Mid-Life Crisis Diaries

by Solon, Geraldine

  Tears trickled down her cheek. She hesitated for a moment then narrated what happened to Blake and her and how Dr. Lee convinced her to spend a month in Puerto Vallarta with Andre.

  He reached for her hand and she kept still. “You’ve been through a lot. I don’t blame you for being angry and frustrated.”

  “Tell me something, Andre, why did you agree to do this?”

  Andre pulled his hand away and leaned his body against the chair.

  The waiter poured more red wine then excused himself.

  “Sorry, I thought since I told you everything about my life, you would be able to share a piece of you with me,” Marsha said. “I mean, why would someone like you want to spend a month with an older woman like me?”

  He faced her. “Because I was married to an older woman.”

  Air escaped her lungs. “You were?”

  “Yes...” His voice trailed off. “My ex-wife, Layla, is experiencing the same thing your husband is going through, which is why I perfectly understand your pain.”

  All Marsha could say was, “Oh.” But deep inside, she knew Andre was a keeper. She blushed at the thought. Not a keeper for you, Marsha, she thought to herself. For someone else.

  Andre swallowed hard and adjusted the neck of his shirt before raising his hand delicately in the air to signal for more wine. He cleared his throat and looked back at Marsha, who was staring at him like she was looking at a lost puppy.

  “Oh no,” he laughed, flashing his wide smile. “Don’t you go feeling sorry for me. I’m just trying to let you know we aren’t really so different, you and I. It’s just that our ages are reversed a bit. And who cares about that anyway. I married Layla because I thought she was mature. And you know, I’m really not trying to boast, but I’ve always thought of myself as an old soul. A little above my age group maturity-wise, if you know what I mean.”

  “Yeah, I sensed that about you right away,” Marsha nodded, mindlessly slipping a bit of buttered bread in her mouth. “I mean, from the moment I opened the door, you just looked so sure of yourself. And to be honest, that’s something I struggle with, so it was really a sexy character trait, if I may be so bold.” She regretted using the word sexy as soon as she said it, especially to someone so much younger than her that she’d just met. She wasn’t sure how he’d take it, but she meant it as a compliment.

  When she met his eyes, his face revealed that he wasn’t affected by it in the least. That stuck with her. If someone had calmly mentioned that a trait of hers was sexy back in California, she would have immediately been offended. Unless they were this handsome, then she would have probably allowed herself to be a little flattered as well. But she would have mulled and stewed over that comment for weeks. Andre didn’t even blink when she said it. He only nodded in agreement to what she was ultimately saying.

  “I know what you mean, I actually do feel very confident. And I was confident in our marriage, as well. Which is why it broke me so much when she said she needed a break. I mean, it tore me in two, I didn’t even see it coming.” He took a big drink of his wine and rested his hand on the stem of the glass while he thought.

  “I know that feeling, my friend,” she laughed. It was a sad sort of laugh, and they both sat laughing together for quite some time in silence. It was the sort of silent laugh that gets swallowed up by the universe except for the two people sharing it. Two souls, sitting together in beautiful Mexico, quietly laughing about broken hearts and being taken aback by the people they thought would love them for their whole lives. Marsha couldn’t get over the oddity that was herself, sitting here with this beautiful young man, and she marveled at the small chance she had to do something different with her life from this point on. It was an actual treasure that she was here, and she would be hard-pressed to find another chance like this in her lifetime.

  “So if we aren’t to sit around and feel sorry for each other, what are we to do?” Marsha asked, cutting into her salmon.

  Andre smiled again, and wiped a tear from his eye. “We drink.”

  They raised their glasses and clinked them together and immediately they both relaxed in their seats. Marsha enjoyed her meal, at last, and Andre ate the rest of his slowly out of respect, which did not go unnoticed. Afterward, they strolled along the beach together, walking close enough together that their arms brushed together once in a while. Marsha recognized that it didn’t seem to bother him, and she grew more comfortable with someone else being in the space around her body. This one realization, the awareness of her own body and its comfort level, was very calming to her.

