Most of the time, Anna was too busy or tired to think about sex, but it had been weeks now and she was starting to feel it. Everyone in the company knew her to be engaged and for her to even flirt more than just innocently would not be a good idea. She briefly entertained the idea of approaching Hugo, but they had finally come to a point where their emotions were under control and they were able to be themselves again around each other. She didn’t want to ruin that. She valued Hugo too much. And with Aaron in a pretty serious relationship with Cameron, she couldn’t even approach him. God, she needed to get laid!
She stood at the edge of the terrace looking out at the lights of the city, wracking her brain for a solution.
“How’s the birthday girl?” Hugo came to stand next to her at the railing.
She inhaled deeply. “I’m okay. One of my better birthdays.”
“What do you usually do for your birthday?”
“Not much.” She thought for a minute. “I had a birthday dinner for my twenty-third birthday. Last year my fake-boyfriend threw me a surprise party.” She shrugged. “That’s about it.”
“Fake boyfriend?”
“Someone I pretended to date because...someone else thought I needed some sort of stable relationship, even if it was fake.”
“The same someone who wants to control you?”
Anna nodded, smiling about Peter. “It wasn’t so bad. He was a really nice guy after a while. Once he got to know me, I suppose.”
Hugo nodded. “Did Kurt call?”
“Briefly.” She looked up at the sky. “I still don’t understand what happened to him. He used to be so caring and nice.”
Hugo put his hand on hers. “I’m so sorry, Katrina. I wish...I wish there was something I could do.”
“Me too,” she said softly. She looked up into his kind eyes. One of the best things about dancing with him was the ability to show how she cared about him in an acceptable manner. Most of the time she was “over” him, but there were sometimes that her heart ached for him. Especially when she was feeling lonely. Like now.
He gazed into her eyes, his eyes darkening as their bodies moved closer together. “Katrina...,” he whispered.
Anna blinked and looked away. It wasn’t fair to him to encourage him. “I’m sorry, Hugo.”
“I miss you, Kittycat.”
Anna fought against everything inside her to not look at him. She wanted to throw her arms around him and kiss him until she couldn’t breathe anymore. But she couldn’t. “I need something to drink,” she said softly, pulling her hand away and going back inside the apartment.
*****
The first week in June marked the last week of spring performances. Midsummer Night’s Dream came together and ended out the season nicely. She had received a standing ovation at every performance of the season and had become a favorite with the press.
The company had a couple of days off dancing, but started again on Wednesday so that they could get ready for their July tour to upstate New York. Anna still couldn’t travel with the Company. Vincent had spoken to Tom in hopes that something could change, but Tom apologetically told him that there was nothing he could do. On the bright side, this would give Anna an opportunity to learn a bunch of the repertoire without the pressure of an upcoming performance.
Near the end of June, Anna got sick. She woke up not feeling very well, but didn’t think much of it. She hadn’t been feeling especially good the last few weeks, but it was mostly just tired. That morning she felt like she had the flu, or was pregnant, but she knew she wasn’t pregnant. The only sex she’d had was with a vibrator she’d purchased a while back.
But she didn’t “get sick,” so she shook it off and headed off to class. She was shaky and pale when class started, but she kept telling herself she didn’t get sick and tried to ignore it. But by the time they’d begun their center work, Vincent and Aaron were keeping a very close eye on her and Aaron caught her when she collapsed.
“Why didn’t you stop, hon?” Aaron asked as she lay on Hugo’s office couch with her head in his lap. He wiped her face with a cool cloth.
“I don’t get sick,” she protested.
“Well, I think this proves you wrong.”
She shook her head. “I’m not supposed to get sick,” she said weakly.
“Maybe your humanity finally caught up with you.”
She gave a weak laugh. “Maybe.”
After she’d rested a bit, Aaron took her home and settled her in bed with the remote and a cooler full of drinks.
She remained in bed for the next week without getting any better or any worse. Aaron called Tom because he didn’t know if he could take her to the doctor. Tom came over that afternoon.
“No. It wouldn’t be a good idea to take her to the doctor. A doctor would do tests and find out she’s not fully human.
“So what do we do?”
“I don't know.”
She had a low-grade fever and was very pale. She trembled and sweated as if she had the flu. Tom promised to stay with her while Aaron was out of town. The day he left she fell asleep and didn’t wake.
She dreamed strange dreams. Of beaches and men in white tunics. Of Devin and Alex. Of California and Germany. She floated on a cloud over the earth as it spun.
Days passed, unmarked by Anna, and then one day she woke up.
Chapter Fourteen
Anna sat up in her bed and looked around. What time was it? She remembered being sick, but now she felt better. All better. She smiled and stretched and then got out of bed and went to get something to eat in the kitchen. Aaron had gone to Saratoga Springs. She remembered that.
“Anna?”
Anna spun around and was shocked to see Tom standing in her kitchen wearing pajama pants and nothing else. He rubbed the back his neck and his lean muscles contracted in his chest. He looked as surprised as she felt.
“What are you doing here?” she asked.
“I’ve been here for a week watching over you. You’ve been sleeping.”
