by Goda, Julia
“How far you want me to go if the scare tactic doesn’t do the job?”
“Make her life hell. Whatever it takes for her to not ever mess with my relationship again.”
“You sure about that?”
“Absolutely. I’m not losing my girlfriend over this bullshit.”
“Alright. I’m on it.”
Max was a PI who worked for our company from time to time to get information we needed. He promised me he would set the plan in motion that night.
For the next two weeks, everything was quiet. No phone calls, texts, and thank fuck, no more run-ins. It looked like some big bulk of man appearing on Courtney’s doorstep giving her a firm talking-to had worked. Upon checking in with Max, I learned that indeed all the guy had to do was show up at her house and scare the shit out of her and she backed off.
“Looks like a scare is all she needed. Pity really. Was looking forward to throwing some dirt at that rich bitch.”
“Good. You’ve been monitoring her?”
“Yeah. Been following her for the past two weeks. Hasn’t gone anywhere near you or your girl. All she does is meet other bitches for lunch, get laid by three different guys, and go to the salon. Got pictures and notes as proof for you.”
“Okay. Thanks, Max.”
“Was a pleasure doing business with you.”
Grateful I had dodged that bullet without having to escalate things further or bringing the situation into Lizzy’s life, I hung up. Now it was time to focus on moving my girl into our new house this weekend.
Chapter 13
Lizzy
Ten years ago.
Lizzy is fifteen. Cole is seventeen.
Cole and I are walking down Main Street, talking and laughing. We don’t usually stroll down the sidewalk like this. It makes me uncomfortable, knowing that people are looking at us, disapproving of him spending time with the white trash girl from the wrong side of town. Cole said it’s just my imagination, that they aren’t looking, but we both know that he’s lying. The glares he gives them when he thinks I can’t see only confirm that.
People in town hate me.
They always have.
Well, at least the women do. They give me withering looks and turn up their noses at me. I know why. I’m not stupid. We live in a small town where everyone knows everyone. I know, for example, that the woman who is giving me the death glare from across the street is Mrs. Evanston. I also know that Mr. Evanston comes to our house to see my mother. Frequently. And not just to have a chat from townie to townie. Oh no. As soon as he walks through the door, my mother starts unbuttoning her jeans while his eyes grow needy and wanting before he pulls her up the stairs and has his way with her. Our house is old and in bad repair. I can hear them through the walls. Neither of them care that I’m there and know what’s going on. It’s like I don’t exist. But that’s better than the alternative. At least Mr. Evanston isn’t one of my mother’s friends who stare and leer at me. He completely ignores me. I prefer it that way.
I’m trying to make myself small, hunching as my eyes move from Mrs. Evanston and land on a group of men who are standing outside the town’s garage. There are three of them and all of their eyes are trained on me, grinning, looking at me lasciviously, almost carnally.
I know them.
All of them.
They are some of the men my mother has over when she’s in the mood to party. They are the ones who make me escape through the back door and run to Cole’s house. Before I can avert my eyes, I see one of them lick his lips as if in anticipation. I shiver in disgust, remembering his hands on my thighs as he tried to push them apart, remembering the smell of his foul breath on my face, remembering the panic that coiled in my stomach. It has been almost two years since then, but I remember everything as if it happened yesterday. Cole’s arm comes around my shoulders and he pulls me into his side. I look up at him to see his eyes on the men, his jaw clenched, his look fierce and challenging.
He’s protecting me. Again.
I look back down to the sidewalk, feeling embarrassed and guilty.
“Hey.” Cole’s arm around me tightens. I say nothing and don’t look at him as we keep walking along Main Street. I feel his lips at the side of my head and am about to look up at him when I see two pairs of low-heeled shoes come to a halt a few feet from me. I look up and stare into hard eyes.
Cole’s mother’s eyes.
And right next to her is Courtney’s mother, her eyes equally cold and hard on me.
Cole tenses beside me but doesn’t let me go. I try to move away from him, out of his embrace, but he won’t have it. His mother’s eyes narrow on me, giving me chills, before they move to her son.
“I can’t believe you,” she hisses at him.
“What is it you can’t believe, mother?” Cole’s voice is hard and unyielding. He knows exactly what she is talking about.
“I can’t believe that you are still hanging out with this whore. I forbade you—”
Cole lets go of me as he moves into his mother’s space, intimidating her, and standing protectively in front of me at the same time. “Careful, mother. I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again. Lizzy is my friend, my best friend, and I will not abandon her because you want me to. You and your reputation with your stuck-up friends can go to hell for all I care. One more nasty word out of your mouth and I will make sure the whole town will get a show they won’t soon forget.”
I look around nervously. It’s Sunday afternoon, people are out and about, a few of them already stopped, curious to see what’s going on.
God.
How I hate this town and the people in it.
I can’t wait to get out of here.
Cole and his mother are in a stare-down, neither of them giving in. I’m about to just leave to make it easier for him when I hear Courtney’s mother hiss, “Home wrecker.” My eyes fly to hers and I freeze at the hatred I see in them. My heart starts beating rapidly. I try to think. Had her husband come to our house? Is he one of my mother’s fuck buddies? No, he isn’t. At least not that I know of. And my mother doesn’t keep any of them a secret, so I would know. I would have seen him at some point. She must be referring to one of her friends’ husbands. Not that that makes me feel any better.
