigured monstrosity that you are."
"But I don't see him like that."
"Of course you do. He's hideous and he stinks. You look at him and you feel pity. You pretend you don't see the disfigurement but of course you do. That's only right and natural. We're humans, this is our home, and we don't like looking at ugly things. Not that ugly anyway. He knows that, so he's worked to change it. He's gone a little too far if you ask me, but it's to be expected."
"I guess you're right." It was a hard thing to admit, this bias, this feeling of superiority, that he was somehow a lesser being because of his looks. But we have these prejudices and maybe it was better to admit to them than to pretend. Maybe. Damn, this was getting complicated, and a bit too psychoanalytical for my tastes. I'd much rather chase down a bad guy and bash his head; it's less complicated even if it hurts more.
"So what do I do? How do I stop him?"
"You find him and you find him soon. I don't think you're aware of what will happen if he's allowed to carry on like this."
"Wait, if you knew this was going to happen why didn't you do something?"
"And when should I have done that? When I first had my suspicions? When he began to make his potion? When he moved in with you? And what would I have done? Scalded him? Killed him? Life's complicated, people have free will. You don't blast holes in them until they overstep the mark. Whatever we do in this world, we have to live with the consequences. What's right for one is wrong for another. Life is messy, and then you die. Never forget that."
"Ugh, suppose so." Talk about a downer and muddying the waters. Now I didn't have a clue what I was supposed to do or how to deal with this.
"Cheer up, love. I'm sure you'll figure it out." Grandma poured us another cup of tea.
Hazy Daze
I left Grandma's in somewhat of a discombobulated state. She'd given me a lot to think about, or maybe there was nothing to think about. What she'd said had merely cemented my own thoughts and opinions. She was right, of course. I treated the Chemist differently, everyone did, and that was on us. You can't ever get into the head of someone else, and you're a fool if you think you can.
Trust me, I've tried.
I drove away, not knowing where I was going or what to do next, just driving as it helped to clear my mind. Strangely, I found myself at Vampire HQ without consciously meaning to drive there, and having passed through security I sat in the empty library surrounded by dusty ancient books of all description. Some were worth nothing, purely there to be read, others were collector's items, first editions bound in ancient leather. Not all the leather was from animals. Eek!
More tomes than you'd imagine were of the magical variety, books Oskari shouldn't have. He'd be in serious trouble for owning them if the Council knew, but I wasn't about to tell, neither was anyone else. I listened to the house and its occupants, felt the coldness seep into my bones, waking the vampire within. The numb, uncaring atmosphere was powerful here, housing as it did so many of my kind. At the heart of the country's vampires, their power soaked into the very fabric of the building, affecting everything within.
I could feel the presence of each and every vampire here, like a background noise to my own thoughts. Most were nasty, despicable creatures, long ago having lost any semblance of humanity. They thought highly of themselves, cared little for humans, thinking of them as primitive animals only suitable for food and some fun times. But not all were lost like this. Some were like me. Most younger, needing the solace of their own kind but struggling every day to hold on to that intangible something that rooted them to their past and their humanity.
There was also a sense of fear, a tension. Vampires know what they are, who they are, and don't care, but they are also afraid. Afraid they are truly insane, that what they believe and feel is the product of something having gone terribly amiss, and one day they will awaken to discover it's a dream and they have become something monstrous. Stupid really, as if they could think clearly they'd realize that's exactly what's happened.
I sensed the movements of the bodies that could remain awake and alert during the day, could hear the blood coursing slowly through the icy veins of the ancients down beneath the earth or in the windowless rooms of the great house. I sensed Oskari, asleep somewhere safe, his mind at rest, his conscience clear, but always the background scheming.
Vampires are open to each other to some degree, there's no place to hide, and just as I knew Oskari was a fair but ruthless man with no conscience, he and the others knew the kind of person I was. Many resented me being here, more hated me for not accepting the inevitable as they saw it, but Oskari, for all his many centuries living his cold life, for all he plotted and manipulated, used and abused, he understood and bore m
e no malice for clinging to my past and hoping against hope for a future many scoffed at.
When I sought him out in my mind, when he removed his dark sunglasses and I peered into his washed out blue eyes seared almost white by the sun, I saw him stripped bare and he me. He thought of me as a child, one that would learn eventually, but not in a condescending manner. He looked at me as a father would his child, full of hope for the future, wanting to protect and nurture. Full of love.
