by Geri Krotow
“Wheeee!” Maeve’s accompanying giggle was infectious. Winnie usually laughed along with her baby girl, but all she could do now was watch the rise and fall of Max’s chest. The way his nostrils flared and his hands rested on his hips. He was still in sweats and there was mud on his running shoes, as though he’d run here on foot from the Air Station gym, the soreness of his shrapnel-ridden body be damned.
The girls’ chatter died at the same moment Winnie saw Max’s lips move.
“Hello,” he said.
Silence. Plastic falling on the play kitchen counter. Then Krista’s voice.
“Uncle Max?”
She remembered him. She’d called her godfather “Uncle” from when she was a baby. But she hadn’t seen him since she was seven, since Tom died. Winnie had wondered if Krista had forgotten him and Winnie never brought him up. She made it a rule not to bring up specifics about the time of the accident. If Krista wanted to talk, she did, and she asked questions as she needed to.
Their talks about Tom were daily and loving. But Max and the time right after the crash had never been discussed. Winnie figured the questions might eventually come, when Krista was older and mature enough to wonder about those days and months, to peel back the layers of memory and take a more detached look at the heartbroken little girl she’d been when her daddy died.
“Yeah, it’s me, Uncle Max. Are you going to give me a hug?”
Winnie walked up to the threshold and did her best to smile at the girls.
“You recognized your Uncle Max! Do you remember him?”
“Of course, Mom. I just said hello to him, didn’t I?” Krista muttered in teenage bemusement as she stepped forward and offered Max a hug. He embraced her, his eyes closed and his face impassive. He opened his eyes and held Krista by the shoulders as he studied her.
“You’ve grown a yard or two, Krista!” He smiled and Krista’s face lit up while a blush crept over her cheeks. Other than her uncles and grandfather, she didn’t get a whole lot of male attention. A bittersweet pang of regret hit Winnie as she thought about how much Tom would have loved Krista, how he would’ve been the one to light up her face like a Christmas tree.
“Thanks, Uncle Max.”
“And who’s this?” Max kept his hands on her shoulders as he looked past Krista toward Maeve, who kept playing with her plastic fruits and vegetables, oblivious.
“My sister, Maeve. Mom says she’s our miracle baby.”
“She sure is.” Max walked farther into the room and knelt down in front of Maeve. Maeve paused, her thumb in her mouth and a plastic bunch of broccoli in her other hand. She stared at Max unblinking, as if she’d never seen a man before.
She’s never seen her father before.
Winnie’s throat constricted and she swallowed. This wasn’t about her, it was about Max and Maeve. About Maeve meeting her father.
Her daddy.
“Hi, honey. How are you?” Max’s voice was gentle in spite of its deep timbre. He was patient as he waited for Maeve to respond, and Winnie held her breath. She was acutely aware of Krista’s sharp gaze on the pair, as well. Winnie stood still as Krista met her glance. Krista finally knew who Maeve’s father was.
Maeve lifted up the plastic broccoli and Winnie’s pride welled. Maeve was such a sweetie—she was going to give her toy to Max, a man she’d never met. But somewhere deep down, she must’ve known Max was her father.
“Noooo!” Maeve hurled the broccoli at Max, who didn’t move. It hit him in the nose and he didn’t wince, but from having been on the receiving end herself, Winnie knew it hurt.
“Whoa, sweetie-pie. It’s okay, I don’t like strangers, either.” Max stood and smiled at Krista. “She’s tough like you, isn’t she?”
Krista laughed. “Yeah, she’s pretty crazy.”
Winnie cleared her throat.
“Max, did you eat? I have some leftovers from dinner. I was just cleaning up.”
“I’m not hungry. But I’ll take a glass of water.”
Winnie went to the kitchen and filled a plastic tumbler with water from the fridge. Her hands shook and she put the cup on the counter for a moment.
“Breathe,” she whispered in the quiet kitchen.
“It’s not so bad for you, trust me.”
She whirled around and stared at him.
“Max, I don’t know where to start.”
