Switch

by Megan Hart

  sitting there. He held my cel phone in one hand, the screen

  flipped open. I hadn't heard it ring.

  "What are you doing?"

  Austin slowly closed my phone and set it on the desk. He

  stood. He was too big for my room, too.

  I wished I'd taken the time to pul on my robe. A towel

  didn't seem adequate protection against the way he was

  looking at me. I grabbed for my nightgown, but it had

  tangled in itself when I threw it on the floor, and I couldn't

  tangled in itself when I threw it on the floor, and I couldn't

  easily slide it over my head.

  "You got a message," Austin said. "While you were in the shower."

  "Since when are you alowed to listen to my messages?" I

  yanked the cotton into place and tugged it over my head.

  With it covering my face, I closed my eyes, wishing when I

  opened them I'd discover this was al an inconvenient

  dream.

  "A text message," he said.

  I yanked the nightgown down on my shoulders and glared.

  "Since when are you alowed to read my messages?"

  I stalked to the desk and grabbed up my phone but didn't

  look to see who'd caled. I cradled it to my chest, though,

  the metal chil through the cotton. Austin didn't move.

  "Wel?" I demanded. "What the hel, Austin? Who the hel do you think you are?"

  "Apparently, I'm nobody," he said.

  I'd braced myself for anger, or accusations. A message

  I'd braced myself for anger, or accusations. A message

  from Kira or my mom wouldn't have bothered him. It had

  to have been from Eric, though I hadn't told him to send

  me anything.

  "I have to ask you, Paige. Is that what you want?" He

  gestured at the phone, but since I didn't know what the

  message had been, I couldn't answer.

  I refused to look now. "You'd better leave."

  Austin shook his head. "Answer me first. I think I deserve

  an answer."

  "I don't owe you—anything." My voice tore on the last

  word and I shut my mouth tight to keep from breaking

  totaly.

  "Is that what you want?" he asked again, lower now.

  To my horror, I saw he wasn't angry. Austin was close to

  tears. I'd never seen him cry, not even when the dog he'd

  had since toddlerhood had died. I'd watched him bury that

  dog without a tear. But now…now, he was almost

  weeping.

  I had done this to him.

  I had done this to him.

  I didn't need to beat his ass with a belt to hurt him.

  I felt like the worst kind of bitch.

  "Is it what you like? Is it what you need?" He looked

  helplessly at the headboard, where his hands had left no

  marks. I looked, too. We didn't need scratches in the

  wood to remember how he'd clutched it.

  "I…think…I don't want to talk about this," I gasped out

  around tears of my own.

  Austin had seen me cry plenty of times. If my tears moved

  him, he didn't show it. "Talk about it to me. I want to

  know."

  He paused, moved forward. Reached for me, though I

  backed away.

  "Please," he said.

  I shook my head and covered my face with my hands, so I

  didn't see him getting on his knees in front of me. I only felt

  the thud as he hit the floor and the warmth of his hands as

  he grabbed my hips. I couldn't look, not even when he

  he grabbed my hips. I couldn't look, not even when he

  pressed his face to my pussy and whispered my name, his

  breath hot through the cotton. I didn't want to feel the wet

  of tears against my skin. I wouldn't look, not even when he

  inched the fabric of my nightgown into his fists and kissed

  my bely, then my thighs.

  "Tel me," Austin said. "Is this where you want me?"

  A strangled sound launched itself from my throat. I tried to

  take a step back, but his hands held me in place. He

  kissed me again, slow and lingering. Heat and wet against

  my cunt. Heat and wet against my thigh as he turned his

  face to press against me there.

  "Because I'l do it, if it makes you happy, Paige. I'l get on

  my knees for you any time you want it. I'l let you do what

  you want. If you tel me what you want me to do, I'l do it.

  Whatever it takes, remember? Just…tel me. Please."

  "I want you to shut up and go," I said as best I could

  without breath. It had stuck in my throat, too, my world

  spinning dizzily as I tried to draw in more air. "Just go,

  Austin!"

  "If that's what you want." He stood and his hands slid up

  "If that's what you want." He stood and his hands slid up

  my body to pul me closer to him.

  My nightgown fel back down, but it was no protection

  against him. His belt buckle pressed my bely. The denim

  of his jeans scratched my bare legs. I had my hands

  between us, pushing at his chest, and he snared them both

  in his. Too late, I realized I would have to look at him

  now.

  "I love you," Austin said. "Don't you know that?"

  I opened my mouth and he kissed me until I turned my

  face.

  "You don't want to know it," he said.

  "We've been through this before," I whispered. "It doesn't work with us."

  "I want it to work. Things are different now. Aren't they?

  I'm different." He paused and tugged me half an inch

  closer. "You're different. You know you are."

  But I hadn't wanted him to know.

  "We weren't al bad together," he said.

  "We weren't al bad together," he said.

  I looked at him again. "We weren't al good together,

  either."

