by Geri Krotow
She made the short walk across the parking lot to where Krista sat in the grass field with Sam. With Krista’s face buried in Sam’s neck, they resembled two partners in crime. Sam’s single free ear rotated in Winnie’s direction.
Krista pulled away and looked up at Winnie. “They get the cat yet?”
“No, it’s going to take a bit of coaxing.” Winnie put Maeve down and she immediately buried her fingers in Sam’s coat.
“Duh.”
“Krista, watch your tone!”
Krista responded by rolling her eyes.
“Why do you think you can behave like this with me? Would you do this to one of your teachers at school?” She felt like adding “or to Uncle Max” but didn’t want to hear the answer.
“No, but my teachers at school wouldn’t…” She trailed off, mumbling in teenage lingo Winnie’s hearing didn’t catch.
“Would you like to speak up, please?” With one eye on Maeve and Sam, she did her best to look Krista right in the eyes.
“You don’t think about anyone but yourself.” Krista’s lower lip was out in full pout.
“Oh, is that so? What’s eating at you, daughter-of-mine?”
“You don’t want to have a father in our family, but what about Maeve and me? What about what we need?”
For the third time in ten minutes Winnie felt sucker punched. First Max had brought up their shared attraction. Then Maeve had called him “Dad.” Now Krista was throwing a fit about not having a father.
“Did Max put you up to this?”
“He didn’t have to. He wants to be part of our family. You’re the one who won’t let him in.”
“Krista, if and when I ever bring another man into this family it will be my decision. This may seem all romantic and perfect to you, but what about the first time he tells you not to do something? How will you feel then? It’s not all pizza and soccer games, you know.”
“So what? At least Maeve and I would have a dad.”
Fury made Winnie’s head buzz and she fought to keep control of her emotions. But she was going to kill Max when she had the chance. He’d had no right to say any of this to Krista!
“You did have a dad, Krista,” she said tersely. “I’m sorry he passed on so early. But your father gave you everything while he was here.”
“How does that help me now?” Krista stood and stormed toward the beach.
“Krista!”
But Krista stalked off, refusing to turn back toward Winnie. Winnie crouched beside Maeve and Sam.
“What am I going to do, guys?” The constant drama created by a thirteen-year-old exhausted her.
“She’ll cool off.”
Winnie jumped at Max’s deep voice.
“What did you say to her?” she snapped, then looked past him to Dolores, who held a fluffy white mass in her arms. Roanna was reaching out her hand to Miles.
“You got the cat?”
“Warrant got the cat.” He slid his hands into his pockets. “And I didn’t say anything to Krista. But she was full of determination this morning that she and Maeve need a father figure.”
“And she said she wants it to be you. Fine, it is you. She has her father figure. Isn’t that enough?”
“Don’t throw that at me, Win. Of course she’s attached to me, as I am to her. It’s only natural she’d think there could be more, for all of us. She’s thirteen. Don’t you remember being thirteen?”
“When I was thirteen, I had two parents. My father was still alive.”
In the silence that fell between them Maeve giggled. She’d pulled off her shoes and socks, and the grass tickled her feet.
“Didn’t you just prove her point?” he asked softly.
Max was close—she felt the warmth of his body and the resulting awareness that chased up her arms, down her spine, to her belly.
The weight of his hands on her shoulders was a relief. It grounded her, made her able to think. Her sensual awareness of him remained constant, but at least when he touched her she could draw from his strength.
“You take on too much. What did you say I had to do if my work with Sam was going to help? ‘Keep an open mind. Open your heart to the possibility of healing.’”
She didn’t even bother to wipe away the tears that spilled down her cheeks. She turned into his embrace. “Do you have your eye on Maeve?” she asked.
“Mmm,” he murmured into her hair.
“Because I need to cry.” She allowed her arms to go around him and pressed her face into his shoulder.
“Cry all you want, Win.”
She pulled back and looked up at him. True to his word, his eyes were fixed on Maeve. Winnie glanced over her shoulder and saw Krista walking toward them.
