“You are quite beautiful but a truly lousy actress.”
“I... Wha... Oh, hell.” Then a bolt of pain tore through her body. “Oh God!”
“Violet! Oh damn the morphine pump!” Michael raced to where he had been holding the button and started pressing it repeatedly. “Hang in there, it will work quickly. “Damn I forgot the thing needs to be pressed every 30 seconds.” He continued to press the button in time. Violet lay back waiting for the drug to wash over her but the wait seemed endless. In her pain she heard Michael’s voice and felt her hand in his.
“Violet, listen to me.” He whispered in her ear, his words like some ancient incantation, “Close your eyes.” She did as he asked “I want you to move the pain. Imagine it is a bright light, put all of the pain in that light. Now, pour the light in to my hand. Pass the pain to me.”
Her eyes flew open. “No... I could never cause you this much pain!” she cried. He held her hand to his lips and kissed the back of it.
“Okay, make the light into a ball and pass the ball to me and I will throw it away.” With that he moved his hand so that just their finger tips were touching with space for the ball of light in the middle. Violet could feel it! She could feel all of the pain joining together into a single ball of light. She imagined the pain moving up her core to her heart. There she added some of the love she felt for this good caring man and sent it down her arm. She felt her hand grow warm in his, felt her palm burn. Then she felt his hand move away and the heat and the pain were gone. When she looked over at him he was smiling down at her and had taken her hands in his while he continued to push the morphine pump button.
“You are a mystic.” she said drowsily.
“No, it is just a visualization technique for pain control.” Now he was stroking her forehead and it was wonderful. “I will stay here and keep pressing the button so you can get some sleep. Please sleep, it will do you good.”
“mmm... Magic” and she drifted off in a drugged slumber.
Two hours later, Violet’s eye flashed open as the pain increased. She looked down and saw that Michael had fallen asleep with his head on her bed. He was still clutching the morphine pump button. She uncurled his fingers the way you would a sleepy child’s and took it from him. She continued to press the button herself while she stroked his hair. It was like silk in her fingers. She closed her eyes and imagined what it would be like to lay in bed holding him after they had made love. Hmm, she supposed, depending on where he was paralyzed he may not be able to do some things. No matter, he could still give and receive pleasure of some kind and that is a kind of “making love.” Even though the morphine didn’t remove the pain it did make it manageable so she could lay here and actually enjoy this moment of contentment. It was not great passion, blinding lust, or even earth shaking orgasm but this felt rarer somehow. Contentment is such a fragile quiet thing that it can go unrecognized until it isn’t there anymore. Violet watched his back lift with each breath. She stroked his jaw lightly and felt his beard play against her finger tips. Yes, she wanted him, his kisses made her melt but it was more than that. How could she be falling in love with someone she barely knew? But there was no doubt that she was indeed falling in love. She let him sleep for another hour, he needed it. When she woke him she whispered his name and tickled his ear. He woke up slowly but when he opened his eyes and saw her he smiled even though he wasn’t fully awake. That small unguarded moment was precious to her.
“Hey, sleepy head, you need to get up soon. I don’t want you to get in trouble for being in here sleeping.” She saw his guard come up as he pushed up from the bed.
“What time is it?”
“About 5:30 in the morning, the storm is still blowing.”
“Damn, I was trying to stay awake to keep your morphine pump going.”
“I know, it was fine. Just having you lying here was good medicine.” He stretched and rubbed his eyes.
“I need to get out of here or there will be hell to pay. I have to go get cleaned up and do rounds with the residents in an hour or two. I’ll see you then...um, you know last night has to be our secret right?” Violet put her most devilish grin on.
“I think there are definite blackmail possibilities here. Hmm, should I go for better food or... I know! If the storm is still raging tonight then you have to come back here after you are done and we can talk for a while and the rest of the time, you can give me your very particular kind of healing.” She put her hand over her mouth. Part of her could not believe she had just propositioned a man even if it was just for some kisses. She stopped thinking she was so cute when she saw the look on his face. “Hey, I was kidding. I would just like some company. I...” Oh god, don’t start crying Violet, do not let yourself cry!
Michael reared back at what she had said. Her words hit him like cold water. Why? She was being cute and flirty even if she was slurring her words a little because of the Morphine. Was it that he realized they had spent the night either kissing or doing other non-sexual but still none the less intimate things. He had always held himself to higher standards than everyone else. Actually he felt like he had to, had to prove he was better so people could forget he was stuck in the damn chair. Here was someone who didn’t even look at the chair but only saw him and he was terrified. Was this terror? His heart was racing, his pulse pounded, his breathing was quick and shallow, either he was afraid or...aroused. But that couldn’t be possible it had to be fear. He was just afraid that eventually she’d want...him?
