by Geri Krotow
She fussed with her potted plants while Nappie dozed in the low-beamed sunlight on the deck. Gwen drew in a deep breath as she transplanted some of her lavender. The scents and sights of the Pacific Northwest were nothing like the Philippines, and for that she was deeply grateful.
She’d appreciated the beauty of the Philippines; in fact, it had kept her going when the days felt as though they stretched to infinity. But her brain, her body, her spirit needed to know without a doubt that she was safe. That she’d healed.
Was she healed?
The gaping hole in her heart left by Pax’s absence didn’t count. Neither did her deflated ego, flattened by the realization that no matter how significant her epiphanies had been in the jungle, they weren’t applicable in her everyday life. More important, they didn’t apply to Drew. He made it clear every step of the way that he was here for her as a friend. That was all she’d ever asked of him.
It didn’t stop the sting to her pride.
It’s not just your pride that hurts.
Maybe not, but her pride could heal, so she had to focus on that.
The sound of raucous voices drifted over to her. She glanced at her watch—four o’clock. The neighborhood kids had all returned home from school an hour ago, so the noise wasn’t them getting off the bus.
She stood up and stretched. “Ooh, Nappie, Mommy’s getting older.” She laughed as she said that to a dog who looked like the poster puppy for geriatric dog food.
As she started to take off her gardening gloves, her sliding glass patio door was thrown open and a stream of loud, young, boisterous people spilled through them.
“Skipper!” “Boss!” “Commander!” She heard so many greetings she couldn’t tell who was addressing her as what. It felt as though her heart had swelled and burst. She couldn’t keep the huge grin from showing as tears slid down her cheeks. She didn’t care. She’d give her life for any one of these fine officers and sailors. Almost had, and with no regrets.
“Green light!” The chorus of navy words heralded the beginning of a surprise party at the CO’s house.
“Green light?” Oh, no. That meant the entire squadron wardroom, about one hundred officers, plus spouses, would be piling into her home. Judging by these first visitors, enlisted aircrew had been invited, too.
The house was a mess. It was cluttered. She needed a shower.
“Skipper!” A bear hug crushed her to the massive chest of Rob “Mac” MacAllister. He’d been the engineer on her last flight and while he’d always been a jovial man, he’d never touched her before except when he’d pulled her out of the aircraft as it sank.
“Mac, you look great.” She couldn’t keep the smile off her face. The hell with her appearance.
“Looking good yourself, Commander.” His eyes grew bright as he held on to her. “You saved my life, Skipper. I can’t thank you enough.”
“You saved the entire crew, Mac, including me. If you hadn’t got Lizzie into the life raft...” She shook her head. “You know we wouldn’t be here now.”
“Hey, let us in, man.” The two junior officers who’d piloted the aircraft with her joined the love fest.
“David, Aiden!” Gwen leaned in for a hug from each of her copilots. “How have you been?”
“We’re great, Skipper. The real question is how have you been?” The deck and backyard were full of her squadron mates. The low murmur of voices quieted and she’d never felt more self-conscious.
“I’m good. It hasn’t been easy. I’m still shaky in public and I seem to hear the shots of the insurgents when I’m walking through the grocery store. It’s a little awkward when I hit the deck in the pasta aisle.” Her attempt to break the tension worked, and the crowd laughed.
“I wouldn’t have made it without each and every one of you. And my air crew, you all were so stellar and your exit from the aircraft after we ditched was impeccable. The fact that I was separated from you was no one’s fault but the ocean’s. There are never any guarantees in a ditch. We all know that.”
She took a moment to smile at each and every person who’d taken the time to come to her home, to wish her well.
“There were many long hours out in that hot jungle. SERE school sure came in handy, but the ability to recall each one of you and what you do day in and day out, with no thanks expected, that’s what helped get me through. I’d think of the Frame Shop or the Maintenance Department, keeping those old girls in the air. I’d see the youngest, newest members of our squadron as they rang up my chocolate bar purchase in the Gedunk. All your families were with me, too. I know you all were pulling for me. I felt your prayers, I really did.”
Adrenaline pumped through her as if she’d had five coffees. Gwen hadn’t felt so good since the day she’d reached the embassy in Manila.
And since the night Drew had made love to her.
“Enough of this serious crap. Thank you all for coming out. Now let’s have some fun! You have to help Drew and me eat our way through all the incredible food you’ve dropped off. Enjoy.”
She was immediately surrounded by her subordinates and the new executive officer she’d only met briefly on her return. Bradley Snyder had been flown out to Japan one month into the squadron’s deployment for the change of command. He’d filled in for her until now, and from what she’d heard, done a remarkable job of it.
“Bradley, it’s great to see you again.”
“Call me Brad, and Gwen, it’s great to see you again. You made it easy for me. The squadron was totally ready for deployment. We’ll talk later, but suffice it to say our success was because the squadron rallied around the hope that you’d be found alive.”