“This doesn’t change anything, Max,” she whispered. “We’re friends, family friends. That’s good. It’s enough.”
She didn’t imagine he’d reply right away, but the last thing she expected was his bark of laughter. It turned into an all-out belly laugh as his hands grasped her shoulders and pushed her back.
“Do you really think that’s it? That all’s well and we’ll go on from here?” he demanded.
“I—well, yes, I do.”
“No touching?” He dropped his hands and took several steps away, no longer sheltering her. The immediate chill from the brisk wind seemed to emphasize his absence.
“You can wipe it off your face, Max.”
“Wipe what off whose face?” Krista piped in, obviously over her most recent trauma-drama. “Are you okay, Mom?”
“I’m fine, honey. Max was giving me his shoulder to lean on,” she said with a slight smile.
Krista didn’t seem impressed. “Hmm. Whatever.”
“Good news, Krista. We might be able to do that camping trip you asked about.” Max grinned at Krista, who smiled back, but cast Winnie a guarded look. “Being family friends and all.”
“Really, Mom?”
Winnie decided to keep the peace and go along with the camping plans. “It might even be fun, as long as we get a cabin. I don’t do tents.”
“Cool.”
Winnie nodded. Taking the path of least resistance, she’d given in as gracefully as she could. Between Max and Krista, she didn’t stand a chance.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
“MOM, WHY CAN’T Maeve have her own sleeping bag?”
Krista’s face was flushed. She’d been rummaging through the small amount of camping equipment stored in the garage. It was Friday of the three-day Memorial weekend, and Krista had looked forward to the trip since the cat incident at City Beach three weeks ago.
Max—but mostly Krista—had spent two weeks cajoling Winnie, but they’d finally convinced her to go camping. They’d be staying in a cabin, so Winnie had agreed. Tent-camping, she claimed, was not in her genetic makeup.
“Because Maeve is going to sleep with me to stay warm.” And serve as a good chaperone to make sure she didn’t get any ideas about Max in such close quarters.
“C’mon, Mom, it’s not like we’ll be in a tent. You insisted on a cabin.”
“Are you sure you want to go, Krista? Because your tone sounds more like that of someone who’d like her mother to just say, ‘Forget it.’”
Honestly, if they made it to the Cascades with everything they needed before noon tomorrow, Winnie was going to buy a lottery ticket. Luck was all that would get them packed in time to be at Max’s by 7:00 a.m. Saturday.
Why had she agreed to this? Oh, yeah. Because she and Max would have chaperones. Because Krista had wanted to do this for the longest time and Winnie had never had any desire to take the girls and go with either of her brothers, who were hard-core backpacking wilderness campers. Because she’d never do this on her own. She knew her way around a campsite and wasn’t afraid of the forests or of getting lost, but—despite their beauty—she didn’t like the unpredictability of the mountains.
She rubbed the back of her neck. “We’ve got to get the car packed before Aunt Robyn brings Maeve back.
We’ll never get anything done after that.”
“Can I take my MP3 player?”
“Yes, but only for the car ride up and back. Not in the mountains—there’s no point in going if you don’t appreciate the nature around you.”
“We have nature around us here, Mom.” Krista’s expression was earnest and still…young.
“Come here, you.” Winnie held out her arms. Krista didn’t hesitate to come into her embrace.
“I love you so much, my daughter. You know that, don’t you?” She squeezed Krista’s shoulders.
“I know, Mom.”
Winnie stroked Krista’s hair while keeping both arms around her. “I know I’ve been so overwhelmed since Maeve came.”
“Mom, it’s okay, really.”
“That’s not the point, honey. I don’t want you to think I love you any less than I ever have. I love you so much more every day. A mother’s love isn’t something I can explain. I just hope you get to experience it yourself someday.”
“I love you, too, Mom.” Krista pulled away. “And I really think you’ve done an awesome job with Maeve.”
Winnie held back a smile. A teenager’s approval of her child-rearing—could there be higher praise?
