And it’s still not enough. She doesn’t need to say it. I see it written all over her face. “But?” I keep a neutral expression on my face. “I know there’s one coming, and I’m fairly sure I know what it is.”
She cups my face, and her touch reaches all the way to my toes. I want to kiss her so badly it feels like I might die if my lips can’t taste hers. “You’re hot, and sweet, and funny, intelligent, and so thoughtful, and I could list a hundred other ways you are endearing.”
Well, that’s a brush-off if ever I heard one. My heart sinks.
She presses her forehead to mine. “I wish I was falling for you, too. I wish that more than anything, but I can’t force myself to feel a certain way,” she whispers.
Inwardly, I curse myself for my arrogant stupidity. I should’ve known better than to take things here. I always end up playing second fiddle to Kyler Kennedy, so I don’t know why I thought this situation would be any different. Attempting to smother my disappointment, I force those nasty thoughts from my mind. It’s only the rejection speaking. Ky’s like a brother to me, and that won’t ever change. He isn’t my competition, even if it might seem that way sometimes.
She eases back, putting some distance between us, and my heart throbs in a familiar way. “I’m sorry, Brad. Maybe, in the future, my feelings will change, but I still love him. I love Ky.”
“He’s with Addison,” I blurt out, foolishly clinging onto the impossible.
“I know that.” She kicks out at the gravel underfoot, and her lips pull into a grim line. “Unfortunately, it doesn’t help. I know I could be fooling myself, but I still think she’s forcing him into it some way.”
I’ve had the same suspicions, but I’m not so sure anymore. That fucking bitch knows how to dig her claws in deep. Faye doesn’t understand that. She didn’t see them when they were together, before all that shit went down. Ky worshiped the ground Addison walked on, and there was a time when I was majorly jealous of what they shared.
That ship has long since sailed, and I wouldn’t wish that malicious tramp on anyone. Least of all someone I care about. Which is why seeing him with her again is so painful. Especially when it appears to be legit. At least, that’s what Ky is telling me. If I had a choice between those girls, I wouldn’t hesitate to pick the girl in front of me. I wouldn’t even need to consider it for a second—Faye is, hands-down, a million times the girl Addison is. But, hey, if Ky wants to be a brain-dead dick, then it’s his loss and my potential gain. She’s single. I’m single. He can’t have anything to say about it. “Faye, I’m not saying this to hurt you, but you’ve got to open your eyes. You saw them at the party, and I’ve asked him repeatedly if there’s something going on we’re not aware of, and he insists there isn’t.”
Her body locks up, and she rises stiffly, thrusting the full extent of her frustration at me. “And did he tell you that with his real face on or the mask he hides behind?” she snipes. I bend down, idly picking up a stone at my feet, deliberately not responding. In a couple of months, she’s managed to see what took me years to discover. “Exactly my point.”
I fling the stone out across the lake, wondering, again, why I thought it was such a good idea to bare my heart and soul. As if both weren’t already shredded. “If he’s your brother, it’s a moot point,” I tell her, bluntly stating the facts.
She drops down on the log. “I know.”
The look of utter despair on her face is like a knife to the throat. I hate that I’m partly responsible for putting it there. I take her hands in mine. “I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t be hitting you with this when you’re dealing with something so difficult. I’m just frustrated because I like you and I know you like me and I wish it was enough, but I’m being selfish. I’m sorry.”
She squeezes my hands, her look softening. “Don’t apologize. There’s no need. I feel the same way, and this might not last forever. I don’t know how I’m going to feel next week if the tests confirm James is my dad and my cousins are my half-brothers. Instead of using this time to get used to the idea, I’ve buried my head in the sand, and now I’ll have to face the consequences of my actions.”
“You’re hoping James is wrong.”
She nods. “So much, and not purely because of Ky.” She averts her eyes, ashamed. “I can’t wrap my head around the fact that my mum slept with her brother and that she lied to me about everything that was important. What kind of person does that?”
“I don’t know, Faye. I’ve spent months wondering how my dad could steal from his clients and his friends, querying whether I actually know him at all.” The usual pang hits me in the gut.
