Pulling into the driveway, Alice made to open her door, yanking Maddy forcefully back into the present, away from tender reminiscences. “Wait.” She knew her tone was impossibly sharp, urgent, but it halted Alice.
The older woman turned to face her, puzzled gaze meeting hers in the near darkness of the interior of the car, lit only by the streetlights and the automatic timed illumination above the house’s front entrance. “My ride will be here soon.”
“We’ll wait for it here.” In the relative safety of the car. Lord knew what Alice thought. That she wasn’t welcome in Maddy’s home? That Maddy was angry with her? Didn’t matter. Then a wash of headlights shimmered across the back window. Alice again reached for the handle.
“Wait.”
“What is it with you?” Alice was indeed angry, the confusion gone.
“Who’s picking you up?”
“Not your Masters, if that’s what’s bugging you.”
Her Masters. What a joke. What was it with Master Thomas, and now Alice? She had no Masters, only numerous Doms she played with whenever she could, since becoming comfortable in the club and fitting in there. Rafe and Connor weren’t her Masters. They were the epitome of play Doms, and of late they’d decided to confer their attentions on her. And as a sub in training there, she had little choice. Avoiding them hadn’t been easy but she’d done it, until last week when… She blinked that memory away too. The heart wants… Damn it! And you changed your limits, so quit lying to yourself… Enough!
“I have no Masters, Alice.” She said it like she believed it. The headlights of the car behind them flickered.
“You say,” Alice snorted. “I’d say that you do. And I’m not alone in that opinion. It’s the talk of the club. And I don’t know what you did to fuck up tonight, but you messed with those Doms.”
Opening her mouth to protest, Maddy shut it with a snap. Done. Over with. No point in wishing otherwise. She wasn’t going to give Alice any additional information. It was just how she had to live, and if it meant her heart was broken, and she’d messed with Rafe and Connor, she’d have to deal.
“Thank you for driving me home.” She meant it and her voice rang with sincerity. If she could afford a friend outside of the club, Alice would be on the top of that list.
“No problem. Ishmael brought me tonight, so it’s him gonna take me home from here.”
They stared at one another, then Alice sighed, her caring nature obviously resurrecting itself. “Sorry, Maddy. We need to stick together as subs. You kinda make it hard. I mean, you’re so much fun at the club, but difficult to get to know.”
What was there to say to that? She couldn’t allow Alice in. Maddy let the silence stretch out and the headlights blinked again. Master Ishmael was probably giving them some girl time—all those Doms seemed to know when subs could intervene and support one another, but this time he was wrong.
She realized she’d ruined somebody else’s evening. “I’m the one who should be sorry, taking you from the club and all.”
“Don’t be. I’ve wanted to get that Dom into my bed for a while, just us two, and away from the club. See what’s what. You did me a favor. Wish I could say the same for you.”
Alice slipped out of the car, and Maddy twisted to see Master Ishmael’s massive body behind the wheel. When she saw the big Dom throw open his door and climb out to escort Alice, Maddy relaxed, blowing out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. Then she scrambled out of her car, snatching up her bag and the keys from the console, and ran for the house, remote locking the vehicle behind her. She couldn’t face another Dom tonight, and knew he’d see her inside if she didn’t get there first.
The empty, cold feeling of the front hall enveloped her as she shoved in and slammed the door, hustling to the security panel she’d installed herself to punch in the code, but not before noting all the lights glowed green. Not red. Red for stop. Red for…a sob erupted from her belly, rolling up her throat to burst past her lips, a shockingly loud and painful sound in the space. Maddy turned her back to the wall, sliding down its support until she huddled at the base. Regret and self-pity it was, then, hardly a balm for her hurting heart.
