by TJ Klune
These ridiculous humans. How they had the hearts of wolves.
“Fuck all of you,” I said helplessly.
They weren’t fooled.
I WAS out at my truck, ready to head home to get a couple hours of sleep. I needed to rest. Facing off with Pappas had drained me. Elizabeth had offered me a bed in the Bennett house, but I hadn’t slept there in years. She knew I’d say no. The guilt that had settled in my chest at Michelle’s implications about my father wasn’t helping. I couldn’t stand Elizabeth’s eyes on me, knowing the blood that ran through my veins came from a man who had helped cause the death of her husband, and potentially the destruction of her pack yet again. She didn’t blame me. It wasn’t who she was. But I blamed myself enough for the both of us.
I took the coward’s way out.
She knew. Of course she did. She let me go with a wave of her hand.
The sky was starting to lighten. I sat in the truck, yawning as I leaned forward against the steering wheel. Joe and Ox were with Pappas, trying to figure out some way they could get through to him. I doubted it would work. Omegas could become Betas again if only they could find a tether to bring them back. I’d seen it happen before. This wasn’t like that. Whatever was happening with him, whatever had caused his tether to break, it wasn’t something wolf related.
It was magic. It had to be.
But I didn’t know how.
I was about to start the truck when he knocked at the window.
I thought about ignoring him.
I rolled down the window instead.
“Home?” Mark asked.
“Yeah.” I stared straight ahead.
“Good. You look tired.”
“Getting old. Can’t pull these all-nighters like I used to.”
He snorted. “You’re not that old, Gordo.”
“Says you.”
“Yeah,” he said. “Says me.”
I wanted to say so many things. So I picked the most inconsequential of all. “What are you doing up? Shouldn’t you be—I don’t know. Resting. Or something.”
He leaned against the door, hands dangling inside the truck. I barely resisted the urge to touch his fingers. If Michelle was right, in a couple of weeks, he wouldn’t know me at all. “Maybe. I’ve got some things to do first.”
“Like what?”
“I—you sure you want to hear this?”
I was uncomfortable. I was also an asshole. So I just shrugged.
He saw right through me. He always did. “Going to go see Dale.”
He heard the uptick of my heart. He had to. “Little early.”
“Going to walk. Maybe run a little. Clear my head.”
“Abby’s a half hour away. By car.”
“I know. But I need it. I have to.”
I finally looked over at him. His eyes glittered in the low light. “Why?”
He shrugged. “Have to put an end to things.”
My hands tightened on the steering wheel. “Why are you—” Then, “You fucking dick.”
Mark didn’t flinch. “It’s not—”
“You’re giving up!”
He remained infuriatingly calm. “I’m not giving up, Gordo. I’m doing the right thing. I can’t take the chance that I could hurt him. And if I suddenly disappeared, he’d show up in town. Asking questions. How long do you think it’d take before he found his way out here? It’s better this way. Especially if Michelle was right about the full moon. That it’ll make things worse.”
Goddamn him. “I’m going to fix this. I don’t know how yet. But I will. We’ll figure this out. There’s gotta be a way. I’ll find it.”
“I know you will.”
So many things to say. I was getting desperate. “You need to have faith in me.”
He didn’t hesitate. “I always do.”
I thought the leather was going to crack under my hands. “Just… don’t. Tell him you’ve got a business trip. Tell him you’re going on vacation. Don’t—just don’t act like a goddamn martyr. That’s not how this works.”
“Because that’s your job?”
All these words. It was getting dangerously close to sounding like the truth. Something he and I hadn’t had in a long time. “Yeah. Right. Because that’s my job. Don’t take it from me.”
“Listen, Gordo, it’s not—”
“No,” I said. “I’m not going to hear this. Not from you. You stow that shit right now, you get me? You want to break things off with him? Fine. That’s your choice. But you better not start that whole goodbye bullshit with anyone else. Especially not me.”
