Learning to Live

by R Cole

  I nod my head. “Yeah. I like this girl. From the first day I met her, I’ve liked her.” I lean back against the couch and blow out a breath.” She’s just so closed off and guarded.”

  “Well, just give her time and trust that if she’s meant to be yours for a little while or a lifetime, it will happen.” He turns to me and you can tell he’s remembering from some other time. “I was like that with your mother once. She was actually dating a friend of mine, and I was so frustrated because I knew she was meant for me. Even after they broke up, she wouldn’t give me the time of day because she didn’t want to ruin the friendship he and I had.” He walks over and pats me on the back. I’ve never heard this story before, and I can’t imagine Mom with anyone other than my dad. “Look at us now though. Twenty-five years and never happier. The right one is always worth the struggle.”

  Well that didn’t help me feel much better, but I know he’s right. If Trudy’s meant to be mine, it will happen eventually. I just wish it would happen sooner rather than later.

  “Thanks, Dad.” I give him a hug and walk out the door to go get ready for the night.

  After I shower and shave, I put on a white button down and roll the sleeves up. Then I pull on some comfortable jeans that are good and worn with fringe around the edge and slide on my flip-flops. I head downstairs with David, and we talk to my mom for a few minutes while we wait for Trudy and Jazz.

  “You two behave and watch out for Jazz and Trudy,” Mom says, pointing her slender finger at us and giving her “Don’t cross me” look. “Don’t let Jazz get too tired either.” With Jazz’s heart issues she can get tired a lot easier than a normal person, so we always keep an extra eye on her. I often forget because she acts like every other eighteen year old.

  “Yes, ma’am,” we say in unison and to me we sound like we’re both thirteen again and were just punished.

  We hear the girls’ heels click on the wooden stairs and then McKenzie and her friend Samantha complimenting them on how they look. “Jazz, you both look so pretty. I can’t wait until I’m old enough to wear makeup and heels.” McKenzie is going to be a knock out even though she’s in a wheelchair. I’m dreading her growing up.

  All thoughts leave my brain when they round the corner and Tru is in my line of sight. How can someone look so good? Her hair is down and it reaches to the middle of her back, which happens to be bare. She’s wearing some green top that hooks around her neck and is backless plus a pair of skin tight khaki colored pants with some nude heels. Her makeup is flawless and natural looking. I watch as her diamond nose stud catches the light while she talks to my mom. I just realize as she turns around that she is not wearing a bra, and I have to focus on my breathing and look lower, but of course now my attention is centered on her ass that’s just begging to be spanked. I need to get out of here quick because I’m about to go ape shit and drag her up the stairs over my shoulder.

  “I’ll be in the car.” I know my voice sounds rough, but I just head out without another word and hope she puts me out of my misery soon. Man, I need a drink, I think to myself as everyone piles up in the Jeep and we head to the bar.

  We’ve been here an hour, and I’m feeling good sitting downstairs at the club with Jazz. The place is dark with bright colorful lights moving in sync with the music. The dance floor is packed with sweaty bodies, and there’s a metal pole in the center that girls hump trying to impress the guys.

  As soon as we came inside earlier, David found the brunette from earlier and split. When we found a table, Jax went to the bar. I haven’t seen him since, and I’m feeling disappointed. Jazz and I have been surrounded by some of her high school friends since we sat down. I don’t really know how to talk to all these people, so I sit and listen to their stories of Jazz and her past high school experiences, even if it was only a few months ago.

  I love the music the DJ is playing, and I feel like dancing, but not with any of these other guys that have asked. I’m feeling pretty confident from the shot of tequila Jazz and I did in honor of our friendship. I can feel my body starting to heat up as my muscles loosen, and it’s starting to hum with the need to move. “I need to use the bathroom,” I yell to Jazz as she talks with some cute guy that she used to date.