I have no father, I have no mother, I have no brothers or sisters. Just Faz, Grandma, and Mithnite. And Oskari. God help me, I think of him as my father, and that is one truly terrifying thing to admit.
Sure, I know he would kill me without regret if he felt the need, would destroy me utterly if he thought it would further his House, his Ward, but nonetheless he considered me a daughter and maybe even loved me in his own way. If one such as he can have at least vampire-equivalent emotions.
So here I was, waiting for it to get dark, waiting for him to wake up. Why? I wasn't sure, it just felt like the right thing to do so I did it.
Maybe I'm further gone down this terrifying rabbit hole than I care to admit. Maybe I'm already in Wonderland.
Breakfast
The life of a vampire is turned on its head compared to humans. When people sleep, vampires are awake, when humans are active, vampires are at rest. When others are eating dinner or preparing for bed, vampires are stretching and yawning and looking forward to the night.
I was ushered into the dining room, as austere as always, nothing but portraits of Oskari's ancestors staring down at me solemnly from the walls. The room was furnished sparsely, a long, highly polished ancient table the focal point. If you discount Oskari, which it is impossible to do.
Two places were set, one at the head of the table for the Head, the other to his right, presumably for me.
As I entered, Oskari came through a door at the far end and crossed the dark wood floor of the echoing room. Once settled, he looked up and said, "Sit, please."
I joined him with a nod. We were served breakfast, and I realized how hungry I was. I knew Oskari ate merely to keep his system used to food, a ritual as much as anything, but the blood was poured from a crystal decanter by a servant, and we clinked glasses then drank. Oskari sighed with pleasure at breaking his fast.
The moment the blood touched my lips my body was on fire. I felt flushed, randy as hell, and powerful. I placed the glass down. Oh how I wanted to drain my glass then run into the night screaming, searching for more straight from the source. But that way lay the end of all I clung to, so I left it alone, and watched, fascinated, as Oskari drained his glass.
We ate in silence, dark sausages cooked to perfection, fried tomatoes, rich, golden-yolked eggs, and toast with jam so dark red it looked like the night itself.
Once everything was cleared away and the servants had left us alone, Oskari removed his gold-rimmed sunglasses and stared into my eyes. I held his gaze as I experienced his true self, him likewise.
"So nice to see you, Kate. Unexpected too, although it's always a pleasure." His Finnish accent made his voice gentle, if not warm then comforting, but his pale skin, his long white hair, and his rather youthful appearance that belied his true age made Oskari a man that always unsettled.
"You too, Oskari. I, well, I'm not really sure why I came. But here I am," I said with a smile, feeling, to be honest, like a right twat.
Oskari said nothing, merely gave the faintest of smiles. He knew the power he held over me, over us all. Whether we liked it or not.
"How are things?" he asked eventually. "I hear you had a new house guest, that there have been, shall we say, a few issues."
"Yes, things took an unexpected turn."
"But Dancer has you dealing with it?"
"Yes, Oskari."
"You are still happy working for him, for the humans?" I nodded. "Is there anything you would like to tell me?"
Oskari had his own reasons for wanting me to remain working for Dancer, staying close to human affairs. My ties to Dancer and the fact I was married to Faz, let alone that I was the only vampire in the country who had Hidden magic and could hopefully one day give birth, meant, for better or worse, I was of special interest.
"Not right now. I know you want me working for him, but it doesn't mean I'll tell you secrets." I was pushing it, saying this, and maybe this was why I'd come. Ever since the city was almost overrun with goblins on my first job, it became clear that Oskari had manipulated things so I worked for the Hidden Council, pleased to have someone close to the humans where vampires were never welcomed let alone employed.
Oskari's eyes darkened at my insolence, but he kept his anger in check. "As I expected."
"You did? But I thought you wanted me working with Dancer? Wanted to be kept informed?"
"Of course I do. But I am no fool. I like you, and I trust you, as much as I trust anyone, but I don't expect you to betray a confidence, to divulge all their secrets. If you were someone who did that then I am confident you would never have been given your job as enforcer in the first place."
"Ah, right. Well, what then?"