  "I want to be with you. Not just to fuck you once in a

  while. Again, serious. You and me. I'm wiling to try."

  I almost said yes. But then I said no. "Leave."

  "Whatever it takes," Austin said, and kissed me until I

  couldn't breathe.

  I didn't walk him to the door. I waited until I heard it close

  behind him before I looked at the message on my phone.

  It was from Eric, as I'd thought.

  If I were with you right now, I'd be on my knees for you.

  Your slave. I'd worship you. I wish I could be with you

  right now.

  It's easy to look back and blame a lot of things on

  circumstance, and I could blame what had just happened

  with Austin for my response to Eric. But I'l own what I

  did. I answered him.

  I think it's time we meet in person.

  I think it's time we meet in person.

  Then I wiped my face and refused to cry anymore.

  Chapter 31

  "Paige, I need you to come and stay with Arty next week

  while I go away for a few days." My mom, for once, didn't

  start with any sort of preamble.

  I didn't stop to think about why she was asking, just that

  she was. "Stay at the house?"

  "Yes." She sounded tired and cranky. "I need you to be here to get him on the bus in the morning. He has that

  after-school program until you can get home from work."

  "What time does he get on the bus?" Already I was

  calculating excuses, thinking only of the torture of having to

  stay in my mother's house for any len
gth of time.

  "Eight. Plenty of time for you to get to work. And it's only

  five days, Paige. Sunday through Thursday. I should be…

  I'l be home on Friday."

  Her assumption that I'd put my life on hold to do this

  rankled. I was already in a bad mood from my fight, if you

  could cal it that, and I did, with Austin. My mind was on

  other things, like meeting Eric and teling him the truth

  other things, like meeting Eric and teling him the truth

  about me and his unknown her and what would happen.

  "Where are you going?" I asked. "It's not like I can just drop everything, Mom."

  "I'm going away for a few days. To a spa," she said

  defensively. "Some me time."

  I gritted my jaw and turned off the heat under my pan of

  reheated spaghetti. I wasn't hungry for it, anyway. "You

  couldn't have let me know sooner?"

  "They had a last-minute opening. Don't argue with me

  about this, Paige."

  Her tone, the one she'd used often on me as a child, set

  my teeth on edge even more. I dumped the pasta onto a

  plate and slammed it onto my table, but I didn't sit to eat it.

  "What if I can't?"

  My mom's voice cracked. "You have to. I don't have

  anyone else to take him, and he loves you. You're his

  sister. I need you to do this for me."

  The tremor in her voice slammed a door on my anger. "Is

  this about Leo?"

  this about Leo?"

  "Why would you say that?"

  "Because you lived with him for five years, Mom, and you

  guys just broke up. You have to be upset."

  "I am upset. Very upset." She paused. "Yes, it's about Leo. He…he's taking me away. To try to work things out.

  It's last-minute because he just got the time off and this

  place had an opening. So we're going. I know it's late

  notice, Paige, but I don't have anyone else to ask."

  I stil wasn't happy, but I was the last person to stop

  anyone from trying to repair a relationship. Helping out my

  mom might, in some way, redeem my lack of effort with

  Austin. Or not. In any case, I sighed and puled out my

  calendar from my purse. "What days, again?"

  She told me. "You could come for the weekend, you

  know. Friday night. We could spend a few days together

  before I go."

  "Don't push it," I told her. "I've got stuff going on, Mom. I can't just pop over and hang out and get home in ten

  minutes."

  "You think I don't know that?"

  Shit, now she was crying. What was wrong with me, that I

  made people around me so upset? "Mom. C'mon."

  "I miss you, Paige! I'm sorry! I'm sorry I don't have a big,

  fancy house like your dad does," she said more meanly

  than I'd ever heard her in my life. "I'm sorry we don't meet

  your standards. But it's what we have, and you didn't turn

  out so fucking bad, did you?"

  I might have shouted back at her, except I was tired of

  fighting. With Austin, with her. With myself. So I said

  nothing and after a few moments of tense silence, my mom

  cleared her throat.

  "I need to leave the house by 8:00 a.m. on Sunday. Be

  here before then, please."

  I held back a groan and reconsidered staying over the

  night before. Which would be worse, a Saturday night in

  my mom's house in Lebanon, or having to get up at ass-

  crack o'thirty in the morning? "Fine. I'l be there."

  "Thank you," she said stiffly, and not like my mom at al.

  "Thank you," she said stiffly, and not like my mom at al.

  "Arty wil be thriled."

  That was the saving grace to it al. That my little brother

  would be happy to see me. I didn't miss living in Lebanon,

  and I didn't miss living with my mom, but I did miss being

  close enough to see them more often. I'd spent a lot of

  time taking care of Arty when he was a baby and a

  toddler. He was as much my child as he was my brother.

  "See you then." I didn't quite manage to sound happy.

  "I love you, honey," my mom said, and like the bitch-brat I was, I hung up without answering.

