by Sue MacKay
‘Why, Michael?’ she squeaked. Swallowing and clearing her throat, she tried again. ‘This morning I got the message loud and clear. You don’t—won’t—do commitment. What’s changed since? Because that’s important to me.’
She was trembling, and he rescued the wine glass from her fingers.
‘I got honest with myself. You were right. I have been using my family as an excuse not to lay my heart on the line again. My marriage ended horribly, and while I blamed myself I also grabbed every excuse in the book not to put myself in that situation ever again.’
He swiped a finger around his collar, let some air in over his hot skin.
‘Then one day I met this take-no-prisoners nurse in the ED and I’ve never got her out of my head since. Those two weeks we shared were so out of this world I ran. In my head, at least. But now I’ve stopped and turned around. I can’t imagine my life without you in it in every way imaginable.’
There, he’d told her everything. Ah, no—not everything.
‘I love you, Stephanie.’
The doorbell chimed. Damn. He’d waited years to open up his heart to someone and now the bloody doorbell rang. Go figure.
* * *
Steph reached for her wine, took a slow mouthful, savouring the delicious flavour as she gathered herself together. Had she heard right? Or was she about to wake up and find this the most horrendous dream she’d had to date?
Voices in the hallway told her she wasn’t asleep. Dinner had arrived.
This was beyond scary. Michael had just told her he loved her.
They were the words she’d never believed she’d hear. She had her fears, but so did Michael—marriage being one of them. But he had said those three special words. Words she’d never thought she’d hear from him.
She rose on shaky legs and went to find him. He was closing the front door behind the restaurant person. She headed for him, stepped up close to place her hands on his chest. She loved this man. He needed to know that. Now.
Her mouth dried. Could this really be happening? He wasn’t going to turn away from her again, was he?
Only one way to find out. Put her heart on the line as he’d done. Tell him. But he’d made a habit of pushing her away. She’d never survive if he did it again after she’d told him she loved him. As if life was going to be a beach if she didn’t...
Okay. Deep breath.
‘Michael, I love you. I have always loved you from that day you arrived in the ED. We must’ve clicked instantaneously without realising.’
The joy on his face as he lowered his head towards hers made her giddy. She had to hang on—tight. Then he kissed her gently, softly, lovingly. And she returned the feelings in triplicate.
Finally they dragged themselves apart and Michael took her hand, led her into the dining room and to the feast that was cooling on serving plates.
His voice quivered. ‘A celebration dinner.’
‘Yes, it is.’ Though she wasn’t hungry now. Not for food.
Tightening her hand around his, she held him still.
‘You hurt me when you dumped me two years ago, but you did the right thing. I wasn’t ready. I needed that time away from Auckland, away from the people who’ve supported me almost too much in the past. I needed to learn to stand strong on my own before I committed to someone else. Otherwise I might’ve dragged you down with me.’
‘I worked that out recently.’ Those beautiful lips widened into a heart-wrenching smile. ‘But you love me, and that’s all that matters. We can talk this over all night or we can kiss and make up. Kiss again, I mean.’
‘I like that idea best.’
As his mouth closed over hers Steph fell into Michael, relaxed completely for the first time in for ever. She’d come home, ticked the boxes.
All except one.
* * *
Dinner was cold when they made it out of the bedroom. Wrapped in her thick bathrobe, Steph couldn’t stop smiling as her body hummed after their lovemaking.
‘I’ll reheat this.’
‘It’s not going to be quite the same, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.’
Michael gave her one of his toe-curling smiles as he found two clean glasses and filled them from the bottle he’d left on the sideboard.
Taking the wine he offered her, Steph made a decision. It was now or never—and she wasn’t into never.
‘How do you feel about us getting married?’
He blanched. ‘I know I’ve come a long way—but not quite as far as you, it seems.’
‘I’m not saying we have to rush out tomorrow to buy a marriage licence, but I want to do it one day. When I say I love you, Michael, I mean the whole deal.’
‘You’re right. Marriage is important.’ He gulped his wine, coughed when it went down the wrong way.
She had to continue. ‘It’s about trust.’
‘I trust you—always.’
‘Sure you do. And I trust you. But what I’m saying is we have to trust us.’ Raising her glass, she tapped her breast and then his chest. ‘Us. We have to let go of the things that have hurt each of us in the past and believe in the future, trust our feelings and trust each other’s.’
He nodded, his mouth lifting into a beautiful smile. ‘Especially my feelings for the woman I know and love.’
He loved her. Air hissed over her bottom lip. That was the second time he’d told her.
‘You’ve been showing me that for a while now, but neither of us recognised it for what it was. Love.’
The word slid slowly over her lips into the air between them, wrapping around them. His lips were silk on hers, tasting of wine and, yes, of love.
Was this going where she suspected it might be headed? Where she wanted, needed it to go? Excitement raised its head, heated her blood.
Down, girl. We’re not there yet.
‘Are you sure you can change your long-held belief so abruptly?’ She didn’t want him opting out tomorrow, or next month. She wouldn’t survive. ‘There’s my infertility to consider. It would mean you won’t have children of your own. Have you thought that through?’