“Thanks, honey, I appreciate that. Now let’s get this finished so we can go to bed early. I don’t want to keep your uncle Max waiting.”
* * *
ONCE AT MAX’S Saturday morning, they reloaded all their supplies into Max’s SUV.
“Are you sure we have everything we’ll need for the weekend?” He cast a sidelong look at her after they’d lifted the last box of food into the back. His lips twitched on the verge of a grin.
She ignored the sarcasm. “I know how to camp, Max. I just choose not to for the most part. These girls eat a lot more than you realize.”
She threw in a bag of dog food as Sam waved his tail.
“There’re a lot of things you’re good at, Winnie, that you choose not to do.”
Winnie’s brain screamed at her to run but her feet remained firmly planted, just inches from Max’s.
“The trip isn’t going to work if we start out like this.” Her words sounded saner than her desire to grab Max’s head and pull his lips to hers, grin or not.
Max laughed. “We’re chaperoned, right? We won’t have a minute alone. What’s wrong with some harmless flirting?”
Everything.
She walked away and got settled in the backseat with Maeve and Sam. They’d decided she’d sit in back so that Krista could have some one-on-one with Max as he drove.
Krista was also learning to use a map this trip—her generation had been brought up with GPS and Max felt map-reading was a necessary life-skill. Winnie agreed.
She leaned her head back for the ride, with Sam curled up at her feet. Maeve usually fell asleep before they’d even crossed Deception Pass Bridge and she thought this time would be no exception.
Winnie drifted off until she heard Krista’s high-pitched excited voice.
“Mom, look! There’s a glacier! At the top of the mountain. It’s such a pretty blue.”
Krista glanced over at Maeve, sleeping as predicted, then shifted her gaze out the side window. Her breath caught.
They’d climbed into the densest layer of fir trees and forest, yet there were glimpses of the mountains. One in particular spread out ahead of them—Mount Baker, with its telltale glacier clinging to its side. The deep hue of the glacial ice contrasted with younger layers of white ice and snow, even in this warmer month.
“Spectacular.” She spoke quietly so as not to wake Maeve. She met Max’s eyes in the rearview mirror. He hadn’t appeared so relaxed, so at ease, since their hike. Sexual longing rose from deep inside her.
She’d never manage to be only friends with Max. Why was she still hanging on to that illusion?
“Where does the map say to go next, Krista?” His low, soothing voice reached back to Winnie’s ears and for a moment she wished she could listen to it forever.
But nothing was forever. She’d already learned that in the most painful way.
Still, it would be nice to unwind for a few days. To give up being constantly in control. To rely on a partner to help with her children.
* * *
MAX RELISHED THE TIME they all spent together in his old truck. He realized that he’d never be satisfied with just a weekend here and there with Winnie and the girls. They fit together like a family. Hell, they were a family.
He’d been patient, waiting for Winnie to come around to his way of thinking, but his patience was wearing thin.
He shifted into low gear as they took the Jeep up into the mountains.
“We should be there in half a mile, Uncle Max.”
“This last bit is going to be the steepest, and then it’ll level out where we’ll be staying.”
“I think it would’ve been cool to pitch a tent here, don’t you?”
“Krista, we’ve been over this,” Winnie said from the backseat, but her voice lacked its usual bite when it came to keeping her teenage daughter on track. Max was glad. Finally Winnie was letting things just roll.
“Your mom’s right, Krista. We all felt that a cabin is the best way to go since Maeve’s still so young.” He felt Winnie’s eyes on him but didn’t risk confirming his hunch in the rearview mirror. He had to stay focused on the winding mountain road.
Max loved the crunch of the pinecones under the SUV’s wheels and the pungent scent of the forest that blew in through the half-open windows. He felt better than he had in the past year. His joints didn’t ache anymore, unless a cold front was coming in. While he’d never have the physique he’d had as a young pilot, he was in the best shape of his life, especially considering what he’d been through.
