by Kaye Dobbie
I was trying not to laugh, not looking at Lincoln, but when we were alone again I couldn’t resist saying, ‘My aunt seems to have eclipsed you, Mr Nash.’
‘I’ll rise again,’ he retorted. ‘You wait and see.’
The meals arrived and I asked him if he was still going to sing his new songs at Estelle’s Valentine’s Day charity event, and he said he was, with an enthusiasm I couldn’t doubt.
‘I feel as if I’ve broken through a brick wall,’ he said, pausing with a forkful of steak halfway to his mouth. ‘I’ve been struggling, but that’s just the way it is. And then, out of the blue, along comes someone who turns out to be your muse, and everything is flowing again like magic.’
‘My grandmother will be thrilled.’
He glanced at me, opened his mouth as if to refute that, and then changed his mind. ‘The cottage is helping,’ he went on after a moment. ‘I think living amongst all of that history is good for the imagination. The five boys lying in one bed … great stuff.’
‘So, these are folky songs?’ I said, trying to sound happy about it.
He seemed to read my mind, and his eyes gleamed. ‘Sort of,’ he answered, and then a smile broke through. ‘I said I’d sing “Dark Star” and I will. It won’t be the same because it won’t have a backing band. But you might like a stripped-down version, you never know.’
‘Of course I’ll like it!’ I scoffed, although I was secretly worried I wouldn’t.
He was still watching me. ‘The girl at the supermarket—Suzy, is it?’
I waited for him to go on. I knew my face was warm so I was probably turning pink. What had Suzy said? I hated her, I was never going to help her out with her garden again.
‘What about Suzy?’ I demanded, when it was clear he wasn’t going to tell me without some response from me. ‘And by the way, we went to school together, and I grew up and she didn’t. She still thinks it’s funny to drag up nonsense from years ago.’
I thought that had about covered all bases, so why was he laughing softly to himself? He wiped his eyes and sighed, leaning back in his chair and looking at me. Just looking.
‘Lincoln?’ I murmured, wondering what on earth was going on.
‘Sorry,’ he said, and sat forward. ‘You’re just so … Everything you feel is right there on your face. You’re totally transparent.’
‘I am not,’ I protested. ‘Am I?’
He nodded. ‘You are.’
Sade was playing in the background, her mellow voice a perfect accompaniment to the evening and our intimate meal. I half listened to her, lost in contemplation. If I was so easy to read then maybe I should work at changing that? How embarrassing. Did that mean he’d recognised my fan-girl feelings from the beginning? Everything, laid bare?
Lincoln seemed to realise I was rather overwhelmed by this news because he changed the subject and began to ask me, quite gently, about my mother.
So, I told him about Mum, how she had come home from the Angel all those years ago, fallen in love with Dad and married him. After I was born, she began to think about what else she was going to do with her life. It wasn’t that she didn’t love being a mother, just that she was the sort of woman who had to have several irons in the fire. So Cantani Desserts was born and had gone from strength to strength. From a niche market to a local icon to a worldwide phenomenon, or at least I believed, if my mother had her way, it soon would be.
‘That was why it was so unlike her to go off like that. She’s always there, for me and Dad, for Gran, and for the business.’
‘It must have been something very important,’ Lincoln said. ‘Something that couldn’t wait. She seems the sort of person who sets priorities, and for this to take precedence over everyone and everything else …’
Of course he was right. My mother had given this journey to Queensland top priority in her busy life. She hadn’t gone on a whim—how could I have thought such a thing!—and nor was it some midlife journey of discovery.
I still wished she’d told me what was going on. I didn’t think it was fair or right that she hadn’t.
‘Maybe she didn’t expect to be away this long,’ Lincoln replied, when I spoke aloud. ‘She might have thought it would be all over by the time your aunt arrived, and she’d have plenty of time to talk to you about it. Your father said she was held up, didn’t he? Something must have happened up there that meant she couldn’t get home again, not until now.’
‘I still think it has a lot to do with Bert Dalzell. Those photographs and the Queensland connection … There are too many coincidences.’
