by R Cole
I shake these thoughts from both of my heads and hug her back. “Hey to you.” I take her hand and grab her bag as we head to my Jeep. “Yo, David, you coming?” I ask and he’s talking to another dancer who seems to be buying his line. Then he leaves her and follows us out to my Jeep.
As I drive toward Tru’s dorm, I glance in her direction. She’s so fucking beautiful, but I love her with no makeup and sweaty like she is now. “You work tonight, right?” I already know she is, but I ask anyway. She nods and I continue. “Can you call in or find someone to switch with so you can come tonight?” My parents are in town and want to take Jazz and me out to dinner. They said Tru could come, but she’s stubborn.
“No, Jax. I have to save money. You know that. Plus it’s a family dinner.” She smiles and turns back toward the window. I turn up the radio to think. I know she has been saving money, but for what I’m not sure. I already consider her my family. Deciding not to push the issue, I relent and turn up Bad Girlfriend by Theory of a Deadman. Trudy looks at me and rolls her eyes while laughing when I wink.
We arrive at her place, and I walk her to her dorm while David waits in the Jeep. I haven’t seen Jazz lately and plan on asking her where she’s been at dinner tonight. I set her bag on her bed and walk up behind her as she grabs her clothes for a shower. “David can wait if you need help,” I whisper in the back of her neck, and I feel her shiver. I start kissing her neck and move her hair to the side. I slowly scrape my teeth against her skin, and she makes a sound that causes flashbacks from the other night to surface. “Even sweaty you taste good.”
She turns and kisses me back, but then there’s a knock on the door. “Hold that thought.” She kisses my nose and walks to the door. Her rigid body posture when she opens the door tells me the thought is instantly gone.
“Hey, Mrs. Coleman,” Tru says as she opens the door wider.
“Hi, Mom.” I walk up to Trudy, who looks so red from embarrassment it’s comical, and pull her to my side.
“Hey, Jaxon, I didn’t expect to see you here. I came up looking for your sister, but I can’t get in touch with her. I know she’s neighbors with Trudy so I thought I’d stop by.” She grabs Tru and gives her a hug that matches Jazz’s. My sister learned from the best.
Tru smiles awkwardly. I know she’s not used to the affection, but she needs to get used to it being in my family.
“I’m sorry. Jax was just about to leave. We just got home. We haven’t been here long, I promise.” Tru is so cute when she rambles all I can do is smile and squeeze her tighter against me.
Mom just shakes her head, smiling, and looks at Tru. “Nonsense. I only care that you’re safe in your sexual adventures.”
“Mom!” I know they understand my sex life, but does she need to say it like she has experience.
“I’m heading out.” I turn toward Trudy and kiss her even with Mom watching. I just can’t help myself. “I’ll see you tonight after you get off. Okay?” She’s been staying the weekends at my house, and I love having her there when I wake up. I just hate her leaving on Sunday.
“Okay,” she whispers and says goodbye to Mom before she heads back in to get ready for her day.
Mom and I walk down together, and I tell her in a serious tone, “I love her mom.”
She just pats my arm and looks at me with familiar eyes that say she already knows.
Reaching my Jeep, David jumps out and hugs Mom. “Hey, Mom. Did you bring me anything from home?” He always wants something from Mom’s kitchen when she comes to visit.
She smiles lovingly at him, and I know if he wasn’t of legal age, he’d become a Coleman. “Not this time.” He pouts which causes her to smile. “Aren’t you coming to dinner tonight? I’m sure they’ll have something you could eat.”
Yeah, but it won’t be as good as anything of yours,” he whines.
Rolling my eyes, I look at him. “You know, David. You are just like a dog when it comes to my Mom. Always wanting treats and a scratch behind the ears.”
He gives me the bird before Mom cuts in. “Boys!” She looks at me and I immediately behave from habit. “Jaxon. I raised you better than to call people names.” Putting her attention back on David she pats his cheek. “And I didn’t raise you these past few years to be a kiss ass.”
