“Where’d the girlfriend go? I was looking forward to getting to know her more.”
I roll my eyes. “She left, but you already knew that.”
“Guilty.” She replies, her tone as devious as ever. “She’s no good for you anyway.”
“And what the hell do you know about what’s good for me?”
She places her hand on my arm, squeezing lightly. “I know we’ve always made a good team.”
“Is that what you think?” I ask through a dry laugh. “News flash, B, all you ever were to me was a wet hole to fuck when I was bored.”
Bianca removes her hand from my arm, but keeps her composure. “Very funny, Holden. That’s all anyone ever means to you.”
“Not Kayleigh.” I spit angrily.
“Please. You can’t actually have feelings for her. She’s so… insignificant.”
Slamming my beer down on the bar, I stand and face my ex - towering over her. “The only thing insignificant in my life, is you.”
As I go to walk away, she grasps my hand to stop me. “Holden, come on. We’ve always meant something to each other. We spent three years together.”
“Together?” I scoff. “Did you ever notice that no matter how many times you said those three little words, that I never once said them back?” I can see my words breaking her, but I’m too enraged to stop. “I. Never. Loved. You.”
“What are you saying? That you love her?”
“Ding, ding!” I shout sarcastically. “I am completely and irrevocably in love with her. I’d marry that woman tomorrow if she’d take me.” The broken look on Kayleigh’s face flashes into my mind. “But you may have ruined that, just like you’ve ruined everything else in your life.”
Yanking my hand from hers, I take one last sip of my beer before patting Brandon on the shoulder. “I’ll see you at home. I have to go beg for forgiveness, and hope she can still look at me the same.”
He wishes me luck, and I walk away from my best friend and what’s left of my ex. No part of me cares about how broken she may be, though. The only thing I can focus on is what I’m going to say to Kayleigh.
THE CAB PULLS UP to my house, and I toss some cash into the front seat before getting out and running inside. My mom smiles when she sees me, but it fades as soon as she realizes something’s wrong.
“Holden? Is everything okay?”
“No, but I can’t talk right now. Where’s Kayleigh? Is she upstairs?”
She looks at me confused. “What? I thought she was with you.”
My stomach sinks. I run up the stairs and realize she’s not in my room. I come back down and return to my mother. “She left the party an hour ago. She didn’t come back here?”
Before she can answer, I take out my phone and dial Kayleigh’s number – but it immediately goes to voicemail. Running my fingers through my hair frustratedly, I try to think of where she could have gone.
“Honey, what happened?” My mom asks.
I can feel myself beginning to break as I realize the severity of the situation. “Bianca said some things to Kayleigh, and she left the party. She told me she was coming back here.”
My mom shakes her head and sighs. “I never liked that Bianca. She’s nothing but trouble.”
“Yeah, tell me about it.” I remark, scrolling through my phone to the one other person I can think to call. As soon as he answers, I speak. “Dawson, it’s Holden. Has Kayleigh called you?” He sighs into the other end of the phone, and before he says anything, I know she did. “Listen, I know I fucked up, but I need to know where she is. I need to make this right.”
“I don’t think you’ll be able to do that tonight.” He murmurs.
“Well, I may be able to try if you just tell me where she’s at. She was supposed to come back to my house, but she’s not here.”
“I know. She’s on a plane.”
“A plane?!” I balk. “She… she went to the airport?”
“Yeah.” He replies sadly. “She lands in Maine in a couple of hours.”
My breath hitches and I instantly feel like I’m going to be sick. “Okay… Thanks for telling me.”
“Just give her some time. Hopefully she’ll come around.”
I don’t say anything else, instead letting my phone fall to the ground as my world comes crashing down around me. She left me. She didn’t want to be around me so much, that she left all her stuff here and flew back to Maine by herself. How am I ever going to be able to look at myself again? I lost the one person I would have given everything for.
“Holden?” My mom gets my attention. “What are you going to do?”