“Pappas—”
“Isn’t you!” I cried. I didn’t know if I was angry or scared or somewhere in between. I wanted to punch him in the mouth. I wanted to take him away from all of this. To force him in the truck and just drive until none of this mattered. Where we were nobody and nothing could ever hurt us. No pack. Nothing. Just him and me. “He’s not you. He doesn’t have what you have. He doesn’t have—”
I choked.
Me.
He doesn’t have me.
He reached out and put a hand over mine. My head was pounding. The bonds were twisting in my chest. There was blue, so much goddamn blue that I thought I was drowning in it. It pulsed along the threads, echoes of pain tinged with fear and anger. It wasn’t just coming from him. It was coming from all of them. I felt Kelly’s worry, Carter’s fury. There was Robbie, little bursts of red and lapis. Joe and Ox trying to remain calm for us, for each other, but it was interwoven with a dread that was almost cobalt. Elizabeth was singing somewhere, and it was all blue. Everything we had was blue.
The bonds were aching.
And Mark. Always Mark.
He said, “Maybe it will hit me. Maybe a day from now it’ll crash down upon me and I’ll crack right down the middle. Or maybe it won’t happen until I feel that first little tendril in my head. That pull toward the wolf that I won’t be able to stop. But for now, I’m going to do what I have to. And maybe it’s for the best. Maybe this is what was supposed to happen. He’s not like us. He’s not part of this. I don’t think he was ever supposed to be. I never felt like that with him. Not like I felt with—” He sighed, shaking his head. “I’m not scared of much, Gordo. I’m not. I’m a wolf. I have a strong pack. But I never worried about losing him. It was… a distraction, I think. Something I didn’t even know I needed. There are more important things now. Things we have to do. Things I have to do. To make things right.” He squeezed my hand until my bones creaked. I didn’t want him to let go. I hated the way he felt in my head, the whisper of gordo gordo gordo like a heartbeat that would never stop. “I’m not scared of much. But I think I’m scared of this. What it could mean. What I could become. Who I could forget.”
I hung my head, trying to breathe through the ache in my chest.
He cleared his throat. “I know you’ll do what you can. And I’ll help you for as long as I’m able. But if something happens to me, if I’m—”
“Don’t,” I said hoarsely. “Don’t do this.”
“I’m scared,” he repeated. “Because even when all felt lost, even when our pack split and broke again and again and again, I always had my tether. Even when he didn’t want me back. And now that’s being taken away from me.”
He pulled away.
We breathed in and out.
I tried to find a single word to say.
There were too many. I could say none of them.
He rapped his knuckles against the door. “Okay,” he said. “That’s it. That’s all. I just—get some sleep, Gordo. We need you at your best.”
And then he was gone.
Eventually, as the sun peeked over the horizon, I turned the truck over and headed for home.
nevermore/can’t fight this
I DREAMED of ravens and wolves.
I flew high above my forest, my wings stretched wide.
Below me, somewhere in the trees, wolves howled. It shattered the air around me, causing my feather
s to shake.
I dove for the earth.
I landed in a clearing, the ground soft beneath my feet.
There was a white wolf standing before me. It had black on its chest. On its legs.
It said, Hello, little bird.
I opened my beak and croaked in return, Nevermore.
It smiled, this wolf, this great king.
I have found you, it (he) said. I’m sorry it took me so long, you prophet still, bird or devil.
I hated it. I hated him. I wanted to sink my talons into his belly. I wanted to peck out his eyes evermore and watch the life bleed out from underneath me.
I know, he said.
Other wolves moved in the trees. Dozens of them. Hundreds. Their eyes were red and orange and violet. They were Alphas and Betas and Omegas. The woods were filled with them.
He took a step toward me.
I fluttered my wings, hopping back.
Little bird, he said. Little bird. You fly away. Always away. I never wanted you to leave me. I never wanted to see you go. I love you.
I didn’t believe him.