  Austin didn't cal me, and I sure as hel didn't cal him. Eric

  didn't cal me, either, a fact that pleased me less. I knew

  why—I'd nudged myself out of the top spot in his pecking

  order. It would have been funny if it wasn't also sort of

  sad.

  It did prove one thing, that whatever we had, or almost

  had, it wasn't exactly what he was looking for. The

  question I couldn't stop asking myself, though, was could I

  give him what it appeared he wanted, ful-time? And

  would he want it from me when he found out it was me?

  Most of al, did I want to become in real life the woman I'd

  created in those letters?

  I took my pen. I took the paper, the soft, fragrant, special

  paper. I only had a couple sheets left. Maybe I wouldn't

  need more.

  My mom said she'd be back Thursday, a week from

  today. I had Eric's schedule for the month. He worked that

  night, as wel as the folowing Friday and Saturday.

  Sunday, then. A little more than a week. That would give

  me plenty of time to prepare.

  You will reserve a room at the Harrisburg Hilton for

  Sunday night. When you check in, you'll leave

  instructions for the second key to be left for me, under

  the name Rose Thorn. You will be in the room and

  ready for me no later than three-thirty. You will bring

  with you a bottle of your favorite lube, a box of

  condoms and a copy of your medical records

  guaranteeing your clean bill of health. Once inside the

  room, you will shower and shave and smooth your skin

  with lotion. I want you clean and smelling of lavender

  and mint. You will wait for me wearing only the

  bracelet I gave you. Kneel by the bed. When I come in,

  bracelet I gave you. Kneel by the bed. When I come in,

  you may address me at once and show your

  appreciation of my presence by kneeling at my feet.

  It didn't sound quite right. My words lacked a certain

  rhythm and delicacy, but they were al I had. Eric liked

  flirting with public displays of his submission, and he'd have

  to give up some of that to the clerk to whom he gave my

  name. But he'd be outing me, too, and I wasn't sure how I

  felt about walking up to a perfect stranger and caling

  myself Mistress anything. Stil, I guessed it was time to try

  to find out if I could play this role for real.

  "You gonna try for that new position?" Brenda had snuck

  up on me, not difficult to do since I was lost in swirling,

  deep-purple thoughts of fucking and sucking. I didn't think

  that was the new position she meant.

  "I don't think so." When in doubt, stal. It took me a minute to figure out what she did mean, but then when she cast a

  pointed look at the buletin board on the wal behind me, I

  turned. I scanned the papers tacked there and nodded.

  "Oh. The marketing position? No. I already said I wasn't

  interested."

  This gave her pause. "They just put this up about ten

  This gave her pause. "They just put this up about ten

  minutes ago, P
aige."

  Okay, so Brenda hadn't been one of their preapproved

  applicants. I pretended to look more closely. "Oh, that

  new position. No. I don't think so. I'm happy where I am."

  She made one of those noises people make when they

  don't believe you but don't want to come right out and say

  so. "I think I might go for it. The salary is a lot better, for one thing. I bet the benefits are good, too."

  "It's a lot of responsibility, Brenda." Together we left the buletin board to head down the hal toward our respective

  offices, but paused in the halway crossroads. Maybe if I

  was lucky Brenda would stop to summon a demon and I

  could avoid further awkward conversation.

  This early there wasn't much traffic, not even toward the

  copy room or the break room, which always had

  customers. She shrugged and shifted her purse over her

  shoulder.

  "I think I could handle it. Don't you?" Her eyes narrowed.

  "They're looking for a few people, I heard. Not just one."

  I laughed to put her at ease. "I'm realy not interested in it."

  Some smal tension I wouldn't have noticed had it not been

  so obvious when it eased lifted her shoulders. "I'm going to

  do it. My sweetie says I should, anyway. He says he

  wouldn't mind retiring a few years early."

  That seemed like the last reason for her to take a new job,

  but I kept my mouth shut. "Good luck."

  "Thanks." She nodded and headed off, pausing for a

  moment more. "Lunch, today?"

  "I can't. I'l have to work through so I can leave early." I didn't explain further, though I could see her curiosity.

  Paul, of course, was in the office when I got in. I dropped

  my sweater and purse on the rack and powered up my

  computer, then moved to the coffeepot to get that started.

  The scent of coffee usualy brought him out from the cave

  if he hadn't already caffeinated on the way to work, but

  since I needed to talk to him anyway I fixed his cup and

  rapped on his door.

  "Paul? I need to—" I stopped just inside the door, at first convinced he wasn't in there, after al.

  convinced he wasn't in there, after al.

  He'd puled the blinds down al the way instead of just half.

  The overhead lights, as usual, weren't on, but the table

  lamp wasn't on, either. The only light came from the blue-

  white shine off the computer monitor. I blinked, my eyes

  adjusting, and the gleam of Paul's eyes made me realize he

  was, indeed, sitting at his desk. He wore his suit coat, his

  tie tight to his throat, his shirt startling and white in the