“When, Winnie.” He came toward her. “Not where. The question is when should you have started? How about the first time you missed your period after the Air Show?”
“I was in denial for weeks. Months. I couldn’t believe I’d gotten pregnant after just one time—and with you.”
“It was more than once, Winnie. Three or four times, if my memory serves.” He continued to look at her with that unyielding glare. “It’s not like we’d never met, like we were a one-night stand.”
“But we’d never, we’d never—” Her hands gripped the counter behind her at the panic that threatened to stop her breathing.
“We’d never what, Winnie? Made love?” His palpable anger seemed to shake the air around them. “True, but speak for yourself. You never looked at me, saw me as more than Tom’s friend.”
“Of course not—”
“I saw you, Winnie. From that first happy hour at the O Club when we were J.O.s.”
He couldn’t be talking about the night they’d all met. She, Tom and Max. Could he? She’d been intimidated by Max and his silent presence from that first moment. Tom was affectionate, loving, respectful. He put up with what she knew now were her immature demands.
“You never liked me, Max, not from the start. You even tried to keep Tom from proposing to me.”
“I didn’t like the way you behaved, Winnie. The way you treated Tom, as if he was supposed to do what you wanted with no regard for what he’d worked so hard for. He was my best friend. Of course I was going to warn him if I thought he was making a mistake. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t find you attractive. It just wasn’t ever an option.”
They were inches apart. His gaze wasn’t on her eyes anymore. His chest still heaved, his anger still simmered. But he stared at her lips and she felt his desire as if it were her own.
“But this isn’t about me. It’s about you, Winnie. I have a child and you didn’t tell me. How the hell am I supposed to take this?’”
“I’m so sorry, Max. I never meant to hurt you.”
“Just as you never meant to hurt me by not returning any of my calls or emails after the Air Show? Weak, Winnie, even from you.”
“I didn’t want you to feel you owed me anything for that…that night.” Of course, that was before she’d realized she was pregnant.
“That’s not why I was calling you, Winnie.”
His windbreaker rasped as he lifted his hand to her face and tilted up her chin with one finger.
Winnie looked into his face and prayed that her knees wouldn’t buckle. His eyes, red-rimmed from anger and probably the wind, reflected something she never expected from Max once he learned about Maeve.
Interest. Desire.
“I wanted to be with you, and not just on that night.” His gaze shifted to her lips again and she willed her defenses to kick in and push him back.
Instead, she met him halfway.
She felt the instant shock of recognition as the smoothness of his lips touched hers. His kiss ignited the fuse that always lay between them.
She knew she shouldn’t be doing this, she should be concerned about the girls in the next room, somehow fighting this need to have his mouth on hers. Coherent thought wasn’t an option with Max’s tongue in her mouth and his hands wrapped around her head.
His hair was wet at his nape and she liked how the short strands rubbed against her palm. Her other hand was on his shoulder, but instead of pushing him away, she was holding on for her very sanity.
“Tell me you didn’t miss this, Win,” he whispered as they both sucked in air, then reached for each other again.
A verbal reply was impossible. Her self-loathing—for keeping Maeve’s existence from him—came up against the hard fact that she was still incredibly attracted to Max.
Another thing to beat myself up for. Great.
She’d made a commitment to herself that she wouldn’t bring another man into their family. At least not while the girls were so young. If she needed to date she would, but definitely not another Navy man. Not even Max.
Pulling away was what she had to do. But as long as she was kissing Max she didn’t have to face his recriminations, either.
“Mom?”
Winnie broke free, stepped back from Max.
“Krista!” Winnie looked toward the open stairway and winced at the expression on Krista’s face. Comprehension, incredulity and teenage disgust.
“Um, never mind.” Krista fled from the hallway but not before Winnie saw the red flush on her pale face.
“Oh, crapola.”
“That was so not cool.” Max rubbed the back of his neck.
She let go of a shaky breath. “Understatement of the year.”
She watched the emotions play across his face. Remorse, frustration, elation. He had been given the gift of a daughter tonight. A gift she’d kept from him for too long.