“I appreciate that, Brad.” The tug at her stomach felt foreign—until she realized it was jealousy. She’d laid all the groundwork, fought like crazy to live and this stranger showed up and gleaned the benefits from it.
It was time to get back to work, just as Drew had said.
Drew.
“Excuse me.” She extricated herself from the party and went inside. She looked around the bottom floor and didn’t see Drew with any of the clusters of people talking and drinking.
She headed for the stairs. It was hard to be subtle about it, since the open floor plan let everyone see her.
Once in her room she changed into a fresh pair of jeans and a polo shirt with the squadron logo embroidered over the left breast. She found her comfortable sandals in the back of her closet, thankful that she’d painted her toenails the other night. She allowed herself two minutes in the bathroom to brush her teeth and throw on some makeup.
Where was Drew?
A quick check of his room answered her question.
“Why aren’t you downstairs?”
He was sprawled in their oldest easy chair. Another chair they used to make love in.
“It’s for you, Gwen. No one misses me. They don’t expect to see me there.”
“Is it too much with everything you’re going through at the clinic?”
“Not at all.”
“Then I think you should come down. You know so many of them, from the other tours, from your work.”
“This is your time, Gwen.”
“You’ve helped make it happen, Drew. You got me to this point. Come and share it with me.”
“I’ll be down in a minute.”
“Okay.”
* * *
DREW WAITED UNTIL Gwen shut the door before he threw the book he hadn’t really been reading across the room.
Gwen deserved this time with her squadron. It didn’t involve him.
But she’d asked him to come down.
He couldn’t refuse her.
He walked downstairs into the din and sought her out.
When Drew saw Gwen laughing while listening to her subordinates tell sea
stories, he knew that calling Bradley Snyder on the sly last week had been the right thing to do.
Gwen needed to be around other sailors, other pilots. It was in her blood, never mind all her talk about giving it all up so she could be a mom to Pax. He had no doubt that she was going to be the best mother, but she deserved to enjoy her career, too.
Of course, providing a baby with a stable environment was a lot easier if the navy wasn’t part of the equation.
Not his problem. He had plenty of his own.
He grabbed a beer out of a cooler and twisted off the cap.
Tell yourself you don’t care.
“Hey, Drew.”
Opal stood in front of him, her smile and open stance welcoming. He saw her every morning at her coffee shack. The drive-through coffee trailer was popular with the whole base.
What the hell was she doing here at a squadron function?
“Opal, how are you doing?”
“Great.”
“Who’d you come with?” He had to ask; a green light was squadron only, spouses optional. Opal wasn’t married to anyone in Gwen’s squadron.
“Billy over there.” She motioned toward a crowd of male junior officers. “He invited me. It’s okay that I’m here, right?”
“Sure, but it’s supposed to be a squadron-only function.” He wasn’t going to be rude to her, but he was getting tired of Opal showing up everywhere.
“You all make me feel so welcome. And let’s face it, I wouldn’t be able to support myself without the business from the squadron.”
“You make great coffee.” He sipped his beer, trying to get out of the conversation. He looked over her head and his gaze met Gwen’s. Gwen was surrounded by squadron mates, yet she’d narrowed in on him and Opal.
If only he didn’t care. Then every little incident between him and Gwen wouldn’t make his gut tense up. “I buy the best organic beans and I have Pete up at the City Beach coffee shop roast them for me.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Hey, Opal.” A young gun Drew had never met sidled up to them.
Thank God.
As Opal flirted with the newer, younger guy, Drew made his way over to Gwen. She was enjoying herself, unquestionably, but she hadn’t done this much since she’d been back. Someone needed to make sure she didn’t overdo it.
* * *
DREW WALKED TOWARD her with his take-no-prisoners swagger.
“Do you want to call the powers that be and tell them they never should’ve let us deploy with those old frames?”
Derek’s earnestness compelled Gwen to answer positively.
“What I think about more is what a miracle it is that we’ve been able to fly these planes for over forty years. Compared to that, the new frame is going to be like flying a kite.” The group chuckled.
“We should’ve been given at least one of the new frames before deployment,” Mac chimed in.
“Maybe, but the important thing is that we made the most of what we had.”
She felt Drew’s presence as he slipped behind her. Quiet, unobtrusive, yet definitely there. With her.
“Drew, did you know in your gut the skipper was going to make it?”
“I never doubted it.”
Gwen turned sideways and looked back at Drew. His eyes met hers and his complete confidence in her warmed her from the inside out.
“Thanks.” She smiled at him and realized with a start that she had the strongest urge to reach up and kiss him.
“It’s nice to see you two back together, Skipper. Cheers.” Mac raised his bottle of beer and the rest of the crew members gathered around followed. Except for Lizzie.
“I owe you my life, Skipper,” she said.
Lizzie’s cheeks were red but she gazed steadily at Gwen, pointedly ignoring Drew. “If I were you, I might not have saved me.”