The memories of the evening boiled forth and she experienced them again, anew, her cursed ability to recall everything with painful precision not sparing her one iota. She banged her head into the wall, twice, and quit remembering how she’d accused them of taking the club from her, insulting them. Lashing out like a petulant child when she knew better. She should have taken her leave with dignity and composure but their…pain…no, their unsettledness, for they didn’t know her well enough to painfully regret her response, had forced her hand. And it was over and done. No way could they feel for her what she felt for them. People fell in love like that only in fairy tales. And God knew there was no Prince Charming in her future. Prince Charmings. Whatever.
With a sigh, ignoring the tears that continued to leak over her bottom lids and slide down her face to drip off her chin, she threw her cape over a hook on the hall tree and trudged to the bathroom. Tugging off her dress, throwing the crumple of fabric at the clothes hamper, she studiously ignored her reflection as she washed her face clean of all traces of makeup and salt. She examined the wash cloth carefully after each swipe to ensure she’d left nothing behind, then carefully cleansed between her legs. She was still tender and swollen, but she avoided any inference of arousing herself, all the while shoring up her reserves against two Doms who would doubtless continue to infiltrate her dreams.
Padding out to the kitchen, she rummaged in the pantry until she found a small bottle of cooking brandy, a salute to the Christmas cake she thought she might attempt this year. Working the cap loose, she raised the liquor to her lips and forced several swallows down before gagging, then managed several more until the bottle was empty. The fiery warmth of the cheap liquid on her empty belly made her quiver, and before the alcohol had a chance to hit her brain she retreated to her bedroom. The narrow bed boasted a fluffy white duvet, her one concession to creature comforts, and she crawled beneath its enveloping folds. Pulling the down-filled fabric up over her ears, Maddy let the poor man’s version of a sleep aid pull her under. The headache she’d face in the morning would be small penance for the look on Connor’s face and the one in the depths of Rafe’s dark eyes, never mind the pain in the middle of her chest.
Chapter Two
“Well, that was a royal fuck up.” Connor stretched his legs out before him and sucked back a draught of his beer. Master of fucking understatement. He felt like shit, and couldn’t stop recalling the look on Maddy’s face, the way she’d pleaded with Rafe.
“Probably for the best,” Rafe muttered, staring out into the club, but likely not taking note of anything within his viewpoint. Connor understood his friend, and grasped he was just as disappointed in regard to Maddy.
Connor knew the other man better than anyone else, maybe better than Rafe knew himself, and accepted that his buddy felt as gutted as he did. The wealth of pain emanating from their little sub as she dug deep and lashed out to push them away… He struggled against the memory and drank some more beer, waiting patiently for Rafe to process.
In time, while the events of the evening unfolded around them, the cries of the subs, the sounds of impact tools against flesh, the scent of arousal and passion grinding against his senses, his best friend finally coined it.
“There’s got to be a good reason for her not to tell us who she really is. And it’s like she said. She’s staying anonymous, but hiding nothing to bring anything down on the club. She was fucking well terrified. But we almost had her, right at the end.”
“Uh-huh. And we both saw that fear and didn’t do anything about it.”
“What the fuck would you have had us do?”
“It’s not what we didn’t do, Rafe. It’s what blinded us. We rushed her. Because we’re ten steps ahead of her and fucking well forgot Domination 101: Thou shalt prepare and bring thine submissive along to the
same level of feeling before having such expectations of her!”
“What the fuck?”
“Okay, I made that up. But you and I decided we wanted her months ago, the moment we saw her. She avoided us like the plague and her training limits precluded our involvement.” He didn’t add that the little sub seemed to be always on their periphery, watching them while pretending she wasn’t. Rafe had noticed it too. There was a definite draw, right from the beginning.
“Until three weeks ago.”
“You got it. When her training status expired. When she reconsidered some of her hard limits.” Connor remembered how buoyed his spirits had been the night Thomas cited the changes made by the latest batch of subs. He and Rafe had damn near high-fived one another. Their little subbie had agreed to ménage sex. Hell, she’d agreed to penetrative sex, among other things he and Rafe really liked. And Connor had to believe it was because she’d figured out what they wanted and had a plan to fulfill them. That attraction had gone both ways. They had even been willing to compromise, but he was selfish enough to admit he was glad Maddy had come over to the dark side.