He looked at the floor, then shook his head.
“What?”
“‘Crap’ is right. This is not the way I want to start being in the girls’ lives. I’ll talk to Krista next time I see her.”
“No, Max. I’m her mother, and I’ll talk to her.” She released another shaky breath.
“We can’t do this again.” She had to know he agreed with her on that. It couldn’t be part of their new relationship.
“You’re right, Winnie. Absolutely—this can’t happen again.”
“Momma?” Maeve had toddled into the kitchen. Krista had let her, no doubt in an effort to avoid getting totally grossed out for the second time in one evening.
“Honey girl, what do you need?” She bent down and picked up her baby. Maeve nuzzled against her neck. “You’re sleepy, aren’t you?”
Max was still in the kitchen with them and his gaze unnerved her. She looked at him over Maeve’s straight, dark hair. His hair.
“I have to put her to bed. You’re welcome to stay until I get her down, but it usually takes a while.”
“Mom, I can put Maeve down.” Krista walked into the kitchen.
“That’s okay, honey. Uncle Max is getting ready to go.”
He turned his face away from them and took a long swallow of the water she’d poured for him. He emptied the tumbler, placed it in the sink and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
She could still feel the hot imprint of that hand… .
“Your mom’s right, Krista. I’ve got to get back.” He turned and took a step toward them. They all stood there for a moment, unmoving, and their silence said what none of them could put into words.
Strange as it seemed, they were linked together now, in one way or another, whether they wanted to be or not.
“It’s good to have you back, Uncle Max.” Krista offered Max a shy smile, apparently still embarrassed by Winnie and Max’s embrace.
Winnie felt her shoulders relax, even with the weight of Maeve growing heavier as the baby fell asleep against her.
“It’s great to be back, Krista.” Max opened his arms and Krista walked into his hug as though it’d been a day since they’d last seen each other and not several years.
When they pulled apart, Max smiled down at Krista. “We need to catch up, kiddo. Do you still like playing soccer?”
“Yes! Spring season starts this week.” Krista smiled at Max but kept her eyes averted. Winnie tried to ignore the panic that pummeled her chest.
“I know, I’m one of the coaches. I get my team list tomorrow.”
Max turned back toward Winnie. His face was calmer but the glint of anger in his eyes was just for her. “You’ll still bring Sam by on Friday.”
Her muscles snapped with tension and she took a deep breath. “Of course.” It would be easier to leave Sam there than to be too close to Max the entire weekend.
“Bring the girls with you, too, if you can.”
“Krista’s in school until three. Do you want Sam earlier than that?” As if he knew he was the subject of their conversation, Sam’s ears perked straight up as he lay on the braided rug next to the stove. He’d followed Max to every room he went to. Winnie wanted to believe the dog was guarding her and the girls, but Sam had cast his verdict on Max within minutes of meeting him.
Sam liked Max and trusted him.
“No, late afternoon is fine. Come by with the girls any time after three-thirty.”
Why did Max think he could order her around like a sailor in his squadron? She knew she’d been in the wrong in keeping Maeve from him, but she didn’t deserve to be talked to like a subordinate.
So why was she letting him get away with it?
Because you owe him.
Tears burned behind her lids but she would not allow them to fall in front of Max. “Fine. See you on Friday, then.” She spoke around the lump in her throat.
“Bye, little one.” Max ignored Winnie as he brushed Maeve’s cheek with his index finger. His gaze lingered on his daughter’s face before he turned and ruffled Krista’s hair.
“See ya, Krista.”
“Bye, Uncle Max.” Krista’s eyes shone and Winnie felt regret pull at her.
Max didn’t say anything else as he walked down the hall and out the door. Sam’s nails clicked on the hardwood as he ran to sentry position at the window. He whimpered for a few minutes. When he quieted down, Winnie knew Max had driven out of sight.
She hugged Maeve and closed her eyes.
“Isn’t it great that Uncle Max is back, Mom?” Krista’s voice was filled with awe. Max had that effect on women, no matter what their age.