“What did you just say?” Cole’s voice is lethal as he directs it at Courtney’s mother.
“I called her what she and her mother are. Home wreckers. No good white trash slutty whores of home wreckers.” The hatred rolls off of her as she glares at me, unblinking. I hate myself for it, but tears are starting to pool in my eyes. I have sworn over and over again to not let anyone’s hatred get to me, but for some reason I can never seem to manage to keep that oath.
Cole takes a threatening step toward her, but I grab his elbow and he stops. I see a muscle jump in his cheek as he clenches his teeth.
“Let’s go,” he says to me without taking his eyes from her. “They’re not worth it.” Then he takes my hand and pulls me behind him.
“Don’t listen to them, Lizzy. They’re mean bitches who thrive at making others feel worthless.”
I say nothing, just let him pull me along as I stare at the sidewalk.
I’m embarrassed and hurt and mad at the same time. I wish the mad would win out. It would make things so much easier. But it’s always the hurt that has the upper hand. I want to be strong and stand up for myself. Tell them to go to hell like Cole just did, and I’m embarrassed that I always fail. They get to me. The hatred and the disgust and contempt get to me. It cuts me deep that people would think that way about me, would call me a whore and a home wrecker and worse. That they think I’m useless just because I was born to a woman who cares about nothing and nobody but herself. I hate, hate, hate that I let them get to me.
Angry tears wet my eyes and I take a deep breath to swallow them down.
Cole’s hand around mine is firm and unyielding. I wouldn’t be able to let go even if I wanted to.
Which I don’t.
“Hey,” his voice is low as he squeezes my hand. I squeeze it back.
“Look at me, Liz.” He stops us on the sidewalk, away from all the Sunday afternoon strollers and shoppers.
I take another deep breath and look up at him as I try to put on a brave face even though I know I won’t be very successful. Cole knows me too well.
“Don’t listen to them.”
I shrug. “I try, but it’s hard.”
My eyes wander over his shoulder. His mother and Mrs. Miller are still watching us with contempt as they talk to each other. Nobody else is looking, but I still feel everyone’s eyes on us.
I feel Cole’s hand squeeze mine and my attention snaps back to him.
“Don’t, Liz. Ignore them.”
“It’s not that easy, Cole. No matter what I do or don’t do, I will always be the town whore’s daughter who everyone despises just by relation. Nothing will ever change their minds.” My mind went back to Courtney’s mom and all the other women who knew what their husbands were really doing—or should I say whom they were doing—when they claimed to have to work late or be stuck in a meeting or in traffic. It wasn’t just other drunks and drug addicts who frequented our house. Oh no. Upstanding town citizens stopped by on regular basis as well. Usually during the week, making it easier for them to lie to their wives about their whereabouts. I had never told Cole who they were, but I suspected he knew. As I said, we live in a small town. And if you really wanted to know what was going on, it was easy enough to find out.
Shame and guilt run through me once again. I am trash, born into it, and nobody in this town will ever let me forget it.
“I know. And it pisses me the fuck off. Who does that shit? Condemn someone because of the circumstances they’re born into. Fuck. I fucking hate those people.” His voice is low but I can hear the absolute anger vibrating in it. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath through his nose before he opens them again. “Not much longer now until we can get out of here.”
I huff and murmur, “Only three years,” under my breath. I keep the fact that two of those years I will be alone, without him, to myself. I don’t want him to feel guilty. I don’t want to become a burden. But I can see that he can read the words on my face, that he is thinking the same thing, and that he is worried.
“Promise me you’ll stay strong. Promise me you won’t let them break you.”
That was the plan. To hang in there until I could follow him to Boston. I planned on sticking to that plan, no matter what. I nodded.
“I promise.”
“Good.” Cole exhaled in relief and gave my hand another squeeze. Then he brushed his lips softly against my forehead. I closed my eyes and savored the moment. These were the moments I lived for, the moments when I could pretend that we were a couple. It made the wait until we could actually be together easier. We had never actually talked about what would happen between us when I followed him to school, but I knew, I just knew he was biding his time until he could make me his.
Just like I was.
Chapter 14
Lizzy
Thanksgiving weekend. Usually, I would work at the shelter all day, but this year, Cole and I invited some of our friends without family in the city for dinner at our place. It would be our first family holiday in our new house and I couldn’t wait.
My mother and I never celebrated Thanksgiving, or any holiday for that matter, so I usually sat at home reading a book or, after Katie had become my best and really only friend in town during my junior year in high school, I would spend Thanksgivings and Christmases with her and her family. Cole had never invited me over to spend a holiday with him, not that I had ever expected him to. Other than sneaking into his bedroom when things got out of control at my house, I had never even been to his house.
And after I moved to Boston to go to college, Cole stayed with me whenever he could weasel his way out of going home for a holiday, which wasn’t very often, almost never actually, but I never blamed him. So I mostly just stayed in my dorm room and read or studied all weekend, even though both Katie and Cole repeatedly tried to talk me into staying at Katie’s.