  “Okay. I’ll be right here.” She continues to smile and flirt with her old fling and doesn’t look my way. I’m glad to see this because it reassures me that I’m wrong about the rumors regarding Professor Wallace.

  I make my way through the crowd, thankful I know how to walk in heels without falling. It’s one of the perks of my old job. Making my way through the crowd, I notice that guys look at me as I pass. Looking down at my outfit Jazz let me borrow for the night, I feel sexy for the first time ever. Since she is way shorter than me, her mom let me borrow these slacks that hug my ass perfectly and in all the right places. I wasn’t expecting to go out so I didn’t bring anything with me. I’ve never worn anything like this before. The material of the shirt glides up and down my bare chest and causes my skin to get chills from the friction. It’s backless so I had to forgo a bra, and I’m sure it shows. But I don’t care at the moment. Its color brings out my eyes and the nude platform heels add length to my legs. I was hoping to drive Jax crazy tonight, but he seems to be avoiding me and I haven’t seen him.

  As I exit the restroom, I finally spot him with a crowd of people talking and laughing. Determined to make a move I decide since he won’t approach me, I’ll approach him. I take a deep breath, trying to gather my courage, and start to walk in his direction. I’m captivated by his smile as he laughs, revealing his dimple. My heart rate picks up while thinking of his kiss but then it falls into my stomach. I stop in the middle of the crowd when the cougar from earlier today walks over to him. She’s wearing a little more clothing but not much. Her tight short black dress and black stilettos that wrap up her calves just scream sex. I think I might be sick with the way she’s rubbing her large, fake breasts all over his bare forearm while she talks to him.

  Through the fog in my brain I hear the song Va Va Voom by Nicki Minaj start up and see her drag Jax to the dance floor with all his buddies cheering him on. I start seeing red while I watch her rub her ass all over his crotch. I can tell he doesn’t want to dance with her by the way he’s trying to avoid touching her. However, he continues to, which only impresses his friends and pisses me off. Man can he move! Just watching his hips sway to the beat of the music is so hot I start imagining his hips pumping against me while I’m being filled with him.

  When I finally shake myself out of my heated, sex-filled daze, I know what I want to do. I walk over to the DJ on the other side of the club and ask him to play Rhianna’s and Chris Brown’s remix of Birthday Cake. I walk back to the table and see another shot sitting in front of my vacant seat and down it to gain courage. Either I’ll make a complete fool out of myself or I’ll leave tonight with the one person that makes me want more for myself than what I thought was possible.

  I look to Jazz who just notices me standing there. “You wanted to see me dance, well just watch.” I hear her squeal as I walk onto the crowded dance floor and toward Jax, who’s still being dry humped by the wild cat.

  I hear my song start over the speakers and feel the bass vibrate my body. I walk like I’m headed on stage with slow catlike movements until the beat starts, and then I clap my hands and shake my ass the way I know how. I stare at Jax the whole time, and when he looks up, his heated stare boosts my confidence and my determination. As I start to move my whole body—not just my hips like cougar over there—I notice I have more space. The onlookers have made room and are just watching. They begin cheering as I dip down and make my whole body and then my ass vibrate. I own this moment as I forget about the crowd, and definitely the evil stare from the cougar, and just let go. I move my feet with the beats perfectly and bend my body in complicated moves that only professionals can do. I start to break dance and mix it with some hip-hop, knowing I could give Beyoncé a run for her money. I lip sing the whol
e time, and when the verse about making him my bitch plays, I stare at my target. I hear catcalls and then Jazz screaming my name. God, I love this!

  When Chris Brown’s vocals start, I notice a young guy coming toward me. I can tell he dances the way he keeps rhythm with the beat. I decide to kick my shoes off toward Jazz and repeat all his moves while adding a few of my own and some pirouettes. As we dance together, I throw my leg around his waist then grind on him. Even with all this commotion around me, I’m aware of the heat from Jax’s stare. I never would have thought that getting attention would cause my adrenaline to rush through my whole body like a speeding car. But I know it’s because of one set of eyes watching me above the others that is causing this feeling.