‘They could be just that, coincidences,’ he said, playing devil’s advocate.
‘Hope thinks there’s a connection, too. I can tell. She’s busy nosing around in Melbourne right now. She wanted to know cousin Kitty’s address, and Kitty was at the Angel with Mum.’
‘Have you asked Hope what she knows?’
‘Of course I have! She won’t tell me, or at least she slides around the subject. She’s very good at it actually.’ I gave a big grumpy sigh. ‘I want to know.’
‘Sam, sometimes waiting for a thing makes it all the more special.’
I had the feeling he was saying a lot more than the words seemed to suggest. I struggled to work it out, or maybe I was afraid to believe what my own ears were hearing.
‘Come on,’ he said. ‘We’d better go before they throw us out.’
I wanted to tease him and say that no one would dare throw Lincoln Nash out, but I was feeling a little bit out of my depth. Together we walked to the hospital carpark, where we’d left our cars. No holding hands this time, but we were close, shoulders brushing, and I could feel the warmth of his body and smell his aftershave. It felt as if we were on the verge of something, but I wasn’t sure what and I didn’t want to jinx it by pushing too hard.
‘How did you end up in Willow Tree Bend?’ I asked him, realising I had never asked this particular question, and right now it seemed important.
‘Derek told me about it,’ he said, and I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was smiling. ‘After he and Jason bought their place, he did some exploring in the district and came across your cottage. Thought it would be just the thing for a failed singer and song writer to regain his muse.’
‘Another coincidence,’ I murmured.
‘Yes, they keep cropping up.’
We’d reached the ute. Time to say goodbye, although it wasn’t really a forever sort of goodbye. I reminded myself that Lincoln would be playing for Estelle, and then there was Gran, who seemed to have developed a crush on him, or was it vice versa?
Lincoln, I told myself with relief, wasn’t going anywhere.
‘I didn’t finish telling you what Suzy said,’ he spoke softly. I felt his breath stir my hair. ‘Or the question I asked her.’
‘No,’ I sighed. ‘Come on, then, what was it? I bet she told you about the poster of you I had on my wall, didn’t she? In my defence there were others. I liked INXS, too.’
He looked a bit startled. ‘No, it wasn’t that,’ he said, ‘although I’m a bit miffed to hear you had Michael up there as well as me. I would have thought I deserved top billing on your bedroom wall.’
I laughed, I couldn’t help it.
‘No, I asked her if you had any men in your life, anyone special at the moment, and she said you don’t.’
‘Oh.’
We were close enough so that, when his lips brushed against mine, we didn’t have to move much at all. I just leaned into him and he slid his arms around my waist, and we let our mouths do the rest.
‘Thank you, Suzy,’ I whispered, when I came up for breath.
He muffled his laughter in the angle of my neck, sending tingles up and down my spine.
I would have liked to take him home with me, but it was too soon. Seriously, I couldn’t do that to my heart.
‘Lincoln,’ I began, but he was ahead of me.
‘We’ll take it slow,’ he said, tucking a strand of my hair behin
d my ear. ‘Slow is always best, something I’ve learned over the years. As long as you want …’
Was that doubt I saw in his eyes? Well, what did you know. ‘Oh yes, I want,’ I said. ‘Very much. But slow is good.’
He nodded, hesitated as if he wanted to kiss me again, and then stepped back. And then again, until we had a good distance between us.
‘Goodnight, Sam,’ he said.
I watched him walk away. Everything was tingling and spinning, and my heart was thumping, and I felt as if I might be able to fly. I knew the signs. I told myself I should force my feelings back into their box and lock it up tight, but the truth was I didn’t want to.
Lincoln Nash wanted to be my man, and I sure as hell wanted to be his woman.
HOPE
16 January 2000, Melbourne
Kitty’s house was reasonably clean, Hope decided, but with the sort of untidiness that comes of someone not having enough time to put things away. Her cousin hadn’t slammed the door in her face, or even looked very surprised. She’d simply stood back and let her inside.
