They then asked her if she understood what was expected of her according to the church’s Ordnung. Vera and John had spent many hours detailing the church rules for her. She didn’t remember them all. She stumbled when she listed them and thought her hopes of being baptized were lost, but Bishop Beachy simple smiled. “Some members are better than others at knowing the rules and following them. The congregation is reminded of the Ordnung twice a year.”
“Can you live by these rules?” one of the ministers asked.
“I have lived with them and I have lived without them. I freely choose to live by them for the rest of my life.”
When asked if she could shun a wayward member by the deacon, Willa hesitated.
“I understand the need to shun a person who willfully disobeys the church laws. It is done out of love, to make them see they have sinned and to bring about a change of heart. I would have to be sure they had been given every chance to repent and return before I voted to place them under the Meidung. Having seen how deeply it can divide a family, I would, but I would never be eager to do so.”
After two hours, the men retired to John’s bedroom for a discussion. Willa’s hands were shaking when she went to the kitchen sink for a drink of water.
“How is it going?” John asked from the back door. Willa read the encouragement in his eyes. He had the girls with him. They looked tired.
“I have no way of knowing. Are you girls ready for a nap?”
Megan nodded. Lucy shook her head but rubbed her eyes with both hands.
John leaned against the doorjamb. “They may not be tired, but I am. I can’t swing a shovel around one more time without my arms falling off.”
“You are good to keep them occupied.”
“You must know I will do whatever I can to aid you.”
The tenderness in his voice brought tears to her eyes. “You are the best friend I’ve ever had.”
“The look in your eyes says you see more than a friend just now. Why can’t you admit it, Willa?”
“I have to put the girls down for a nap.” Willa headed them toward their bedroom, determined not to look at John again. She did see more than a friend. She saw in him the man she was growing to love. As hard as she had guarded her heart against him, he had found a way in. As she opened the door to the girls’ bedroom, the door to John’s room opened, too, and the men came out.
Bishop Beachy leaned down to speak to the girls. “Who have we here?”
“I’m Lucy. Megan’s my shveshtah.” Lucy rubbed her eyes again.
“I see you have learned one Deitsh word since you have been with us.”
Megan gave him a sour look. “Der katz, a milchkuh and her kalbs stay in barn. What’s bunny called?”
Bishop Beachy laughed heartily. “The bunny es der haas.”
Megan smiled at him. “Ja ver goot.”
He chuckled as he looked at Willa. “It seems that I have been tested and have passed, as have you. Because of your heartfelt desire, you will be baptized on Sunday the nineteenth before the service.”
When the men left, Vera wrapped Willa in a big hug. “I’m so happy for you.”
“I can’t believe it.”
Vera stepped back and rubbed her hands together. “We have very little time. We must take you around and introduce you to as many families as we can before Sunday so everyone feels comfortable with you joining us. Those who meet you will love you as much as John and I do. Isn’t that right, John?”
“It is hard not to love her.” He opened the back door and went out.
Chapter Thirteen
“I’m going to need a job.” Willa kneaded the bread dough while Vera looked on with a cup of coffee in her hand. Willa found the rhythmic movements were soothing. Over the past two days, she and Vera had been in and out of the buggy too many times for Willa to recall. She had met over two dozen of the local families. Once they finished the bread, they would be on their way to Isaac Bowman’s home for a meeting with his family, as they were hosting the service where Willa would be baptized.
“You have a job. You take care of me, your kinder and John.”
“I don’t take care of you or John. You can both take care of yourselves. Besides, I need a paying job. I will need to get a place of my own someday. Any suggestions?”
“Add a little more flour to the dough if it feels sticky.”
Willa sprinkled a handful on the table. “I don’t mean the dough, I mean about finding work.”
“I think the bread dough has been kneaded enough. Go ahead and divide it into the pans.”
“I’m serious about finding work, Vera.” She would need money if she had to get away quickly. For now, she had to pray God would be merciful and keep her hidden, but she wanted to be prepared if someday she had to leave.
“You know you are welcome to stay with us. You can’t leave until after the babe is born.”
“I know.” She didn’t want to leave. Every day she discovered some new thing about John that made her care for him more. Harder still was knowing he cared for her, but she didn’t dare return his affections. Perhaps living apart would lessen her affection for him.
“If John is the reason you don’t want to stay, you can tell me now.”
Willa shrugged. “Maybe he is part of it.”
“He’s a stubborn man. Sometimes he can’t see what is right under his nose, but he will make a good husband. If you gave him a little more encouragement, it might make a difference.”
Willa shaped the dough in the pans and turned to face Vera as she wiped her hands on her apron. “You mistake my meaning. I’m fond of John the same way I’m fond of you, but I don’t want to encourage him. I’m not looking for another husband.”
“You should be. You’re young. You have children to care for. You don’t have to remain alone. Would your husband want that for you? I think not.”
