Lost for You

by BJ Harvey

  I nod. My throat feels like it has closed up.

  “I’ve been here the whole time. I couldn’t bear to leave you again. I’m so sorry.” He comes closer and gently brushes his lips against mine. All I’ve wanted since he left was to feel his lips on me again. I lift my hand and gingerly place it behind his neck, pulling him back towards me when he tries to move away.

  He smiles as he goes to kiss me again. I can tell he’s being careful, but his touch feels tender and soft, like he thinks I’m going to break.

  His forehead leans against mine; as he looks down at me. “I missed you so much, Elle,” he murmurs against my lips.

  “Missed… you… too,” I whisper. Damn, it hurts so much.

  Brax stands up and sits back down in the chair beside me, not once letting my hand go.

  “How are you feeling?”

  I move my hand around to show that I’m feeling so-so. He leans forward again and sweeps my hair back off my face. “I missed you,” I whisper again.

  He sits there, like he’s trying to commit my face to memory again. “I missed you more.”

  I shake my head, not believing that it is possible for him to miss me more.

  “Well, I would show you, but considering you’re struggling to breathe, we might have to take a rain check,” he replies with a cheeky smirk.

  I start to giggle, then suddenly wince in pain. “Ow.”

  “Shit, are you alright? Damn, I can’t stop hurting you, can I?” He shakes his head and frowns. “I hope to hell you’ll let me make this up to you because it’s killing me to see you like this, babe, knowing that it’s my fault.”

  I shake my head at him. “No,” I wheeze as I feel my eyes get wet again.

  “Shh, you’re okay.” He reaches over to cup my cheek in his hand. “No more blame,” he whispers before leaning in again and gently brushing his lips with mine.

  “You need to rest, and your medication is going to make you fall asleep. I’m just gonna see Shay and update him. You sleep, and I’ll be back when you wake up. Is that alright?”

  “Yeah,” I reply, my speech slurring as the meds start kicking in.

  I hear a chuckle in the darkness, “I love you, sweetheart,” he says as I hear his footsteps walk out of the room.

  I sigh, unable to open my eyes to see him leave, but knowing that he can see the small smile on my face.

  Brax came back.

  I wake up, startled, a short while later.

  “Brax?”

  “Hey, sleepyhead. He popped home to clean himself up. There is a friend of yours in the waiting room, though. Would you like me to get him for you?” that nice nurse, Beverly, asks, standing beside me. She’s taking my blood pressure again; that is probably what woke me up. She removes the cuff, and offers me some more ice chips.

  “I’ll just pop down and get him for you, Elise. You need to rest, though, so I don’t want anyone upsetting you, okay?” I nod in agreement as she turns and leaves the room.

  A few moments later, Shay walks in the room. He takes one look at me and shakes his head. “Shit, babe. I’m so sorry, Elle. I should’ve stopped him.”

  “What do you mean?” I whisper. It doesn’t seem to hurt my throat as much if I talk quietly.

  “The shooter. He must’ve already been in the building because I didn’t even see him go in. But I had a feeling something was wrong, and when I heard the gunshot, I raced upstairs. I knocked him out, but he got away while I was helping you.” He grabs a chair and drags it over next to the bed, “I’m so sorry,” he says again.

  “Shay, it wasn’t your fault.”

  “It shouldn’t have happened. Not to you,” he says shakily, his voice almost breaking. He seems to be taking this really hard.

  “Brax?”

  He shoots his head up, grabbing my hand at the same time. “I sent him home to have a shower and a nap. He’s been here 24/7 since he got back. He did tell me to say that he loves you and that he’ll be back soon.” I give him a weak smile. “His brother, Devon, drove him up. You’ll get to meet him soon, no doubt.”

  “Brother?” My head is going fuzzy again. I’m guessing that Beverly gave me some more medication and that it is starting to kick in. All of a sudden, it seems really hard to do anything.

  “Yeah, babe. Brax will explain later, but you need to rest. He’ll be back here in no time,” he says quietly, reaching up and stroking my head.

