by Geri Krotow
I can’t afford to care enough to find out. This is the woman who betrayed me.
She tried to smile but it looked more like a grimace. Still, her face was stunning. Even through his rage at having the truth kept from him, he saw her beauty.
“Thanks, Max.”
“See you Friday.” He watched her hustle out of the shop and hurry toward the station wagon she’d driven up to his house in.
They were going to see each other a lot sooner than Friday, but he’d let her find out on her own. She wasn’t the only one who could hold her cards close.
CHAPTER SEVEN
KRISTA LACED UP her soccer cleats and put on her shin guards. She loved soccer and she loved the mud of the new season. Her dream was to make the travel team, but so far her dream always ended at the local tournaments. Just once she’d like to be on an important team… .
“Krista, will you get me Maeve’s diaper bag, please? I left it in her room.”
“Okay, Mom!” she yelled back. Then she went into Maeve’s pink room to retrieve the flowered bag. She liked helping with her baby sister and loved Maeve like crazy but sometimes she just wanted to be the only kid again.
She looked around her sister’s room and saw the bag in the far corner. Grabbing it, she headed back downstairs to go to soccer practice.
“Do you have your headbands?” Mom didn’t even glance at her as she changed Maeve’s diaper on the sofa. One of Maeve’s favorite cartoons was on TV and Maeve was hypnotized by the singsongy graphic characters.
Had she ever been so easily amused? She doubted it.
“Yes, Mom, and you’re welcome for the diaper bag.” The words shot out of her mouth faster than she’d meant, and she knew from Mom’s wrinkled forehead that she’d messed up.
“Watch the tone with me, Krista.”
“Sorry, Mom.” She wanted to try to explain why her mouth ran away with her, but she didn’t know why. Just like she didn’t get why her mother was acting so ridiculous lately. She’d acted like a jerk in front of Uncle Max, which was strange. If anything, Mom was usually too friendly to everyone. And she hadn’t been paying attention to Krista at dinner the past few nights. Krista wasn’t stupid; she could tell if Mom was listening or just doing the “yeah,” “oh, really?” and “that’s super, sweetheart!” routine.
Mom finished with Maeve’s diaper and pulled her tiny sweats over her rump. Maeve’s feet hit the ground and she squealed happily when she saw Krista.
“Hey, little sista!” Krista ran her fingers through Maeve’s cornsilk hair, while Maeve wrapped both tiny arms around her leg. Krista thought Maeve was the cutest little creature on the planet. She didn’t tell Mom this, though. She still liked getting attention as the Older Sister Who Sacrificed For the Family.
“Let’s go, then! Did you have something to eat?”
“I already had a banana. There’s still juice boxes in the car.”
“Okay. We’ll have the chili when we get back.” Mom threw on her green coat and Krista wished she’d buy herself a new, more stylish coat like other moms had. They weren’t poor, and Mom could be really pretty if she took the time to put on some makeup and buy some nicer clothes.
They hurried out the door, Maeve’s hand in Krista’s, and Krista felt a surge of excitement at the new soccer season race through her.
They chatted on the drive to the field as the sun slanted bright rays across the road. Krista loved this time of year and enjoyed her rides in the car with Mom. She vaguely remembered her dad being with them when she played on the younger teams, but most of her memories of him were like dreams now. She missed his hugs and the way he smelled, but didn’t feel any kind of major sadness when she thought about him. The only time she felt sad was when she saw Mom get sad. Which wasn’t too much anymore.
Mom had been cranky and stressed since Uncle Max came over the other night. And ugh, the kiss. She hated remembering it. Talk about awkward.
Maeve’s dad was Uncle Max. Krista wasn’t sure how she felt about that. It was a relief to know that Mom hadn’t had sex with some random stranger—gross—and she was glad to finally learn the Big Secret Mom had kept from her.
She wasn’t naive; she watched TV and knew that grown-ups didn’t have to get married or live together just to have sex. There was a little part of her that wished she was young and naive again so she could at least pretend Mom and Uncle Max could get together and give them a real family again.