“A week?” Anna leaned on the counter. “Wow. I think I’m better. I mean, I remember how I felt and I feel much better now. Normal. Actually better than I have in a while.”
Tom chuckled. “Maybe your body figured out how to fight whatever bug you had caught.”
“I didn’t think I could get sick, though. How did it happen?”
Tom shook his head. “I don’t know. You do tend to be more human than Immortal. Maybe that’s what it is.”
“So I’ve been sick for a week?”
“Three weeks, actually.”
“Oh.” She looked at the counter. “Was Vincent terribly angry?”
“Vincent? No, he was very concerned. As were all your friends. Aaron left reluctantly and only after I promised I’d stay with you. Once you fell asleep, you stayed pretty steady.”
Anna scratched at some dried jelly on the counter. “Did Kurt call at all?”
“I spoke with Wilhelm several times, but no, Kurt didn’t specifically call.”
The knife in her heart she had begun calling “Kurt” twisted again. Though she hadn’t felt it since she’d been sick, it was obviously still there. “I think I’ll shower and go out for a while,” she said softly.
“Anna, are you sure? You’ve been sick for quite a while.”
“I want to go outside. I want to walk.” She glanced up. “I bet you’ve missed quite a bit of work because of me. And your family.”
“I could work from here. Kelsey understands why I’m with you.”
Anna nodded. “I appreciate you watching over me. It couldn’t have been very interesting.”
He shrugged. “It’s all right, Anna. I kept busy.” He chuckled. “I think I actually might have gotten more done while I was here than at the office. Less distractions.”
Anna laughed.
“Well, if you’re going out, I think I might head into the office for a while.” He stepped closer to Anna. “If you start feeling sick again, call me and I will
come get you,” he said firmly. “Do you understand?”
“Yes, Tom,” she said softly, astonished at the concern in his eyes.
“Where are you thinking about going?”
Anna thought for a minute and then smiled. “The library.”
Tom stared for a moment and then threw his head back and laughed. “You are a strange girl, Anna.”
Anna flushed.
“Do you want to call Wilhelm or do you want me to?”
“You can,” she said softly. Since Kurt had visited, she had felt disconnected from the family. She didn’t want to open herself up to more hurt than she already felt. She’d asked Wilhelm about Kurt’s attitude and he had brushed her off.
“All right. You should call Aaron and let him know you’re awake.”
“I will.”
*****
After a nice long shower, Anna dressed and headed downstairs. Tom had gone to the office and said he’d call her later. She called Aaron and left a message. He was probably in class or rehearsals.
She slowly made her way down the street, not wanting to push herself too hard, although she felt better than she had in a long while. Even before she got sick.
After stopping to get something to eat at a bakery on the corner, she headed towards the park. She loved walking through the park to the library, even though it added ten minutes to her walk. It was worth it. Especially on a weekday when it wouldn’t be too crowded.
She heard a whisper of a sound and froze, croissant halfway to her mouth. She could have sworn she’d heard Alex’s voice. She turned around slowly, half expecting to see his ghost behind her. There was no one there. She looked around for a minute and then shook her head, chiding herself for the ridiculous thought.
She relaxed as she got to the park, inhaling the somewhat fresh air and smiling at the somewhat peaceful oasis in the middle of the bustling city. Every time she walked into the park it amazed her. Maybe she would stop on the way home and read here for a while. It was quiet and a perfect place to get lost in a book.
Fifth Avenue was just a few minutes away when she caught sight of the Plaza. The place where Kurt had stayed and fucked another woman after he gave her the engagement ring. After she had crossed the street she stared up at the beautiful building, plagued by unanswered questions about Kurt’s behavior. She hated her ring. It reminded her of him every time she looked at it. She twisted it on her finger, contemplating “losing” it, but just sighed and continued on, knowing she could never lose something on purpose.
By the time she made it to Rockefeller Center, she had recovered from her sad memories and went to get a soda at one of the restaurants. She usually stopped in on her way to the library and the bartender knew her by name.
“Haven’t seen you in a while, Katrina,” Levi said with a smile, pouring her drink without having to ask what she wanted. “Where ya been?”
“Sick.”
He handed her the Styrofoam cup with a smile. “I’m sorry to hear that. Feeling better?”
Anna nodded. “Much better. Thanks.” She gave him a big smile and put a five dollar bill on the bar. “I’ll be around more,” she promised as she turned to walk away.
“Your fiancé come visit you yet?” Levi asked.
Anna’s face fell. “No.”
Levi gave her a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry. He’s really stupid, in my humble opinion. Shouldn’t let a pretty woman wander around the city alone. It’s...uncivilized.”
Anna laughed. He had asked her out a few times before Kurt had come to town. She paused and looked at him. His dark brown hair was wavy but pulled back into a ponytail, contrasting nicely with his electric blue eyes. He’d always been nice to her. Kurt said he hadn’t cared what she did as long as she kept it private. Maybe she should test that theory.
She stepped back to the bar and wrote her number on a napkin and slid it across the slick wood at him with a shy smile. He raised his eyebrows when he saw what was on the napkin.