His friend set the bottle down on the marble bar with a distinct snap. Running a hand over his face, he peered at Connor. “I get that we’ve been ready for her and she hasn’t had the same opportunity to prepare. But she’s a submissive. We’re the Doms. It’s up to us to impose our will and bring her along.”
“This feels different than all the other subs we’ve played with, Rafe. And we rushed. Got ahead of ourselves.”
“No shit! But I know it felt different to her last week when we finally got to scene with her. Don’t tell me I was the only one in that room experiencing it. Maddy came alive for us. It was more than with the single Doms. We…clicked. It wasn’t just play.”
“I felt it too.” Connor spoke quietly and his heart felt heavy. Rafe studied the wet circles of condensation the bottles made on the bar. “So did she. And maybe that scared her too. She’s got too many things in her life making her afraid.”
“Yeah, well, no surprise. We’re a lot for a sub to handle.” Rafe pushed his beer away in apparent disgust.
“Oh, I think Maddy’s up for the task, buddy. You gotta know that from just seeing her here. She’s tough. And strong. Yet she’s the sweetest, kindest, and most helpful sub around. She never gets in trouble and was the perfect student. Everyone likes her, and none of the Doms have pushed her sexually. That says a lot about where she’s at.”
Connor found it hard enough to watch some of those Doms work with Maddy, teaching her protocol, doing bondage scenes and giving her the pain she obviously craved, when he’d been the one who wanted to provide it. That kind of interest had told him clearly Maddy was more than just a sub. He’d wondered if she was afraid or disinterested in sex, until the night Rafe kept obsessing on. She’d let them bring her off. Not for the first time, Connor cursed the need to do background checks on those he and Rafe wanted to associate with. Although associate really didn’t cover what they wanted to do with Maddy. And now that might be past tense.
Rafe nodded. “Everyone’s been giving us the stink eye since that little scene at the door. How many members do you think know she’s been banned from the club and hold us responsible?”
“Probably all of them,” Connor allowed. “First time there’s been a stir about Doms not being omniscient. Thomas isn’t pleased.”
“He’s more worried about Maddy than what people think about us.”
“True.”
“Then what the hell are we supposed to do? She’s not gonna come back if it means confessing. We backed her into a corner.” Rafe scrubbed at his face again. “What in hell scares her so bad that it undermined her anxiety of not obeying us, and quashed that deep-rooted need she has to please and serve? She was fucking crushed to disappoint you.”
Connor finished his beer as he considered. It felt more even than Maddy being scared. It was like she hadn’t wanted to hurt either of them, another indication she viewed them as more than play Doms, and that gave him hope. “Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out. I’m not letting her go, Rafe. Are you in?”
Rafe shook his head. “We can’t.”
“Why the fuck not? Where are your balls? You’re the impulsive one and I’m the voice of reason. So what’s up with your shit? This caution?”
A deep voice interrupted. “Little sub has turned your world upside down, my man. I’ve had some experience with that.”
Connor turned to Thomas, and Rafe edged over to give the massive Dom room. He stared at them both with his warrior’s eyes. “Rafe is correct in saying you can’t pursue a sub who has used her safe word. You gave it your best shot and lost this round.”
Gesturing at Connor when he began to protest, Thomas continued, “But if she doesn’t come back, then she’s no longer under the same rules and protection. Nothing stopping you from pursuing her in the outside world. And even before the grace period. Vanilla-like.”
A harsh laugh erupted from Rafe. “And some subs are manipulative. You take the cake, Thomas.”
With no discernible physical response to the jibe, Thomas said, “You seriously think we don’t manipulate, Rafe? Better reconsider. You use every tool at your disposal to help a sub give over, push her limits and learn about herself. Best interests and all. Don’t talk to me about manipulation without having a good look in the mirror.”