  I strut to the pole for my finale. I grab it with one hand and walk around it while my steps match the beat perfectly. Then I slowly climb up and brace it with my thighs before I flip backwards. Coming back up, I hook one leg around the pole and start to spin while making my decent.

  The guys go crazy and I realize I don’t feel dirty like my previous pole performance but sexy. I’m not sure if it’s due to the alcohol, Jax’s stare, or the feeling of control I have over the crowd, but I love every second. After my bare feet hit the floor, I start walking with a sway to my hips toward my dark eyed target. He’s staring at me with the same look I’m sure is on my face: pure hunger.

  I watch him push cougar aside and walk with purpose in my direction. Everyone disappears when we reach one another, and I watch his nostrils flare with every breath he takes. We continue to stare at each other, and my breathing increases from the excitement building inside me. It’s causing our chests to touch with each inhale, and I can feel an electrical current building from the friction.

  All of a sudden I lose it and pounce on him. I jump in his arms and wrap my legs around his waist and drink from the oasis that’s his mouth. I feel his chest vibrate against mine when he growls and wraps one hand in my hair and the other grips my ass hard. I love the intensity of his hold, so I don’t mind the pain. In fact, I want more and know I can’t wait any longer.

  His tongue slides smoothly against mine, and I love the feel of it. I can’t remember anything tasting so good and know I’ll never find anything better than his kiss.

  The feeling of cool air hits my bare back, and it feels so good on my overheated skin. Then I feel cold metal against my spine, but it’s quickly forgotten because Jax thrusts his hips against mine, and the feel of his hard cock causes me to quiver.

  “I want you so bad, Tru,” he whispers roughly as his tongue glides from my mouth to my ear then lower on my neck. I get goose bumps all over my body from the sensations his touch causes.

  I can’t talk at the moment because the emotions he evokes in me are so overwhelming. I can only feel and that’s exactly what I do. I feel everything that is Jax, his gentleness under a tough exterior, but also the fierce protection he offers me, and I want to feel it forever.

  Running my hands down his chest, I feel his heart slamming against my palm. To know I can cause this reaction in him is such an aphrodisiac. I can feel wetness building between my thighs and can’t stop myself from rubbing against him harder, desperate for release.

  I slide my hands underneath the hem of his shirt, letting my hands slide across his bare skin. I think I’m about come just from the feel of his hard muscles under smooth skin. My hands continue to slide up and down over the ripples of his abs, and I know I’m close to exploding. I moan and the sound is so foreign to my ears because I’ve never felt this way before, and I don’t want it to end.

  He braces me more securely, and I feel one of his hands reach under my blouse. Then he’s palming my breast. His mouth lands on mine again, and he sucks my tongue into his mouth as he pinches my hardened nipple. Then I see stars as my body convulses, and I moan his name.

  He’s breathing hard, just like me, when I’m finally able to open my eyes. It takes me a few minutes, but I realize we’re outside and I’m against his Jeep. He rests his forehead against mine as we catch our breath. “I want you so fucking bad, Tru. Not just this beautiful body...” he glides one hand from my neck, down my sides, then brings it back up and covers my heart “...but here too.”

  I’m scared of what this man does to me, but I want to take all that he’s willing to give. First I need to let him know who I am, and that means sharing my past with him. “I want you too, Jax, but there are things about me that you need to know. Things I’ve never shared before.”

  “I know, Tru. I know you have secrets, and I know you don’t trust easily. I also know that you are mine, and I want to know everything about you.” He kisses me with such softness this time, and I feel the truth of his words.

  I trust him even though we only met a month ago, and I want to see where this leads me. “Okay,” I whisper when we break apart. “I want to tell you, but not here. I want to be somewhere private.”