Then I notice Elle with another girl, and she sees the whole thing. David has yet to notice her, so I decide to play. “Yeah. Remember the last time you kissed ass you had to go get that Hepatitis B vaccination just in case.” He looks at me like I’ve lost my fucking mind, and I try to maintain my serious face. I look past his shoulder and wave. “Hey, Elle. How’s it going?”
He smiles. “Whatev…”
“Hey, Jaxon.” Elle waves and walks past us, laughing with her friend. David’s face pales before it turns red as I burst out laughing. It’s going to be a great fucking day.
It’s Friday night and the bar is packed. Janet has Chris working the behind the bar with Benji since it’s crowded. She rented a Karaoke machine to try help business pick up, and it looks like it worked. I don’t mind having a busy night though because that means more tips, and I’ll be done before I know it.
I’m running around the tables with Blaire on the floor and taking a round of drinks to a table full of guys, and they seem to think they’re better than everybody else. When I reach them they basically undress me with their eyes, and I start to feel dirty.
“Here ya go, gentleman.” I place the pitcher of beer down with some chilled glasses. I hear their laughter even through some girl’s butchering of Beautiful by Christina Aguilera. I know they’re laughing at me, but I ignore it as best as I can and ask if they need anything else.
“Yeah, kitten, why don’t you give us a private show later?”
When I turn and face Blondie I look at him like he’s crazy. “Excuse me?” I might need their tips but not enough to take their shit. I can feel my anger rise and know if I don’t walk away, I’m going to snap. It’s already been a crazy ass night and my fuse feels short as is. I was taught how to defend myself over the past eight months, and I won’t cower now. “You mind repeating that?”
“Sure. I said we would like a private show later from Atlanta’s own Precious Love.” He smiles and winks at me while I feel my skin crawl from his stare and my stomach drop from his words.
I take a deep breath and gain my wits. I don’t know how this guy knows my stage name, but if he saw me all those months ago, I’m sure he’s just thinking I look familiar. I’ll play it off then walk away.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, and this isn’t that kind of establishment.” I try to walk away but he grabs my hand and pulls me in his lap.
“If I’m wrong then tell me what this is.” He slides a photo he has over and I instantly freeze in my efforts to get loose and my face pales.
I see myself on stage all those months ago, and I start to shake. “Where did you get that?” I ask, barely audible because my breathing has become shallow and there’s a lump clogging my throat.
“Some guy gave it to us outside. He said we wouldn’t be disappointed with the show and especially the after party.” I feel his hand grab my breast, and I start to struggle again.
“Let me go,” I say when his grip tightens and I’m sure a bruise will form later. I look at his friends for help and they only give me the same disgusting looks as earlier. No one else seems to be paying attention or are too drunk to care.
“Let her fucking go and take your friends and leave.” I look up and see a pissed off Benji standing in front of me. I feel relief rush over my nerves just knowing he’s there, but the picture keeps me on edge.
Blondie just laughs and says while nuzzling my neck, “Not without this sweet ass here giving us some entertainment first. I have enough money if that’s what you’re worried about.”
I’ve had enough of this and turn around to look at this dick that won’t take a fucking hint. His buddies continue to laugh, like feeling up an unwilling person is p
erfectly fine. I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck then bring my hands and caress his cheeks. “I’ll be done soon, Benji,” I say, not looking his way. I hope he knows that I mean in a second.
Blondie smiles. “I don’t think so, baby. We all get a round with you. I heard you’re used to that.” He licks his lips but then screams as my thumbs dig into his eye sockets.
As soon as he loosens his hold, I jump up to get away. I see his buddies are fighting Benji, three against one. Luckily a few of the bouncers show up after only a few punches are thrown, and the assholes are removed from the bar. I’m shaking as I walk to where Benji stands holding his jaw, and I hug him. “Thank you.”
