He began to speak to tell me how much he loved me, how much I meant to him, how much he had missed me, but, while I was gone he had been with someone else. I knew it! He had been having an affair, probably with one of those girls from the gym that he just wasn’t ever able to stay away from, for any reason. I hated that gym with a passion. Now it all made sense to me, finally. But no, I wasn’t hearing him correctly, he was telling me he had left me the day before because he had made his mind up that he was going to commit suicide, so that he would never have to explain to me who he really was and had been all those years we had been together. My ears were hearing different words, but as he spoke of his time spent in Galveston while I was away, that it hadn’t been with a woman, but on the contrary he had spent the entire two weeks with a man, a man that we were both acquainted with, a gay man at that. I know my eyes froze in a blank stare, I remember as though I was in a dream and couldn’t move, couldn’t speak just frozen in time. As he continued to talk, he told me he had been sexually involved with this man, but that penetration had not happened but oral sex and fondling had. How could this be? He had been a deacon in the church, a leader in the community, a godly man most would say. I was hearing these words coming from his mouth but my heart and mind would not allow me to believe a word of it. He began to cry, weeping out of control. I never moved to console him; I just sat there on the bench waiting for his next words. When he would stop crying, he would tell me how much he loved me over and over again, and that the lifestyle he had the past two weeks were not what he wanted, he wanted me and only me. He was sorry for what had happened but begged me please not to leave him for this was a onetime indiscretion and he would never allow it to happen again, ever.
Shocked as any woman and wife would be, all I wanted to do was to run, get out of there as fast as I could. To be alone to think and consume the conversation, digest it, if possible. He finished talking, wanting to hold me. My first thought was to not allow him to touch me, but I gave in, at first, I shared with him that I had many questions and I would demand answers, and the truth before I could make my decision what I should do regarding us, for the time being. But immediately I blurted out “Absolutely no more sex between the two of us for an undeterminable amount of time, or if ever again”.
The expression on his face didn’t change for I imagined he had expected a comment of that nature from me regardless of how our marriage would end up, together or apart. This would take time to heal if it could.
Chapter 14
William and I had decided to give our marriage a chance, well I had decided to! He would have to prove to me that he wanted no part of a gay relationship and that no other person, man or woman would ever come between us. He had deceived me all those years. Had he always been gay, had thoughts of being with a man. Why had he married me? Was it to hide his true feelings, to prevent events of which society would have treated him during those years? I had just been a front for him to make him look like everyone thought he should look like? GOD only knew. I had made up my mind to try to make our marriage work for the thought of having to start over at my age wasn’t something I wanted to consider. I had no career, no college, never been with another man. I had been a stay at home wife and mother most of our years together and was completely terrified of the thought that if this marriage didn’t stay together that I would be alone, lost, having nothing to rely on for income, how would I survive this world alone?
In our agreement to give it one last shot, William had asked me to never leave him alone again, never allow him to go anywhere without me. That could be easy enough but if his desires were stronger than what he let on, then my work would be cut out for me.
I allowed him to continue to sleep in the same bed but we never touched, never kissed, and absolutely never had any sexual connections at all.
Finally, a few weeks later, he approached me with an option that blew me away; he wanted to have an open marriage. He wanted to be able to come and go without questions, to stay out all night or nights which ever occurred. He wanted me to play along with him be the woman he would at times want to include in a three way, with him and one of his gay lovers. I know my facial expression must have said it all, for I just sat there blown away, again at a statement of this nature coming from his mouth. What was happening to our marriage? Should I just get out while I could with only the damage done to me at this point? I didn’t know what to do, what to say, how to respond to his suggestions. Frozen in time is how I felt. This was the worst nightmare I had ever had and I wanted to wake up from this unknown element and fast.
I had a difficult time understanding his words; even though I heard them clearly I did not understand where this was all coming from. We had both been seeing therapists, separately of course and I felt like we were making progress. Boy was I wrong, for he had changed his mind and though he wasn’t sure he wanted to leave me he did know he wanted to be “free” so to speak to live his life as he chose, but he wanted me to be a part of it still as well. I fought, battled within on how to deal with this, but fear of loneliness and insecurity won out. I agreed to play along with his wishes, under one condition that I as well could date, see other men with no questioning from him, no repercussions what so ever. For if he was going to be out fucking men, then so could I!
And with that a new era began in our so called marriage, a marriage that wasn’t going to last long I was sure of, because of my upbringing and religious beliefs, and the fear that GOD was about to strike me dead at any moment for involving myself in acts that I knew were not what a wife, should be partaking of with her husband, if I could even call him a husband anymore.