“Yes!” she says with real feeling. “That’s how I feel, too. It’s like the person I grew up respecting and admiring and loving was a fraud.”
“And it makes you question your own identity and your judgment and the things you value.” Man, it’s too easy to talk to this girl. I’m pissed at her rejection, but I can’t even blame her for that. I love talking with her like this. I can’t tell anyone else this stuff—the words get trapped in my throat but not with her. Never with her. I clutch her hands tighter, wishing so much that she was mine. “Or at least it has for me.”
She nods eagerly. “Me, too. Even more so because my identity is now entangled with another family’s, and it’s like I don’t belong anywhere.”
“I can relate to that, too.” I tip her chin up with my finger, ignoring the urge to pull her face to mine. We stare at one another, and that unspoken chemistry sizzles between us. She’s got to feel it! It can’t just be me.
Her eyes roam my face, settling on my mouth, and her tongue darts out, licking her voluptuous lips. All the blood rushes to my dick. I scan her rose-colored cheeks, the tortured indecision in her eyes, and the patchy reddish flush creeping up her neck. Visions of holding her in my arms that one time, my lips locked with hers, surge to the forefront of my mind. Kissing her was like tasting heaven. As my eyes drop to her mouth, I remember how soft her lush, plump lips felt moving against mine. How absolutely fucking perfect she felt in my arms. How the feel of her body pressing against mine sparked desire so intense I thought I’d come in my pants right then and there. My chest rises as unbridled longing clouds all logical thought. I’m grateful for the blanket, concealing the rock-solid hard-on in my jeans. I peer into her eyes, begging her to give into this. When she moves forward, inching slowly toward me, I can’t stop the smile from spreading over my mouth.
This is happening.
I lean closer, and butterflies swamp my chest. Hells, I’m turning into such a pansy around her, but I don’t care. She’s worth it. Even my relationship with Ky won’t hold me back.
She’s worth risking everything.
There’s barely an inch between us, and I could close that gap in a heartbeat. I want to, but for the glimmer of hesitation in her eyes. She’s got to be the one to do it. She’s got to kiss me.
Because I know her, truly know her, I see it the second she’s made her decision. Before she pulls back. Before she confirms it verbally. “I’m sorry, Brad. Can we head back, please? I’m cold.”
I’m standing beside her on the pavement, staring at Ky’s bike outside the store across the way. “Could be,” I lie after she’s asked if it’s his, “but he’s not the only one with that make and model in the town.”
We don’t talk as we wait in line for coffee, and I’m feeling like more and more of a jackass. I should let this go. I know she’s confused, and I’m only making things worse, but I can’t. It’s selfish, but I can’t help myself. I want her too much.
We drink our coffee on the bench outside the café. I clear my throat. “Faye?”
“Hhm.” She peers up at me through thick, hooded lashes, with the tip of her nose rosy-red and her cheeks flushed from the cold. Her hair falls in messy tangles over her shoulders, and I’ve never seen anyone more beautiful. Most of the girls in this to
wn wouldn’t be seen dead without a scrap of makeup, let alone hunched up in a puffy, unflattering jacket, with knotty hair and muddy boots. But that only adds to Faye’s allure. She’s completely unaware of her beauty, and she doesn’t try to be something she’s not. I noticed that about her from the get-go, and it didn’t take long to become obsessed with her. Of course, I didn’t realize she had already started something with her cousin, because what normal person would ever contemplate that? By the time I found out, it was too late. I was completely smitten.
I draw a brave breath and ask the question that’s ghosted over my lips the entire drive back to Wellesley. “I know you wanted to kiss me back there as much as I wanted it. Why’d you stop?”
“Because it will only make things more complicated,” she replies, with transparent honesty.
She didn’t say because she didn’t want to, and that injects me with a much-needed dose of confidence. Could be delusion. “Or it could have the opposite effect.” I snake my arm around her shoulder, and my fingers tease the ends of her hair.
“Maybe.” She shrugs, and I silently punch the air. It’s not an outright no.