“Sure, baby.” She opened her eyes and stared at her older daughter. Krista’s hopeful expectation was reflected on her face. Regardless of her own deepest fears and her reluctance, Winnie couldn’t keep joy from either of her daughters.
“He’s Maeve’s dad, isn’t he?”
“Yes, you’ve figured it out.” Exhaustion washed over her but she stayed where she was, despite Maeve, warm and heavy, in her arms. Krista needed her here.
“So, are you two going to get married?”
“What? No, no! We’re not getting married—or even dating. We’ve known each other for a long time, but we don’t have—”
“The love you and Daddy had. I get it, Mom. But you were kissing him—why are you doing that if you’re not hot for him?”
“Krista, where did you learn to talk like that?”
“Like what, Mom? Jeez, give me a break. I’m thirteen not three! I know people still like to kiss after they’ve had a baby. Or,” she added with a wicked smile, “even if they haven’t.”
Winnie smiled back. She’d been about to say that she and Max didn’t have any plans to be together, that it wasn’t meant to be for them. But maybe Krista’s interruption was a blessing in disguise. A relationship with Max, another Navy man, was not a good idea. After a while, she’d see how they could all be family friends without Winnie and Max being a couple.
“Okay, Krista. Yes, you’re right. Adults do have needs, even though that probably seems gross to you now. Someday you’ll appreciate it.”
Krista rolled her eyes and Winnie could almost hear her thoughts. No way.
That was fine for now. Let Krista think romance and physical intimacy were overrated.
CHAPTER SIX
WINNIE FIGURED SHE had two choices. One, despair over Max’s involvement in her life. Two, feel despair, but get on with it. She no longer had complete parental control over Maeve, but Max wasn’t going to upset the good life she’d made for herself and the girls. It was a life she’d learned to rely on. Her daughters and her fiber business filled each day.
At least she had a few more days until she had to
face Max again. She felt as if she still hadn’t caught her breath after her two charged encounters with Max on Monday.
Her wireless device in her ear, she spoke to her mother as she prepared to drive up to Oak Harbor, where they were meeting for lunch.
“Hi, Mom. I’ll be up there in forty minutes. And I need to stop at a client’s on the way up.”
“Take your time. I’m having a blast in the garden shop at Walmart.” Barb Perrin’s voice, so like Winnie’s, sounded blissful. Mom loved her plants.
“See you soon.”
Sam’s bark startled her, and Winnie realized she was still in her world of Max, even while speaking to her mother.
“No, you can’t go with me today. You’ll be fine.” She never made a big deal of leaving because Sam had had a serious bout of separation anxiety as a puppy. She’d crated him until he was almost eighteen months, for his own protection as well as her furniture’s. He’d matured into a regal watchdog and companion, but he still acted jumpy when she went off without him.
“See you later, puppy boy.” She threw on her coat, wrapped a paisley green scarf around her neck and went out the door. She reveled in the scent of cedar, fir and ocean. It was going to be a good day.
Maeve was in preschool until noon; after that, Winnie’s friend Katrina would pick her up for a playdate with her daughter, Lily. Katrina was also a single mother but through divorce. Her Navy ex-husband had a fondness for naive younger women who were wowed by his uniform and didn’t care if he was married or a father.
Katrina was bitter and an avowed man-hater but a loving mother to Lily. She and Winnie had become friends for pragmatic reasons—it wasn’t a relationship of confidantes or one of meeting for coffee regularly, but they offered each other a break by taking turns with playdates.
Winnie was free until she had to pick Maeve up at three.
She made herself focus on the swooping bald eagles and farm animals she saw during her drive. She’d spent enough time thinking about Max and her self-blame for not telling him about Maeve.
Her cell phone rang but she ignored it, despite having her wireless earpiece on. She preferred to wait until she was parked. Winnie knew she tended to be overvigilant on safety issues but she couldn’t risk even the tiniest slipup. She was all the girls had left. Well…not anymore. Max is here.