She squirmed in the backseat of the car. She knew what Mom and Uncle Max’s kiss meant. They still wanted to have sex. With each other. Disgusting. So not cool.
They pulled up to the grassy landing and Mom drove the car over the mucky parking lot. It would be hard and dry by the end of soccer season, but right now it was icky. Krista hoped she didn’t lose her cleats in the mud like she had last year.
“Oh, Mom, did you bring the soccer packet that came in the mail last week? It’s got all the forms you need to sign.”
“Oh, no, honey, I thought you had it in your soccer bag.” Mom turned to scan the back of the car. “I guess I forgot it… .” She sighed. “Just ask your coach for a new one and I’ll sign it tonight.”
“But I don’t know who my coach is.”
“It’s probably Coach Ted again, isn’t it?” Mom had that distracted look on her face.
“I don’t know, Mom. I’ve had a different coach every season for the past three years. They don’t tell us who it is until the first practice.”
“Don’t worry, okay? They’ll announce the teams. If you don’t hear your name, just go ask one of the coaches. They’ll be able to help you.”
Krista wanted to scream. “Can’t you come with me?”
“Maeve and I will be in the car for a bit—it’s too cold and raw for her to be out there the entire practice. If you need me I’m here, okay?”
“Okay, Mom.” Krista opened the door and climbed out.
“Wait! Did you remember your water bottle?”
“Yes, Mom, I’ve got it.”
She slammed the door shut and pulled her hoodie up over her head. The wind smarted her eyes, but her sweatshirt was warm and cozy and her pants were the windbreaker kind. She saw where the girls were lining up and went to join her teammates from last season.
“Listen for your name and then go to the coach who calls it.” One of the volunteer mothers used a megaphone to announce the procedure. At least Mom had been right about this; she’d find out who her coach was without any trouble.
Krista waited with Holly and Meg, her friends from soccer and school. Two teams had already been picked when a familiar figure walked up and took the megaphone.
“Hey, I think we’ll all be on the same team again!” Holly’s teeth chattered as she jumped up and down.
“Yeah, we’re the only ones left in our age group.” Meg stood still, the more serious of the three of them. She played goalie.
“I know him!” Krista’s words came out of her mouth before she had time to process it.
Uncle Max had said he was coaching!
“Who?” Meg’s question went unanswered as all three girls were called to line up behind their new coach.
Krista looked closely as she walked by him, to make sure. He caught her stare.
“Welcome to the team, Krista.” He smiled at her.
Uncle Max was her soccer coach! This was going to be the best season yet.
Wait until she told Mom!
* * *
“DO YOU WANT TO READ a book together?” Winnie’s options with Maeve grew fewer, since they’d already played peek-a-boo, done a wooden shape puzzle and listened to some children’s music. She’d have to bundle both of them up and go out into the chill wind.
She couldn’t see the selection process from where she’d parked, due to the snack shack blocking her view, but now she saw that the girls were all headed out to separate fields. There was Krista, easy to spot in her neon green hoodie. She was walking with a couple of other girls Winnie hoped were Meg and Hol
ly from last season. The three girls were tight, and she remembered how much it had meant to her at that same age to compete on the same team with her buddies.
The tall man leading them didn’t look like any of the previous coaches she remembered.
But his gait, his posture, his profile even from this distance, were not unfamiliar to her. Her initial hunch when she read the news article about Max coaching soccer was right. He was Krista’s coach. Why the hell hadn’t he mentioned it this afternoon?
“Crap! Are you kidding me?”
Didn’t he have shrapnel wounds? And how good was this for his PTSD? What if one of the girls got hurt? Would that catapult his mind back to the war zone?
That’s not what’s really bothering you about Max coaching Krista.
“Crap! Crap, Mommy!”
“Oh, sh— I mean, shoot, Maeve baby. We don’t say that word, okay?”
“Crap, crap, crap.” Maeve chimed the word over and over as if she’d found a new toy. Winnie put a woolen hat on her tiny head and tied it under her chin. She knew she had to ignore Maeve’s chant or her use of the word would only be reinforced.
