by Emma Zadow
(Pause.)
janet: People have moved on. They’ve moved on to the next boy… because there’s—
nav: Fifty more coming down the jumbo jet trolley.
janet: Reeling down their own blood lines. Like a sick snow day with sledge tracks. And—
nav: I’m standing there, standing over this fifteen-year-old…
janet: He’s only about five years younger than me.
(Pause.)
Riot in the—
nav: Moss.
janet: Borough’s burning.
nav: Basic stuff, they say.
janet: It’s not all in London, eh?
nav: And I’m alone. Like him. And I stare at him. Like he is at me.
janet: And I don’t want to leave him alone.
nav: I don’t want to leave him alone.
janet: No matter how hard I try to move my feet to the next poor bugger who comes through the doors… I can’t let him go.
(She breathes harder. He pants. Her hands shake hard.)
I didn’t even know his name.
nav: And he was screaming. So hard.
janet: And I know he’s gone, but I grab his hand. I see it lying there, sticky. Yellowed fingernails. Smoker. I hold it.
nav: And I see it.
janet: I don’t know what compelled me to do this – I knew he were dead already. But I just said…
both: I’m here.
janet: And, I know he didn’t squeeze my hand. But it felt like I was, um, I don’t know, present for something?
nav: I was his family—
janet: In that moment. And I keep holding it. Blood.
nav: His blood.
janet: My blood. Someone else’s blood. A stranger’s blood.
nav: His body were in front of me.
janet: And there was this perfect silence.
both: Perfect… almost.
nav: There was a silence in my head for—
both: The first time—
janet: During that shift.
nav: And…
(They inhale together – a long, hard, painful, smoky breath. Slight pause.)
janet: Then this… squeal came out of his mouth.
(They exhale together – a rasping wheeze.)
nav: I didn’t know what to do.
janet: It gave me the shits, man.
He…
Were…
nav: He did…
janet: His…
nav: Last…
janet: Breath.
And his back arched as he vommed out the last bit of air from his lungs. Like a squeal…
Like a—
nav (slowly): —pig.
janet: And then his arched back flattened back down.
nav: His head went back to exactly the way it was.
janet: You sort of get that second chin when you’re like that, don’t you?
(Pause.)
We ain’t got the space. We ain’t got the space for these boys—
nav: And yet, there’s plenty more where they came from.
janet: What am I going to do?
nav: I was supposed to—
janet: Save him and—
nav: And I’m sorry.
janet: I’m so…
So…
Sorry.
both: I didn’t mean to kill him.
(She wipes her forehead and he readjusts his belt. She re-enacts the A&E scene around nav, who is frozen with shock on the streets. He stands motionless, as if time has stopped and he is trapped in that moment. janet rushes to various patients across the stage. The space is moving, warping, tilting with radio crackles. Police lights flash. The sound of ECG machines thump. nav stands motionless, as if he is about to be sick. An alarm screeches.)
janet: We weren’t allowed to have a side.
nav: We weren’t allowed to have a political opinion.
both: What have I done?
(The sound of the ECG machine thumps underneath. They are catatonic, robotic, almost, in their exhaustion.)
nav: My head is spinning, and not in a—
janet: I’m on a really drunk night out—
nav: I want chips kind of way.
both: I don’t know if I can go back.
(Silence. janet lights a cigarette. She inhales deeply on it. She offers it to him. He thinks, takes it and drags on it. He coughs. She smirks, but he doesn’t. Pause. He leans towards her.)
nav: His name was Ryan. He had two brothers. He was in his second year of cookery school. Apprenticeship.
(Pause. The ECG thump picks up again. Lights dart back and forth, back and forth. Eventually nav and janet return to the present again.)
both: That’s what happened.
nav: I did it.
I killed him.
janet (laughing): No, did you ever.
nav: But I did.
You know I did.
Come on.
So, why haven’t you screamed for help yet?
(She stops and looks at him hard.)
ACT THREE
Continued.
janet (still laughing): Like you did! Of course you did! Constable Gupta, I know you didn’t. Because I did. I know you keep saying I didn’t, but I did. I was responsible for his life in that ward – it’s my job. We get told we’re going to kill someone eventually. Everybody does. That’s what you said, right? And that was mine tonight. I must live with that. You should really arrest me. I mean, I’m not going to ask you to. You’re not, are you?
(Pause.)
Besides, you’re just… not the type… You’re just not.
(nav looks at her hard.)
Tell me you’re not. I’m the type of person – me, not you.
nav: I did.
(Silence.)
janet: Ryan, Ryan, Ryan. You keep saying his name. Over and over. Why? Why?!
nav: Because I already knew him. And now he’s dead because of me.
janet: Nav, what did you do?
(He moves around the room. janet keeps her distance from him.)
nav: I’m usually very good at telling the truth. This isn’t me. I’m really good at telling the truth, but… it’s… you’ve made it so hard. And I feel like the pig you think I am. But that’s what we’ve got. We have this, here, now and right now. I need to tell you that. Ryan lying on your ward, on your bed, the blood that is dripping into your sink right now, into the dirty tea mugs, is Ryan’s. Because I did it. I wanted to tell you before, but… He knew me. He ran to me because he thought I was safe. Because he thought he’d be safe with me. I was the one who was going to make everything better. And I didn’t.