“Lizzie, we’ve put that to rest, haven’t we?” Gwen hugged the younger woman. “Life’s too short to dwell on our stupid mistakes. I’ve certainly made my share.”
“Thanks, ma’am.” Lizzie nodded at Drew, then walked off.
The unexpected desire to kiss Drew was squashed by guilt.
They think we’re a real couple again.
God, she hated lying to anyone, but to her crew, the people she was willing to give her life for...
The group started talking, several loud voices at once. Drew grasped her elbow and pulled her over to the side, near the fireplace mantel.
“You doing all right?” His breath caressed her ear, even though he stood several inches away from her. Far enough to keep a safe distance, but too close for her body to ignore its awareness of him.
She nodded. “I’m okay.”
The other aviators were spread out across the room, respectful of her privacy with her husband.
“You’ve got to take it easy,” he said.
“I’ll have plenty of time to do that after—” Her thoughts caught up with her.
She faced him squarely. “It was you, wasn’t it? You called them and told them to show up!”
“I didn’t expect the whole damn squadron to pour into my home, but yes, I called Brad and said it might be nice if a few people stopped in. Was I right?”
Anger warred with gratitude. After a full minute, she dropped her shoulders and relaxed.
“Yes. You were right. It is time for me to get back to work.”
“Hold it. What did you say?”
“I said you were right.”
“Did you take some mysterious herbs while you were in the jungle?”
“Hey, I know when I’m wrong.”
“You’ve never admitted it before.”
“Maybe I’m changing.”
“It’s possible.” He smiled briefly, then continued to level his stare on her. The look that let her know he missed nothing. “When are you going back in?”
“I can’t run in there and immediately start doing full days, but maybe two or three hours to start, then half days as long as I don’t have any signs of PTSD.”
“It seems to be limited to your nightmares.”
“For the most part.” She hadn’t told him, or anyone except her doctor, about the times the winds blew and the rain fell and she had to remind herself she was on Whidbey and not in the middle of a monsoon. Or about when she felt hot and cold all at once and wanted to drop to the floor, no matter where she was, to hide. She’d actually contemplated crawling into their kitchen cupboards the first few days she’d been back.
“Do you feel stronger?”
She looked into his eyes. “I do. Each day is better. I’m still not one hundred percent. That takes time.” She might never be, but it wasn’t something she wanted to talk about. Not now and not with Drew.
Someone hit Gwen lightly on the shoulder.
“Hey, what’s going on? I come over to bring you some TLC and you’re throwing a bash without me!” Ro, her face flushed with happiness, gave Drew a quick kiss on the cheek before she turned to embrace Gwen.
Gwen accepted her hug and hugged her back. “It’s a green light.”
“So I see.” Ro glanced around the house, the groups of people talking and laughing, the open deck doors that let in the Whidbey breeze. Her gaze landed back on Gwen and Drew.
“This is how your house used to be, how I love it. Filled to the rafters with folks having a great time!”
“I don’t know about filled to the rafters, but it’s nice to have some energy in here.” Despite Drew’s smile, Gwen saw the strain underneath his happiness. He was in his own hell with the death at the clinic but still able to muster up a positive response for her.
“I should go say hi to some more folks before they leave.” Gwen threw Ro a quick warning look before she walked away. She didn’t need her
friend playing matchmaker.
* * *
DREW TURNED TO RO. “How’s Miles?”
Her smile was blinding. Drew hated that he no longer made Gwen smile like this.
“Really well! We’re getting the house ready to move into. He’s driving me crazy with all his ideas to have the most modern house on Whidbey.”
“Working on a house together is a good way for you guys to start things off. We had fun when we built this place.”
Neither of them pointed out that this same house was the only thing still keeping him and Gwen legally connected.
“Yes, it’s a great project. My house was way too small and he was renting from his friend, who came back from deployment. We both wanted a place in the middle of the woods, one along the lines of your place—modern and spacious.” Ro laughed. “You know Miles. He doesn’t do things halfway. He wants everything to be perfect before we move in. I just want to get the moving part over with!”
“When’s your last day?” He meant her last day on active duty in the navy.
“At the beginning of June. Then I’ll go on ninety days terminal leave. It’ll be heaven not to have to be anywhere for three whole months.”
“Didn’t you get a new job with that craft store in Coupeville?”
“Gwen told you? I wasn’t sure if she realized how serious I am about it. I know it seems weird to her, but I have an artistic side I never got to explore as an intel type.”
Ro had decided to go into the fiber-arts business with a retired naval officer’s spouse.
“That’s great, Ro. Life’s too short not to go after your dreams.”
“You went after yours.” She faltered as they both knew she was referring to his PT practice. A business that was doomed. She placed her hand on his forearm. “How are you really doing, Drew? Is the case closed yet?”
He shook his head. “No. Nowhere near it.” He wasn’t about to delve into the details with Ro, no matter how much he or Gwen trusted her. According to Ramsey, it looked as if someone was either out to kill Dottie or to frame him.
Neither option made for pleasant party conversation.