by Jackie Lau
“That’s quite alright,” Iris said. “I don’t need my grandmother to play matchmaker. I’d prefer to keep my dating life separate from my family, thank you very much.”
“Hmph. Well, you’re still young. But in two years, if you have no man, I will get to work, yes? Might be difficult because you do drugs and can’t cook, but I will manage. I will say you’re very good at cutting my grass. Also, very friendly and charming and pretty. That should be enough.” Ngin Ngin’s eyes lit up. “I know! I will find a man who is a chef. He can cook for you and your children.” She hesitated. “Unless you’re like Natalie and don’t want children? If so, it’s okay.”
“Can we not talk about this? I’m only twenty-six, and I’m not ready to think about kids. Right now, I just want to go home and do some drugs and forget about this conversation.”
“Iris!”
“I’m joking, Ngin Ngin.”
“You know Rosetta and I signed up for a cooking class in the summer? It is Thai cooking at the community center. Her grandson really likes Thai food, so she wants to learn. Maybe you could take the class with us, Iris? There might be a nice young man to rescue you when you set fire to kitchen.”
Iris just covered her face and shook her head.
As entertaining as this was, Natalie had better go if she wanted to make that train. She stood up and grabbed the small container of cannoli. “Thank you for lunch. It was lovely.”
“Glad you liked it,” Ngin Ngin said. “You will come back and visit me soon, I hope. Bring Connor and I will make something special for him. Maybe I will know how to make pad Thai by then.”
Natalie gave her grandmother a hug. “See you soon.”
“Good luck with Connor!” Iris called out as Natalie and Rebecca headed to the door.
“Ah, soon it will be just you and me, Iris,” Ngin Ngin said. “Maybe I can teach you how to make toast?”
Natalie loved her family, she really did. Even if weddings were always epic disasters.
* * *
Natalie tapped her fingers on the armrest, wishing the train would move faster. The trip from Toronto to Ottawa was several hours, but usually she didn’t mind—she would read or do work. But now, she couldn’t concentrate. She was thinking of Connor, and she hated that there were still so many kilometers between them.
Her phone rang. It was Simon.
“You have to settle a bet for us,” he said.
Natalie sighed. “What is it this time?”
“Are you and Connor going out now?”
“Um. Not exactly.”
“Define ‘not exactly.’”
“He asked me out and I turned him down. But I’ve changed my mind, so I’m on my way to see him.”
“Dammit,” Simon said. “I guess that means Seth is technically correct. Why couldn’t you have figured this out a day earlier?”
“What exactly was the bet?”
“I bet that you and Connor were now a couple. Seth bet that you would have fucked it up somehow.”
“My brother has so much faith in me.” She paused. “I wish I’d figured it out earlier, too, but some things take time.” She’d needed to talk to three generations of women in her family to figure it out. “What did you lose?”
“We’re having dim sum, and the pork buns and egg tarts come in plates of three. Now he gets the extra ones. You owe me.”
“Fine. Next time I go to Vancouver, I will buy you that extra pork bun and egg tart.”
“Bring Connor to Vancouver with you.”
“I hope to,” Natalie said. “I really do.”
She ended the call and stared out the window. As the train rattled across the province, she realized that in the past several years, she had become even more prickly and cynical than before, and she hadn’t let people get too close. She also realized that it had been a defense mechanism. A way of coping with the intrusive questions and comments she received, now that she was an unmarried, childless women in her mid-thirties. Plus, having her hopes crushed over and over had been emotionally exhausting, and so she’d put up walls around her heart. Had refused to let herself hope.
But now, she had lots of hope.
She would get Connor back.
Chapter 21
Connor sighed when he heard tiny footsteps scamper down the stairs.
He’d put Ariana in his guest room, and she loved the queen-sized bed. It’s so big! Just like Mommy and Daddy’s bed! Last night, he’d carried out the bedtime routine that Mallory had given him, and Ariana had gone to bed at eight thirty and fallen asleep within minutes.
Tonight, however, was a different story.
It was nine thirty, and this was the third time Ariana had come downstairs. He turned down the volume on the hockey game as she approached.
“Uncle Connor.” She frowned. “I’m scared. I think a really big monster could fit under the bed. Mommy says there’s no such thing as monsters, but sometimes Mommy lies about things to make me feel better.”
He suppressed a laugh. “There are no monsters under the bed. There’s a special cleaning service that checks for monsters, and I had them come on Wednesday. They promise the house is free of monsters.”
Ariana nodded solemnly. “I wish I had Beanie. He makes me feel better, but I forgot him at home.” Beanie was her beloved stuffed rabbit. There had already been one crying fit over his absence.
How did his sister do this every night?
Admittedly, Connor hadn’t been himself for the past week. There was a heaviness to everything he did, and he knew exactly why that was.
“How about this,” he said. “I’ll come upstairs and lie on the bed with you for a bit. I’ll turn on the lamp, and it’ll be like your nightlight at home.”
He turned off the TV, but before they could head upstairs, there was a knock at the door.
Ariana froze. “The monsters,” she whispered. “They found me. Don’t get it!”
“Somebody just has the wrong house. It’s okay. They’ll go away soon.”