(She moves over to the door.)
Just stay there!
(He puts his arm out to stop her.)
I will not let anyone else die on my watch tonight!
janet: Tonight?
(Silence. janet stares at him in a different light.)
I should check your uniform… See if the toothpaste worked.
nav: It happened so fast. So fast. It was an accident and—
janet: You wanted to see if I’d worked it out yet? Is that why you’re here?
nav: No, I… liked you… and I didn’t want you to think it was you.
janet: People are treating it as just a casualty of the riot. But it’s not!
nav: I need you to help me, Janet.
(They stand facing each other. Silence.)
janet: You should go. Now.
(Pause.)
What are you waiting for? Now!
nav: Janet, please. I’m not leaving you like this, after what’s happened between us.
janet: Nothing has happened between us! Nothing. OK? Something happened to you! Not me.
nav: Janet, please, I’m trying to tell you—
janet: You’ve told me enough for me to know what’s going on here.
nav: I didn’t mean to hurt—
janet: Oh, your kind never does.
nav: My kind?
janet: You know what I mean.
nav: You don’t mean this, any of this.
janet: Just like you didn’t mean to kill Ryan tonight?!
nav: Don’t shout.
janet: I have every right to shout when there’s a murderer in my flat!
nav: I’m not a—
janet: You’re not? Then what do I call you?
nav: It was me, yes. I’ve said it now. But don’t you feel better that it wasn’t your fault in the hospital, at least?
janet: Oh, yeah. I feel miles better now.
(They begin circling, distant from one another.)
nav: Janet…
(Pause.)
janet: Nav…
nav: You’re not going to do anything—
janet: If you even dare to say stupid, I swear you’ll come out of this a whole lot worse than I will.
nav: I don’t want to hurt you.
janet: Oh, you’re definitely a killer.
nav: I didn’t want to be. I’m not like that. That’s not what happened.
janet: Killer freaks always say that! ‘I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry. It was an accident.’ Blah blah blah.
nav: Can’t you let me finish?
janet: I should have known from the beginning that I couldn’t trust an officer. You killed him. A court’s not gonna want to know the details. It’s pretty black and white! Either someone’s dead because of you, or someone’s alive because of you.
nav: I really wouldn’t shout with the rioters so close.
janet: Afraid of the jackals outside, are you, tiger? Need a cage as bad as I do? Cos that’s all they want to do.
Lock us both up.
Why not?
WHY NOT?!
HELLO OUT THERE! THERE’S A MURDERER IN HERE WITH ME! HELP ME BEFORE HE… You know what, I did learn something from that little story of yours: tigers belong in cages.
nav: Ryan was one of us. One of mine! Do you have any idea what that’s like?
janet: No, I don’t. What about his mum? His dad? His grandparents? I wonder if they came as far as yours for a better life for their children. For their grandchildren? And you do this to them!
nav: Don’t lecture me about things you don’t even come close to understanding. I’ve… you’ve… this is…
janet: You can brag about your Uganda, your Gulab jamuns, your… tigers! But I know you. All I’ve known is work – that’s what I’ve always done! I can’t run away to another country when it gets hard – I stay here. And yes, it has been hard! It has been hard getting by!
(nav stays silent. Hurt. Punctured.)
Tell me, did a little part of you enjoy killing him? That child? That boy? Did it like killing that Indian part of you? Constable?
nav: I dunno, did that working-class chip on your shoulder you’ve been carrying disappear with his last breath?
janet: I…
nav: Cos you seem to remember a lot of details about his passing. Seems you could have done more…
janet: We are nothing alike! It is not the same thing.
(Pause.)
You’ve lied to me, you’ve manipulated me, you’ve made me think I’ve killed someone, you’ve flirted with me…
nav: And you flirted with me!
janet: Christ, I did your laundry for you! And you’ve killed a boy. A Moss Side boy.
nav: You don’t know what you’re… it wasn’t like that.
janet: Please explain to me, because I’ve never killed anyone before. I may be a lot of things, but I’m not that.
nav: I’m sorry.
janet: You.
Are.
Not.
The.
Victim.
Here.
nav: And you’d like to be?
janet: Well, it’s certainly a night to remember, and there’s always self-defence to fall back on.
nav: Janet?
(Pause. A siren flares in the distance again.)