I lean against the wall and slide down it until I’m sitting on the floor. “What can I do? I’ve ruined this. She’s never going to trust me again.”
She sits on the bottom step next to me, and places her hand on my knee. “You don’t know that. I’ve known you a long time, and I’ve never seen you give up on something you really want.”
“I’ve never wanted anything as bad as I want her. It’s more than that. I need her, mom. She’s everything.”
“Then go do whatever you have to. Climb the highest mountain in Maine if that’s what it takes. If she’s that special to you, you’ll figure out a way.”
Without a second thought, I nod – getting up and giving my mom a quick hug before running back out the front door. I see the cab still sitting in front of my house and jump into the back seat, startling the driver.
“Sir, I’m done for the night.” He tells me.
I meet his eyes in the reflection of the mirror. “I’ll pay you three times your rate if you take me to the airport right now.”
“Very well, sir.” He answers, placing his phone down and putting the car in drive.
There are a billion things I’m willing to do, but losing Kayleigh is not one of them.
Chapter 24
My plane lands shortly after 10 PM. No matter how hard I try to turn off my brain, the idea of Holden with Bianca is burned into my mind. I’d give anything to be able to close my eyes and see something else, but I can’t. It’s absolute hell.
Turning my phone on, it instantly starts buzzing with notifications. By the time it stops, I’m left with thirteen text messages and four voicemails - all from Holden. I ignore them and open my message with Dawson, letting him know I’ve landed. Thankfully, him and Skylar got back earlier today and agreed to pick me up from the airport.
I walk down the jet way with nothing but my purse on my shoulder. It’s not that I forgot my stuff back at Holden’s – I just didn’t want to give him the opportunity to stop me. In all the time that we’ve known each other, I’ve never wanted to be as far from him as I do right now.
“Hey.” Skylar greets me sympathetically. “Are you okay?”
I walk directly into her arms, needing a hug more than anything. She doesn’t miss a beat and embraces me instantly.
“You know, when you said you were getting on a plane, I didn’t think you meant in a ball gown.” Dawson remarks.
Chuckling softly, I wipe a tear from my eye and look down at my attire. “Yeah, I need to get into sweats, pronto.”
He smiles and throws his arm around my shoulders, leading me out of the airport. Skylar’s just as close, with our arms linked together. I may be an emotional train wreck at the moment, but I feel safer than ever. I’m exactly where I need to be.
THE SOUND OF SOMEONE pounding on the door pulls me from my short-lived slumber. It’s bad enough that it’s seven in the morning, but being as I didn’t fall asleep until three – it’s completely unwelcome. Just as I sit up on the couch, Dawson tiredly exits the bedroom and walks toward the door. The moment he opens it, he looks back at me with his eyes wide and blocks the view.
“What are you doing here? It’s 7 AM.”
“I need to see Kayleigh.” Holden says in a panic. “She isn’t at her dorm. Is she here?”
Dawson sighs and looks down at the ground. “I don’t think it’s a good idea right now, man.�
��
“Please.”
Still blocking the doorway, he turns around and looks at me. I shake my head, knowing I can’t handle seeing him right now. I’m not even able to close my eyes without seeing him with Bianca. I can’t even imagine what it would do to me if he was right in front of my face.
Dawson nods once and turns back to Holden. “Maybe try coming back later. She doesn’t want to see you right now.”
I don’t hear his response, but judging by the way Dawson closes the door and locks it, Holden doesn’t argue. Before going back into his bedroom, Dawson asks if I’m alright. I nod sadly, and watch him saunter back to bed. As soon as he’s gone, I can faintly hear the sound of someone sniffling. Quietly, I tip toe over to the door and place my ear up against it –Holden’s sobs come from the other side.
Turning so my back is pressed against the door, I slide down until I’m sitting on the floor. My head lies against the cold wood and when I blink, a tear slides down my cheek. Separated by only a few inches of lumber, the two of us cry together until the exhaustion pulls me back into the darkness.