“Really?” he asked.
Anna blushed and shrugged her shoulders. “If you want.” She glanced up at him and then quickly left the restaurant, not quite believing what she’d done.
She looked up and met the eyes of a man with chocolate-brown puppy dog eyes and looked away immediately as her heart pounded. He reminded her of Seth, and she walked towards him slowly. He had turned around and was casually looking up at the building with his hands in his pockets. His brown hair was long and he had a neatly trimmed beard. She paused behind him, debating if she should speak.
But Seth was a military guy through and through. He’d never let his hair grow long or have a beard. “Stupid,” she said to herself. “He’s dead. They’re all dead.” She mentally kicked her own ass and walked away before she embarrassed herself anymore today.
She wandered further down Fifth Avenue until she reached the lion-flanked steps that led to the entrance of her favorite building in the City. After stopping at the information desk to have them tell Max, the librarian, that she was here, she headed upstairs trying to decide what she was in the mood for. She headed to the dance section and settled on the floor with her favorite ballet book. Max had told her a hundred times she should just check the book out and read it at home in comfort, but there was something comfortable about sitting on the floor of the library reading a book. Max teased her about it, but he respected it.
She heard footsteps and looked up to see Max’s smiling face. “How’s my favorite reading ballerina today?”
She smiled back. “Much better and glad to be here.”
“You haven’t been around, or have I just missed you?”
She shook her head. “I was sick for a few weeks, but I’m better now.” She motioned to the book in her lap. “And back with my favorite book.”
Max chuckled. “I’m glad you came. We have an exhibition that I wanted to make sure you saw.”
Anna’s eyes sparkled as she looked up at him. “What of?”
“Old photographs of dancers from Cambodia. The exhibit closed this weekend, but the photos are still here if you’re interested.”
“Oh yes!” Anna leapt up and put the book carefully back in its place and followed Max to the back rooms where the photographs were.
*****
Later that afternoon, Anna bought lunch at a deli and found a comfortable patch of grass to sit on and eat and read the book she’d borrowed from the library. She’d looked at the German language books, wondering if she should begin to learn to speak German, but her heart just wasn’t in it. She passed by the selection of German poetry, and was tempted when she saw a copy of a book that Alex had read to her when he was still alive, but she couldn’t bring herself to take it. Even though she’d thought she was over him, this whole mess with Kurt had her resolve and confidence dangling by a string and she was missing him again. She almost wished she’d dream of him again, just to see his face and kind eyes. At least when she moved to Germany, she’d have pictures of him again. And if Kurt remained as cold as he had been when he visited, she would keep a picture of Alex by her bed so she’d remember the one man who truly loved her.
She wiped away the tears that threatened to fall and unwrapped her lunch and immersed herself in the trashy romance novel she’d picked out. Max would have been shocked by her selection of book, but she was feeling sorry for herself and didn’t care.
*****
Tom called her as she was walking home.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“Physically fine. Emotionally lonely,” she admitted.
“Do you want some company tonight?”
“Oh, Tom, you’re so sweet. But you’ve been away from Kelsey for a week. I’m okay. Go home to your family.”
“I promised Aaron I’d make sure you were a hundred percent better before I went home.”
“Then you’d be with me for a very long time. Really. I’m okay. I have a couple of books to read and I’ll order takeout.”
“That makes me feel even w
orse,” he chuckled.
“Go home, Tom. I’m fine. Really.”
He sighed. “All right, but call me if you need anything.”
“I will. Thanks. Tell Kelsey I said thanks for lending you to me.”
They hung up a few minutes later and Anna took the elevator up to her floor.
Aaron called her and they spoke for a few minutes before he had to go onstage. “I’ll call you in a few days to check on you.”
It was Monday. The rest of the week she spent doing, well, not much. It was nice for a change. She went to the studio to practice every day and then was a couch potato the rest of the day. When the company got back, it would be full force practice for the fall season. She figured she should rest while she could.
*****
Aaron called on Friday morning and heard the loneliness in her voice.
“I’m going to call Cam and have him take you out tonight.”
“Aaron, really. I’m fine.”
“It’s Friday night in New York City. You haven’t experienced the nightlife yet and you should...if you’re feeling okay. Cam knows all the good places.”
“Aaron....”
“If you’re better, then I’m not going to listen to arguments. You need to get out.”
“I did get out. I went to the library.”
Aaron huffed. “That doesn’t count and you know it. Are you still feeling good?”
“Yes, but—”
“Then I’m calling Cam. Find something hot to wear. You need to get laid.”
“Aaron! I’m engaged!”
“To a nice-guy-turned-jerk who fucked another woman the night he threw your engagement ring at you.”
“We’re only getting married because we have to.”
“Then live a little before you do. God, Anna, if he was the same Kurt I knew, I wouldn’t be encouraging this, but you’ve been miserable since he gave you that ring and that asshole deserves to be showed up.” He laughed. “I might even have Cam take a picture so I can send it to him.”
The Life of Anna, Part 5: Emerged Page 13