In the lounge, magazines and books were scattered about on the furnishings, along with quite a few cups and plates from the day’s meals. Hope wasn’t judging her; she imagined she’d be the same if she didn’t have room service. Anyway, the place felt comfortable, as if the person who inhabited it was at peace with herself.
Kitty had said she was divorced and lived on her own, and that she had no desire to share again. Having her own space suited her. Her two daughters had grown up long ago and left home, and one was studying and one was overseas. Shown some photographs of the girls smiling at the camera, Hope thought they looked a lot like Kitty.
‘They do their own thing and I do mine,’ Kitty said, returning the frames to their position on top of the television. She’d been watching a movie, but now she switched it off and nodded to the sofa. ‘Sit down.’
Hope had had plenty of time to observe her cousin by now. She was the same and yet different, older certainly, although her face still retained much of the pretty girl she had been. That was one thing you could say about Lily’s family, they aged well.
‘This is a blast from the past,’ Kitty said, flopping down on a chair and crossing her legs. ‘Not often I have a famous Hollywood actress in my house.’
‘Not so famous now.’ Hope took the sofa. That was when she noticed there was a distinct odour of dog in the air, although she couldn’t see one.
Her cousin was watching her. Waiting, thought Hope, for her to confess to spotting her at Jared Shaw’s nursing home. Apart from that moment when she opened the door, when her eyes gave her away, Kitty had said nothing about this afternoon. Clearly she wasn’t going to make this easy.
Hope had never had as much to do with Kitty as her sister. Kitty was nearer to Faith’s age, and Hope was aware that her sister idolised her cousin. There were times when she’d been jealous of that—how they’d whispered together as teenagers whenever Kitty was visiting, and then fallen silent when Hope entered the room. She’d always been relieved to see Kitty go home again, so that she could have Faith all to herself.
She glanced around at the room and knew she didn’t have anything to be jealous of now. Kitty’s life had been relatively pedestrian compared to hers. She told herself to stop it. This wasn’t about silly past resentments. This was about her concern for her sister and, she hoped, Kitty’s, too.
Time to cut to the chase.
Hope leaned forward and fixed Kitty with a direct look. ‘I saw you today.’
Kitty smiled and raised an eyebrow as if she was at perfect ease, but her upper leg was jiggling up and down. ‘You may have. I do go out most days. I have a part-time job at a cafe.’
‘I was at a nursing home, visiting a man called Jared Shaw, and I saw you there. The receptionist gave me your name, but even before that I knew it was you, Kitty.’
Kitty frowned and Hope thought she was going to lie, prevaricate, or waste time with silly games.
‘I came because I want you to talk to me,’ Hope said quietly, trying to impress her cousin with the gravity of the situation. ‘I need your help.’
Kitty looked surprised, but she was biding her time, picking at a hole in the stretchy material of her black leggings. Hope waited her out and eventually the other woman began to speak.
‘Look, you obviously know who Jared is or you wouldn’t have been visiting him. What sort of help can I give you? We haven’t seen each other for over thirty years, and even then we weren’t that close. You never liked me, Hope.’
She thought about denying it, but there seemed no point. Kitty was right, she hadn’t liked her then and she probably didn’t like her now.
‘This isn’t about you and me. It’s about Faith. She’s gone AWOL and I think it’s to do with her time at the Angel. I wanted to ask Mr Shaw about her, but he wasn’t very forthcoming. And he wasn’t very complimentary about her either.’
Kitty gave a snort of laughter. ‘No, I don’t suppose he was.’ She fiddled with the loose blouse she was wearing over the leggings. It was green, like her eyes. She looked good, but as Hope remembered she always did have a certain flair.
‘Where has she gone?’ Kitty asked abruptly.
‘Queensland. The top part, I think. She had a phone call and a few hours later she was in the air. There was a man … someone she knew from the Angel. Joe thinks it’s Faith’s story to tell, but I can see he’s worried. Samantha, too. And now Lily is in hospital. What is it all about, Kitty?’
