Maybe that’s what it was. Alex had touched her in such a way that her heart was permanently altered. Did moving on...really moving on...betray his love? Betray her love for him? It had been four years. Perhaps it was time to really let him go. Letting him go didn’t mean she didn’t love him anymore. It didn’t mean that he hadn’t touched her; Alex had touched her unlike anyone else had. And that was okay.
She smiled up at Hugo, her chest lightened by the thought. “Thanks.”
“For what?”
“What you just said. It...made sense suddenly.”
Alex would want her to be happy. He’d told her that many times. And now that she was free from Devin...maybe she really could leave her past behind her and start over.
*****
Anna lay in bed later that night, pensive and rubbing the indentation on her right ring finger. When she’d returned home from rehearsal that afternoon she’d decided it really was time to move on, and she removed her wedding ring for the first time ever. She had kissed it and put it in her new memory box, next to Alex’s wedding ring. It was a bittersweet moment.
Hugo had taken her out to dinner and a movie and she’d had a wonderful time. He was sweet and funny and a “normal” man.
When he’d walked her to her apartment door that night, she didn’t invite him in. She reminded herself she was under no obligation to sleep with him. They’d only known each other for a week and normal, free people didn’t sleep with each other so quickly.
But he had kissed her.
Anna touched her mouth, remembering the feeling of his soft lips on hers. He’d tasted of the popcorn they’d gotten at the movie. The kiss was gentle, tentative even, and made her head spin a little. He hadn’t pressed himself against her or done anything other than hold her hands. Strange, foreign, but exhilarating.
She smiled and drifted off to sleep.
*****
It was the room again. Anna hadn’t seen it in months. But it was different; it was empty. The bed was stripped down to the mattress. The bookshelves were cleared off. Alex was gone.
Anna’s eyes snapped open in the dark room. Alex was gone? How could someone be gone from a dream? But there was no doubt about it. No one lived in that room anymore.
Maybe that was a sign that she’d made the right decision; that she’d finally let him go. She didn’t need him in her dreams any longer.
The thought was bittersweet.
Alex would always be in her heart, but she could move on now. Her mind had released him.
*****
Anna went for a walk late Sunday morning and, after she’d eaten, found herself at the library. There was something about the big white marble building that soothed her whirring mind. She had finished the book she’d borrowed the previous week and wandered around the third floor until she found a section on ballet. She settled down on the floor between the bookshelves and pulled one of the picture books into her lap.
“You can check those books out, you know.”
Anna looked up to see an older, wiry man with thin gray hair and wire-rimmed glasses looking down at her.
“Or we have more comfortable chairs over there.” He motioned behind him.
Anna smiled shyly. “I know...I just...it’s quiet here.”
The man chuckled. “Yes, it can get a little noisy on the weekends. People don’t seem to understand what quiet means anymore.”
Anna smiled. “I can imagine.”
“You were just here last week, weren’t you?”
Anna’s eyes widened and she flushed. “Yeah. I liked it so much I came back. It’s a beautiful building.”
The man leaned his shoulder against the end of the bookcase. “It is. I couldn’t imagine working anywhere else.”
“You work here? What a wonderful job to have!”
He tilted his head and studied her then nodded with a smile. “I’m Max. Max Richardson. I’m the head librarian here.”
Anna stood and shook his hand. “A...Katrina. I just moved here from California.”
“California, eh? That’s quite a change. What brought you here?”
“Oh, uh...dancing.” She shrugged sheepishly.
“Ballet?” he asked with a grin.
Anna looked down at the book she was holding. “Yeah. I just joined the City Ballet.”
“Wow. That’s quite impressive.”
Anna didn’t feel that Max was trying to flirt or come on to her at all. He was just a nice, older gentleman who was very friendly. “Thank you.”
“I take my granddaughters to the Nutcracker every year. They love it.”
“I understand the Nutcracker is very different here than what I’m used to.” She laughed. “Well, everything is very different here.”
Max laughed with her. “Yes, the East and West coasts do tend to be quite different. We’re a bit more...uptight.”
Anna decided she liked Max. He was funny and didn’t seem uptight in the least.
Max studied her for a long moment. “Why is a pretty thing like you hanging out in a library on a weekend?”
Anna blushed again. “I like reading. I haven’t been to a library in years and...,” she sighed. “There’s nothing like it.”
The man chuckled again. “You’re an unusual young woman.”
“I’ve been told that.”
He smiled. “Have you been on the tour?”
“Oh, yes. It was wonderful.” Anna sighed. “I was going to go again but I got here too late.”
Max chuckled “I’ll let you get back to your reading. I was just curious about you. Most young people don’t come in two weeks in a row.” He gave her a last smile and then walked away.
Anna smiled and then sat down again where she had earlier and finished looking through the book, happy at finding a new friend.
*****
Aaron was there when she got back to her apartment. She laughed and ran to him, hugging him tightly. “I missed you,” she said, gazing up at him. “How was your trip?”
He smiled, but not as enthusiastically as she’d expected. “Good. Interesting. Dancing went well.” He glanced at the kitchen table. “Who got you the flowers?”