But then there was another knock, and his phone buzzed. He grabbed it off the coffee table.
I’m at your door, Natalie’s text message said. I know it’s late, but I need to talk to you.
His heart thumped in his chest. “It’s a friend,” he said to Ariana. “You can come to the door and meet her.”
He opened the door, his niece clutching his leg.
Natalie was standing there with a small suitcase and a takeout bag. Her hair was a mess, and she was breathing a little heavily, as if she had run.
She was beautiful.
“Natalie,” he said, “this is my niece, Ariana.” He pulled her out from behind his leg.
Natalie bent down and held out her hand. Ariana shook it, her face serious.
“It’s nice to meet you,” Natalie said.
“I’m supposed to be in bed now, but I’m too scared to sleep and I miss Beanie. Uncle Connor is supposed to come upstairs and stay with me.” Ariana looked at Natalie quizzically. “Are you Uncle Connor’s girlfriend?”
“Something like that.” Natalie looked up at him and smiled.
Last weekend, he’d declared his love for a woman for the first time in a very long time, and she’d turned him down.
But now she was in his front hall, and he couldn’t help smiling stupidly at her. He knew why she was here.
“Let’s get you to bed,” he said to Ariana. He hoped she wouldn’t come downstairs for yet a fourth time. He turned to Natalie. “I’ll be back in a minute.”
“Natalie should come upstairs, too,” Ariana said. “If you lie on both sides of me, it will be harder for the monsters to get me.”
He refrained from thinking about all the things he and Natalie could do in a bed.
A few minutes later, they were upstairs in the guest room, the lamp on the bedside table turned on low, Connor on Ariana’s right side and Natalie on her left.
“Tomorrow, we’re playing zookeeper,” Ariana said to Natalie. “Uncle Connor will be t
he hippo. What do you want to be?”
“I could be a giraffe. My sister often wanted me to be a giraffe.”
“Is your sister little like me?”
“No, she’s all grown-up now.”
“Does she still want you to be a giraffe?”
“Thankfully, no,” Natalie said. “But I’ll do it for you tomorrow, okay? Now close your eyes. You’re safe here.”
Connor was lying in bed with Natalie...and there was a child between them. This was not the future either of them wanted, but on a temporary basis, it was just fine. The important thing was that she was here.
It sounded like Ariana was asleep. He waited a few more minutes, then got up and headed downstairs. Natalie followed him to the couch in the living room.
“You came,” he said, because that was all he could manage to say.
“I told you I’d help you babysit, didn’t I?” She settled herself beside him.
“Natalie...”
She cupped his cheek in her hand. “I do want you very much, and I did last weekend, too. But I couldn’t do it, not then. I had to realize something first, and that didn’t happen until I went to Toronto to see Rebecca this weekend. I also talked to my mother and my grandmother.” She paused. “The thing is, even though I was confident in my decision not to have children, I still felt like that made me a lesser person, less capable of love and less deserving of it.”
It pained him to hear her say that.
“Of course,” she continued, “I thought it was bullshit when people said that women who don’t want children are shallow and self-absorbed. Still, I internalized it to some extent, in part because of Anthony. But I shouldn’t have. I deserve this, and so do you. Yes, my parents’ separation has rocked some of my faith in lasting love, and yes, I can be cranky and pessimistic, but despite all that, despite all of my unsuccessful relationships in the past, I still believe we can make this work—which says a lot about how I feel about you. I didn’t think this would ever be possible for me, and then I found you. Or rather, I discovered I had feelings for you nearly two decades after meeting you for the first time.”
When she’d shown up at his door, he’d known she wanted to be with him, but still, actually hearing these words fall from her lips nearly made the air whoosh out of him.
She grabbed the white plastic bag she’d set on the coffee table. “Do you remember the first dinner we ate together, back when we were students?”
He nodded. “We were studying for our first-term chemistry exam, and we left the library to get falafel sandwiches because your stomach was growling loudly. I had a crush on you back then, you know.”
“You did?”
“I forced myself to get over it when you got a boyfriend, but now, it’s different. Now, I’m not just an eighteen-year-old kid with a crush. You mean so much to me.”
She smiled at him as she pulled a foil-wrapped package out of the bag. “Here. It’s heavy on the pickles. I remember that’s what you like, even though we haven’t had falafels together since then.”
“And yours has far too much tomato and olives.”
She gave him a mock glare. “Not too much tomato and olives. Just the right amount, which is more than you put on, but that’s because your tastes are not as refined as mine.”
They both laughed quietly.
“Anyway,” she said, “it’s almost ten o’clock, and I’m sure you’ve already had dinner, but I haven’t. I rushed to Ottawa from Ngin Ngin’s house—as fast as one can rush on a train, that is. Unfortunately, we were stopped for half an hour near Kingston, and I was furious. I probably should have eaten on the train, but I was too anxious to see you and—”
“Natalie,” he said, putting a finger to her lips. “Will you stop talking long enough for me to kiss you?”
He pulled her into his lap and slanted his mouth over hers. The moment his lips touched hers, he melted against her, joining in a way they never had before. He tightened his arms around her and pulled her as close as he could.