He doesn’t say anything but guides me to Janet’s office to hide from the onlookers. I look at his face as he leans against the desk and see a little blood. I hate the fact that it’s there because of me. Then I notice his shirt is torn and his under shirt sleeve is pulled up his forearm.
That’s when I see the track marks. Bile rises in my throat and my eyes start to burn. I feel anger and hurt at the same time. How can he do this to himself?
He catches my stare and pulls down his ripped sleeve right before Janet walks in.
“You okay, Trudy?” I bring my eyes away from his arm and face Mrs. Janet, but I can still see the marks in my mind.
“Yeah, I’m good. Thanks.” I plaster a fake smile on my face until she leaves and then turn my stare back to Benji. “Do you want to explain to me what’s on your arm Benji, or do I just get to assume that you use?” My voice is a hard whisper. I stand and walk up to grab his arm.
He yanks it from my grip and steps out of my reach. “Well while we’re telling secrets, maybe you can explain this.” He digs in his pocket and throws something across the room at me. I reach down and pick it up and feel sick. My legs give out and I land on the floor and just sit there while I look at the picture that asshole produced earlier. Benji must have grabbed it off the table after the fight because I completely forgot about it.
I can’t speak at the moment and feel myself start to shake. Benji comes into view as he squats down in front of me and lifts my tear-streaked face with his finger under my chin. “Look, Trudy,” he says in a soft voice. “You and I both have demons we have to deal with, and we do it in our own way, so I won’t ask you about yours and you do the same. Okay?” He starts to stand, but I grab his hand and pull him down. I look into his dark blue eyes pleadingly. He needs to understand how much he means to me. How much I enjoy the laughter he always evokes in everyone he’s around and this habit will slowly tear it all away and ruin him.
My demons are different because I can’t change them. He can choose to stop though. My anger only escalates as I think of the talent being wasted. “Do you like the feeling it gives you? To be so out of your goddamn mind you don’t care who you hurt. Do you do it for kicks or to make yourself look big and bad?” I hate drugs because it’s taken everyone that was supposed to remain in my life away. My parents because they were desperate for their next high and Brian because of the violence they cause.
I look up and see his face become angry. “Why does what I do fucking matter, huh? I don’t owe you a goddamn reason or anything else.” Again, he gets ups and walks toward the door, so to stop him I say the only thing I can think of before he leaves. Why I feel desperate for him to understand, I don’t know.
“They killed my son.” When I don’t hear the door open I know he’s stopped. I glance his way and watch him turn back toward me. He looks so shocked from my confession that I clarify. “Drugs. They killed my son.” I look at my hands clenched together in my lap. “My ex was a user and a supplier. He would get aggressive when he was high, and it just escalated over time.” I know I have his attention, so I stand up and lift my shirt to show him my scar. “Our last fight was this past February. After a few punches and kicks, I ended up being thrown on some glass. My liver was punctured and I lost so much blood I should have died. I was almost eight months pregnant. They rushed me to the hospital where I went straight to surgery for a C-section and repair.”
He walks over and traces his fingers over my scar at first then turns me and takes in my tattoo. “Are these his footprints?” Concern is laced in his whisper.
I pull my shirt down because his touch is just too intimate. “Yeah. He lived and fought for almost a full day, but he was too small.” I look his way and straighten my spine. “After I was released from the hospital, I had to take care of myself. I got a waitressing job at an adult club after school at night. I only went on stage once, and it was right before I moved here.” I look in his dark eyes and tell him in a serious tone. “That’s why I don’t like you doing drugs. It takes everyone I care for away, and believe it or not, I do care about you, Benji. And I’m not the only one.”
He’s silent for a minute, then he’s sits at the desk and rests his head in his hands. “I would tell you the reason why I do it, but it’s not my story to tell.”
He looks up at me with such an expression of sorrow that I walk over to him and give him a hug. “I’m not asking you to tell me why. I just want you to really think about the damage they can do, not only to your life but those that care for you.” I pull back and get ready to leave, but he grabs my face and kisses me. I’m so shocked that I don’t react at first, but then I push him back. I face the door, shocked at what just happened.“Why’d you do that?” I ask, wiping my lips and turning back his way.
