“Maybe that guy tried the whole ‘I am killing the goats unless you take them off my hands’ thing,” I suggest.
“Yes, if Amelie was around at the time that probably would have done the trick.” Leo groans. “I’m going to have to go back to work in a minute.”
“Would you, um, like a drink?” I shift awkwardly in my seat, but my thigh is still pressed up against his with nowhere to go. I mustn’t think about how nice it is; I really mustn’t.
Leo is silent for a minute, and I can’t help wondering what he’s thinking about. Then I kick myself for second guessing everything. Why does it all have to be so difficult?
“No, I really ought to go.” Leo gets up again with a sigh. “I’ll speak to Angeline about the goats, so don’t worry about them.”
Then he smiles in the sexy, quirky way that takes my breath away and spreads warmth throughout my body. I can’t help mirroring him, smiling back. After all, you can’t chase two goats around the garden and not expect a little thawing in neighbourly relations.
But after he’s gone I’m still on edge. In the house, I can’t settle. The dogs are nearly hysterical anyway after hearing the antics in the garden, so I decide that a good walk might help settle us all down.
The sky is now a deep blue above the hills, and the sun is warm on my bare arms and legs. It’s so nice to be able to leave the house without an umbrella or cardigan. The Chihuahuas love the sun, and they lift their heads towards it like little sun worshippers. They are certainly enjoying their new climate. Peanut in particular used to hate going out in the cold or wet weather at home.
As I walk, I mentally run through a list of all the reasons why I shouldn’t like Leo, why he’s unsuitable and what it would be like if we got together and then broke up. I know on a deep, intrinsic level that breaking up with Leo would be far, far worse than breaking up with Pete. I think that Leo could truly break my heart.
Only the last thought acts as a real brake on my feelings, but still it feels like a magnetic thread of attraction is running through my body and tugging me relentlessly towards Leo.
Over and over the thoughts go round in circles in my head, but still the thread of attraction tugs deep inside me, refusing to let go no matter how fast or how far I walk.
Even if some areas of my life are a little … confusing at the moment, at least the house is shaping up nicely. Joanna has made a lot of progress with the decorating. Les Coquelicots is looking more “country house shabby chic” instead of just shabby.
We have chosen cool colours to offset the warmer summer weather, duck egg blue and pale dove grey contrasting nicely with chalky, creamy white walls. Joanna borrowed Sophie one Saturday morning so that she could hire a sander and has been sanding and staining the original wooden floors in the bedrooms. I am a little worried about Joanna, because apart from me, and occasionally Sophie, she doesn’t see or talk to anybody. She tells me not to worry and that she is perfectly happy – that this is exactly what she needs at the moment – so I’ve decided to just go with it.
When she discovers that I love sewing, she suggests that we go to some of the local markets to find fabrics for cushions, and also to look out for finishing touches for the guest bedrooms. We go to Mirepoix market the following Monday morning. With the warmer weather, there are noticeably more tourists and English voices around, something that seems to make Joanna nervous.
I love Mirepoix. Its half-timbered buildings and central Market Square make it a very picturesque place to shop. We divert the dogs away from the butchers’ vans and head towards the haberdashery and fabric stalls. I quickly get immersed in some boxes of antique bedding and pillow cases, and Joanna is put on pee-patrol – making sure that none of the dogs decides to cock a leg against somebody’s market stall.
“So, you and Leo seem to be getting on well.” Joanna catches me off guard while we are walking back to the car with our purchases.
“Hmm.” I avoid her gaze, and my thoughts flash back to laughing with Leo in the garden as we were trying to capture the goats. I like my glimpses of Leo like that – the playful, more carefree side to him that I see so rarely. I guess he hasn’t had much to laugh about recently.
“So?” Joanna persists.
I sigh, getting the feeling she’s not going to let this go.
“Yes, we are getting on better.” I bite my lip and try not to think about the sex dreams I’ve been having about Leo. I don’t really understand it, I’m not that into sex. At least I didn’t think I was. “The thing is…”
I fall silent, wondering how to explain my reservations. She doesn’t know about the date/not a date or all that bad feeling at the beginning with him saying he wanted the house back.