So we starting going out, taking his “friends” along with us. We frequented the gay bars, started drinking a lot, for me it was the only way I was able to survive this abominable situation I had to live through. Alcohol was my savior during this time, it allowed me to party, do things I would have never done, but most of all it allowed me to forget what happened on these nights out. It gave me the strength, sorry to say to continue on as a wife of a now predominately gay husband, a husband that was demanding many things of me. William had often brought men home with us. Thank goodness I was drunk out of my mind most of the time, because we would have sex, I would perform blow jobs on these men, all while William watched, sometimes he even took pictures of the acts, why was he doing this? Did he have a specific reason, but the alcohol was to strong, I didn’t have the strength to fight off the camera, or the men. I did what I thought I needed to do, to keep my husband, to survive. A mistake I would regret for the rest of my life
So when Connery mentioned a three way it didn’t faze me one bit. But would Franklin really want to be a part of that for some reason I just didn’t think he would come through. Besides, I didn’t know if I really would want the two of them to meet under those circumstances.
Chapter 15
Franklin and I had met on a different dating site than I had met Michael or Connery on. Franklin was a tall man at least six foot four and was large, but portioned well. He had a shaved head, only peach fuzz, which made his head soft to the touch. He sported a mustache, but no beard. In his profile picture he had on a cowboy hat, boots, jeans and a Texas style belt buckle. He was leaning up against a pickup truck, that was most likely his, but it didn’t matter to me if it wasn’t. His pose was stern, his arms were crossed, no smile on his face. But there was something about his look that had reminded me of someone, someone that had meant a lot in my life and the expression he wore was like my grandfather had been reincarnated, for his eyes looked right through Franklin’s eyes. When I looked at Franklin’s picture all I could see was genuine kindness, a hidden soft side that he probably never allowed anyone to see, except on accident.
We exchanged phone numbers and scheduled a call. He was going to call me, unusual for most it had seemed these days for the women were expected to call the men if they were interested at all.
The phone r
ang, it was him. We had the usual introductions and then he brought the subject up that he had been in law enforcement, was looking to get out as soon as he could, and he had also just moved to the area from up East. He told me his wife of twenty nine years had packed his bags and one evening when he came home from work there they were, all lined up at the front door. She told him she didn’t love him anymore, and wanted him out that night. Shocked by this with no other explanation at the time, what else could he do except go. They would later sit down and do what needed to be done, divorce!
Franklin had mentioned he liked Tequila and the minute he said that, I knew we could have lots of fun together, for Patron was my drink of choice. So I made a bet with him that I could out shoot him shot for shot if he wanted to meet up and bring his best Tequila shot glasses with him! He had agreed. We planned a date to meet at my house and have a few shots and just take the evening from there. I knew, after the first date just a few days before with Michael, that I should be prepared for anything, and anything meant sex! I was comfortable with Franklin from just the phone calls, so I was really looking forward to meeting this Cowboy!
He was coming over on Saturday night after he had slept the afternoon; he was working graveyards and would need to sleep some before he drove down to the island. He lived about forty-five minutes from my place, so not too far, to come on occasions if it came to that, and not too close to be here all the time either.
Considering this would be my second man I had met on a dating site and my second date in years, this one would be different from the one with Michael, for Franklin and I were meeting at my house and would take the night from there, but what if we started drinking and couldn’t drive what would he do then? I prepared the back bedroom for possible company just to be safe. Laughing on the inside for I knew if we hit it off there was no way he would be sleeping in the back bedroom but would be right there beside me in my big four poster king bed that held only me for the last year. The thought of having a man sleeping with me, actually sleeping with me was a good feeling.
Franklin showed up Saturday right on time. He had worn jeans, and a nice button down shirt with short sleeves, comfortable clothes, nothing binding or stiff. He had not worn a cowboy hat but instead had on a baseball cap. He was tall, with tanned forearms, soft fuzzy head, freshly shaven face and trimmed mustache. He had a deep voice but when he laughed his belly rolled. His laughter came from deep down, and was not pretentious but real. He wore wire rimmed glasses and a big old ring on his finger.
We sat side by side on my sofa and visited for a bit then I broke out the Tequila. I offered him Patron but he said he preferred Jose Cuervo if I had that brand. Really, Cuervo was for making drinks with, and wasn’t smooth like Patron for shooting. But he again declined the Patron and so I brought him a bottle of Cuervo that had been given to William and me as a gift from a trip to Mexico from some friends. So the night began with shots of Tequila. As I had predicted I had out shot him but I really believed he could go on for a while but didn’t want to get so drunk that we couldn’t even carry on a conversation. Franklin was funny he made me laugh. I felt so comfortable around him already! Was I just lonely and any man would be able to make me so at ease? Were all men like, Franklin, Michael, and Connery? This was almost too easy.
We talked about our lives, our children, and strange enough he talked a lot about his soon to be x wife. He shared with me the story of their relationship and some of the highlights of their life together. He missed her dearly, and regretted all the things he had done wrong over the years that had climaxed into a separation and most likely a divorce, this would be divorce number three for him as well, seemingly all three of these men, Michael, Connery and now Franklin all had been married three times. Was number four the magic number or number three the time to stop?