His understanding features contort into exasperation, “So you care about me, but just not enough, huh? Is it because I don’t have a trust fund or a rich family?” He stands up and walks in my direction.
When he reaches me he looks into my eyes. I feel as though I’m being assaulted again tonight, but this is different. I feel burned from the deep and raw emotions directed at me.
His voice is pleading with me, “We are one and the same, Trudy. You’re just as broken as I am. Maybe together we can be whole. You and pretty boy have absolutely nothing in common.” He’s hurt more than angry, and I can tell by the way he’s looking at me.
“I do care, Benji, but I’m dating Jax. It’s not about status for me, and if you knew me, you would know that. You need to fix whatever’s going on with you on your own. I’m working on me.” I take a breath to calm down before I walk out that door. I look him in the eyes, trying to show him the truth of my words. “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings or led you on in any way. I’m going back to work and forgetting that kiss, but you really need to think of the consequences of your actions.” I slam the door and wipe a stray tear as I walk back to work. Tonight has been a complete mess.
The rest of the night Benji’s missing, and I try not to think too much about it. Blaire looks worried and I’m sure she’s aware of his drug use. I remember begging Brad to stop and getting nowhere, so I imagine it’s the same for her.
I walk up to her at the end of the night while we’re cleaning. “Hey, Blaire. Sorry for leaving you for so long earlier.”
She smiles awkwardly and shrugs her shoulder while she walks over to dump a few bottles in the trash. “It’s fine. No one really ordered for a while after that because they were too busy talking about the commotion. I’m just sorry you had to deal with those guys.”
“Yeah, me too.” I pause and watch her face before I continue. I want to talk about Benji and his drug use, but I don’t know how to approach the subject. I decide subtle is the best way. “Thankfully Benji showed up when he did.” I watch her face fall and her eyes become sad. She just nods her head and walks off to finish her tables.
I look for more photos around the bar wanting to know who passed it on. I’ve been running through so many ideas, but none of them seem logical.
Nobody knew I danced at night. I completely cut off all relationships with anyone after Brian. I also moved because the apartment was raided and destroyed after the cops found drugs stashed away. Luckily the social worker found me somewhere to live for relatively cheap, and I could still catch the bus to s
chool.
I shake these thoughts away and finish closing up shop with no luck on the photos. I don’t know what to do, so I decide to just let it go and head to Jax’s welcoming arms.
It’s Halloween and the house is throwing its annual costume party tonight. Since Trudy’s never been to one, I’m thrilled to be the one to experience another first with her. I hope her eyes light up the way they did after we built the sandcastle. She’s excited about dressing up too but refuses to tell me what she’s wearing. Knowing Trudy though, it won’t be too revealing, but it’ll still blow my mind.
I decide to dress in a gangster costume from the 1920s. It’s different and let’s face it, I’m a guy who likes guns. Plus, I don’t want any paint or other shit that will itch at the end of the night on me. After I explained this to David, for the hundredth time, he finally stopped asking me to go as Jeff Dunham’s puppet Walter. He asked Mason but his mom needed to work so he’s taking his little sister trick or treating.
I’m finishing up my shower and putting on my black striped suit when I see David with his face painted green like José the Jalapeño. He has a stick painted from his chin to his crotch. There’s a sign attached to it, so I look closer and shake my head. It’s a sign asking the ladies to please hold his stick and he’ll talk dirty. Typical David.
“You really think chicks will fall for that shit?” I laugh because he looks so ridiculous.
“Hell yeah they will. Any excuse for them to grab the goods.” He adjusts himself and winks.
“So any luck with Elle?” I have to ask because it’s become his goal before he graduates to sleep with her. I’ve never seen him so focused on one girl for this long, so I think he might actually like her.
“Nah! But I’m just going to take my time, man. She’ll drop them panties soon enough, but until then there’s always someone else.”