  His smile is beautiful and I can’t help placing my hand on his cheek while we look into each other’s eyes. He kisses my palm without ever breaking eye contact and says, “I’m going to go get Jazz and David so we can head home. I want you to get in the Jeep and lock the door okay?” I nod my head and he opens the door for me then helps me in. Before he shuts it though, he kisses me again then winks, showing off his dimple as he shuts my door.

  I watch as he jogs back to the club, feeling my nerves and excitement building. I’m nervous with the thought of finally talking about my past and excited because I’m finally willing to let go and live. I look down and take a deep breath to gain my composure, but then I laugh when I see my bare feet and wiggle my toes.

  As I head into the club, I’m on the best high of my life, and it feels fucking fantastic. The girl I’ve been obsessing over is waiting for me and is willing to trust me. Even though my dick is still hard from watching her come in my arms, I won’t push sex on her. I want more than that, so I’m willing to wait.

  I find my sister and David surrounded by a crowd. David sees me approaching and separates himself. He comes up and slaps my shoulder with a huge smile on his face. “Dude, this is probably the only time I’ve ever been jealous of you when it comes to a girl, but dammit, boy.” He laughs as we walk to the table. “That was so fucking unreal people can’t stop talking about it.” I can only agree, still smiling as we reach the table.

  Jazz is jumping up and down with excitement all over her face. “So, where is she?” She looks over my shoulder excitedly. When she doesn’t see Tru she looks back in my direction.

  “She’s in the Jeep. We’re about to head home. I wanted to see if you two were ready.”

  They give each other a knowing look and smile. “No, we’ll call a cab or find a ride in a bit. You two go and have fun.” David grabs the brunette from the beach by the waist and whispers something in her ear that makes her giggle.

  I look at him and tell him in a voice that needs no arguments to make sure Jazz gets home safely. I’m sure he will because she’s like a sister to him. I also know that he can sometimes think with his other brain, so just to be on the safe side, I tell him again.

  “Jax.” I look at Jazz as she stands on her tip toes and hugs me. “Be careful with her, okay?” Then she hands me Tru’s shoes she left earlier.

  I take them and nod my head because I know how much she means to Jazz. I turn around only to see Ginger, or as Tru called her “the cougar” standing with her hand on her hip and an annoyed look on her face. “You ready to get out of here?” She starts edging closer and when she reaches me I once again push her to the side.

  “Yeah, I am,” I say and watch her face light up with victory, but then while walking away, I add, “just not with you.” I leave her pissed off and don’t give a damn.

  I practically run toward the Jeep, and when I get there I need to kiss her again, so I lean over the center console and grab both of her soft cheeks in my hands before my lips touch hers. Man, I have found my addiction and know I’ll never want to stop kissing her. The
electricity in her touch always gets my heart rate up, and I feel as though I can conquer the world.

  Slowly pulling back, I watch her face while her eyes remain closed. The street lights highlight her full, pink lips and long lashes fanning her flushed cheeks. The bridge of her nose has a small dusting of freckles that only make her features stand out more. I give her one last kiss on her forehead then start the Jeep.

  She opens her eyes and clears her throat before she speaks. “Where’s Jazz?”

  I hand her shoes back to her before we pull out on the highway and head toward the marina. I don’t want to be interrupted tonight, so I have the perfect place in mind. “Don’t you mean Jazz and David?”

  “No, just Jazz. I’m sure David is keeping up his regular routine and won’t make it back.” She sits back in her seat while watching the scenery go by.

  “Yeah, but he better be sure Jazz gets home first or he’s a dead man.” I laugh even though I’m serious.

  We grow silent and I have to ask what has been on my mind since I saw her on that dance floor. She blew not only me away but everyone in the building. “So Tru, where did you learn to dance like that? I mean, you were incredible.” I glance in her direction and watch as the street lights reflect off her features.

  She smiles softly before she answers. “I’ve been dancing for as long as I can remember.” Her smile falters and she shrugs her shoulders. “In a way it was an escape from all the bad in my life.”