by Sam Moffie
“What’s wrong with it? It’s hard and obviously wants you,” noted Ivan.
“I have to think if I want it,” she said.
Ivan Viznapu was uncircumcised. The woman, even though she had obviously been with a lot of men, had never come across one. Ivan had never come across a woman like her. It was as Alexei later noticed “a match made by the gods.”
“I have never seen a dick like yours,” she said. “Why doesn’t your dick have a tip on it?”
This is definitely a toughski-shitski situation, Ivan thought. “Look, let’s talk about my dick after we fuck. By the way, I have never seen a black woman as beautiful as you.”
She nodded and started to fondle his balls and the shaft of his uncircumcised dick, while Ivan struggled to get out of all his clothes from a sitting position with the woman straddling him and her breasts pressed against his face. It was a hard situation, but he managed to get as naked as she was.
The sex was fast and furious for Ivan, who, up to this time hadn’t found himself in many sexual situations. The girl, much like the first male that Ivan had interviewed and hired, had found herself in many similar sexual situations.
“Wow!” she exclaimed after Ivan had achieved orgasm. “Haven’t been laid like that in a long time,” she lied. The woman had learned from the very beginning that complementing a male producer on his sexual prowess meant a paycheck.
“Either have I,” Ivan said. He wasn’t going to give the woman a job. He wanted her all for himself.
And he did. And together they learned about his uncircumcised dick and her blackness. And they both loved every second of their time together.
But Alexei and Barney didn’t. As Ivan learned about his sexuality — long kept dormant for many reasons — Barney started running Seven Zeros and Alexei planned his second attempt to kill John Wayne.
Ivan learned that his girlfriend’s name wasn’t really ‘Golden,’ but Tracy. ‘Golden’ was her stage name. He also learned that she was only about a quarter Negro, but it was that quarter percent that defined her features (and made Ivan fall head over heels for her), and kept her from getting a real shot at being an actress in 1950’s Hollywood. It forced her into skin flicks to make a living, hoping that opportunity would knock. And it did — in the form of becoming Ivan Viznapu’s lover.
Ivan couldn’t keep his hands off of her. He dropped everything and everyone to be with her. Most of the people who knew Ivan said it was infatuation and puppy love.
Alexei and Barney knew better. They knew he had become addicted to her physically, because Ivan had never experienced anything like this in his life.
And Tracy, who at first was startled by Ivan’s uncircumcised dick, came to start to enjoy it more than a circumcised dick. She told all her friends how she enjoyed peeling the foreskin back to clean it. They all started looking for men who were uncircumcised to have the same experience.
Alexei didn’t get mad at Ivan and didn’t question anything that Barney Rumberg was doing in the making of Seven Zeros skin flicks. As a matter of fact, Alexei couldn’t believe how right Mickey Cohen had been, and how much money they were making with Barney running the operations. Alexei was happy for Ivan and Tracy and even started to fantasize about leaving Ivan in America after he successfully pulled off the mission. Alexei was mad at Johnny Stomp, because Johnny was taking his cut from the skin flicks and not finding out anything about John Wayne from Lana Turner.
At least that was what Alexei was thinking while he was pouring over the profit and loss statements that Barney had prepared for him.
I should have been a capitalist, he thought to himself as he found himself starting to laugh out loud. I’m glad Mr. Zavert, Boris and the others back home are not here to see these figures.
Alexei and Seven Zeros were rolling in the dough and Barney had three new flicks planned.
Most businessmen would have been jumping up and down and shouting their success from the closest mountaintop. Not Alexei, he wasn’t a businessman. He was an assassin and he needed to finish his job.
He decided to call Johnny to see if there was any word from Lana. If nothing came from the call, he was going to take a very long walk on the beach — away from everything.
That didn’t happen. Johnny had good news and Alexei realized that the news couldn’t have come at a better time.
“Tomorrow night, The Duke and the gang are raiding Dean Martin’s home,” Johnny told Alexei.
“Are you sure?” asked Alexei.