“The thing?” I hear the tease in Joanna’s voice. It’s so rare we talk about anything personal I feel I ought to take the opportunity to get closer to her. After all she’ll never confide in me if I don’t confide in her first. “The thing is I’m scared of getting hurt,” I say, realising it’s the truest thing I can say. All my angst can’t be boiled down to that one statement. I am afraid that Leo will reject me, or that he’s only after me to achieve his own ends, to use me or dump me or humiliate me or … I don’t know, hurt me in some other previously unthought of (by me) way.
“I suppose after Pete I am doubting my ability to judge other people’s character properly,” I add. “I mean he wasn’t the one and only or anything like that and I’m actually glad that he did end things between us, but the way that he ended it and the fact that I didn’t see it coming has shaken me.”
I swallow hard and feel relieved to see that the Boulangerie we parked outside is only a few shops away. I hadn’t actually intended being that honest.
I’m glad of the distraction of putting our shopping and the dogs in the car. Once I’m seated in the passenger seat, I turn to face Joanna who is driving, feeling a bit more together.
Well I am together enough not to be about to fall apart anyway.
“I get it.” She smiles sadly. “When the people we love most in the world turn on us it’s as much about the betrayal in the action as the action itself.”
“Yes, that is a good way to put it.” I cuddle Treacle and kiss the top of his head.
“If you ever want to talk … You know…” I avert my eyes from Joanna as I know she is struggling to hold it together too.
“I know,” she says quietly. “Thanks.”
As we drive back into Saint Quentin I see Sophie sitting outside the café in the sunshine drinking a coffee.
“Do you fancy joining Sophie?” I suggest to Joanna, crossing my fingers that she will join.
“Why not?” Tension creeps into Joanna’s expression nonetheless.
“Great.” I smile with relief. Five minutes later Joanna and I are sitting with Sophie, the dogs are waiting hopefully under the table for their treats. After our drinks arrive Sophie takes her sunglasses off and I notice how her eyes are a little red.
“Are you okay Sophie, have you got hayfever or something?” I feel a twinge of concern.
“No, I was crying, it’s silly really.” Sophie sniffs. “It’s about a local story that I saw on Facebook. There’s this dog who was going to be put to sleep because he’s blind and if no one can find a rescue place for him he’s only got a few days to live.”
“Well that’s hardly a silly thing to cry about.” It’s obviously going to be that kind of day. I can feel myself getting upset about the story. One look at Joanna tells me that she’s upset too.
Great.
“Show me the story then.” I know before I even read the story that I’m going to offer the dog a home.
Wordlessly Sophie passes me her phone.
“He looks very sweet.” I stare down at the picture of the dog I’m clearly about to adopt. Sophie can’t because she works full time and Joanna doesn’t know where she’ll be this time next month.
That only leaves me. And four dogs can’t be much more work than three surely?
“
He reminds me a bit of a dog I had as a child,” Joanna says.
I read his profile and see that he is relatively young and otherwise healthy. It has always been one of my bugbears, installed in me by Gran, that having a disability or health condition does not negate all quality of life.
I mean I live with arthritis and I’m happy. The thought surprises me. It’s the first time since the Pete bombshell that I’ve actually realised I am happy. Even with all the Leo angst driving me a bit crazy at the moment I’m in my own home in a country I love, I’ve got great new friends and three gorgeous dogs. Scratch that. I look down at the soulful eyes of the Beagle, Fox terrier cross in the Facebook photo and know it will soon be four.
“I’ll take him,” I say.
Sophie looks up, surprised. “I had a whole argument planned. I know we talked about me getting a dog, but I think, being blind he needs someone at home all day and a house and garden he can get used to.
“It’s fine, I’ve already said I’ll take him. Well, if they approve me that is.”