Anna followed his gaze and smiled, remembering Hugo standing at the apartment door with the huge bouquet of different types of beautiful flowers. “Hugo. He brought them last night before he took me out to dinner.”
“Oh.” Aaron frowned and stepped away from her. “Are you guys dating?”
She blinked in confusion at his sudden coldness. “I...I don’t know. We went out a few times after practice. Why are you upset?”
Aaron turned and walked to the window, hands in his hair on top of his head. After a pause, he lowered his hands and turned around to face her, his eyes pained. “God, Anna, you get here, I have to leave for a week—one week!—and when I get home you already have a boyfriend.”
“I don't think he’s—”
“I have waited and waited for another chance with you.” He stormed across the room and grabbed her upper arms. “I was your first boyfriend and we never got a chance to try again like we said we would. You kept pushing me away. I thought....” He paused and swallowed. “I thought with you moving out here, we could give ‘us’ a chance. But no!” he spat. “You have to go out and—” He turned away again. “God, don’t I ever get a second chance?” His voice softened.
Anna stared at his back, speechless. “Aaron, I didn’t know you wanted—”
“You didn’t know?” he exclaimed spinning around. “Anna, you can read men like a billboard, and you think you can claim you don’t know I’m still in love with you?”
Anna’s chest tightened. “You’re my best friend—”
“I don't want to be your best friend, Anna,” he snapped. “That’s a death sentence to a guy.”
Anna blinked, now hurt by his words and his tone. He was so angry. At her. He’d never been angry with her before.
“I am the one Alex asked to watch over you. I am the one Wilhelm asked to wat
ch over you. God!” He whirled back around and looked out the window. “Can’t you just be single for a while before you go off fucking some new guy?”
Anna winced as if he had struck her. “I haven’t fucked Hugo,” Anna retorted after a pause. “He kissed me. That’s it.”
Aaron snorted and turned back around to look at her, derision in his face. “Anna, you can’t go a week without fucking someone. You don’t need to lie about it.”
Anna pressed her hand hard to her heart as the air rushed out her lungs. She gulped for oxygen. “Why would I lie about something like that?” she asked softly. After Tommy had left her, her desire for sex had faded. He had used her and then left. She didn’t want to feel that way again. She had successfully deflected the physical need with her own hand several times, but hadn’t really been tempted to go out and find someone.
He looked down. “You took your wedding ring off?” he asked softly, blinking in surprise.
She glanced down at her right hand. “It was time.” She looked back up at Aaron. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Aaron. I’m sorry I did. But you are my best friend, Aaron. You’re one of a handful of people here who know what I really am. Please don't be angry with me. I need you.”
Aaron sighed and shook his head. “I’m not angry. I’m jealous.”
“Jealous?”
He nodded. “I was thinking about you all week and was looking forward to coming home and...being with you and then I saw the flowers and I thought I’d missed my chance. Again.” His jaw clenched. “I wanted the chance to ask you out again. To see if there is still anything between us.”
Anna reached up and cupped Aaron’s cheek. “I love being with you. I love spending time with you. I love that I live with you.” She smiled. “I do love you, Aaron. With all of my heart. I can’t imagine being here without you. You broke my heart when you left me before.” She looked up into his denim-blue eyes. “I want to find out, too. But I also want to...figure out who I am. To find out what it means to make my own choices. To not be defined as ‘Devin’s Mistress’ or ‘sex slave’ or even ‘Alex’s wife.’’’ She swallowed. “I’ve never just been me.”
“You’ve never had a chance to be you,” Aaron affirmed softly with a tender smile. “I understand. I’m sorry for getting upset. It was very wrong of me.”
“You’ve put up with a lot from me, Aaron. From the very beginning. And I am so thankful for you. You’ve always loved me for who I really am.” She sighed. “But just to be honest with you, I think Wilhelm will expect me to marry Kurt when I’m freed from Devin.”
Aaron winced. “Oh.” He was quiet for a few minutes and then started to smile. “Then you’re like the run-away princess that is grabbing for her last few minutes of freedom before she’s forced into a loveless marriage.”
Anna grinned. “Marriage to Kurt wouldn’t be a loveless marriage.”
He shrugged with humor in his eyes. “I know. But the story doesn’t work that way. What’s the point of running away from a love-filled marriage?”
“Because even though the princess knows that her future husband will make her happy, she still was imprisoned by an evil sorceress...er, sorcerer.” She giggled. “And she wants to see the world before she assumes her new duties.”
Aaron laughed. “I suppose that’s a legitimate story plot.”
They grinned at each other.
“Of course, the princess has to have her trusty best friend to watch out for her during her explorations,” Anna added. “And that may come with some side benefits, if the best friend is interested.” She grinned mischievously.
Aaron grinned. “What kind of benefits?”
Anna took a step forward and ran her hands up his chest and around his neck. She went on tiptoe and kissed his ear. “Fantastic sex.”
Aaron pulled her closer. “You really went all week without sex?”
Anna nodded. “My fingers are a very poor substitute, but yeah. That and....” She told Aaron what had happened with Tommy and how she had felt afterwards.
“Oh, hon. I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you tell me when I called?”