I slide down the bench, brushing my leg against hers as I tip her face up. “If you kiss me, we’ll both know either way.” Expectation is rife in the air, and I’m holding my breath in anticipation of her reply.
“I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”
“How about this,” I say, reeling her into my arms. Her wide, innocent eyes stare deep into mine, and I’m drowning in the most blissful daze. Rousing myself, I focus on sealing the deal. I can’t not kiss her now. I need to kiss her—I’ll go insane otherwise. “One kiss. One meaningful kiss”—I drag the word out so there can be no confusion over what I’m asking—“no strings attached. If you’re feeling it, you agree to go on a date with me and see where it goes. If you don’t feel anything, then I’ll walk away. I swear I won’t bring it up again, and I promise I will not let it affect our friendship.” She worries her lip between her teeth, and I can’t take my eyes off her. “Your call.”
Please say yes. I chant it over and over in my head like I’m demented. If she bails now, I think I’ll die.
Her knee jerks up and down, and her brow creases as she mulls it over in her head.
“Jeez, throw a guy a line here.” I try to keep my tone lighthearted, but the desperation shines through.
Her arms creep around my neck, and I’ve stopped breathing altogether. “Okay. One kiss.” I open my mouth to speak, but she silences me with one carefully placed finger. Fireworks explode in my gut, and saliva pools in my mouth. “One meaningful kiss.”
Hells yeah! I suck her finger into my mouth, running my tongue over her silky flesh, grinning like an idiot when she emits a little breathy gasp.
Desire is rampaging through my body. The urge to crush my lips to her and ram my tongue in her mouth is riding me hard, but she deserves so much more than pure, animalistic monkey lust. Everything rests on this one kiss, and I’ve got to make it count. Attacking her with the extent of my lust won’t help my chances. I need to do this slow and steady. Or as slow and steady as I can manage.
I carefully remove her finger from my mouth and pull her in tight to my chest. My thumb smooths a line around her lips, and I bite back a moan. I move in, kissing just under her ear, ready to throw a frigging party when she trembles discernibly under my touch. I plant light kisses up and down her face from her ear to her jaw to her cheek, back and forth, inhaling the sweet scent of her skin and forcing myself to stay away from the main prize. “Last chance to back out,” I whisper, silently cursing myself for giving her a last-minute reprieve.
She closes the gap and presses her lips to mine. I swear, my whole body comes alive. I finally have her where I want her, and it’s everything I remember and more. Her kiss is feather-soft, and I sense a little hesitation. It’s moved beyond the point where I can let her off the hook. One meaningful kiss means exactly that. Wrapping my arm firmly around her waist, I tilt my head to the side and deepen the kiss, my lips moving solidly over hers. This feels too good to be real. Her warmth, her softness, her sweet allure—it’s almost too much, and, yet, nowhere near enough at the same time. I intensify the kiss, growing braver as I battle against my raging hormones. When her fingers drift through my hair, sending lusty tingles all over my body, I can’t stifle the moan that escapes my lips.
I crush my mouth to hers, licking the seam of her lips, and she opens for me. Our tongues dart out, tangling deliciously, and the bulge in my boxer briefs strains against my jeans, almost to the point of pain. One touch from Faye returns me to my horny fourteen-year-old body. She moves onto my lap, placing her tempting ass right over my aching cock, and I devour her mouth, pouring everything I feel into it. I can scarcely believe she’s kissing me back with the same need. Her fingers fist in my hair, tugging almost painfully on my head, and her hands inch down, trailing over my neck and shoulders, and I shudder underneath her skillful touch.
I don’t know how long we kiss for. All I know is I never want it to end.
At some point, we break apart, panting as we both suck in lungsful of air. My lips are slick and swollen, and I’d happily return for a second round. Her head rests on my shoulder, and I strengthen my hold on her, keeping my arms firmly around her waist as I pull her in tight to me.
Her body goes stiff at the angry roar of an engine. I don’t look over the road. I don’t need to. I sensed he was watching. Does it make me a shitty friend that I hoped he was watching? Ky’s with Addison now, but he’s still possessive of Faye, and he needs to let her go. In a warped way, maybe this will help him make the right decision.