  “Why did Brax say I was in danger?” I ask, my words coming out very slowly.

  “Don’t worry about anything, Elle. We won’t let them hurt you again,” I hear him say as my eyes go blurry and darkness envelopes me once again.

  When I wake up, the room is dark. All I can see is the red line of the heart monitor and a haze of light coming from the doorway. I look around, starting to panic when I can’t see Brax.

  “Hey, sweetheart. I’m right here,” he says from the other side of me. He must have moved the chair closer to the bed when I was sleeping.

  “I was scared you wouldn’t come back,” I say breathlessly.

  He reaches for my hand, tucking it in between his. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m here to stay. It’s you and me against the world now, hon.”

  I try to take a deep breath and calm down, causing pain to spike through the bottom of my chest. “I hope so,” I wheeze.

  “Hey, you gotta take it easy. I’m not leaving you again. Ever. You’re my today, tomorrow and my forever if you’ll still have me.”

  A huge smile grows over my face. “I’ve never wanted you more, Brax, and I don’t see that changing in this lifetime.”

  “Glad to hear it, darlin’,” he drawls, melting my heart and any resolve I had to quit touching him. I lift my hand and crook my finger at him, asking him to come closer.

  “I need you to show me,” I say quietly so only he can hear.

  “You don’t have to ask me twice,” he states, before gently teasing my mouth open with his tongue and softly caressing my tongue with his, exploring my mouth like it has been weeks, months, years since our last kiss. I sigh into his mouth as we pull back and just breathe each other in.

  I feel safe again. With Brax by my side, I’m not afraid of anything. I’m not scared of Harry Brimstone and what he might do with Brightlight, or even of the stranger who broke into my home and tried to kill me. Right now, in this room, I have everything I ever need.

  Elle has been in a general ward for just over three days now. The doctors are amazed at her recovery, and how well she is doing with her breathing rehab, and are talking about releasing her at the end of the week. Just two days and I can have Elle home with me.

  While she has her therapy session this morning, I’m heading home to make sure the apartment is ready for her and to meet up with Shay and Devon. While I’m grabbing some coffees, I feel my phone buzz on my hip.

  I pull it up to my ear. “Brax.”

  “Brax, it’s me. How’s Elle doing?”

  “Hey, boss. She’s really good. Looking at being discharged in a few days.”

  “That’s good news. How are things between you two?”

  “Really good. We’ve still got to talk about things, but we’re good, I think. I was gonna call you, actually. I’ve taken down the bugs in the apartment. We don’t need them anymore,” I state.

  “Brax,” he says, his voice full of warning.

  “No. There is no discussion on this. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. There is no need for HQ to listen in anymore!” I’m being defiant now.

  He pauses for a moment. “Okay, but you have to stay alert, Brax. And I’m glad she’s on the mend. I really am. Now for the reason I’m calling. I don’t know if you’re going to like what I’m about to tell you.”

  “Go on…”

  “I called to tell you that I had to let Gibbons go. He tried to hack into some secure information I had set up to catch him out. We traced some calls between him and Harry Brimstone starting a few months ago with the last one being last Saturday.”


  “I fucking knew it!”

  “Yeah, you picked it. I don’t know how much information he forwarded onto Harry, but I couldn’t take the risk anymore. You understand?” he drawls.

  This changes things. “Of course, although I’m surprised you didn’t put him out on his ass when we first worked it out.”

  “Yeah, well there is always a reason why we do things, Brax. I wanted to make sure he was compromised, then build up some evidence against him as leverage,” he explains.

  “So where to from here?” Suddenly, I have a bad feeling about all of this. We have another person to worry about.

  “I’ve put a trace on his calls and emails. When, and if, he contacts Brimstone again, we’ll know about it, but I want you to brief Shay about these latest developments. Gibbons received a fairly good incentive to cross me, and he might become desperate now that he’s lost access to his bargaining tools.”

  “Devon’s sticking around for a while. I think he should go with Shay too.”

  “That’s your call, Brax. You know whether he’s worth anything to us.”