“SHOULD WE WAKE HER?” Skylar whispers.
Dawson walks toward me quietly. “I don’t know, but I can’t get out without moving her.” Peeling my eyes open, I find myself lying on the floor, blocking the exit. “Good morning, sleepyhead.”
I groan as a pain shoots down my neck. “Oh, ow.”
“Yeah.” Sky grimaces. “I can’t imagine a hardwood floor being comfortable.”
“Not so much.”
Standing up, I stumble over to the couch – holding my neck and trying to work out the newly formed kink. Skylar sits next to me while Dawson goes over to the freezer to retrieve an ice pack. Once wrapping it in a paper towel, he hands it to me. I thank him and place it between my neck and my shoulder.
“Ugh. This is just not my weekend.”
They both smile sympathetically. Dawson throws on his jacket and walks over to kiss Skylar goodbye. “I have to run. I told Sophia I’d cover her shift today.” He tells me. “Are you going to be okay?”
I nod sadly and he leans forward to kiss the top of my head before heading toward the door. As soon as he opens it, he jumps – finding Bree on the other side.
“Christ, Bree. You scared me half to death.” He pants, holding his chest.
“Sorry Daws.” She chuckles, before her eyes land on me. “Oh, there you are. Do you mind telling me why your boyfriend woke me up at the ass crack of dawn, banging on our door?”
Dawson cringes before excusing himself and leaving the apartment. Bree places her bag down and comes over to sit on the couch. I don’t even know where to begin, but Skylar apparently does.
“Did you punch him in the face? Please tell me you punched him in the face.”
I can’t help but laugh while Bree looks utterly confused. “No? Why would I do that? Wait, I thought you were with him this weekend.”
“I was.” I answer sadly. “I left early when I found out he lied to me about fucking some chick all summer.”
Bree’s jaw drops and she looks back and forth between Skylar and me. “Hold on. Rewind, start from the beginning, and tell me everything.”
The next couple of hours are spent going over all the events that happened over the last couple of days, and where I’m supposed to go from here. I’m so lucky to have them. They’re the perfect balance. Skylar is the devil on one shoulder, telling me I should kick him in the balls. Meanwhile, Bree’s the angel on the other – trying to reason why he did what he did.
Every couple of minutes, my phone vibrates on the coffee table. After the fifth time, we all stop looking to see who it is. By the sixteenth call in under an hour, I pick up my phone and watch as it vibrates in my hand.
“Are you going to answer?” Bree questions.
I shake my head and wait for it to stop ringing. Once it does, I go into Holden’s contact and hit the one button I never thought I would.
Block Number
Skylar frowns and reaches over to rub my arm. “Does that mean you’ve decided what you’re going to do?”
“No.” I sigh. “I just can’t think with him constantly calling and texting. I need space.”
Block Number Confirmed
LATER THAT NIGHT, I’M going over music choices with Dawson, Sky, and Bree when there is a knock at the door. The four of us go completely silent, knowing exactly who’s on the other side. Bree looks to Skylar and she nods – the two of them standing and walking over to the entrance. They share a look before Sky opens it. They both try to use their bodies to try to block his view, but they’re not nearly as tall as him.
“Can I please speak to Kayleigh?”
“No.” They answer in unison.
He groans frustratedly. “Please. I’ve been trying to call her all day, but now it just goes to voicemail and my texts aren’t going through.”
“If she wanted to talk, she’d call you.” Skylar sasses.
Holden tries to see past them, and I catch a glimpse of him – looking more broken than I’ve ever seen. He clearly hasn’t slept, and you can tell he’s been crying. The sight breaks me, and I lean into Dawson as a tear streams down my face.
“Kayleigh, please. Let me explain.”
Bree places one hand on Sky’s back and another on the doorknob, pushing them out and closing the door until it’s only opened a crack.
“Listen, Holden.” She begins. “She needs time. You hurt her, pretty damn bad. You need to give her space while she figures this out.”