Glen would have wanted her to be happy, but that was beside the point. She wasn’t able to be a wife. “I’m content to raise my children and live a good life. I don’t need a husband for that.”
“Harrumph,” Vera said in disgust as she pulled open the oven door so Willa could slide the bread pans in. “John isn’t the only stubborn one in this house.”
“Who says I’m stubborn?” he asked from the doorway. Neither of the women had heard him come in.
“I do,” his mother said, shooting a sharp glance at Willa. “And so is this one.”
“I thought that the first time I met her. I’d like to show you something, Willa. Can you come out to the workshop?”
She couldn’t think of a good excuse not to go with him. “Sure.”
He looked over his shoulder. “Where are the girls?”
“Playing with their dolls in their room. Shall I get them?” Willa was already moving in that direction. With the twins around, she could avoid the pitfalls of being alone with John.
“Nee. I don’t want them following us. I need your opinion on something.”
Willa had no idea what he was talking about, but she put on her coat and followed him out to the smithy. He checked behind them, then he picked up a bundled object from the corner and carried it to the forge. He pulled off the burlap wrapping. “What do you think?”
It was a toddler sled. Only, this one was big enough for two. The curved rails around the back that kept a small child from rolling off backward were metal and painted bright red.
“John, it’s lovely. Did you make this?”
“The base is pine. It should hold up through a few years of use. They will outgrow it quick enough, but your next child can use it, too.”
“The girls will love it.”
“Do you think it’s too fancy for a Christmas present?”
“With the red paint? A little, but they are so young the
y won’t know any different. You are always doing something kind for them.”
He stepped close. “It’s because I like their mother. I’m trying to win her affection by currying favor with her children.”
She looked away. “I wish you would stop. It won’t do you any good.”
“I was afraid you would say that. Perhaps this will change your mind.” He placed a hand beneath her chin and lifted her face to his. Slowly, he bent low and kissed her.
Willa had time to move away, but her feet wouldn’t listen to her brain. The tenderness of his lips against hers made her respond in kind. Her mind stopped shouting that it was a mistake and her heart took over. She cupped his face with her hands and lost herself in the sensations his touch brought to life. It was a wonderful, tender kiss unlike any she had known before.
He groaned and pulled her close. It wasn’t until her belly bumped against him that her foggy mind started working again. She pushed against his shoulders and turned her face away. “You must not do this.”
“Not do what? Not show you that I’m falling in love with you? I’ve been trying to hide how I feel, but it’s a losing battle.”
“I have to go in.”
He gripped her arms. “Why must you run away? I know you mourn your husband, but I am the man you were kissing seconds ago. You can’t tell me otherwise.”
“Please, John. I can’t do this. Do I care for you? Yes, I do, but there can never be anything between us.”
“Why? What is holding us apart? Your children? The babe you carry? Is that what worries you? Willa, I can love them because I love you.”
She shook her head and gazed into his eyes. “I don’t need to explain myself to you. I’m sorry to hurt you. I never intended to do that, but you have to forget this happened.”
He dropped his hands to his sides, freeing her. She stumbled toward the door, brushing away the tears that sprang to her eyes. Behind her he said, “I’ll forget this kiss the day after you do, Willa Lapp.”
Willa went in the house and straight to her room. She didn’t want Vera’s eagle eyes to see the traces of tears on her face. When she had washed her face and regained her composure, Willa came out of her room and saw Vera taking the last loaf out of the oven. Lucy and Megan sat at the table enjoying warm slices of bread with butter and sugar sprinkled on it.
Vera glanced at Willa. “Oh, goot, you are ready. John is bringing round the buggy.”
Willa’s heart sank. “John’s not coming with us, is he?”
Vera’s eyes narrowed. “He is. Does it matter?”
“Not at all,” she said with a forced smile.
When the girls were finished with their snacks, Willa helped them into their coats and sent them out to sit up front with John. She took her spot in the back seat and avoided looking at him for the short drive to the Bowmans’ home. She pressed a hand to her mouth as she remembered the feel of his lips against hers. Why had he kissed her? Why had she kissed him back? It had been foolish.
The Bowman house was set back near the river. A small shop boasting Amish gifts and crafts above the door was located just off the highway. Past the gift shop, a large metal building contained the woodworking and furniture-making business the Bowmans were renowned for.
Of the Bowman family, Mary and Joshua were still gone, but Isaac and Anna welcomed Willa, as did the rest of their sons and their wives.
Isaac slipped his thumbs through his suspenders. “So you have decided to stay in our district. What made you change your mind? I thought you were on your way to Hope Springs.”
Willa looked down. “I learned my family no longer lived in the area. It had been many years since I was in touch with them. Since I was really looking for somewhere to settle with my daughters, I felt Bowmans Crossing was as good as any and better than most.”