‘I have. It’s quite simple. A baby would be a bonus, but not a reason to be with you. If I don’t have a future with you I’ll be missing out on the best chance I’ve ever had of the things I’ve dreamed about. I won’t win the heart of the woman I love more than that life.’
‘Oh, you’ve already got that.’ She smiled tentatively.
He loved her. Under her ribs, her heart worked a bit harder. He was prepared to do this for her. She loved him more than she’d have believed possible. And she could give the same back. Yes, letting go of her belief and need wasn’t that hard after all.
‘We don’t have to marry. I’ll live with you if that’s what you want.’
His head moved slowly from side to side. ‘No, Stephanie. That’s not happening.’ He got down on bended knee and reached for her hands again. ‘Stephanie Roberts, will you please do me the honour of becoming my wife?’
She’d have said yes if not for the monstrous lump blocking her throat. Throwing herself at him, wrapping her arms and legs around him tight and placing her lips on his mouth was the best answer she had at that moment.
‘Is this a yes?’ he murmured against her mouth.
She nodded, swallowed hard, and whispered, ‘Yes, I will marry you.’
Tick. The final box had just been filled in.
Just as well she hadn’t got around to putting the dinner in the microwave. It seemed it just wasn’t a night for fine dining...
Five months later...
‘Why do honeymoons have to come to an end?’ Steph asked her husband as he negotiated the traffic on the northern motorway. ‘I mean, if we take out the Christmas and New Year celebrations with our families and friends joining us in the beach house component, we’ve only h
ad ten days of honeymoon all to ourselves.’
‘You think it’s all going to turn to boring and routine once we get home?’ Michael smiled. ‘Timetables and shifts, getting in the groceries now that you’ve taken up cooking, mowing the lawns so Zac doesn’t get lost in the grass—stuff like that?’
‘All of the above.’ Something was niggling at her, and through the haze of love and fun and being with Michael it just wouldn’t expose itself. ‘You sure today’s Sunday?’
‘Afraid so. Just to remind you—we both start back at work tomorrow.’
‘Yeah, yeah...’
She was looking forward to it—had missed the buzz of racing to help someone—but there’d been a much bigger buzz of another kind going on over the past weeks. Being married to Michael had turned out to be better than even her wildest dreams had allowed.
So what was wrong with her? Everything was panning out the way she’d hoped, had longed for. Sitting beside her was the most wonderful man on the planet, who loved her exquisitely in every way possible. What more could she be wanting?
Ping.
‘What’s the date?’
‘The fifth. Of January, in case you missed the significance of New Year’s Eve.’
‘The fifth?’ Her mouth dried. ‘It is, isn’t it?’ Her hands became fists on her thighs.
Couldn’t be. No way. Not now. Not after all this time.
‘Steph? You’re worrying me.’
I’m frightening myself too.
‘Sorry. It’s okay.’
She’d wait till she knew for sure one way or the other—didn’t want to upset Michael if she was wrong and had to retract it. She knew the pain of that all too well. He did not need to experience it just because she’d blurted out something without first verifying it.
‘Now I know you’re hiding something.’
Despite his smile there was grit in his voice that ground into her.
‘You’re right.’ Being honest was the only way to go—pain or no pain. They’d agreed to share everything, to trust each other, to trust them. ‘I might be pregnant.’
Michael jerked, swerving the car into the far lane before he straightened it and got his thinking sorted. ‘How late are you?’
‘Only six days, but I’m never late—not even a day.’
No, this wasn’t possible.
‘It has to be a result of all the excitement of our wedding, and Christmas and New Year. My body has forgotten what it’s meant to be doing.’ Damn, this was going to hurt. ‘I will not get excited. It’s a false alarm.’
‘Only one way to find out—and the sooner the better.’
Deliberately changing lanes for the next exit, he sped up. His mouth was grim, his eyes filled with worry when he flicked her a glance.
‘Don’t overthink it. Please, sweetheart.’
‘It’s all right. I’ll be fine. I’ve known for a long time I can’t get pregnant, so I’m not going to fall to pieces over a negative result.’
Huh? Where was the honesty in that?
At Albany, Michael pulled up outside the first pharmacy he saw and was out of the vehicle and around to Steph’s door before she’d unclipped her seat belt.
Hand in hand, they raced inside. ‘Where are the pregnancy test kits?’ Michael called out.
All conversations stopped as staff and customers turned towards them.
‘Second aisle, halfway down on the left,’ a woman in a smart navy smock answered as she made her way out from behind the counter. ‘Here, let me show you. We have a few choices.’
‘Just want one that shows positive!’ Steph smiled, despite the fear cranking up in her tummy.
‘This one is the most popular.’ The woman handed her an oblong box.
Steph’s hand shook as she stared at it. This was the instrument of truth. In her hand was a stick that would decide their future.
Believe in good things. Your life’s turned around since you came home to Michael.
Her mouth tilted upward. ‘We’ll take it.’
Michael was ahead of her, his wallet in his hand, withdrawing crisp twenty-dollar notes. ‘Don’t worry about the change—buy as many coffees as you can.’
