Raising my hand, I move her hair away from the left side of her neck, and she bends her head slightly to give me the access that I seek. Her hands are no longer on her sides - she has moved them to either side of my waist. My lips get as close as possible to her ear without touching her. I’m afraid if I get to feel her soft skin on my lips, it will be my undoing.
“I thought I remembered this one.” I whisper next to her ear. “It’s a beautiful cross hidden behind your ear.” I blow on it and I feel Ciara shiver. That’s when I realize that I want to wrap her in my arms without letting go.
Why do I feel so emotional? This isn’t me – or is it? I have hidden away my feelings for so many years I don’t know what’s going on with me anymore, but it feels… it feels really good, and it scares me. The fear of the unknown acts like a bucket of cold water that has been thrown at me. What the fuck am I doing? I can’t go there with Ciara unless I’m absolutely sure that it’s what she wants and what I want. I let go of her hair and take a step back. As I put some distance between us, I lose the warmth and security that I felt just mere moments ago.
“I thought this may happen.” She states matter of fact as she straightens herself and fixes her hair. “You are wrong from wanting to run away from it. This is your Step 3 – Live your life with no regrets.
I’m dumbfounded. Ciara moves towards the side table I was sitting next to, grabs my phone and hands it to me.
“Wait for it.” It’s all she says.
As she walks away, I let myself fall into a chair holding my head with both of my hands. The things that are happening around my head and my heart are foreign to me, but when I let go, they feel so good. It’s an internal satisfaction that I’ve never experience. Not long after, I hear the familiar beep of my phone indicating I have a message. Only this time it’s a video. A video that Ciara sent me just now.
I look around, stretching my neck, trying to get a glimpse of Ciara. Nothing. She must be in the bedroom.
I stare at the video screen. My heart’s racing and I feel very nervous. What if she’s tired of my inability to make a decision about her? Maybe she’s decided I’m not worth saving, after all. Maybe she’s tired of trying to put me back together. Can I make it without her? No! I don’t want to. I need to know what’s on this video and I’m scared as hell to press “Play.”
I force my thumb to slide over the fateful triangle on the center of the screen. Ciara is smiling. She has a stack of paper in front of her. She grabs the piece on top and shows it to the camera:
Traxx
She lays the paper down and grabs the next one. This is going to be one of those message videos like the ones I’ve seen on YouTube.
You think it’s your fault
but it’s not
stop blaming yourself
I want you
to see what I see
when I look at you
I see a man who’s
honest
kind
giving
strong
loyal
bold
thoughtful
GOOD
you need to see yourself
the way I see you
I’m your mirror
Look at me
and see yourself
love yourself
the way I love you
you are worth it
Live your life
with no regrets
The video ends. I have no words. I have never seen myself the way she sees me, what she sees in me. I lift my head in time to watch her walk from the hallway entrance towards me. No words are said. No words are needed. Our eyes are each other’s slaves, captured and kept away from anything else. She’s all I see. She’s everything I’ve ever wanted. I want to feel her love. I’ve never been with anyone who loved me and cared, really cared about me. Something inside is stirring and making an appearance. I feel need, but I also feel something else I can’t quite pinpoint.
At that moment, Ciara is in front of me. Although I’m already looking at her, her hands run through either side of my hair and as she makes a fist with my hair tangled around her fingers, and pulls down hard enough I can’t look away.
Putting the phone on the seat next to me I take a moment to inhale everything about her. She’s still wearing the cute pink bra with black polka dots she had earlier. She smells like fruit and sin all mixed into one beautiful package. We look into each other’s eyes and before anything can be said, I try to store away this moment of pure perfection.
With her hands still in my hair, Ciara starts to move closer… She straddles me and sits on my lap, but not quite on top of it. My male instincts want to grab her and move her so close to me that we cannot know whose heartbeat is the one we hear. So close, that the air fails to circulate in between us, and no one would know where her skin begins and mine ends, in a seamless body full of passion, heat and desire.
I force my hands to land on her thighs, and I squeeze gently. Still looking at her eyes, I ask her, “Ciara, what are you doing?”
“I thought I was being pretty obvious.” A small side-smile appears on her glossy lips.
“This may not be a good idea.” I found myself saying in a painful show of resistance.
“Traxx…” She whispers. “I’m here for you. Not part-time, not sometimes, not when I feel like it or when you want to be distracted. I’m here for you always. Always. Whatever happens, there will be no regrets on my part, as it shouldn’t be on your part. Who knows? You may like it.”
“Ciara…” I swallow hard. “Your eyes… The way your eyes are looking at me… You are seeing the real me and you want me, still. Your eyes are like a summer’s midnight sky, a pair of jewels that make me the luckiest bastard in the fucking world.”
Smiling, she takes a deep breath. She scoots closer, hell yeah, a lot closer than before. I feel her weight fully unload on top of me. Wrapping her arms around the back of my neck we are so close that, when I breathe, my chest’s raising up and down cause her to move as well. I find that I like having her close like this on top of me. I fucking love it.