This would be the first year that Cole didn’t go home for Thanksgiving weekend. He didn’t go into details, but apparently his mother had not come to terms with the fact that I was in his life in the capacity I was and would stay there. Refusing her demand to come alone, he instead wanted to celebrate with friends at our house.
“I’m telling you what I told my mother. If she can’t accept you being as the vital part of my life and welcome you to the family, then I want nothing to do with them. I’m not going home to celebrate a family holiday without you there.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to be the reason you distance yourself from your family.”
He chuckled. “Baby, seriously? There isn't much to distance myself from. My mother has never been a nice person, you know that. That’s probably the only thing my father and I ever agreed on. We are family by blood, but that’s about it. They refuse to accept you, which means they refuse to accept me and my happiness.”
That was true, but still. At least he had family to spend time with.
“What about your cousin Daniel? You guys always got along fine.”
“How about this? Daniel dislikes those family gatherings just as much as I do. We’ll invite him to come to dinner here. He can bring his girlfriend, who by the way, my mother also won’t accept but can’t do much about, seeing as my aunt and uncle adore her. Ask some of your friends and colleagues to join us and we’ll celebrate our first holiday with the people we actually like to be around. Okay?”
“That actually sounds great. I would love that.”
“Then it’s done. I’ll call Daniel and Steve. You call your friends.”
And so we planned to spend Thanksgiving with our chosen family of friends. I couldn’t be happier. Everyone was coming at noon and I couldn’t wait.
It was early in the morning when I pulled into the shelter to help with the food prep until I had to head home for my own prep. Jesse and Chloe were now living at a foster home with an amazing couple that only took in older kids nobody else seemed to want. I had worked with them before and had practically begged them to take them in. They had only had one spot open after one of their wards had started college in the fall, but agreed to take on both kids after I told them their story. Both Chloe and Jesse had settled in fine and often stopped by the shelter after school to spend some time with me. We had developed a fairly deep bond and I cared about them immensely. They wanted to be home for turkey dinner, but were coming to help with the Thanksgiving preparations at the shelter today before I was going to drop them off at their house on my way home.
When I walked into the common room, Marie was already in a tizzy trying to get everyone organized. All the staff and volunteers were there today to make this holiday something special for the kids. The only one coming over to Cole and my place was Marie. She had worked closely with me during the past few months and we had become friendly. Rainey was staying at the shelter until early afternoon then was going to head home to spend Thanksgiving with her mother and a family friend. Everyone else was here for the day. Seriously, I loved my job and the people I was working with.
“Lizzy! Thank God you’re here! There is so much to do!” Marie advanced on me as soon as she saw me walking in.
“Relax, Marie. It’ll be fine,” I tried to calm her down then turned to the kids. “Kids, listen up! Girls, grab those decorations and put them up. Boys, go to the basement and grab enough tables and chairs to seat about thirty people, then set them up. Once that’s all done, the boys can start vegging out in front of the TV and hang with Rainey and Jimmy and the girls can meet me and Marie in the kitchen and we’ll put you to work.”
; Everyone started buzzing around to do their respective jobs. Marie followed me into my office so I could drop my coat and purse.
“It kinda annoys me sometimes that they all listen to you and not to me, you know,” she mumbled under her breath. I gave her a small smile.
“Don’t worry, Marie. You’ll get there. With these kids you have to earn it. Took me a good year until everyone knew I was kind of a ball buster and would follow through on my threats. You’ve only been here a few months. They are hard kids on the outside, Marie. They have to be to survive and you have to earn their respect before they let you in even an inch, but you’ll make it. I’m sure.” Marie nodded and gave me a hesitant smile in return.
“If you say so.”
“Exactly. Now, what do we need to do first?”
“The turkeys and potatoes are being delivered at three. Taryn, Jimmy, and Rainey know, so they should be fine. We’ll have to start on the veggies and pies to have them ready on time. Jimmy is currently setting up the screen in the back room so everyone can watch the game, and Taryn brought a bunch of new games and stuff for the kids that are not interested in football. Rainey brought her camera to take pictures. We’ll need to make up the rooms. All our regulars agreed to spend the night and it sounded like some of the not-so regulars intended on staying as well.”
“Alright. Sounds like everything’s under control then. Let’s head to the kitchen to get a start on those veggies and pies. We’ll get the boys to set up the rooms for everyone once they’ve finished with the tables and chairs.”
We got to work. The girls joined us in the kitchen to bake a variety of pies while the boys enjoyed a holiday tradition and spent most of the morning in front of the TV. It was getting close to crunch time and I had to hustle my butt back home to get ready for my own guests. I sent Chloe in search of Jesse so we could get a move on and went into the common room to make sure everything was ready. The girls had done a fantastic job with the decorations. The room actually looked kind of home-y and cozy. I was proud of them. I poked my head into the back room to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving before I left. A chorus of Happy Thanksgivings from the girls echoed back at me. The boys were too immersed in the game to pay me any attention.