Come on.
janet: This is my home. My city.
nav: It’s my city too.
janet: Then you police should treat it that way.
nav: Order. We’ve got to have it.
janet: Yeah, cos you’re really in control of the situation. How can you be… why couldn’t you just work in your dad’s shop?
nav: The same as you – you wanted more.
janet: It doesn’t come by tearing Moss Side apart! I care about this city!
nav: So do I!
janet: Then why’d you do it?! You know why this whole riot’s happening, right?
nav: I’ve been briefed. I know the story.
janet: So, you know the sus laws?
nav: Yes.
janet: Then why be an officer? Why do it?
nav: I’m not like them!
janet: But you could have been.
nav: DO NOT PATRONISE ME ABOUT DUTY. In the Moss. We had to start saying no.
janet: Manchester’s better than this. It’s better than the sus. And I know what’s going on. We’ve seen it.
nav: I’ve never stop-and-searched.
janet: But you haven’t said anything.
nav: How can I?
janet: That’s great. No, really.
nav: You watch too much news making us out to be the bad guys in all of this.
janet: But you are!
nav: I could drudge up how your father may have crawled out of a nineteenth-century hell mine with typhoid, but I won’t.
All for you.
Just like my parents.
(janet is silent.)
I shouldn’t have said that.
(Pause. They stand facing each other, as though ready to fight.)
janet: What will you say?
nav: About what?
janet: After this?
nav: After you?
janet: About Ryan?
nav: I’ll come clean. I’ll tell the Serge everything.
janet: And you’re willing to put your career in the force on the line for that?
nav: It’s what’s right.
(janet laughs. During the following, she distracts him by egging him on while she edges towards the radio.)
janet: Will you mean it?
nav: Yes.
janet: How do you know they won’t just sweep it under the carpet? Lost in the mess of the riots? A dirty accident?
nav: It’s the right thing.
janet: Mr Oh So Noble.
nav: Little Miss I’m So Bloody Unique. You’re not!
(janet reaches the radio. She grabs it. She presses the button desperately.)
janet: HELP ME! HE KILLED RYAN! HE KILLED THAT BOY!
nav: Hey! Stop it! Stop that now!
janet: No! Please! I’m alone with him on Tabbard Road!
radio voiceover: Hello?
janet: Thank God! Hello! Navtej Gupta is a murderer!
nav: Don’t listen to her, Serge!
(The radio crackles hard. nav grabs at the radio and tries to turn it off.)
janet: Hello? Please! I’M ALONE WITH HIM!
(nav throws himself at her. She dodges him and runs to another part of the room.)
nav: JANET!
janet: Shut up!
nav: But…
janet: Shut the fuck up!
(nav stays where he is.)
nav: It’s not working.
janet: You’re lying.
nav: It hasn’t for a while.
janet: I don’t believe you.
nav: I turned it off.
(janet brandishes it at him. She tries again. It crackles, fizzes and chokes.)
janet: For fuck’s sake!
(She throws it directly in front of her feet.)
nav: Now what?
janet: Get stuffed! You nearly attacked me earlier!
nav: What? When?
janet: When you nearly hit me!
nav: That was… that had…
janet: You nearly did.
nav: It’s not black and white.
janet: The police aren’t either.
nav: You don’t know everything. (Pause.) Hot Pink—
janet: Shut up.
(The radio crackles again.)
radio voiceover (screaming): Gupta! Last message received. If that nurse is in any harm, you’ll be held accountable. What’s going on in there? Whoever’s there, tell me!
(janet and nav exchange a look. Pause. They throw themselves at the radio. Wrestling, jostling, fighting, just like an echo of the riot they tried to remedy. The loss of the blown light bulb can be felt. Shadows hit them hard. Sirens blare past in the distance. Suddenly, the window in the door shatters. A brick has broken the glass. It hits the floor hard. Mirroring the fall at the beginning, janet drops to the ground and nav ducks, covering his head. Both fly to the floor, the frosted glass showering over them. janet crawls to the light switch and tries to turn it on. It won’t work. She flicks it angrily back and forth. She crawls to nav and finds him on the floor by the door. She turns him over. There is blood seeping from his shoulder. She doesn’t move him. The sound of the ECG machine thumps and echoes.)
janet: Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod. Please don’t let this be my—
(She stops herself.)
Nav!
(Long pause.)
nav (weakly): You might just get it tonight.
(janet slaps him.)
janet: If you were still alive, fucking say!
nav: The glass got in the way.
janet: I need to report you.
nav (coughing): So go ahead.
(nav writhes in pain in on the floor. Shattered glass falls off him, all around. He screams.)
janet: Nav?!
(She runs to the door and stops in the frame. He cries out. She runs back to him.)
I can let you die right here in my living room. I can do that.
(He cries out again.)
Do you want me to do that?
(Pause.)
nav (quietly): I deserve it. Like you said.
janet: I never said you should die for—
(He coughs harder. The blood stain broadens. janet runs to his uniform jacket. She grabs it. She throws it over him.)
No. So here’s what we’re going to do. It’s not as bad as you think, but I need to act fast. You listenin’?
(nav nods.)
NAV!
nav: Is it really bad?
janet: No.
nav: You’re lying!
janet: Yes, it’s bad.
nav: I knew it!
janet: Well, now we both are liars!
(Pause. nav struggles on the floor next to her. janet holds him.)
nav: What do you think he was thinking – you know, during—?
janet: I don’t want to think about it. We need to concentrate on the situation now.
nav: I can’t stop thinking about it. His voice is in my head.