“Sure I’m sure… Lana is in on the raid. It’s a present for her from Duke for popping out of Ward Bond’s cake,” Johnny explained.
“Great. I’ll pretend I don’t know who she is when I approach Wayne,” Alexei said.
“Why do you want to do a western with Wayne, when we are making money hand over fist with these skin flicks?” a puzzled Johnny asked Alexei.
“The skin flicks bore me,” Alexei shot back. “I need a challenge.” Is that the truth, he thought.
“Sure isn’t boring your partner. I mean, I think his cock is going to fall off from all the fucking he is doing,” Johnny said.
“You’re wrong my friend. His cock will stay attached, because he’s fucking the same woman over and over and over again. He’s in love for the first time. Surely, you remember what that was like?” Alexei said.
“Not me,” Johnny Stomp replied and he meant that.
Alexei hung up the phone and raced out of his office to go and checkout Dean Martin’s neighborhood. He mouthed a thank you to Barney for having mapped out all the homes that housed the very good friends of John Wayne a few years ago. He opened up his glove compartment and took out the notes that Barney had put together about Martin’s home and the surrounding neighborhood. He then remembered that he’d forgotten to tell anyone at Seven Zeros where he was going, and he ran back into the office to tell the receptionist that he would be away for a few days on some business. He was hoping that those few days would turn out to be forever.
“And with Ivan not with me, I can be bolder… more aggressive,” he said to himself. Also, I can leave him behind with his woman and a very successful business, he mused as he started his car.
As Alexei walked around Dean Martin’s neighborhood he was surprised to find no evidence of security alarms as at Kirk Douglas’ home in Beverly Hills.
Either it is hidden, no one is interested or bodyguards live in the residence of these beautiful homes, Alexei thought as his eyes moved from place to place.
And this is what Alexei quickly made up as he gazed out upon where he was going to be tonight for the kill.
“Mr. Zavert, Commander Gila. I have very unfortunate news about my beloved comrade and your beloved solider Ivan Viznapu,” Alexei would begin as he addressed his superiors in person after he had completed his successful mission. “Ivan was killed.”
“That’s it?” Mr. Zavert would ask. “You know I demand more details. Just ask Commander Gila.”
“Yes, Alexei, we need more information on this most regrettable incident.”
And Alexei would take a deep sigh, grimace (because he had learned to do so from one of his actors, and this situation surely called for good acting) and tell his big lie.
That’s as far as he got in his thinking, because he spotted where he was going to stake out John Wayne.
A big tree with lots of big branches to sit on and leaves to provide cover. Alexei didn’t know what type of tree it was, but he was sure happy it sat where it did on Martin’s property.
The giant tree was located just inside the big fence that surrounded Dean’s home. Alexei noticed that he could climb the wall from the neighbor’s side and grab onto a solid-looking limb to boost him to the upper third of the big tree. He was happy to see that the area he would start from seemed to be a blind spot from both Martin’s and the neighbor’s houses, so once it got dark he could put his plan into action. He went back to his home, got all his clothes and weapons together and took a nap. He wanted to be on top of his game when
Wayne and his cohorts showed up at Martin’s house.
Alexei was right. He found it very easy climbing up the wall, grabbing onto the tree limb and perching himself in a comfortable position to stalk his prey. He brought a high-powered rifle with scope and silencer that he thought would be the perfect weapon of choice to do the job.
Then he waited. He hoped his good fortune thus far was a good omen.
No security guards. No bodyguards of any sort. No menacing dogs, he thought. Why?
Then he answered his own question. They have nothing to worry about! If one is worry free, one has nothing to fear. That’s what I have to do for Ivan when I report back to my superiors, Alexei vowed as he took out his rifle and drew a bead around the many items that seemed to be scattered on the Martin family estate.