Man, I’m not just a shitty friend. I’m a shitty human. Can’t even lie to myself. I’m a worthless piece of crap to have done this to my friend.
I curse at the same time she jumps up, running onto the road with no concern for her safety. I intercept one decidedly hostile look from Ky before he cranks the engine and maneuvers the bike out into the traffic.
I stalk to my car, furious at the entire fucking world. I kick the car into gear the second Faye locks her seatbelt, powering up the road, fueled by anger and self-loathing.
“Slow down or you’ll kill us both, please.” Her pleading tone and look help take the edge off my anger.
I ease back a little on the pedal, thoughts churning like violent waves in the midst of a raging storm. “Don’t tell me you didn’t enjoy that because I can tell you did,” I say, a muscle pulsing in my jaw. My head is all over the place, and I know I should say nothing, but I’ve lost the run of myself.
“I’m not going to deny that,” she admits, turning to face me.
My fingers dig into the steering wheel, sensing all that she’s not saying. I’m awash with hurt and self-regret. “But let me guess. It’s still not enough.”
She doesn’t even attempt to deny it, and I reluctantly admire her honesty. “I’m sorry.”
I don’t respond because there’s nothing left to say. We drive back to the house in uncomfortable silence. I park the car and turn off the engine, and we sit there in silence, neither one of us attempting to make a move.
It’s not fair to be mad at her. I instigated this. I pushed her knowing full well how she feels about Ky. I’m the one who brought her full throttle into my delusional little bubble. I wanted to turn fantasy into reality so bad, but all I’ve done is potentially drive her away. I don’t want that. As bad as not being able to touch her is, it would be ten million times worse if I lost her for good. It’s up to me to make this right. “Okay. You kept your side of the bargain, and I’ll keep mine.”
“I hope you mean that because you’re important to me.” I don’t doubt her sincerity because it echoes in her words, and it’s who she is.
I know she likes me—just not enough.
I know she needs me—just not in the way I want her to need me.
“You’re way too important to cut out of my life. I’ll get over it,” I lie again, pressing a light kiss on the back of her hands. “Friends?” I almost choke on the word.
She smiles sadly through wary, keen eyes. “Friends.”
Ky is keeping a low profile, and I’ve been doing the same, but nothing will get resolved like that. I’d half-expected him to charge me the second we stepped foot in the house, but he’s been gone for hours. Faye could barely look at me during dinner and I hate myself for this tension that’s brewing between us. I thought of going to her, to reassure her that everything is cool, but I figure I’ve lied to her enough today. Time apart is probably the best thing right now.
Which means that I have too much head space, and that’s never a good thing anymore. I haven’t felt this heartbroken since Rose and I split, although that was a completely different scenario. Things had naturally fizzled out between us, and the decision to break up was mutual and amicable, but it was still difficult. I was only fifteen, but the sadness had been like nothing I’d ever felt before, and I missed her. After a few weeks, I plucked up the courage to contact her, to ask if we could still be friends, and it was one of the best decisions of my life. Rose is one of my best friends, and one of the few people who stuck by me after all that shit with Dad. I often wonder what might have happened if we hadn’t dated so young. If we’d met at another juncture in our lives, would things have worked out differently?
Damn. I rub my prickly jaw. I’ve really sunk to a new low if I’m regurgitating those old nostalgic thoughts. What’s done is done, and there’s no going back. Rose is happy with Theo, and he’s good for her. But even if she wasn’t with anyone, I know she isn’t the one for me. I’m not idiotic enough to think Faye was all that, but in time, she might have been.
Ky and I have always had similar thoughts when it comes to girls. We’re both more of a relationship type of guy, although we’ve had our fair share of hookups and casual dating. But there’s no appeal in that anymore; I’m ready for a relationship. A meaningful one. Have been for a while, and Faye is the first girl in a long time to spark any kind of real interest.
The Irish Getaway: A Kennedy Boys Optional Short Novel (The Kennedy Boys) Page 14