“But she can’t figure it out without talking to me. I can’t lose her again, not over this.”
“Well you should have thought about that before you lied.” Bree spits. “Look, you know I love you, but you messed up. The only thing you can do right now is back off and let her decide what she wants to do on her own.”
I cry into Dawson’s chest as he rubs his hand up and down my back. The more I hear how broken Holden is, the more I want to run into his arms. Yet, at the same time, I still can’t stop picturing him sleeping with that bitch while I was locked away in a rehab. So instead of giving in, I stay exactly where I am and let my emotions pour from my body in painful sobs.
A WEEK GOES BY, and I have yet to face my boyfriend – if he still even holds that title. I had spent the first three days at Dawson and Skylar’s, until Bree said he stopped checking the dorm. I also haven’t unblocked his phone number, afraid of how many times he’s still trying to reach me.
I’m just stepping out of the building, in route to my class, when a voice stops me dead in my tracks.
“Kayleigh.” He murmurs, his voice as silky smooth as always. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, knowing there is no one around to get me out of this. “Please look at me.”
Whispering to myself that I can do this, I turn around and come face to face with the man I’ve been avoiding. “What do you want, Holden?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” He asks. “You. I’ve only ever wanted you.”
I laugh dryly. “You mean, in between the times you wanted Bianca.”
“I never wanted Bianca. She was merely a distraction, a horrible one at that.”
“Please.” I roll my eyes. “I saw the way she looked at you. There’s some serious history there.”
He looks down at the ground before nodding sadly. “Her and I dated on and off during high school.” His words burn and I look up at the sky to hold back the tears. “But that’s been over for a while now. I need you to believe me. I have no feelings for her.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” I snap. “I can’t even look at you without picturing the two of you together. I was lying in a rehabilitation center, thinking about you constantly and regretting what I said. Meanwhile, you were at home, hooking up with your ex-girlfriend.”
Holden reaches for my hand but I pull it away quickly. “I thought we were done. I didn’t think you would forgive me or that we would get back together. I’ve never felt as much pain as I did over
the summer, until now anyway. I was just trying to get through it.”
“But then you lied about it!” I argue. “You looked me in the eyes and told me there was no one else since me.”
“I was afraid you’d leave me again if you knew.”
A tear falls down my face and I hate the way we are right now. Still, the sting of the cut is still fresh. “I have to go. I have class.” I mumble.
He looks at me brokenly, as if begging for me to stay. “Tell me we’re going to be alright. Please. We need to be okay. We need to end up together.”
I take a step back and sigh. “I’m not so sure this time.” With a sad smile, I turn around and continue the walk to my class – leaving Holden behind, completely shattered.
Chapter 25
Isit on the couch, looking at two of my best friends as if they’ve gone insane. Thankfully, Skylar mirrors my expression. Bree and Dawson, however, don’t let up.
“Come on. You can’t hide from him forever.” Bree argues.
Skylar laughs while I nod. “Uh, yes. Yes, I can.”
“So, you’re just going to avoid all Kappa parties, or any party Holden might be at, for the rest of the year?” Dawson asks.
Bree gives me a look. “And it’s not even like that works. He stopped trying to find you, but you two still have a class together.”
Shit. I keep forgetting about Chemistry. I’ve been avoiding going to class in order to not deal with Holden. It’s not even like I can ignore him – we’re lab partners. Just as I’m stressing over what to do about my boyfriend vs education debacle, Dawson and Bree change Skylar’s mind.
“Maybe they’re right, Kay.” She murmurs. “You can’t sacrifice your entire college experience because he’s a royal douchebag.”
My eyes narrow. “Traitor.”
I sigh and lean forward to rub my head. They all look at me expectantly, waiting for my answer. After debating it internally for a moment, I finally groan and sit up.
“Fine, but I’m only going because you want me to.”
Endless December (Sleepless November Saga Book 2) Page 15