“Oh don’t worry about that, they will approve you. It is the mother of my friend who runs the charity.” Sophie is already tapping away at her phone, presumably making arrangements before I can change my mind.
A few days later I am crouching down on the ground and stroking a friendly and furry beagle/terrier cross breed. He has one ear sticking very firmly up and the other one is sticking out to the side on a seemingly permanent basis. Joanna crouches down next to me.
“Phew, he whiffs a bit.” She strikes one of his velvety ears. “Lovely big ears, so soft.”
“He’s going to have to have a bath pretty soon if he wants to sleep in the house.”
Peanut, Treacle and Pickwick all queue up to sniff at him suspiciously. It’s going pretty well so far, fingers crossed.
“What are you going to call him?” Joanna asks, standing up.
“Barney. I think he looks like a Barney” I scratch behind his ears and he leans in towards me. “I’m afraid Barney the first thing on the agenda for you is a bath.”
He cooks his head to one side.
“He probably doesn’t speak English.” Joanna laughs.
“He’ll learn, won’t you Barney I think he’s an intelligent boy,” I say.
In response he gives my hand a little lick. I think my heart melts then. I’ve never had a problem falling in love with the dogs. You love them, feed them and pat them and in return you get back unconditional love and loyalty.
If only men were that simple and so easy to please.
I opt for the walk-in shower as Barney is a lot bigger than the little dogs who I tend to bathe in the kitchen sink. At first Barney seems bemused but as soon as he feels the warm water on his back he sinks down into the shower tray with an audible sigh of pleasure.
He beams as I massage shampoo into his fur. If only the little ones stayed this still when I bathed them. They tend to cling to me for dear life until the “torture” is over. Barney, on the other hand, looks utterly blissed out, even tipping his head back to have his ears shampooed.
When we emerge back out into the garden the little ones trot in front and behind Barney. They are certainly helping him find his way around the garden without bumping into anything. I wonder if I could teach Treacle to be Barney’s guide dog.
For his part Barney is amazingly gentle with them. He is a lot bigger than them, larger than he looked in his Facebook photo. When I heard that he was an ex chasse, or hunting dog, I was worried that he might see the little dogs as prey.
But he settles down on the grass, basking in the sunshine and doesn’t turn a whisker when the chihuahuas leap all over him. I am so intent on watching them that I don’t hear Leo coming up behind me.
“New dog?”
I start violently and whip around.
“Oh hi,” I say, my cheeks flaming. Why exactly am I blushing? Could it have anything to do with the dream I had about Leo last night? Hopefully he’ll think I’m just hot.
“I heard that you adopted a new rescue dog,” he says his lips curving into a knowing smile that tells me he’s noticed my blush.
I raise my eyebrows. “He’s only been here for thirty minutes.”
“News travels fast in a village.” Leo laughs. “I’m afraid you’ll have to get used to that. Village gossip.”
“What did they say about me then?” I ask, licking my lips nervously.
“Half the village think that you are sleeping with Jacques, although admittedly he is the one who encouraged that rumour.”
“What?” My cheeks flame even hotter. Sophie never told me. “And … The other half?”
I swallow hard and wonder if I really want to know the answer.
Leo leans forward and lowers his voice. “The other half think that you are sleeping with me.”
My breath catches in my chest and his words trigger visible reaction in my body, a tightening and a tingling. I struggle to keep my expression impassive. My cheeks are already crimson and I can do nothing about them.
I look about the garden for Joanna. Nowhere to be seen, she always vanishes unless it’s Sophie.
“Most people tend to shower naked you know.” Leo grins, gesturing down at my clothes and I realise that my skirt and T-shirt are soaking wet from a post-shower Barney shake.
“Very funny,” I say, wishing that I had a pithier response to hand. As it is I am feeling the tightening inside me ratchet up a notch at the words “naked” and “shower,” and I stare suspiciously at Leo. Does he know the effect his words are having on me? From the gleam in his eyes I would say yes.
“Would you like me to take a look?” Leo asks.