“Violet, sorry, I need a cup of coffee before I can be held responsible for anything I say.” He felt like a liar though it was mostly true. “I’ll come by after I get done, I promise.” She still looked like she was going to burst into tears. He felt like such an ass! “Hey, if you play your cards right I’ll raid the gift shop for chocolate.” He smiled up at her all the while silently begging that she’d smile back. When she did he thought he would yell for joy. “Okay, remember keep pushing the button. I’ll come around with the residents in a while. We are going to get you out of that bed today!” Violet blanched. “Don’t worry I promise it will be okay, I have done this with more than a hundred other patients. I am also going to put in an order for a sponge bath. Trust me it doesn’t sound like a big deal but I have had patients tell me it is worth the pain of the surgery.” She was staring at him with her mouth open. “Really! I’m serious! I need to get going and get ready. Bye” And with out thinking he kissed her hand. Violet didn’t make a sound till she was sure he wasn’t in earshot, then she let out a whoop. Then she started laughing, she would bet he didn’t even realize he’d kissed her.
She felt like a teenager waiting for her date to show up she was so excited to see him later. She undid her braid and finger combed her hair, in between pressing the morphine pump. When the morning nurse came in to check on her, Violet was able to get her toiletries kit and wiped off her face and added some tinted lip balm and moisturizer. At least she didn’t look like something the cat dragged in any more. As she sat and waited for Dr. Dennison and the residents to arrive she got sleepy from the activity before and the morphine.
Michael was jumpy from exhaustion and whatever insanity had made him spend the night in Violet's room. Coffee usually mellowed him out but not today. He seemed even more keyed up after having a cup. The residents didn’t love rounding with him under the best of circumstances but today had been especially bad. He’d just about taken the head off of one of the juniors for not knowing the lab results of a patient and then when the chief resident asked a question he’d chewed him out too. He’d left Violet for last to give him time to get his emotions under control, he wished he could, but his head seemed to refuse to listen to reason where she was concerned. When the team entered her room she was propped up on pillows her hair cascading over them in waves. Her skin was so pale, it accentuated the rose of her lips. His breath caught in his chest. She looked like a sleeping beauty or Lady Godiva, lush curves and and that gorgeous hair. He wanted to throw the team out
like she belonged only to him. Unfortunately, the team was staring at him and it was a minute before he realized that he should be the one to wake her. He cleared his throat loudly and said “Miss Bellows?” She remained sleeping. Finally, he took her hand and patted the back of it. Her eyes opened and locked with his and she smiled. Michael thought he had never seen anything so glorious.
“Oh, I was just dreaming of y...” She looked around at the residents, “dreaming of riding a horse.” She giggled a little. “Morphine makes you dream the craziest things.” Michael beamed, he should keep his feelings under control but he wanted to kiss her so badly he could barely breathe. She hadn’t let go of his hand, actually when he had tried to pull it back she had tightened her grip. The residents were looking at him in utter confusion and then looking at Violet. She smiled like an angel at all of them and they seemed to sigh in unison, completely charmed by her.
Michael stared at Violet and pointedly took his hand back. “Ms. Bellows had spinal fusion surgery two days ago and is ready to get out of bed now.” Violet looked at him with near terror on her face that had nothing to do with the storm still raging outside. “Truly, you are ready. Please trust me.” To the residents he added, “Seeing as the storm has left the nursing staff short handed this will be a learning experience for all of you too. Some one bring in the walker that was outside the door.”
After they had disconnected the IV lines and removed the morphine pump Violet was ready to walk but she was still terrified. She looked at Michael with tears in her eyes. The residents were occupied with her covers momentarily. He looked over at them cautiously and then whispered to Violet. “Darling, I would never do anything that could hurt you. You can do this, you are stronger than you think.” Taking a quick look to make sure the residents were distracted he gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. “For strength” he whispered.
Violet couldn’t help but smile. His kindness took her breath away. She would try to do anything to please him. He started directing the residents into position to assist her. She took a couple of deep calming breaths to clear her head. Slowly they sat her up and turned her so her feet were over the side of the bed. Such a simple thing but the fear of it took her breath away. Michael stopped them to give her time to adjust.
“Are you okay? I want you to concentrate on me. If you do that the walking will take care of itself.” He said. Violet shook her head yes and took another deep breath. “Good, now we are going to lower the bed and I want you to take the walker in both hands and stand up." Violet drifted down till her feet touched the floor. She looked at Michael and he smiled back. Violet grabbed the walker, closed her eyes, and stood before she could stop and think about what she was doing. When she was standing she started breathing faster as her panic mounted. “You are doing beautifully, Ms. Bellows.” Just the sound of his voice soothed her.
He wheeled himself backwards toward the door. “Are you in any pain?” She shook her head no, not trusting her voice. “Good, I want you to walk to me. Baby steps at first, you’ll be roaming the halls in no time.” With a resident on either side of her she shuffled toward Michael. Sweat prickled her scalp and her skin was clammy. It took all her strength not to panic but she walked about five feet turned around and walked back to the bed.
By the time she got into bed she was soaked in sweat and could smell the adrenaline on her skin. She was panting trying to control the urge to cry. She wasn't in anymore pain than before, less actually but the fear of falling, of not being able to move was staggering. Had that been how Michael felt when he first found out he was paralyzed? Was that how he felt everyday? She couldn’t ask him in front of his residents but she did want to talk to him about it. He dismissed the residents but stayed in the room. Finally he reached for her hand and brought it to his lips. He held it as he flipped the switch on his chair that pushed him to standing. When he was done he bent over her and kissed her lips, cradling her head in his hand. Violet’s arms wound around him as she opened her mouth to deepen the kiss. His tongue tasted her mouth, traced her lips, found her tongue. A moan escaped her throat and she felt him smile as the kiss continued. She smiled at the low growl from him but stopped as he pulled away.