I had a great time with Franklin and when the night became late we started kissing, touching each other and before long we were in the bed in heated sexual acts. Franklin was loose, not as suave as Connery but good. He made me laugh, do things I had never thought of doing and we ended the evening holding each other tight until the morning light woke us. He had to leave for he had to be at work that evening again but did tell me he would be back and he had a great time, as did I. I wanted Franklin, for some reason and I realized this from the very first date we ever had. This meeting would continue on for four years and having worlds of fun together, sharing, the good times and the bad times of our past, our children, our wants and wishes, I was falling in love with this man, and falling hard! I wanted to be his wife his magic number four.
Chapter 16
Connery was patient, never in a hurry when it came to sex, though he never gave me more than an hour or two at the most at any given time, with the exception of the holiday weekend in September 2010.
I had accepted a date with a man for Labor Day weekend, a new guy. We were to meet and go for dinner on Monday afternoon, but before Monday came I knew I wasn’t up for it. The thought of spending my first holiday without William was almost too much for me to bear at the moment. So I had canceled the date and decided to stay at home and drown in my sadness and depression once again. The day had been decent enough but night time had approached quickly and I was feeling lonely and sad. I knew William would have gone to the lake having tons of fun with all the family drinking and telling all sorts of stories as the night crept into the wee morning hours. We would have been there together sitting around the campfires if we would have still been together but in August the divorce had come final and now I was all alone and William was with someone else.
As the late evening got even later I had begun to drink a bottle of wine, wine always made me drunk fast especially on an empty stomach. Since the dinner date had been canceled I had just forgotten about eating and now I was paying the price. I was getting drunk fast and had even begun taking shots all alone. Sleep was nowhere in my thoughts so I decided to get on the computer and see if any of my friends were on line at that late night hour. Not expecting anyone to be at home much less on the computer, but as I glanced down towards the messenger there he was! Connery was on line at one in the morning. Why I wondered, but I had never been on the computer that time of night either so maybe he was on there this late often? He saw me and messaged me. I was delighted to know he had seen me and wanted to chat.
He asked me what I was doing and I told him of the canceled date and the sadness I was feeling for the loss of William and the first holiday after the divorce. I told him I was drinking wine and feeling pretty good at the moment and sure would love for him to come over if he was available. Knowing that if he said no, or made some excuse then I would know he was in a relationship for what man, husband, boyfriend, lover, whatever you want to call them, would be able to just get up and leave at 1 am to rendezvous with a woman to have sex?
He told me how he hated wine and never drank the stuff because who in their right mind would want to drink sour grape juice and for what reason, to have an aching head the next day.
We chatted on line for a bit about nothing really and then I just ask, if he could come over? To my astonishment he said yeah, he could be there in about thirty minutes. I couldn’t believe my eyes! Was he really coming over on a holiday night to see me? This was the answer to the mystery I wasn’t able to solve until now, this was the first time I completely believed he was unattached. If he was able to come over and maybe spend the night with me and we could wake together holding each other in our arms after a unbelievable evening of the most remarkable sex I could have ever imagined of having. Was I dreaming? I had to read the words again.
I replied to him, well I will give you thirty minutes so get going! I asked him why he needed thirty minutes and his reply was he had to get his mother to sleep first. He had already told me that his parents lived with him so that comment was believable enough and it made since. He had told me on one occasion that his mother was bipolar and had always seemed to have her day
s and nights confused for as long as he could remember. So I took his statement for what it was worth. He had typed stating, that she didn’t ever go to bed before two am almost but he was trying his best to get her down as fast as possible so he could come on over.
I told him I would have a drink ready for him when he got here… a blow job shot!
He laughed and remarked that he would prefer the blow job over the shot!
So thirty minutes… I started timing him and it was almost thirty minutes and he still wasn’t here, and was still on line.
I questioned him what’s taking so long? He would reply with some pathetic excuse but it didn’t really matter because if he was really coming I would surely be in heaven soon enough for having sex with Connery was the most wonderful thing in my world.
A second time I messaged him, it’s been forty-five minutes now! Are you coming or not?
He replied yes I am walking out right now will be there if less than five minutes.
So he showed up just like he said he would, there he was standing at my front door at two am in the morning in a pair of shorts, t-shirt and flip flops. I had never seen him dressed in anything other than his work clothes up until now. He was so handsome, GOD I wanted him so bad, there were no words to describe that feeling I was having that very moment. He was there and I was ready and willing to do anything he asked of me.
He entered and I locked the doors behind him. We stood momentarily kissing in the living room and then slowly made our way to the bedroom where he quickly removed his shorts, and t-shirt. He sprawled across my huge four poster bed laying side to side vs. head to foot and just before he laid his head down I offered him that blow job shot I had prepared for him sitting right there on the bedside table. To my unbelief he accepted it and swallowed it all in one gulp. He then looked at me with a yearning glance and I in my drunken stupor followed his eyes down to his cock, which was fully erect and waiting for my mouth to take it in and lavish it with my tongue till his body ached with joyful agonizing pain and he fully relieved himself and ejaculated with all the power stowed up inside him.
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