“It is indeed.” Isaac turned to John, who was standing by the buggy. “I have some work for you if you are interested. Can you look at the shaft on my lathe and tell me what it will take to fix it? It’s out of balance.”
Anna and Vera went inside. Rebecca gave Willa a hug. “Have you met our nurse-midwife yet?”
“I did. I see her again next week.”
“Isn’t she a fun lady?”
“We haven’t gotten to know each other well enough for me to say. She was nice and seems to know her job.” Willa was still hopeful that Janice would be able to secure a place for Willa to stay after the baby was born. Knowing she might have to stay with Vera and John weighed heavily on Willa’s mind, but at least she knew Lucy and Megan would be well cared for.
“I forget you haven’t known Janice as long as I have. If you haven’t already arranged for a mother’s helper, I can give you the names of a couple of local girls. They were both wonderful during the month after Henry was born. I didn’t have to lift a finger if I didn’t want to.”
Willa followed Rebecca inside the house. “More than a mother’s helper, I need a job.”
“Are you serious? Isn’t your baby due in a few weeks?”
“Yes, but I can work until then, take some time off and return after the baby arrives. I have no money of my own, and I have lived off the charity of the Millers far too long already.”
“I might be able to help.”
“Really?”
“We are short-handed at my mother-in-law’s gift shop. The holidays are our busiest time of the year, and with Mary still in Hope Springs, we have been struggling to cover for her.”
“I’ve worked in retail before.”
“Can you run a computer?”
“Until I’m baptized. Was the computer question a test?”
“Not at all. We have permission from the bishop to use computers for our businesses only. They are powered by our generator and use Wi-Fi to connect to the internet by satellite. It sounds like I know what I’m talking about, but I can’t even turn the thing on, let alone fill orders. Isaac has an Englisch teenager that handles most of it, and she’s barely seventeen. Are they born knowing this stuff now?”
“Do you honestly think I could get a job here?”
“I’m almost sure of it. Let’s go see what Anna has to say. I think she’ll jump at the chance to hire you.” Rebecca led the way to the kitchen, where Vera and Anna were chatting with several other women.
Willa stopped Rebecca before she went in. “Will I be able to bring my daughters to work with me? They are only three years old, but they are well behaved.” She didn’t feel safe leaving them alone all day. It would take time to adjust to having them out of her sight.
“I take Benjamin and Henry with me and they are not well behaved. Your children will be welcome.”
As Rebecca predicted, Anna was thrilled to have an experienced worker offering to hire on for Christmas and even afterward. She went out to get Isaac to decide on a salary. His offer was generous by Willa’s previous work standards, but Rebecca assured her that all of them earned the same amount. Willa had a job starting tomorrow. Everyone congratulated her.
Anna clapped her hands together. “Enough chitchat. We have work to do.”
“What work?” Willa asked, looking at the smiling women around her.
“We are going to make your baptismal dress and there is no time to waste.”
Together, the women measured, cut and stitched together a new black dress, a black organdy kapp, a lovely new white cape and a long white organdy apron for the occasion. Willa was overwhelmed and grateful for their generosity.
She waited for John’s comment about her job as Vera told him on their way home later that afternoon. He looked at her for a long moment. “If this is what you wish, I’m happy for you.”
He didn’t sound happy. She avoided facing him across the supper table during what would surely be an awkward meal by pleading a headache and staying in her room. The next morning
, he was gone by the time she got up. She dressed and fed the girls. Vera made them a lunch to take and handed the brown paper bag to Willa. “Don’t spend the whole day on your feet. Put them up when you can and drink plenty of water.”
“I will. Don’t worry about me.”
“You girls mind your mamm,” Vera told them. “I don’t want to hear bad reports about you. Are you sure you don’t want to leave them with me?”
“They have never been away from me for so long. I want them to feel comfortable and see what I’m doing before I leave them with you for the day.”
“They would be fine, but you are their mudder. Get a move on, girls.”
“Okeydokey,” Megan said.
Lucy whirled on her. “I say okeydokey. Not you.”
Megan pouted but didn’t talk back. Vera shook her finger at them. “This is not the way to start your mother’s first day on the job.”
Willa wondered at the tension between the girls but didn’t have time to deal with it. She left Vera to get them into their coats and went out to hitch up her horse.
John had her mare hitched and waiting when Willa stepped outside. He tipped his hat to her and went inside the smithy without a word.
She had allowed her weak will to destroy their friendship. She should have found a way to avoid his kiss without hurting his feelings.
The store was busy, but Willa had no trouble keeping up with the flow of customers. Many of the Amish ones just wanted to visit with each other. Many of the Englisch ones bought items, but most wanted to snap pictures of the twins in their kapps, which Willa discouraged. All day long as she worked, Willa wondered what the coming evening was going to be like when she returned home. She couldn’t very well plead another headache and continue to hide in her room. Vera would march her off to the doctor if she did. Would John remain aloof? Would he avoid spending time with the girls?
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