"You are unique, immensely powerful, and will only ever become more so. You may have a child, born of a vampire with Hidden magic, and you are a link between two very different worlds. That is enough."
"So you don't want me to report in on what I'm doing, what's happening?"
"Not unless it affects us directly, no."
"Oh."
"But mark my words, Kate Pound, there will come a time, maybe not soon, or maybe sooner than we all think, when you will have to pick a side. Truly pick a side."
"I already have." I stared into emotionless, reptilian eyes, and didn't flinch. There was no point pretending, no point lying, Oskari knew me inside out.
"You may think you have, and I admire your fortitude, but things change, people change. Even vampires change. Why, not so long ago you were a new vampire. Now you can harness the power of the Empty, can deal with the troublemakers, are married to the best enforcer in the country, one of the best in the world, and are with child."
Say what?
Oh!
"I'm pregnant?"
"You didn't know?" Oskari's eyes twinkled and I swear he almost laughed. He didn't, of course, but he looked like he could have. Maybe. Given time.
"No. I'd know if I was." I was certain of that. I knew my insides as well as my outsides, or thought I did.
"It appears that however depleted young Faz is in the magical department, there are other areas that work as well as ever."
I swear I blushed. It was like talking sex with Grandma. "But I didn't think my body was ready yet. I thought it took much longer for the change to happen. I assumed it would be years once I had Hidden power for it to reverse what the vampire venom had done."
"There is much most don't know about how the venom affects the body, but it is true that turned females can no longer conceive. Ovulation ceases. The moment Faz gave you your new power things changed. You have been fertile since day one, Kate. Oh, the stories I could tell you, the knowledge you will gain over the years. Let's not spoil all the fun now shall we?"
"Wish I'd known."
"And what difference would that have made?" he asked, leaning forward.
"I might not have got the ink, might not have become an enforcer risking my life and that of my child. I might have stayed at home."
"Which is why I didn't tell you."
Then I understood exactly how cold Oskari was.
"You mother—"
"Careful," warned Oskari with a raised finger pointed directly at me.
"You let me get deep into this even though you knew I could become pregnant at any moment?"
"I did." He seemed genuinely surprised, which furthered my anger.
"You were willing to risk my child just so I'd be a link between you and the Council? So you had someone on the inside?"
"Of course."
I was lost for words, bu
t they came eventually. "I'm covered head to toe in magical ink. I've promised to help Dancer deal with problems until Faz is better, and I could die doing it. But I'm where you want me so that's all that matters?"
"Kate, my dear girl, are you really putting the blame on me? Let me ask you something. Would it have been better for you to have had your child and then risked your own life, knowing the babe would then be alone in the world?"
"I wouldn't have done it if I had a baby."
"Please, spare me your pathetic nonsense. Have you not wrestled day and night with your nature, with what your husband does, the life you lead? Are you not willing to bring a child into the world knowing you're a vampire, knowing Faz is the great Black Spark? Knowing full well that your life is far from ordinary, that as a mother you will feel the need to take a life and suck on your victim's blood in order to provide milk for your child?"
"Will I? What? Why?"
"Because you're a vampire!" Oskari was angry now. He pushed his chair back and stood. "You are no innocent in this. You are a vampire, you kill so you may live. Do you think you can breastfeed or raise a child without needing extra nourishment from blood magic to fuel your body, to have a happy, problem free pregnancy? If you do then you are a fool."
I was dumbstruck, but he wasn't finished with me yet.
"You knew the risk, that you would deliver a child into a world of violence. You are drawn to it, same as Faz. You thrive on it, love the rush, the excitement, the chase. You know these things and accepted them, but you went ahead. You wished to be a mother, now you shall be one."
"But I'm really pregnant?" My outburst, my accusations, it was me transferring my guilt and nervousness onto Oskari now this was a reality.
"Yes, sweet child, you are." Oskari sat back down and took my hands in his. They were cold, but gave me comfort nonetheless.
"Wow."
"This is a truly wondrous thing, Kate. You are special, unique beyond compare. Certain allowances shall be made for your condition, but hear me, and hear me now. You will never, and that is a long time, talk to me again as you just have. Look at me, look well." I looked, and I saw he meant what he said. "If you insult me, talk in anger, place your guilt and shame on me and blame me for what you are, ever again, I will kill you. Understand?"