“C’mon, baby girl. Let’s go see your sister play.”
“Krista! Wheeee!” Maeve wriggled in her arms until Winnie cleared the parking lot and set her down on the wet field grass.
They walked together in the dimming light, Winnie’s head bent against the wind and Maeve bouncing beside her. Winnie wished she was wearing a hoodie so that Max wouldn’t be able to see her expression.
She needn’t have worried. When they reached the sidelines Max was in full coaching mode, showing the girls which drills to do and giving constant feedback on their form.
Winnie breathed slowly, the way she’d learned early on after Tom died. Deep breaths helped keep her panic down to a minimum.
Max wanted to know Maeve better but didn’t want to leave Krista out; she got that. And the soccer field was fine with her. It was a chance for Max to spend quality time with Krista and get to know her on her turf, so to speak.
So why didn’t he tell me this when we met for coffee?
She swung Maeve up in the air and laughed with her baby girl. As she lowered Maeve and straightened, her gaze landed on Krista’s face. The girl was raptly focused on her coach.
Max.
This is too fast.
“Crap, crap, crap, Mommy!” Maeve screamed at the top of her lungs as she ran back toward Winnie.
“My thoughts exactly, honey girl.”
* * *
AT THE END OF THE NINETY minutes, Coach Max called them together and told them all to practice their drills at home if they could. “Even if it’s only for five minutes after school. The player who knows her skills makes the winning moves.”
Krista had never had such an awesome practice. It was great to be back out on the field and so cool that Uncle Max was her coach.
He dismissed the team and when she jogged past him she said, “Thanks, Coach,” and he stopped her. “Good job, Krista. Are you okay with me being your coach?”
“Yes, it’s fine.”
“Great. I’ll always be your Uncle Max, but on the field I’m Coach.”
“Sure, Coach! See you next practice.” She turned to run to the car but saw her mom and Maeve a few yards away. Mom had that frown on her face again. The one she had whenever Krista did something to disappoint her. But she wasn’t mad at Krista; she was staring at Uncle Max.
Time to disappear.
“Mom, can I have the car keys? I want to start doing my homework.”
Mom removed the keys out of her sweatshirt pocket and handed them over. “Please don’t turn on the radio. It’ll drain the battery.”
“I have my music with me.”
Before she could get to the car, though, Uncle Max walked over to Mom. Maeve wriggled in Mom’s arms so much that Mom let her slide down her leg. Maeve saw Krista and made a beeline for her.
“Hi, baby sis. Are you having fun?”
“Crap! Crap, crap, crap!”
Krista giggled. “Where did you learn that?”
She turned toward Mom to tell her, but Mom was already talking to Uncle Max. The look on Mom’s face was so stern Krista wanted to tell her to chill. Couldn’t Mom see that her bossy ways were going to scare off Uncle Max like they had Meg’s dad?
Meg’s dad was so nice. His wife had left the family when Meg was little, right around the time Dad died. He’d tried to be friends with Mom, but Mom would only allow Krista to be friends with Meg. She didn’t want to “encourage” Mr. Norton, she’d told Krista in private. Krista and Meg had dreamed about being real sisters, dreamed about their parents falling in love, but it hadn’t happened. Then Mom had Maeve, and Mr. Norton didn’t even try to be her friend anymore.
“I don’t need your permission to become a community soccer coach, Winnie.”
“Of course, you don’t. You could’ve told me you were coaching Krista, though. You sat across the table from me yesterday and never said a damn word about it!” The wind made Mom’s words hard to hear but Krista saw the expression on her face. She was really pissed off. She’d be pissed off if she knew Krista ever said “pissed off,” too.
Now Uncle Max was talking, but his voice was so much lower than Mom’s Krista couldn’t figure out what he was saying. She couldn’t see his face because he had his back to her.
“Hungee!” Maeve pulled on Krista’s hoodie string and Krista grabbed the opposite end just in time, before it disappeared and she’d have to use a safety pin to get it out again.