“Fuck me. I know it.” That was the thing about Rafe. He might be hot-headed at times, but he cheerfully acknowledged his screw ups and made amends. Rafe was actually less manipulative though, and more the do as I command type. Unlike Connor, who was so pragmatic that he suspected he’d scene to death with such attention to detail if it wasn’t for Rafe’s input. They complimented one another in so many ways.
“You think she’s for real?” Thomas held Connor’s gaze.
“I think her name is Madeline. Maybe Margaret Madeline. I think she’s a natural submissive, and what’s more, has come to understand and crave it. I’m not sure she’s been in the scene before but gravitated here, to this club, for good reason. Maybe like a safe place. There’s something in her past, or presently going on for her, that makes her insist on anonymity. But if she won’t tell us her name, she’s not gonna share why. Other than that, I have no clue.”
“She’s a good person.” Both Doms turned in surprise to Rafe, who was rarely so verbal when he wasn’t in a scene. His bronze skin was stretched so tightly over the bone structure of his face, Connor wondered if the tension would overcome his control.
Thomas let out a gusty breath. “I know it, Rafe. Or I’d have sent her little ass packing the moment you told me she’d faked her identity. Instead, I left you to try and figure it out. So what’s the plan?”
“I’ll do another check. In depth,” Connor promised. “But whoever she is, she’s laid a really solid trail to hide her identity. It was pure chance that I hit a different keystroke while mining that database, and got directed to those archives or I’d never have picked up on the discrepancy.” He didn’t tell Thomas about the code he’d written. He played certain things close to the vest, and figured he’d shared enough.
“You serious about Maddy?”
“We don’t do checks on just anyone,” Rafe advised, seconding Connor’s earlier thoughts. Just on people they were…pursuing. Now that was the correct term. Fuck associate.
“So it wasn’t anything she said or did that made you suspicious…”
“Nope. When we decided to connect and see about convincing her to try a long-term D/s relationship with us, Connor did a check. Second nature. With our business, we can’t afford to have anyone in our lives who—” Well, okay, they did those checks too, but it was different with Maddy.
“No security risks,” Thomas concluded.
“We wanted more information than what you’d compiled.” Connor had no problem admitting it. It wasn’t like he and Rafe wouldn’t disclose their own lives to Maddy, their current work. Honesty and sharing went both
ways. Except for the sealed special ops stuff and NDA work, and that need for secrecy was understood by anyone.
“Uh-huh. Well, I guess you’ve got some time in the next few weeks.”
Rafe shook his head. “She’s not coming back.”
“You don’t know that,” Thomas said, although his demeanor said otherwise.
“We do. And you do as well. And it fucked her up. She said the club was her sanctuary.” Rafe’s anguish spoke to the wish he and Connor had that Maddy would have come to see them as her haven.
“I heard. Fuck. I’ll talk with Alice tomorrow and let you know what transpired on the drive to Maddy’s home.”
“We’ll talk with her.”
“But—”
Connor cut him off with no apology. “We don’t give a shit about how it looks, Thomas. If Alice wants to tell everyone we’re head over ass for Maddy, so be it. No more tiptoeing around. No submissive should have been able to withstand us tonight without a fuck of a lot of baggage to preclude it, let alone a subbie who we know connected with us…on a deeper level.” He wouldn’t label it yet, but he suspected it would only grow. “And Maddy settled, began to trust us before she somehow pushed us away. Whatever she’s hiding, it’s huge.”
“And you’re willing to take on the baggage.”
It was Connor’s turn to laugh, and Thomas’s mouth set in a straight line. Well, too fucking bad. Connor put the needle in. “Maybe you can advise us how to help Maddy deal with her baggage. Who better, with the experience you’ve had with Lyssa?”
It was a measure of Thomas’s confidence and status in the club that he didn’t react, other than a slight narrowing of his eyes. “I hear you. Sign me up. Because you’ll probably need it.”
Clapping Connor on the shoulder with perhaps more force than necessary, the club owner moved away from the bar and nodded back at them both.
The Death of You Page 3