  Her shoulders dropped, and her hips swayed a bit as they strolled. The sounds rolling off the water were soothing, a slow whoosh of tiny waves that lapped up close to their feet. Andre had taken off his shoes and was carrying them over his shoulder. Marsha kept watching their feet as they walked, and loved how the soft sand crept between his tanned feet. She wasn’t sure how someone’s feet could be attractive, but his were, and it made her smile. For the rest of her life, she would remember what that sand looked like clinging to the sides of his strong feet, and she paused during a moment of silence.

  Andre didn’t say a word as she perched herself on a nearby boulder, he only watched her as she began undoing her sandals, and when Marsha looked up at him to see if he was irritated that she’d stopped, she noticed him smiling contently. Like he was just existing, and happy to be doing so in her company. She finished by stringing the sandals onto her wrist and gathering up her skirt. Andre followed her lead as she left to walk closer to the waves.

  She walked on the wet sand that had just seen a small wave wash over it, and loved the way the water felt on her bare feet. It was a completely different feeling, walking through the moist sand, fully dressed. She felt like a child, and it warmed her core. Andre fell in stride beside her and the two of them walked slowly down the shore, letting the water wash over the arches of their feet.

  “So can you tell me a bit more about Layla? I understand if you don’t want to talk about it, I was just curious.”

  “Yeah, sure,” he answered, no threat of tears in his eyes. “We met at a real estate convention, and I was struck by her beauty right away. She was older than me, and just breathtaking.” He dipped his head backward and laughed a little. “Actually, the first thing I noticed about her was that she seemed confident in herself. Which, you know, I could appreciate. Here was this woman,” he threw his arm out in front him, gesturing to the universe, “that was gorgeous, confident, all the things I knew I wanted in a mate. She could hold a steady job, because you know…I didn’t want anyone who just wanted to stay at home all day every day. I wanted someone who was their own person. Who was happy to be an individual, you know?”

  Marsha nodded silently, watching the waves.

  “And she was happy, just to be herself. We dated for what I thought was a long time, but when you date someone who you think is on your maturity level, you assume that time is irrelevant. And so I proposed. I figured that she was the one, because who else would there be? She wasn’t with anyone when we got together, it’s not like I was the other man or anything. She wanted to be with me. Stop me if I’m blabbering…” He looked at Marsha inquisitively.

  “No, no, go on. I’m listening.”

  “Okay, so it struck me as a real shocker when Layla announced that she needed a break.” He scratched his head with the hand that was holding his shoes. “I’m still not really sure from what, though.”

  “She had a nice life, then? I mean, you guys didn’t fight a lot or anything real obvious?”

  “Are you Love Guru-ing me, young lady?” He laughed and nudged her with his elbow.

  “No! I mean…yeah probably. I’ll stop if you like but usually there is something that triggers these sorts of things, and we can’t ever see it in our own relationship. It takes someone stepping in to let us know where we’re going wrong, you know?” She bowed her head, afraid she’d said too much. She wanted to not chase him away, after all, he was her
only friend in a place very far away from home. And she certainly didn’t want to spend the rest of her time in Mexico alone.

  “I do know that, yes. And I’ve wracked my brain trying to figure out what it is. I mean, I gave her everything she wanted. This house even, the one that we’re building, it’s all to her specifications. Everything she wanted, I just let her have at it. She didn’t ask me what I wanted, or what I’d like to add. I just hooked her up with the contractor and told her to have at it. She loved that. When I first told her, there was a sparkle in her eyes the likes of which I hadn’t seen in a long time. I think I was probably trying to settle something within the marriage by building the house, maybe.”

  “Like maybe trying to put down roots somewhere because that’s what she wanted? Did she not want to travel anymore?”

  Andre looked at her with surprise; he stopped walking for a moment and looked up toward the sky, which was already beginning to be peppered with stars. It was beautiful, and he took a long, deep breath with his eyes closed while he soaked it in.