  “Yeah, he is, and I’ll back him 100%.”

  “Good, because it’s on you.”

  “Would Gibbons come after Elle himself?” I hope like hell he is smart enough to know how idiotic that would be.

  “I don’t know, Brax. I haven’t worked out his angle, yet. Right now he’s motivated by money, but I want Shay and Devon to stay on Brimstone. It means they’ll have to go to LA, but with Elle in the hospital right now and you not leaving her side, I think it is now or never,” he explains.

  “I agree. It’s not like Elle and I will be going anywhere over the next week or two, apart from visits to the hospital for check-ups.”

  “Okay. Has there been any movement in or around the apartment?”

  “Nope, but I’m not going to risk it. Whoever the shooter was, he failed, so I know he’ll be back. I just don’t know when or how. I need to stay one step ahead.” I’m determined to hunt down the fucker.

  “And I’ll help in any way I can. As far as I’m concerned, the job is on-going so keep me updated,” he says before ending the call.

  I park my car and head inside the building. Shay and Devon have done an awesome job of cleaning the place up.

  When I walk through the door, Shay and Devon are sitting in the living room. Devon has been crashing on Elle’s couch since we arrived, but he’ll be moving to Shay’s place when Elle is discharged. I nod my head at them as I walk in, putting the coffees down on the table in front of them.

  “The boss just called. Gibbons has been cut loose,” I state as I take a seat on the couch.

  “Fucking hell! Where is he now? Do we know?” Shay asks, his frown deepening.

  “Nope. HQ are tracking his movements and calls, but the boss wanted us to know in case he shows his face around here. He’s a bit of a loose cannon right now, apparently. He was paid a lot of money to provide information about the job to Brimstone, and now he can’t do that anymore, so the money has dried up. We have no way of knowing what he’s going to do,” I tell them.

  “What’s this Harry Brimstone capable of?” Devon asks as he picks up one of the cardboard coffee cups.

  “Brimstone wants Brightlight all to himself. He’s got balls and knows that the only way to get Elle’s share in the company is to enact the incapacitation clause of the constitution.”

  Shay interrupts me. “We need him to slip up before they come after her again.”

  “Yup. That’s why the boss wants you two to go to LA. You need to work on getting someone close to Harry to flip.” It’s definitely not the most ideal situation, but it is something we need to do.

  “Okay,” they both reply without hesitation.

  “Fly out when?” Devon asks us.

  “Tomorrow. The sooner the better. But no flying. You have to drive. It’s untraceable.”

  Shay stands up and walks over to the kitchen counter where my laptop is kept. “I’ll work out the quickest route to get there. We’ll try to get in and out as quick as possible. I’m not sure about leaving you behind without backup though, Brax.”

  “It’ll only be for a couple of days after Elle’s discharged, and she’ll be needing a lot of rest anyway,” I say, knowing that Shay can read between the lines. I need them to get to LA and bring Brimstone to his knees quickly then get back to us while also giving Elle and I time to ourselves.

  I look up at the clock on the wall and realize that it’s almost time to head back to the hospital. “Okay, I’m gonna have a quick shower and head back in. You guys alright?” I ask, dropping my coffee cup in the trashcan.

  “Yup,” they reply in unison, earning a smirk from me.

  “God, you guys are even talking alike now,” I tease, cracking up laughing at the scowls on their faces.

  There is a lot riding on Shay and Devon’s trip to LA. They need to get enough dirt on Harry Brimstone so that we have some leverage. I also hope like hell that Gibbons will give up on this now that he’s been let go by the boss man.

  Somehow, I don’t think it is going to be that easy.

  I’m livid. Beyond angry. If Brax James were in front of me right now, I’d wring his fucking neck. I’ve had a sweet deal going, but he had to go and ruin it by getting all suspicious and talking to the boss. Of course, the boss didn’t tell me exactly why he was letting me go. He just told me that he couldn’t trust me anymore, and he couldn’t have that in his organization.