He never wanted her to leave.
“You’ll stay the night, won’t you?” he said. “We’ll have to be quiet, but I think we can manage.”
“Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere.”
That was what he liked to hear. “If you ever doubt again that you can do this, or that you deserve it, I will make it my mission to prove to you otherwise. I wish people hadn’t made you feel like crap for being who you are. I think you’re perfect.”
He kissed her again, until her stomach grumbled loudly. She laughed and picked up her falafel sandwich, but as soon as she took a bite, she made a face.
“Shit,” she said. “I got them mixed up. This is the one with pickles. Disgusting.” She handed it to him, then grabbed the other and took a bite. “Now that is good.”
“What do you think would have happened if I’d kissed you all those years ago, when we were studying chemistry and eating falafels together?”
“I honestly don’t know. I’m just happy we’re together now, and my God, you are turning me into such a sap.” She took a bite of her falafel sandwich. “Maybe I would have been disgusted because you tasted like pickles.”
“Maybe you’ll learn to like pickles.”
“Not happening. There are some things that can’t be changed, no matter how much we want them to, and that’s okay. But other things...do change.”
“How’s Rebecca?” he asked. “Did you figure it out?”
She nodded.
“I’m glad.”
“How has it been looking after Ariana?”
“I don’t think I’m the greatest disciplinarian.”
“You’re the uncle. You’re not supposed to be the disciplinarian.”
He picked up a pickle that had fallen out of his pita. “It’s been going okay for the most part. I just hope she stays asleep now.”
Natalie put down her sandwich and snuggled against him. “Your sister will be okay with you introducing your girlfriend to Ariana?”
“Girlfriend,” he repeated. “It’s been a long time since I’ve had a girlfriend.”
“Then let me update you on your duties as my boyfriend. Every morning, you must bring me breakfast in bed, including a generous amount of coffee. I expect very fine food, at least as good as the breakfasts at the bed and breakfast in Mosquito Bay. I also expect you to be fully nude and serenade me with your guitar as I eat.”
“I don’t play guitar.”
“You can learn.” She tipped her forehead against his. “You just need to be you. That’s all I ask. I love you as you are.”
His heart swelled at her words. “I love you, too,” he murmured. “I hope you stay until Mallory comes to pick Ariana up tomorrow. She’ll want to meet you.”
“I met her at your wedding.”
“Ten years ago,” he said, “and under very different circumstances. I’m not sure she remembers you. It’ll be good for you to get to know Mallory and Ariana, since I plan to keep you in my life for a long, long time.”
“I sure hope so.”
* * *
The next evening, Natalie sat down to a meal of pasta with mushroom sauce, green salad on the side. This was what Connor had intended to make for her last week, but she’d run out the door before he could start cooking, and now that Ariana had gone home with her parents, they could finally have their romantic candlelit dinner. They were sitting next to each other, Connor’s hand on her thigh.
She was a little behind on this whole love business. Her younger brother had been married nearly ten years, and her much younger sister had tied the knot, too. But that was okay.
“Ngin Ngin made us tortellini yesterday,” Natalie said. “She’s friends with an Italian grandmother, who showed her how to make tortellini and minestrone. Ngin Ngin is going to teach her to make doong.”
“What’s that?” he asked.
“Sticky rice dumplings wrapped in bamboo leaves. She puts pork and salted egg yolk inside. They’re good. I hope you’ll get to see
my family again soon under more ideal circumstances. Something that doesn’t involve a disastrous wedding.”
“What do you want for your own wedding?”
Natalie nearly choked on her linguine, caught off-guard by the question.
“Someday. Not in the near future, but...someday.” He raised his eyebrows.
“I never wanted a big wedding,” she said, “and that’s not only because I’m scared of the disasters that could occur, given my family history. But I would like a proper proposal, where you get down on one knee.”
She nearly added, I know that’s kind of corny, but she didn’t. She wouldn’t think of the things she wanted as lame and corny. She wanted a proposal, a nice small wedding, and no children, and there was nothing wrong with any of those things. Natalie could love herself just the way she was, and she believed that she deserved to have her dreams come true.
Connor kissed her on the cheek. “Then you shall have it. Someday.”
Several minutes later, that kiss still lingered on her skin.
He took her upstairs and made love to her, and this time, there were no brother and brother-in-law in the room next door, nor was there a niece in the bedroom across the hall.
This time, she didn’t have to worry about being too loud.
“Just you and me,” he murmured. “Just you and me.”
Epilogue
One year later...
They stood outside the entrance to the civic wedding chamber at Toronto City Hall. There were about thirty of them—mostly family, some friends.
It was Natalie’s wedding day. At last.
Connor had proposed three months ago. He’d made her breakfast in bed on a random Saturday in March. She’d taken a sip of coffee and almost spit it out in surprise—yeah, she sure was classy—when she’d seen the ring on the tray, beside the orange juice. Then he’d gotten down on one knee and asked her to be his wife, and she’d cried as much as she had during Moneyball. He hadn’t been naked, but that had happened shortly thereafter.
“Blue dress?” Ngin Ngin asked now. “Is this a new trend, wearing dresses that are not white for your wedding?”