  “Sorry,” he breathed. “You’re right on, aren’t you? She did mention that she was tired of traveling so much. But I assumed, since we were both in the same business, that that would work in our favor in the long run. Kind of like two doctors being married to each other. Or two actors. They kind of already understand the lifestyle, because they chose it. But she changed. Or something about her changed, what she wanted changed I guess. I don’t know really. I’ve been over and over the last three years of marriage in my mind and can’t seem to pinpoint where things started shifting for her.”

  “We often aren’t aware of what someone else close to us is feeling, don’t beat yourself up about not seeing the differences until it was too late.” She giggled a sad sort of half-laugh. “Happens to the best of us.” Andre nodded and shrugged his shoulders. “It still hurts, though, huh?”

  “It sure does, like a bitch. I’m hoping she’ll get whatever she needs to out of her system and settle back down and we can reconnect. Maybe she’s having some sort of mid-life crisis or something, herself. Like your husband.”

  “Yeah, maybe,” Marsha said. “Can I ask you a girl question?”

  Andre laughed and shook his head enthusiastically. “Please do!”

  “Why are you not pouting?”

  He thought about it for a moment and walked slowly toward a bench near a rock wall. A small café was settled on the level above it and they could hear the busy noise of the patrons eating. “I’m not sure, really. I guess it just doesn’t suit me.”

  Marsha frowned. Maybe it was just a girl thing.

  “No, no, please don’t misunderstand me. I was completely broken by it. It rocked my whole world. And I don’t pretend that I was some poor fool who couldn’t make ends meet because my spouse left. That’s a very real thing that I’m sure you’ve seen play out a dozen times.” Marsha nodded without speaking as she took a seat next to him on the bench and laid her shoes in the sand. “I mean, it didn’t break me, financially. I do quite nicely on my own. I have my real estate, but I also work online and do very well there, too. That’s actually how I met Dr. Lee.”

  Marsha tried not to act too interested in hearing him talk about Dr. Lee, the woman who once was her dear friend in college, and eventually turned into a sort of arch nemesis of hers in the working world as adults. But she was, in fact, eager to learn more about how Dr. Lee had expanded her love-teaching business all across the world.

  “Dr. Lee has a really great web presence. There aren’t many people who do what she does, and she’s one of the best at it. She’s got YouTube videos and online courses that can help you with your relationship no matter where you work or live. For me, I needed a therapist to help me understand what was going on in my life, and I needed to able to meet with them online instead of going in to an office somewhere. You’d be surprised how few resources there are for online love therapy. And she made it easy for me to get a hold of her. From that point on, after watching a few of her videos and getting a good feel about her personality through Skype chats, I knew she would be able to help me. She’s kind of a free spirit, like myself, and I figured she would do well to show me what I was missing.”

  “And has she?” Marsha asked, one eyebrow raised.

  “Well,” Andre chuckled and rested his ankle on his knee. Marsha watched sand fall off his beautiful foot and onto the ground. “Here we are.”

  C H A P T E R 9

  Marsha awoke the next morning to the smell of Mexico, which after less than a week, was already growing on her. The whole place just smelled like vacation, and she never wanted to leave. Her first thoughts of the morning were of Andre’s face as they said goodnight the night before. He drove her to her condo and walked her up to the door, both of them barefoot. Without a word, he took her hand and kissed the back of it gently. The act was not sexual in any way, nor did it excite Marsha. It was just a beautiful gesture from one soul to another. She felt a deep respect for Andre, knowing that he, too, was on his own journey to discover how to get back what he lost. It made her sad to think of him unhappy, because she truly considered him a friend.

  She lay there, with the morning rays of sun peering through the thick curtains and dancing across the bed, and thought of how odd it was that she’d made a friend so easily and quickly. It wasn’t like her at all, and she had tried for twenty minutes to think of one person back home that she would really consider a friend in this way. Someone she could open up and share her feelings of disappointment with that wouldn’t judge her. She was, after all, a Love Guru. And the fact that everyone back home knew it just turned her stomach. She was so embarrassed. But here, everything was beautiful and open and bright and smelled wonderful. She wasn’t being judged by anyone for getting it wrong, and she wondered if a month would really be long enough to heal her.