  Thankfully, my wife Gloria was out when I got home. I don’t know how I’ll explain any of this to her. All she knows is that the bank stopped calling us asking for money. She doesn’t know that I’m short two payments still. I’m waiting for Harry Brimstone’s call too. I’m expecting him to yell at me because I’m no use to him now. Not unless I can get to Elise myself.

  Damn! That may be my last option. I can’t have Gloria find out about the financial shit we’re in. I’ve never been able to say no to that woman, and years of giving her free reign of our finances and credit cards have put us in this position, along with my awful luck at the poker tables in Atlantic City a few weeks before Christmas.

  I thought all of my prayers had been answered when Harry sat down at the table next to me. Little did I know that making a deal with the devil himself would get me in an even bigger pile of shit. He saw his chance and took it like the shrewd business man he is.

  In the beginning, all he wanted was info on Brax and his background. He said he had heard of him and just wanted to make sure he was the right kind of man for Elle. I told him all I knew which wasn’t much. He seemed unhappy with it, and asked if I could start monitoring the case and informing him if anything of interest came up. So I did. I’d tell him about any developments in the case, or the lack of them. That was when he made me the offer which would turn me against the boss and the organization that I’d worked at for over ten years; $500,000 if I could get Brax out of Elle’s life. This would leave Elle open for Harry to swoop in and, in his words, persuade her to sign the company over to him.

  So I did what he asked. I made the call to get Brax out of Elle’s life, using Shay to relay the message. He had no reason to doubt my reasons for pulling Brax out. I told him that Brimstone had made the order, and called Evans in to deal with Elle unless Brax left her alone. I explained that it would be the only way we truly could keep Elle safe. I even promised to send a backup crew to watch over her. It all seemed too easy, really. I should have known it was bound to fail. I didn’t count on Shay staying behind.

  Brax realized something was amiss the moment he landed in Atlanta, and the boss didn’t know why he was here.

  So here I am; unemployed, on the boss man’s shit list, and waiting for the inevitable call from Harry Brimstone to tell me he’s reneging on our deal.

  I’ll be stuck with a house close to foreclosure, a clueless wife just waiting for any excuse to walk out the door, and nothing left to fight for.

  Dammit. There is only one option l
eft for me.

  I’ll need to take care of this myself. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

  After nearly two weeks in the hospital, I’m finally being discharged today. I can’t wait to be at home and start sorting out my life with Brax.

  He’s been so attentive since he came back. He’s lived at the hospital since coming back, not wanting to leave my side, and it’s only solidified my love for him. I know we need to talk about why he left so suddenly, and what he meant when he said that it was the only way to keep me safe, but I’ve been holding off talking about it until we’re back in our little sanctuary; our home.

  I’m taken outside of the hospital in a wheelchair, and Brax leaves me with Beverly while he brings the car to the front door.

  “I think I’m going to miss you two,” she says sadly.

  I giggle.. “Yeah, I’m sure you’re going to miss having to hide Brax in my room so that he doesn’t have to leave.”

  She giggles with me. “Well, maybe not that. But you two are so sweet, and I can see how much you love each other. It reminds me of my husband and I before we were married, it’s great to see,” she says with a smile.

  “Thank you for everything, Beverly,” I say, putting my hand on her forearm.

  “You’re very welcome, Elle. I hope I don’t see you back here for anything like this again, though,” she adds, leaning down and hugging me.

  “Me too.”

  I hear the Mustang come around the corner. Brax hops out and circles around the car to the passenger door, opening it just as Beverly wheels me towards him.

  “Thank you for everything, Beverly,” Brax says. I can hear the sincerity in his voice, and it makes me smile.

  “You’re more than welcome. You just look after Elle for me.”

  “Don’t need to tell me twice,” he says with a smirk. “I can’t wait to get her home and spoil her rotten. She’ll be sick of me by the end of the week.” He gives me his arm, and helps me into the passenger seat.

  I look over at Beverly one last time and smile. “See you around.”

  Brax closes the door and gives Beverly a hug before hopping into the driver’s seat and revving the car.