"I'm very proud of you. I know it is terrifying the first time but tomorrow you'll be walking up and down the corridor on your own." He laughed at her shocked expression. "No, truly you will and be happy for it."
As shaken as she felt she couldn't resist teasing him just a little "Will I get kisses then too?" He shook his head no but his smile never left his face. "You are trouble, my dear."
"I'd like to be your trouble. Come back tonight? I know the storm is not as bad as last night but..." Violet was shocked at herself. She was flirting with her handsome doctor and he seemed to like it. "You did promise me chocolates."
"I also promised you a sponge bath." Violet blushed from the roots of her hair to her toenails. She was suddenly consumed with the thought of Michael giving her a sponge bath. It sounded like the most sensual thing in the world at that moment. Her pulse sped up, her breasts swelled and ached as the nipples became hard knots. She clenched her thighs together as moisture drenched the curls between them. Michael must have realized what she was thinking as his gaze wandered over her body, his eyes darkened and took on a faraway look. They stared at each other for a minute till she gasped, shuddering with longing, and broke the spell. He cleared his throat but it still came out hoarse when he said. "I'll send one of the nurses in to you. Unfortunately, I am not properly trained in the technique."
Violet knew he was never the one who was going to be giving her the bath but the fantasy was too good to pass up. "I'm sure you could muddle through." she said under her breath. She smiled and knew he had at least considered the idea also when he started coughing.
"Yes, trouble. I don't know when I will be able to get back here this evening, most likely not till after visiting hours are over. Have you heard from your brother yet?"
She smiled at his relief at changing the subject and that he would be coming back. "No I haven't heard from Allyn. I expect that he is trapped in Europe somewhere with the storm still here. If I know him, he went to my mother's family in France. They are very fond of him and he, them. I don't expect he'll be here till tomorrow and then only if the storm stops tonight. I think we can sneak one more meeting in before he gets here."
"I'll look forward to seeing you then Ms. Bellows." and he kissed the back of her hand like a knight in shining armor. Violet had her bath coming but she could tell the day was going to drag by till tonight.
At 8:30 that evening, Michael skirted the nurses station on Violet's floor. Because of the storm the hospital was still running with a skeleton crew. Not an ideal situation for patient care but if it hadn't, he and Violet would not have been able to have this time together. The thought made him pause. What were they doing? She wasn't married as he had originally thought. He didn't think she was acting like this because of any of the pain killers. She had flirted with him even before that. He tried to reassure himself that he wasn't taking advantage of the situation. So far all they had shared were some stolen kisses. He was attracted to her like no woman he had ever met but... Where could this all lead to? Why would a woman that stunning choose to spend time with a man as broken as he was. Obviously she wouldn't as soon as she was released from the hospital. She was using him to allay her fears even if it was only subconsciously. Once she was back to her regular life she would treat him like just her doctor again. All of this was because of her fear of hospitals, even her bother had spoken to him about it. That had to be it. The thought burned the back of his throat.
He opened the door to her room and could tell she was asleep by the soft snoring. Most likely from the pain killers but the thought of a woman that perfect snoring made him smile. He wheeled over to her and lowered the bed carefully so as not to wake her. She really did look like a fantasy princess from a children's book. Her glorious hair had been pulled back revealing the nape of her neck. Michael felt
himself consumed with desire to kiss that secret place hidden behind all those curls. As he leaned closer he could smell her unique scent, a mix of herbs and some kind of green wood plus her pheromones. He was captivated and all his thoughts of explaining rationally why they couldn't continue like this were forgotten, replaced by the urge to kiss, to taste, to smell, he wanted to run his fingers along her hairline there and watch her shiver. Without another thought he softly nuzzled the back of her neck, lightly brushing his lips down her spine just there. He figured she would wake at his touch and was surprised when she started murmuring.
"Mmmm, Michael, I love you too." The words were said softly as she slept but clearly enough that there was no mistaking what she had said.
Michael startled and she came fully awake. She glanced over her shoulder and smiled up at him. "I knew you'd come back. I was having the most wonderful dream."
He was still trying to catch his breath, she couldn't possibly love him! He had to have heard wrong. "Um, yes, I came back. I brought you chocolate like I promised too." He pulled the chocolate from one of the saddlebags on his chair as she carefully turned over.
"Michael, are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost. I can't be that scary when I wake up, can I?"
She really had been sleeping. It must have been as he suspected she had convinced herself that she had feelings for him to get through the ordeal of the surgery and being in the hospital. Maybe if he talked about it with her she would realize that it was happening and she would go back to acting like any of his other patients.
"No, you are not scary at all. You are beautiful in fact. Since you are much more relaxed than last night I thought we could talk for a while. I, um, won't be able to stay as long as I did last night, I'm afraid. Are you comfortable enough off of the morphine pump?"
His Lady Godiva (Lovers and Other Strangers) Page 3