“Traxx… We can’t keep denying us from each other.” She lands a gentle kiss on my left cheek. “We deserve to know what this could be like.” Another one on the right cheek. “I’m not going to say that it will be easy, but I know for sure that it will be worth it.” Her succulent lips are now barely a breath away from mine. Anguish makes its presence known inside my head, as I struggle to decide what the right thing to do is. She carefully looks at me, and I tighten up the grip I have on her thighs. They are my anchor and if I let go of them there will be no other options, I will not only take this woman - I will brand her. I will possess her. I will ruin her the same way she’s ruining me for anyone else. Her lips move and I try to make my brain clear the lust fog and listen coherently.
“Marcy doesn’t define you, Traxx. You define you. Be yourself. Stop the self-bashing and self-hate. If you don’t want to be the Traxx of your past, you don’t have to be. Leave that Traxx behind you. Take all the goodness you have to offer and move forward. Make a new trail and lead the way so that when you look back, you can feel proud of who you’ve become.
“I’m not asking for a lifetime, Traxx. Only one night. Tonight. Let’s make it memorable. Not like those one night stands from your past, but a special night where we give us to each other one hundred percent. I want you to experience something beautiful. I want to give that to you.”
She kisses me gently on the side of my mouth.
Fuck!
I tried! Hell, I tried so hard but I’m only fucking human. This girl… She makes me feel things deep inside my chest. Things I’ve never felt before but they are so good, I don’t want to ever stop.
My hands finally let go of their self-imposed prison. One goes directly to her waist and the other to the back of her neck. Now they have the control they’ve been wanting. My palms fill with her skin, my thoughts of restraint and proper behavior float away, leaving me in compl
etely and utterly raw form. As I pull her slowly, closer to me until our mouths are perfectly aligned, I finally let go, crushing her lips with mine, fast and furious. This kiss is powerful, strong, sensual and freeing. That’s the moment when I allow myself to feel unbound and happy, to let this thing between us consume me all the way to my bones.
Ciara
His brown eyes have gotten darker, filled with desire and lust. I’m so close, so close to him that in every breath I take, I inhale his masculine scent, and I want it, I want him to mark me, brand me, fuse me to him. Do with me as he pleases. I want to lose control and find myself in a world where there’s only him and me. I speak from the heart. We will never find out what this thing is, unless we explore it, and I’m sitting here ready to let go of everything I feel. I’m ready to let him have me. Yes, I’m willingly giving myself to him because I don’t think I could walk away even if I wanted to. And just for the sake of clarification, I want to be right where I am. There is no better place than on top of this beautiful man who I have grown to care so much for.
Finally after what seemed like forever, his lips crashed with mine. Tender and wanton, soft and firm, expert and curious all at the same time. An explosion of longing, a union of cravings that finally starts to diffuse the edge we were threading before now.
My hands tangled in his hair, his fists pulling mine to get me closer still. We fill each other with touch, leaving words out of this equation of parallel desire and passion. When the temporary assault on my lips slows, he moves to my jawline, following the defined edge of bone and skin and leaving an angry trail caused by his unshaven face. I’m enjoying every second of this. When his purposeful lips find a particular spot on my neck, the kissing starts all anew. I feel his tongue marking me right below my ear, where I his hot breath collides with my wet skin causing me to shiver. His deep voice interrupts his actions and all I can think is that I need more of him.
“Shhh, baby, it’s okay, I will keep you warm… I need to taste you.”
Gently, he bites and runs the edge of his teeth down my neck, ending by kissing me first on my shoulder, then lower and lower still, until he reaches the upper curve of my breast.
“Are you sure this is what you want? I can’t promise tomorrow, Ciara, all I have is right now. Is that going to be enough? If not just tell me to stop, baby, and as much as it would fucking kill me, I would do it for you.”
The sincerity in his eyes gives me pause for a millisecond. I know what I want, who I want. Even if it’s only for tonight, I had come to terms with that possibility. I’m unable to answer in any other way but looking at him trying to emulate everything I’ve felt for him all these years, words escape me so I do the next best thing and capture his lips with mine once again. I can’t get enough of him. I’m living in the moment, without fear or regret. A whimper surfaces between the two of us.
“Fuck, Ciara, it’s not fair for you to make those sexy sounds. When I hear you do that, it makes me want to do bad things to you, bad things that you’d enjoy so much you’ll beg me to do them again.”
“Traxx, I need you.” While I kiss him, my hand moves between our bodies and glides against his pants until it finds the one thing between us standing up. I grab it confidently and stroke it from bottom to top, enjoying its length and thickness against my hand.
Hissing, his hands move to cup my breasts and pinch my nipples while licking and gently biting them. “Are you trying to get ahead, baby? You are not playing fair, girl. You are forcing me to be naughty in order to even out the game.”
His hands take the cups of my bra and simultaneously pull down on them, exposing my bare breasts to him.
“Fuck! Look at these perky tits.” He sucks on one of my nipples. “They are so hard for me.” He moves on to the other one. “I think they are trying to compete with my dick to see who gets harder.” I feel the heat move up to my cheeks. “There it is! I love it when you blush.”
“Traxx,” I grab his face and make him look at me. “I need you.”