  Marsha climbed slowly out of bed, and looked around the condo for something to eat. There were two pineapples in the fridge, a treat that she had only just noticed, as she had barely taken the time to explore the beautiful condo Dr. Lee had arranged for her. She pulled one of them out and found the largest knife the kitchen had to offer.

  When she pulled the cutting board down from where it was standing, she noticed a small iPod with a sticky note attached to it that read Play me. She grinned at the thought of someone else looking out for her happiness, and crumpled up the note before pressing the play button and wrapping her hand firmly around the knife handle. Smooth dancing tunes wafted through the air as she grunted her way through slicing up the fresh fruit. Its smell was so sweet, and the juice spilled everywhere, and Marsha couldn’t have been happier. She swayed her hips as she cut, placing every fourth piece or so directly into her mouth. It was the sweetest thing she had ever tasted, and she had the whole thing to herself.

  Once it was completely cut and in the largest bowl she could find, she spooned a few heaps of it onto a plate and covered the rest before sliding it back into the refrigerator. When she opened the silverware drawer, there was another sticky note. This time it read Whatever you eat, do it naked.

  Marsha closed the drawer and felt her ears grow hot. “You can’t possibly be serious,” she said aloud. But all she could hear was Dr. Lee whispering But you know I am! in a sassy voice in her head. Two minutes passed with Marsha standing in the kitchen, holding the drawer handle and shaking her head. She had been planning to enjoy her breakfast out on the back patio of the condo. It wasn’t something she could picture doing in the nude. Perhaps she could run a bath and eat it in there? But she didn’t want a bath, she wanted to be outdoors.

  She thought for a minute of Dr. Lee when they had met in Chinatown; she was completely naked and in front of a bunch of strangers. With a man touching her and making her giggle, no less! If she really wanted to make the most of her trip, then maybe following the rules perfectly would help her do it. And one of the rules was to not think about the rules. There was no one there to tell her that she couldn’t eat, naked, on her own p
atio. There was really no way anyone would be able to see her back there unless they really tried, anyway. And as if on cue, she remembered what some of the ladies were wearing on the beach the day before. It wasn’t much more than being naked, anyway.

  Reluctantly, she began unbuttoning her pajama top and let it fall on the floor. Then she wiggled out of her pants, and slid down her underwear. She smiled wryly, thinking about what look would be on Dr. Lee’s face when she got back home and told her that she actually did it. You’re not getting all of me, world. Not yet.

  Marsha walked over to her suitcase and found her prettiest pair of panties and put them on. This will have to be close enough.

  She walked toward the large glass doors that led to the back patio, and she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror. She stopped for a moment to take it in. For being in her forties, she really was something to look at with no clothes on. Blake would have a fit if he saw her walking around anyplace but the walk-in shower without her top on.

  No, no. No Blake. This morning is about me.

  Flipping her hair over her shoulder, she opened the back door and walked outside, with nothing on but a pair of pretty underwear and a giant plate of pineapple. The soft rattan chair felt good on her legs, but wasn’t surprising to sit on. Though she didn’t know why it would be, it was basically like sitting down in a bathing suit bottom. The pieces of chair stuck to her leg exactly the way she expected them to. The sun was already warming the air, and when she leaned back into her chair and rested the plate of fruit on the table beside her, its warmth felt amazing on her bare chest. She’d never felt anything like it, it was amazing. The sensation was like a warm hug, and a gentle nod from the universe that she was, in fact, present.

  It felt so good, that all of her fears of being naked were washed away. There was no way anyone would see her unless they were strolling along the beach. And even then, the little wall that separated where she sat from the rest of the property was sure to discourage staring. Relaxed, and enjoying the sun on her bare body, she raised her feet into the air and rested them on the chair in front of her. Marsha sat for twenty minutes enjoying her breakfast before rising, sun-soaked and in the best mood she’d been in a long time, to start her day.