His health wasn’t all that had improved; his state of mind was equally vibrant. Winnie was the reason. Winnie and her girls.
He couldn’t pinpoint the time or day it had happened, but his anger at Winnie, the resentment he’d harbored over not knowing about Maeve, had disappeared.
The road leveled out and within several hundred feet it opened onto a wide plateau. Max followed the signs and drove into a gravel parking lot by a log cabin that had an Office shingle hanging out front.
“We’re here!” Krista’s excitement was infectious.
“Not quite. We have to check in here, get our keys and then get ourselves to our cabin.” Max smiled at Krista’s enthusiasm. Imagine—without music blaring in her ears or a computer in front of her, Krista was having fun.
“Hi, baby girl.” Winnie’s voice caressed his ears as she spoke to their daughter.
Their daughter.
Pride still welled over and flooded him with warmth. He wanted to shout to the world that he had a daughter and that he was a survivor.
Must be the mountain air playing with his sanity. He was proud to be a father, yes, but…it was as if his emotions had been freed.
“If you want to wait here with Maeve, Krista and I can go get us set up. We should only be a minute or two.” He turned around to face Winnie.
“Sure. Once we take her out of her seat…” Winnie smiled, eyebrows raised in expectation.
Max wiggled Maeve’s foot, which elicited a bubble of joyful laughter.
“Do you want to be out there with the bears, baby girl?” He smiled at Maeve until she smiled back, then hid her face playfully against the side of her seat.
He looked at Winnie. Her expression was one of open warmth and admiration. His insides tensed in reflexive defense. He forced himself to exhale.
Hadn’t he told her to relax?
“We’re blessed, aren’t we?” He risked posing the question and risked even more using the plural.
“Yes, we are,” Winnie said quietly.
The air between them grew taut with wonder, with need.
Max let out a breath and shook his head. “I’ll get the key now, Win.”
He heard her soft chuckle before he shut the car door.
&
nbsp; * * *
THE CABIN WAS BARE-BONES as expected. They’d brought enough blankets and warm clothing to get them through a week, let alone the two nights they’d actually stay here. Max arranged firewood in the pit and they pulled out their folding chairs.
“So it’ll be ready and waiting when we come back from our hike.”
“Sounds good to me.” Winnie liked the idea of not having to do much prep work once they returned from the two-mile hike that Krista had mapped out with Max’s assistance.
“We might want to take our hiking sticks with us, since there’s a pretty rocky part near the end of the hike, according to my guidebook.” Krista held two pairs of hiking poles in her hands.
“I have yours and mine, Mom. Uncle Max, did you bring a pair?”
“Sure did, kiddo.” Winnie watched Krista’s expression go from content to ecstatic.
Even out here, in the planet’s serenity zone, she still had to work at turning off her controlling tendencies. Maybe Max was right. If she let go, she might be surprised at how much easier and joyous life could be.
She was so weary of keeping up her guard around Max. But he was hell-bent on his future career as a small-aircraft pilot, and putting herself through the misery of worrying about him each day wasn’t something she was willing to do. It would be so nice to forget about all that, if just for this weekend.
As soon as Maeve had finished her midmorning snack, they loaded her into the new backpack Max would wear to carry her. Winnie had Sam on his leash and Krista held the map. Winnie and Krista each had carried a knapsack with water, juice and lunch.
The trail started just a few hundred yards from their cabin and wound into the tree-canopied mountainside. No one talked for a while as they all settled into a comfortable rhythm. Maeve held on to Max’s hair but he didn’t complain. Birds of all species flew across their path. At one point Max stopped suddenly, his hand up.
Krista and Winnie stopped behind him. Sam’s ears were cocked; he remained silent and alert.
Max turned around to face them. “There’s a doe with her fawn up ahead, a little to the right of the trail. Look around me. Can you see her?”
Krista stepped up next to Max on his right. Her gasp of delight carried back to Winnie. She motioned urgently. “Come here, Mom!” Her voice was a breath above a whisper.