And then he was taking Steph’s hand again and racing for the door.
‘Come on, sweetheart. We’re wasting time.’
The shop assistant called, ‘Good luck!’ which was followed by the pharmacist and the customers adding their best wishes and clapping.
The fear fell away as Steph went with the good wishes and excitement wrapping around them. The drive home took ten minutes—so much for speed limits—and felt like for ever.
But the moment they were inside the house she paused, her heart thumping. ‘What if—?’
Michael’s lips kissed her forehead, then her mouth. ‘Let’s find out.’
As the thin blue line appeared Steph shrieked and leapt in the air, before throwing herself at Michael to wrap her arms around him and kiss that grinning mouth.
‘Thank you, thank you. You made me pregnant.’ Unbelievable.
‘Wow...’
His voice was filled with awe. Nothing but love shone out at her from those gorgeous eyes she fell into regularly.
‘I’m going to take a photo. It can be the first thing to go into our baby album.’
She stared at the stick. Was this real? Suddenly the fear was back, turning her blood cold and lifting her skin.
‘What if...?’ No way could she finish the sentence.
Michael’s eyes locked on hers as his warm arms wrapped around her. ‘It’s real, Stephanie. Real. We are having a baby.’
‘But I couldn’t get pregnant—not even with—’
A lump blocked her throat. She couldn’t face waking up one morning to find the unmistakable evidence that this was all false, that she wasn’t pregnant. She couldn’t. Not this time.
‘Shh,’ he murmured against her hair. ‘There’s no understanding nature, darling. You and Freddy couldn’t conceive together, but no cause was established. You and I, however, we’re good to go.’
There was no hesitation—not a hint of doubt to mar his words.
Steph melted into him. ‘Thank you for believing in this. There will be days I’ll be crippled with doubt, but with you at my side I know we’ll make it.’
‘Trust us, remember?’ He smiled softly before kissing her thoroughly, wiping away any trace of that fear.
EPILOGUE
THOUGH SHE NEVER admitted it out loud, the fear did taunt her and haunt her at times, forcing her to mark off every day—until day two of week thirty-eight arrived and she began cleaning the bathroom as if her life depended on it. Once every surface gleamed she headed to the kitchen, armed with rags and a spray bottle of all-purpose cleaner.
‘You’re exhausting me.’ Michael grinned and filled the kettle. ‘Sit down and I’ll you make a cup of tea.’
‘I don’t want to sit down,’ she snapped with unexpected shortness. ‘The pantry needs a tidy—all that stuff in packets should be in containers—and the—Ahhh!’ She sank against the bench, her hands gripping her belly.
‘Steph? Oh, no. Really? It’s happening? We’re on our way?’
The pain was receding. She pulled in a deep lungful of air, wiped her hand across her forehead. ‘Make that tea. This is only round one.’
No sooner had she closed her mouth than her stomach tightened painfully.
Michael’s warm, reassuring hand settled on her back. ‘Easy. Breathe slowly. That’s it.’
‘Take it easy? When my tummy feels like it’s being split in half? I don’t think so.’
Michael swiped the keys from the bench. ‘Those two contractions were quite close. I’ll phone the midwife and tell her we’ll meet her at the maternity unit as soon as possible.’
‘Don’t pull the doctor rank,�
�� Steph warned.
Okay, you can, but do it nicely.
‘Ahhh!’ Was she even going to make it to the hospital? Right now she’d swear her baby was going to make an appearance on the kitchen floor.
They made it to the maternity wing of Auckland Central with minutes to spare. Having been warned, the midwife was waiting when Michael wheeled Steph into the room, having commandeered a wheelchair from a young man who thought a sprained ankle deserved him being pushed to the ED.
The midwife examined Steph and gave her a big smile. ‘This isn’t going to take long. And everything’s looking good.’
Steph shivered.
Don’t tempt fate. Nothing’s good until it’s over.
‘Fingers crossed.’
‘Well, you’re in no position to cross your legs,’ Michael quipped, even while the gravity of the moment darkened his gaze. ‘We’re going to be fine.’
He laced his fingers through hers, wincing when the next contraction struck.
And then within minutes they really were fine.
The midwife placed the most precious gift imaginable on Steph’s breast. ‘Welcome to motherhood.’
She stared in awe at her baby. Tears streamed down her cheeks. ‘Beautiful...’
Nine pounds. Ouch.
‘We did it.’
Michael sat on the edge of the bed, just as absorbed with their son. ‘We sure did, sweetheart.’ He lightly ran the back of his finger over the tiny fist pressed into Steph’s breast. ‘Welcome to the world, James Samuel Laing.’
Steph snuggled into the thick pillows behind her and leaned her head on Michael’s shoulder, drinking in the sight of her wee boy. A perfect bundle of joy already gripping her heart and dominating her world.
She’d just ticked the last box on her list. Okay, so she’d cheated, having added that box on the day she’d married Michael. But their love for each other had given her more hope than she’d known for a long time—enough to make her take a chance.
Enough to trust them to get it right. Together.
* * * * *
If you enjoyed this story, check out these other great reads from Sue MacKay