“Okay, okay. Stop pulling on my string, okay?”
Maeve answered with a wail.
“Mom!” Krista did her best to shout over the wind and Mom and Uncle Max’s conversation.
They both turned and looked at her like she had three heads. Jeez, couldn’t a girl get her mom’s attention without getting everybody upset?
“What?” Mom’s eyes were wide and her hair was blowing all over, making her look crazy. Krista’s gut told her that Mom was feeling a little crazy at the moment, too.
“Maeve’s hungry. We both are.”
Krista braced herself for her mom’s wrath, but instead her expression relaxed. Was Mom relieved?
“Sure, honey. Go to the car and I’ll be right there.”
Krista turned to head off, but was stopped by Uncle Max’s voice. She turned back.
“I meant what I said, Krista. Good effort out there today.”
“Thanks, Uncle Max.” She put Maeve down and held on to her little hand.
“C’mon, Maeve, let’s race to the car!”
Maeve answered with a squeal and started to run on her toes. Krista pretended to run with her and they made their way to the car.
Krista glanced over her shoulder once, halfway to the parking lot. Mom and Uncle Max were no longer talking and Mom was walking toward them. She couldn’t see Mom’s expression but something told her it wasn’t a happy one. She wasn’t sure why, but for some reason Mom wasn’t thrilled about having Uncle Max around.
CHAPTER EIGHT
MAX HAD SEEN WINNIE in every kind of situation. Or so he’d thought. But he’d never witnessed the instinctive, primal force that every mother held deep in her heart. No one ever saw it unless that mother’s child was threatened.
Winnie had changed a lot from the grief-stricken widow he’d stood next to five years ago, not to mention the young bride she’d been ten years before that. Her control-freak ways hadn’t changed much, though. He knew he could’ve told her that he’d volunteered to coach Krista’s team when they’d had coffee… . He hadn’t because he’d wanted to keep the focus of their conversation on Maeve.
He was still trying to control the intense betrayal he felt at her withholding his own daughter from him. But his attraction to Winnie was only growing stronger, regardless of what she’d done. His desire for her was really starting to get on his nerves.
He supposed he hadn’t told her about the coaching position in an effort to
control at least one damn thing in his life.
Winnie wanted to fight him on it, but her guilt wouldn’t let her and he was taking advantage of that.
“Too damn bad, Winnie,” he murmured to himself on the drive in to work the next morning. Fog clung to the road and he had to be careful around the bends. As familiar as the route was to him, nothing was a given with the ground fog rolling in off the sound.
She’d caught his eye the moment he’d met her, more than fifteen years ago. He’d never told her. What would’ve been the point? She and Tom made the perfect couple—and, truth be told, Max hadn’t been ready to settle down back then. His priorities had been typical for a young pilot. They’d been all about himself and what was in it for him.
But if he’d pursued Winnie he would have destroyed his friendship with Tom. It was a no-go from the start. You don’t betray your shipmate. Winnie had fallen for Tom, and he for her, and that was that.
Besides, if he’d had a family to care for while he was at war it would’ve been hell on all of them. Just in the few days he’d known about Maeve he’d felt the unbreakable bond of connection and protectiveness toward Winnie and both kids. He couldn’t deny it, even to himself.
“What’s done is done,” he murmured. He had no power over the past or Winnie’s previous decisions about Maeve. Pulling his Jeep up to the base security gate, he rolled down his window and held out his military identification card.
“Morning, Commander.” The sentry took the ID card with fingerless gloved hands and shot his infrared gun at it. At the beep he passed the card back and saluted.
Max saluted back. “Have a great day.”
He drove onto the base and let the myriad emotions wash over him. Pride at serving, regret at not being able to follow through with his squadron tour, gratitude that he was still alive.
The survivor guilt that came with being alive when so many had made the ultimate sacrifice was still there, but it didn’t grip him as it had in the early days after the bombing. He supposed if any of his squadron had been injured or killed, he’d have had a harder time with it. Thank God they’d all returned alive.