He laughed, the sound low and rumbly. He said, I know you don’t. But one day I hope you’ll forgive me for all that I have done to you. For all my faults. I did what I thought was right. I did what I thought would keep you safe. You are pack and pack and packpackpack—
His eyes were red.
I croaked out, Thomas.
Thomas, Thomas, Thomas.
He craned his neck forward, pressing his snout against my head, and I said, Oh. Oh, oh, oh and—
“—AND IT looks as if we’ll have snow early this year,” the shock jock announced brightly. “Those weather jerks are calling for as much as a couple of feet throughout the Cascades in the higher elevations. Roseland could see six, Abby might get eight. You’ll need to look into changing those Halloween plans, as the storm will start taking a dump late Monday night and on into Tuesday, possibly extending through the rest of the week…. ODOT is urging those in the mountain communities to stay off the roads if at all possible, or even to get the heck outta Dodge if you can. This looks like a big one, folks, and it’s better to be safe than sorry, especially if it takes a few days for the roads in and out of the towns to be cleared. Let’s go to Marnie and check in on your news around the region—”
I switched off the radio as I hit the dirt roads that led to the Bennett house. It was midafternoon, and the sky above was gray and heavy. The truck shook as I hit a pothole. My headache hadn’t faded.
The front of the house should have been filled with cars. It was Sunday. It was tradition. But Team Human (god, I was never going to forgive Chris for getting that stuck in my head) had been warned to stay away, at least until they were called. Tanner and Rico were at the shop catching up on paperwork. Chris was at Jessie’s house. They weren’t happy about it but agreed.
Robbie was out on the porch, watching me, wearing those ridiculous glasses. He waved at me.
I nodded back.
“He’s… coherent,” he said as I exited the truck. “A little. It was a long night.”
“How long?”
“A couple of hours. He’s a little confused, but. I don’t know. It comes and goes. I’ve never seen anything like it.”
The steps to the porch creaked under my weight. Robbie looked pale and withdrawn. He wouldn’t meet my eyes. His gaze jerked toward me, then away. Back, and away. He was nervous. I didn’t know why.
“Is that it?”
He shrugged. He started wringing his hands.
I didn’t have time for this. “What’s the matter?”
For a moment I thought he was just going to stand there, fidgeting. I had no problem leaving him on the porch if he was going to waste my time. I had shit to do.
I didn’t have to wait long.
“I didn’t know,” he blurted, eyes wide.
There it was. “About?”
He winced. “This. Everything. About the Omegas. About the infection or magic or whatever it is. Any of it. I didn’t know.”
“O… kay. Did someone say you did?”
He shook his head. “No, but—I’m not—I came from there. I was Osmond after Osmond.”
“You’re nothing like him, kid. Trust me on that. If I thought you were, you wouldn’t be standing here. I don’t care what Ox would say. I’d turn you inside out without a second thought.”
That… probably wasn’t the most reassuring thing I could have said. He squeaked.
“I’m not going to do it,” I told him. “Because you’re not him.”
“Right,” he said, swallowing thickly. “That’s… good. I appreciate that. Really. Like, so much.”
“Good talk,” I said, turning for the door.
“But it’s weird, right?”
I sighed and turned back around. “What is?”
“That I didn’t know. Because Michelle knew. For a long time. Or at least, she knew something.”
“Probably above your pay grade.”
“But it shouldn’t have been above Joe’s. If Thomas knew, then the moment Joe became Alpha, she should have told him.”
He had a point. “Those were some strange days. Things were… chaotic.”
He pushed his glasses up his nose. “Maybe. But this past year? After Richard. We were… calm. Everything was fine. Mostly. Why not then? Especially since all these Omegas kept coming here. Any one of them could have bitten us. Maybe they were just regular Omegas and not the infected kind. But what if they weren’t? Why would she take that chance?”
One of the many thoughts that had run jumbled through my head. “I don’t know.”
“I know you don’t. But I think I do.”
I looked at him sharply. “What?”