What does he mean? A look at what? The words naked and shower obstinately refuse to leave my head. I won’t look down at my T-shirt to see just how wet I am, it’s like he’s daring me to.
I will die of hideous embarrassment in private, thank you very much.
“A look at what?” I narrow my eyes with suspicion.
“I look at the newest addition to your pack of course.” Leo adds casually.
“Yes … Thanks.” I take a deep breath and follow Leo over to the dogs. The little ones abandon Barney to mob Leo, all leaping on their hindlegs to be the first to get a cuddle. I try to ignore the longing inside me leaping up and down saying I wouldn’t mind a cuddle with Leo too. Leo picks up Peanut and cuddles her.
I have to try very hard not to feel jealous. Once all the others have had a fuss Leo gives Barney a cuddle and strokes him to get Barney used to him. He gives him a cursory inspection but without alarming the dog too much.
“Maybe bring him into the surgery for a proper health check, later this week,” Leo suggests. His manner is professional now.
“Actually do you think you could help me with something? I’ll be quick I promise.”
Leo’s professional manner slips as he quirks an eyebrow.
I look away. Is he determined to embarrass me today? He’s being borderline flirty. In fact I would’ve said he is over the borderline and well past Customs. Maybe this is a post-goat bonding thing?
I hurry into the kitchen, taking Barney with me. I needn’t worry about making sure the other three come along as they all just want to be with Leo. Clearly he has bewitched them with his charms too.
“Here, I was given this form.” I hold out the adoption form to Leo. “I just want to check what I’m signing. Does this look okay to you?”
Leo scans the document. “Yes it all looks fine to me.”
I watch Barney walking around the kitchen locating first his water bowl and then the dog bed I bought him specially. Not being able to see doesn’t seem to be bothering him unduly. In fact, he’s been wagging his tail since he got here.
“It’s changed a lot in here,” Leo says quietly, looking around at the old dresser that Joanna has sanded and painted a pale dove grey.
“Would you like to look around at what we’ve done?” I asked tentatively.
“I’d love to another time
. I need to get back to the surgery.” Leo casts his eyes back to the dresser. “My sister would have liked it. She was always saying she wanted to renovate it and to get the house updated. This was her kind of style.”
I’m not quite sure what to say to that. Why does my vocabulary shrink to “oh” and “um” when I’m near Leo? Around him it’s as though my thoughts turn into a jumbled up jigsaw puzzle and I can’t quite get the pieces to fit together.
He leaves with a tight smile and a nod for me and a much fonder farewell for Barney and the dogs. When he leaves Barney whines and goes to the door to follow Leo, only to find the door is shut. I kind of sympathise. I’m reminded of the part of My Fair Lady when Rex Harrison as Henry Higgins asks why a woman can’t be more like a man?
I crouch down next to Barney to comfort him.
“Why can’t a man be more like a dog, eh Barney?”
It would make life a lot simpler if men were so easy to please. There’d be none of this angst or second guessing, or third, fourth and fifth guessing with Leo’s inscrutability.
Peanut comes hurtling over, asking to be picked up. I give her a cuddle as she nestles on my chest. It’s when I kiss the top of Peanut’s head that I catch it – Leo’s scent from where he was cuddling her.
My stomach flips. I swear the very scent of him is enough to send my hormones into a tailspin. I slide down onto a kitchen chair. How can just Leo’s scent do this to me? I’ve never had this kind of visceral, physical reaction to a man before. But my pheromones don’t take into account what a complicated, confusing man Leo is. I bite my lip.
If only a man were more like a dog…
From Leo@cabinetvétérinaire-saint-quentinsur-aude
To [email protected]
Subject: News
Hi Madeline,
I don’t know why I keep this email account active. I suppose I can’t bear the thought of closing it down. It would be like losing another part of you. Somehow the fact that I can still email you makes it easier to talk to you than standing at your grave. I wanted to tell you that your house is being well looked after. An English woman called Poppy has bought it. She is an artist, she illustrates the children’s books the kind of books that Amelie used to like.
Poppy's Place in the Sun Page 15