He zeroed in on a really nice Cadillac limousine’s windshield, adjusted his scope and squeezed the trigger of the empty gun. It would have been a perfect hit. Repeating the process, he would have killed a cat, a statue of the Virgin Mary, a hanging pot of flowers, a wind chime and a hanging lantern. He grew tired of shooting at things without bullets in the gun and decided to load up. He did and then went back to the waiting game. He dozed off and cursed himself for doing so. He looked at his watch and saw that it showed 1:30 in the morning, roughly the same time when Wayne and his friends hit Kirk Douglas’ house. He perked up and was soon rewarded by a very loud and strange noise.
“Why would Wayne and company be making so much noise?” he asked himself as he pointed the rifle in the direction of where the noise came from.
Alexei soon found out that the noise wasn’t coming from Wayne, but one solitary figure who was screeching out the noise and shaking something in both of his hands.
Alexei steadied the gun and peered through the scope and just as quickly pulled back from who had seen through the scopes lens.
Since when did Jerry Lewis join up with John Wayne? Alexei thought as he laid the gun down and strained to hear what Lewis was screeching at the top of his lungs as well as to see what he was shaking in his hands.
Alexei couldn’t make out what Lewis was yelling, but he noticed that he had maracas in his hands that he moved all over the place. Alexei also noticed that the lights started coming on in Martin’s house, but not any of the other homes that were in his view.
He heard a window open and saw a male figure engulfed in shadows poke his head out.
“Hey Jew-boy, what the fuck are you doing out there?” the voice yelled down to Lewis.
“I’m doing a rain dance Dago-boy!” Lewis yelled back up to the figure in the window, who Alexei now realized was Dean Martin. “Watch this!”
And both Alexei and Dean watched Jerry Lewis start dancing, whopping, screeching and shaking the maracas around Dean’s limousine.
“You New Jersey nincompoop,” Martin yelled. “Why are you farting around my house? I’m coming down, you prince of clowns!”
While Lewis stopped running around, Alexei’s blood started boiling.
“Damn it. Johnny Stomp got the wrong information,” he said quietly as he put the gun to his eye and thought for a brief second of killing Lewis. He didn’t, but he quickly ripped off four shots — each one finding its target — the four tires of Martin’s limousine.
When Martin came down and saw what had happened to his tires, he started chasing Lewis around his yard. All the while, Lewis was yelling that the tires just exploded. While that was going on, Alexei slithered down the tree and made his way back to his home — totally depressed that he had failed again — and pondered putting as much pressure as he could on his bosses to come home. But he would leave Ivan behind just as he had planned.
Alexei Alexandra couldn’t sleep and called Ivan Viznapu. It was 5:30 in the morning. Alexei said they had to meet right away at their offices. Although Ivan had not been seeing his good friend as much lately, due to his ferocious sex life, he knew by the tone in Alexei’s voice that this was a meeting he must attend.
Ivan knew something was wrong.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Where do I start….?” Alexei began.
“The beginning would be a good start,” encouraged Ivan.
Alexei started to laugh and immediately felt better. “You have always had that effect on me, Ivan. Thanks.”
“It’s been a long time and even longer journey since that night,” Ivan said.
“I’ll be blunt. Do you want to stay here or go back?”
“That’s not blunt. That’s scary,” Ivan said.
“It’s a toughski-shitski question alright,” Alexei said with a chuckle.
“I want to stay,” Ivan said defiantly.
“You answered that very quickly… too quickly. Why? Did I miss something in all the time we have been here that you have found?” Alexei asked Ivan.
“Yes,” Ivan said.
“What did I miss?” a bewildered Alexei asked.
“Freedom. Total freedom,” Ivan said.
And Alexei knew his friend, partner and comrade was pretty much right. “I am not staying here. I am going home. Lack of freedom or not, I am tired of this job that is impossible.”
“You don’t like being a movie producer, do you?” Ivan said.
“Ivan, I am a killer, a spy, a soldier. I am not a movie producer or an American in any way. Worse of all, I have failed at my… our mission. I am contacting Mr. Zavert and Boris to recall me; killing John Wayne isn’t going to happen by my hands. Then, I will hit them with the clincher,” Alexei said.