“Thomas Bennett was royalty,” he said, shifting his weight from foot to foot nervously. “All the Bennetts are. It goes back years. Joe. Thomas. Abel. Even before that. Michelle was always supposed to be temporary. An interim Alpha until the Bennett Alpha could take his rightful place.”
“But.”
“But it hasn’t happened. She’s asked for him, but why not push more? Why hasn’t she demanded Joe go to Maine to become the Alpha of all? Why haven’t any of the other wolves tried to call for him either? I was told that after Abel died, there was a huge uproar that an Alpha could be killed in his own territory, especially a Bennett Alpha. They practically forced Thomas to relocate back East.”
“Thomas Bennett wasn’t forced to do anything he didn’t want to,” I said bitterly.
He blinked. “No, like, legitimately forced. He was told that if he didn’t return, he was going to have to give up his title to another. Abdicate his throne, if you will. The only reason he was able to come back to Green Creek was because of what happened to Joe. And then… well. You know what happened after that.”
History I didn’t want to have to think about. “What’s your point?”
“Yeah, it’s like… okay. You’re an Alpha, right? Power and pack and blah, blah, blah. But when you’re Alpha of all? It’s… more. It’s incredible, or so I’m told. You’re the most powerful wolf in the world. You rule over all, hence the title. Why would anyone want to give that up?”
“You think she’s trying to stay right where she’s at.”
Robbie grimaced. “I’ve been thinking about it, okay? Why else would she keep the rest of this from us? Why would she send Philip here over and over again to get the Omegas, only to have us kill the last one?”
“Enlighten me.”
“She’s testing them,” he said excitedly. “Or us. Joe. And Ox. Joe’s a Bennett, so she thinks she knows what to expect from him. But Ox? She has no idea. None of us do. There’s never been someone like him before. He was a human that somehow became an Alpha without being a wolf. And Richard was able to take that from him. That shouldn’t have been possible.”
“Nothing about Ox should be possible.”
I rolled my eyes at the dreamy quality to his voice when he said, “Right? He’s
just… awesome.”
I snapped my fingers in his face. “Focus.”
He jerked his head. “Uh. Sorry. What were we talking about?”
“Michelle. Testing Joe and Ox.”
“Yeah. Yeah. She wasn’t… lying. About what happened with Richard turning into an Alpha.” That caught my attention, because they rarely spoke about those few moments. His gaze turned downward. “It… wasn’t right. Feeling him. Ox is… light. Like the sun. Richard felt like an eclipse. It was wrong. Everything about it was wrong. But we could feel him. And them. All the other Omegas. They were… I don’t know. It didn’t last long, but it wasn’t good. And now, with this—this thing. She’s pushing, I think. Maybe she’s using Ox. To bring all the Omegas out of hiding. Because we’ve been hurt by them before, and we’ve healed fine, so it can’t be all of them. I think she knows that. She wants to see what they’re capable of. What they’ll do.”
“In order to what?”
He looked frustrated. “I don’t know. I haven’t gotten that far. But it’s something. I never—” He shook his head. “Power does funny things to people. It gets in their heads. Makes them change. She wasn’t… she wasn’t always like this. Okay? She used to be… different. Better. I don’t—I thought, after she sent me out here, that when I came back, maybe I could be in her pack, you know? That I’d finally stay in one place. Be part of something real instead of forming these pseudobonds that were only meant to keep me from slipping.”
I reached out and wrapped a hand around the back of his neck. He closed his eyes and leaned into it, humming under his breath. “You have that,” I told him quietly. “Here. With us. She didn’t have a damn thing to do with that.”
He trembled as he opened his eyes. “I know. But what if she’s trying to take that away?”
I shook him a little. “What do we do when someone tries to come for us?”
His eyes blazed orange. “We fight back.”
“Exactly. They don’t think of you like that. Your Alphas want you here. Your pack. Even Joe, now that you’ve stopped trying to slobber all over Ox’s dick.”