‘How should I know?’ Her eyes narrowed.
‘You worked with her, she lived with you, and after she came home there was a rift between you. Something happened. Just a guess,’ she added wryly.
Kitty fiddled with her blouse again, pleating the hem. ‘Is she still happy with Joe?’ This time she looked up directly into Hope’s eyes. ‘I used to think there was nothing that could put a wedge between them. Nothing except for the Angel, that is, and back then Joe was willing to overlook that.’
‘Overlook what?’
But Kitty wasn’t prepared to answer that question.
‘Did you know it was Faith who closed down the Angel?’ she went on. ‘Oh, the police took the credit, but she did their work for them. Jared went to jail. They dragged Dalzell down from his dizzy heights. Not that I minded—he wasn’t a … nice man. He scared me and plenty of others. No one was willing to make him stop, until Faith did it.’
Hope felt the shock trickle through her like ice water. It took her a moment to find her voice and she hoped her face didn’t betray her. ‘Bert Dalzell was involved?’
‘Of course. Don’t you know anything?’ she said with a scornful glance. Jared had said much the same thing. Treating Hope like a fool who hadn’t done her research.
‘He had a house in Golden Gully,’ Hope went on, not sure why she said it, not sure why she was prodding at this particular sore.
‘Yes, Faith told me. She thought he was some sort of local hero until I put her right.’
Hope wasn’t warming to her cousin. In fact, she was beginning to remember just why she had never liked her. ‘Samantha said there was an old photograph found in the house. Dalzell and a woman she thought was Faith. Was it you?’
Kitty shrugged. ‘Probably.’ She paused. ‘I was worried about Faith, if you want the truth. I was sorry I’d offered to find her a job, and especially there. But by then it was too late. I had no idea that she—’
She bit her lip.
‘Honestly? In the beginning I thought life at the Angel was exciting, on the edge, you know. It didn’t seem real half the time. Faith made me see how real it was, and when she changed towards me—looked at me differently—I understood just what it was doing to me. I needed to get out and she gave me that opportunity.’
Hope tried to imagine her sister riding to war like some Joan of Arc figure. Faith had only been seventeen. True, she was strong and she had a propensity for standing up for those weaker than herself, but to bring
down a gang of underworld criminals? It seemed a little too incredible.
Kitty was still talking.
‘Afterwards I was let off with a suspended sentence. Avery made sure of that; it was one of the last things he did while he was in the job, poor bastard. I found work and forgot about the past, and soon I met a man and we had a family. I’m not saying everything was perfect—what is?—but if I’d stayed where I was, with Jared, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be alive today. I remember Faith telling me that, and the annoying thing was she was right.’
The corners of her mouth lifted in a smile that made her look twenty-one again.
Hope let that sink in. There were questions, and she was certain Kitty was leaving out whole chapters from her story, but at least she was beginning to get somewhere. The pieces were falling together even if they weren’t quite in order.
‘I don’t understand why you visit him? Jared.’
Kitty shrugged. ‘It just sort of happened. I’d lost touch when he went to jail, put him out of my mind, but then I heard he was there from someone who had a relative in the same facility. It wasn’t an easy decision. There were some good memories between the two of us, as well as some bad, but I wasn’t looking to rekindle our romance,’ she said with a wry look. ‘In the end, I think it was picturing him all alone in that place that did it. I felt sorry for him.’
‘And maybe the fact that he’s dying?’ Hope murmured.
Kitty sighed. ‘That, too. I went the once, thinking that should be enough, but he was so glad to see me. And I enjoyed the visit more than I’d thought I would. I’d forgotten. I used to love him, really love him, and I’m pretty sure he loved me. We still had that connection. I know he did some bad things, but he looked after me, kept me safe from the likes of bloody Bert Dalzell. Lately he’s told me a bit about all of that, things I didn’t know at the time. Once Jared was arrested Avery went at him hard, but it wasn’t him he was after, it was Dalzell.’
Hope waited a beat. ‘And yet Dalzell got away,’ she said quietly.