“Baby, tell me what you need? I want to give you anything, anything at all, but I can’t read your mind, so you need to talk and tell me.”
I growl on desperation, because he wants to make me talk dirty and I’m not good at it. So I decide that I need to show him. Covering his hand with mine, I move it south. We encounter a bit of resistance on the waist due to my yoga pants, but driving on, I get him to the area that’s drenched with want.
“Shit baby, you are so ready. I have bad news and good news. Which one do you want first?” I take my hand out of my pants and leave his there, letting him to gently touch around my needy parts but not putting pressure on anything specific, causing me to move around some, to see if I can persuade him to get to the goods faster.
“Tell me the good one.” I whisper-talk to his ear.
“The good news is that I know exactly what to do in this situation.”
I smile. That’s fucking great news. Like I had any doubts. “And the bad one?”
“I can’t let our first time take place on this tiny couch. There are plenty of things I’m about to do to you, and I need space and comfort.” He gets a hold of my ass and swiftly lifts me with him, which causes me to giggle. “Hold on Nibblet, we are moving this to your bed.”
Tightening my legs which are now wrapped around his waist and once again I cross my arms behind his neck. We are now forehead to forehead and nose to nose. “You are so hot, Ciara, I need you. I want you so badly. It feels different. Being with you is special in ways I cannot yet say.”
“I know. I feel it too.” I try to convey the sincerity of this truth. He smells so good, clean and masculine. I place my face on the crook of his neck and inhale deeply. When we get to the bedroom, he’s gentle as he releases me on the edge of the bed, and kneels in front of me.
After another hot kiss, Traxx places his thumb on my lips and traces the lines around them. I can see the concern on his face, when he softly looks into my eyes and asks, “Are you sure?”
I nod with certainty, and start to remove my yoga pants when he interrupts me. “Oh, hell no, I’m doing it. You have no idea how many times I imagined this moment happening and I’m going to enjoy every fucking second of it. You are mine, Ciara, to do as I please, and I promise, you will love it.” He gives me his panty dropping smile and I smile back at him. He grabs my hair and guides my mouth to his again, his tongue moving in and out, touching mine. With it and his expert lips, he tastes everything, my tongue, my lips, the roof of my mouth, the inside of my lips where they meet the gums. I didn’t expect that to feel sexy, but it does.
“Scoot up, baby, I’m getting ready to see your entire sweet body, and planning to taste every fucking inch of it.”
I do as requested. His dirty talk has me soaked between my legs. The anticipation is killing me and it’s the best, sweetest torture I’ve ever been under. As I move up in the bed, he’s removing the rest of his clothes, leaving on a pair of red boxer briefs with black band and trim. I can see a small wet spot at the tip of his large dick and I want to taste it so I reach out for it.
“Nope, not yet… Lean back down. Good, just like that. If you touch me right now I may lose my shit, we gotta do this in a proper way, baby.”
Leaning on top of me, he supports his weight with his hands so that his body is not touching mine, and it feels so cold. I need his touch to set me on fire. Wanting something, any kind of connection, I reach for his uppers arms and hold on to him.
“I’m going to taste you now. Be a good girl and tell me when it feels good and when you want more, mmmkay?” He lowers his body and I feel like I’m way overdressed, but let him do his thing.
He starts to kiss my chest and then entertains my breasts taking care of my hard nipples by sucking hard and after releasing them, his teeth gently go around each one with the perfect amount of pressure earning him a runaway whimper. He’s such a biter – I would have never pictured that! Feeling like I’m falling behind, my hands rub all over his back, hi
s shoulders, his hair…
“Traxx, I need more…”
“Mmm… I know… My little minx is getting desperate, huh?” I shake my head up and down. He leans down and reached for my bra’s hooks and swiftly disposes of it.
“Now we are getting there, I love your tits. They are the perfect handful. I’m gonna love to see them jiggle and can’t wait to hold on to them when I take your pussy from behind.”
I feel the heat rushing to my face.
“There it is. I’m going to live the rest of my life just looking forward to every moment I get to put that on your beautiful face.” I smile and look away because I’m embarrassed with the dirty talk.
I feel a hand cupping me between my legs. “There is no looking away in this game, sweetheart.” That gets my attention. He moves his fingers to the seam of my pants and slides them painfully slow to each one of my sides, then he starts to pull my yoga pants down. When my pink thong with black lace ribbon is revealed, I see his dick twitching.
“Well, hello there, Mr. Twitch.”
He smiles and continues. “I’m not sure if I want to take it off or just move it around out of the way.” He pulls my thong string up and to the side. “Let’s play it by ear, shall we begin?”
I nod frantically. Finally.
“If I remember correctly, I think someone was saying something about needing more? Is that still the case?”
Another nod.
He holds the string to the side with one hand and then with the other, uses one of his skilled fingers to enter me as deep as possible, the anticipation makes me jump a little, until his finger is all the way in and I can feel him circling around, looking for my sweet spot.
“Hell, yeah, baby you are so ready for me, I love it.”
He pulls out his finger, way too soon, but when he brings it to his mouth and sucks hard on it, I feel a new wave of heat flood between my legs.
Dismantled (Girls on Top #2) Page 13