She shrugged her shoulders. “I didn’t want to bother you while you were out of town. I...it’s still my duty to please the Elders, isn’t it?” Doubt reared its ugly head.
Aaron frowned. “Katrina isn’t an Elder-Mistress.”
“But Anna is.”
“Then don’t be Anna.”
She smiled wryly. “You make it sound so easy, but I was doing pretty well before....” She trailed off with a sigh. She didn’t want Aaron to feel bad.
“Until I started yelling at you?” He shook his head. “It was so wrong of me to do that, Anna. I’m so sorry. If I do that again, slap me.”
Anna shook her head with a smile. “I don’t know if I could do that.”
A grin spread over his face. “If I were your Master, I would command you to.”
She grinned. “Katrina doesn’t have a Master,” she said mischievously.
“That’s true.” He grinned. “So me and Katrina will be friends with benefits?” He brushed his lips against hers.
“What does that mean?” she asked softly, heart racing at his touch.
“It means....” He ran his hands down her back. “We go into my room and fuck because it feels good, but no one else knows because I don’t want Katrina to get a reputation, but I also know that Anna really needs to be touched on a regular basis.”
“That’s quite a definition.” She trailed her fingers down his chest, circling a finger around one of his nipples, making him moan softly.
“It seemed appropriate. I really want you to be respected, hon. You don't need gossip spreading about you. Not here.”
“Thanks, Aaron.” She kissed him again. “I think I could do that. Can you?”
“Mmm,” he murmured against her lips. “Yeah.” He kissed her again and then took her hand and led her to his bedroom.
Chapter Six
Anna walked confidently into the studio Tuesday morning. The company had Monday off to recover from traveling and she and Aaron had spent much of it in bed. She was eager to show Vincent what she’d learned.
“Katrina,” Vincent called as she walked through the door.
Anna didn’t respond and Aaron nudged her and motioned to Vincent. “He’s calling you, Kat,” Aaron grinned.
“Oh!” Anna exclaimed. “I forget...things.” She grinned at Aaron and then walked across the room.
Vincent and Hugo were both watching her as she came nearer and she bit her lip nervously.
“Good morning,” she said quietly.
“Good morning,” they both responded.
Vincent studied her for a moment then nodded. “You look good, Katrina.” He smiled. “Hugo says you did magnificently this last week and is very impressed with your dancing.”
Anna glanced over at Hugo. “Thank you.”
Hugo shrugged with an affectionate smile. “You did it.”
Anna’s cheeks turned slightly pink as she looked back at Vincent who gave her an amused smile. “He said you were working on Firebird a little bit?”
Anna nodded.
“Good. I want you to concentrate on Firebird and Arches.”
Anna widened her eyes and looked between the two men. Those were two very difficult pieces. Arches was Hugo’s new ballet and the world premier was the night of the Gala. “Vincent, I...you think I can do it?”
“Hugo thinks so. I know you’re capable. Besides,” he smiled. “Arches is more his decision and I can’t override the choreographer.”
“I want you for the premier, Katrina,” Hugo said. “Dancing with me.”
Anna smiled up at him. “Really?”
“You’re perfect for the role, Kittycat.”
Anna’s cheeks warmed, which seemed to amuse Vincent.
“I also want you for Titania for Midsummer Night’s Dream, but concentrate on the others first,” Vincent said. “Midsummer isn’t until the end of the season.”
&n
bsp; “Okay,” she said slowly in a shaky voice. She was overwhelmed by the confidence they had in her.
“That’s all,” Vincent said with a smile. “You can go warm up.”
“Okay.” She felt a little dazed as she made her way to the barre next to Aaron.
“What’d he want?” Aaron asked as she sat next to him.
“Letting me know the ballets I’m supposed to be working on.”
“What are they?”
“Firebird and Arches. Then Titania in Midsummer.”
Aaron arched his eyebrow. “Wow. You must have really impressed Hugo.”
Anna pouted at him. “You don't think I can do it?”
“Oh, hell, Kat. You know I think you’re the best I’ve ever seen. No, I’m just...I’m glad they see it, too.” He smiled at her affectionately. “I hope I get to do Firebird with you.”
“Me, too.”
Hugo had taught her all the warm ups and other common steps used in class so when the music began, Anna felt much more confident than she had the first two days of class. She finally felt the exhilaration that she thought she should feel. Vincent nodded to her several times, which Anna took to mean she was doing well.
“I think the others are impressed by your improvement,” Hugo whispered in her ear as they moved to the center of the room for floor work.
Anna looked up at him, surprised. “Really?”
He smiled and nodded but didn’t say anything else. Anna did notice that most of the other dancers actually smiled at her now.
*****
After lunch, Anna read over the list of rehearsals for the many ballets they would perform over the course of six weeks. Anna was dancing Firebird with Dave, Arches with Hugo and Midsummer Night’s Dream with Aaron. It seemed that each dancer had their own parts and the ballets were scattered across the season. It was so different from what she was used to, but it also meant she wasn’t dancing every night for six weeks. Several nights a week, but not all. It would be interesting to see how it all panned out.
The Life of Anna, Part 5: Emerged Page 5