“Be careful, you’re an awful liar,” Ivan noted.
“Thanks for the compliment,” Alexei said. “I’m going to tell them that you were killed in our latest and last attempt to kill Wayne.”
“Wow!” exclaimed Ivan. “By the way, how bad did the second attempt go?”
And Alexei told him.
“You’re right. It’s not in the cards to kill that man… at least not by you,” Ivan said.
“I guess that is why he is John Wayne,” Alexei said.
“That’s why Stalin wanted him dead. He is bigger than life. I realize that more since we moved here,” Ivan said.
“So, how do you want to die?” Alexei asked Ivan.
And so Alexei and Ivan put together a death scene that their Seven Zeros screenwriters would not have believed.
“And, you get to keep the studio, the equipment, the staff, the mementos, the connections, the partners and of course, your girl,” Alexei added, after they had agreed on how Ivan Viznapu died.
“What about all the money?” asked Ivan.
“I’ll take half back with me to Russia and inform our superiors that it cost a fortune to make movies and set up an assassination of John Wayne. We owe the people of Russia at least half,” Alexei said.
“It’s a deal. Goodbye and good luck my only true friend in the world, Ivan said as he hugged his friend, partner and comrade. “Just one more thing, Alexei,” Ivan said as he looked back.
“What’s that?”
“Lie convincingly.”
“See you in the movies,” Alexei said with a big smile, for he knew he would not only lie convincingly, but get away with it as well.
Alexei was very happy with the decision he made in regards to aborting the mission, returning to Russia and of course, leaving Ivan in Hollywood.
He was on his way to meet with Stompanato and inform him that an illness to his mother was forcing him to leave the country and that Ivan and Barney would be running Seven Zeros.
“You mean Rumberg,” Johnny Stomp said. “Ivan’s too busy enjoying his broad.”
Alexei said nothing.
“Did you ever get to meet with Wayne thanks to the insider tips I gave you?” Johnny brought up.
Alexei shook his head.
“How about one more try before you leave?” Stompanato said. “By the way, I’ll inform Mickey, that’s part of my job with him.”
What have I got to lose? Alexei thought. I haven’t sent my message b
ack to begin the process, so why not?
“What do you have?” Alexei asked.
“A real gem of information. In three days, Wayne is going to be seeing his good friend Dick Powell, who happens to run the studio for Howard Hughes. Be on the set near the offices and bingo — you’ll meet Wayne where you should meet him — in a studio lot,” Stompanato said.
“How do I get into Howard Hughes’ studio? It’s easier for him to get into Seven Zeros,” Alexei said.
“I have a pass,” Johnny Stomp announced.
And Alexei smiled. Alexei knew that the Southern California mobsters had been shaking down all the movie houses for years… of course they could get anyone they wanted to on a set as well as anyone they wanted off a set.
“Courtesy of Mickey Cohen,” Johnny said as he handed Alexei a pass that would allow him to get through the gate and into the studio.
“Think I will delay my trip,” Alexei said as he left to go home and plot out one last attempt to complete his mission. “Tell Mickey I said thanks, and I’ll see you in the movies, Johnny.”
Alexei couldn’t believe how easy it was to slip in and slip out of the RKO studio lot. He also couldn’t believe how incredibly big and busy a real studio was.
Imagine how much money these guys are making, he thought as he walked around looking for a place to establish a base that he could possibly use to ambush Wayne.
Every time he thought he had found the right place, the same problem kept popping up.
People, too many people, he thought. He had to come up with something bolder than the lone gunman shtick that he had been trying.
He walked around the set for what must have been the fiftieth time when he heard some really loud yelling coming from within one of the buildings. He walked in like he had been going into that building all his life and listened in on what all the screaming was about. What he heard was an older man screaming at a couple of young workers for taking a smoking break, and smoking in a room that contained highly flammable objects. Alexei waited for them to leave and then intended to see what exactly was so flammable.
The quarreling men left and Alexei walked over to the door that he had seen the older man pointing at.