“What say we get to that later?” I interrupted. “I’d really rather focus our attention on not going to the Badlands.”
“Right, sorry.”
Chapter 19
Crossing over into the Badlands happened abruptly.
There was a wall that was quite high, which explained why the helidrone had us flying at such an altitude. On the other side of that wall sat a massive expanse of land. Some of it was green, but most of it was charred with lines of lava and smoke.
It was the “hell” that was spoken of in Dante’s poems. Well, technically he referred to the nine levels that were in the caves near the center of the land, but if he happened to see the rest of the place, minus the green parts, he would have felt the heat…and would have probably even done that gnashing-of-teeth thing.
“I don’t like this place,” said Reaper. “It’s responsible for many deaths.”
“You mean the people who live here, right?” I asked.
He nodded.
I doubted that those living here were any worse than the supers in the Netherworld area, and those living topside were even worse than that…especially the normals.
My assumption was that he was referring to the time when the Badlands fought for secession from the Netherworld. Many deaths had occurred during the two-thousand-year war. Plus, it was well documented that the races who populated the Badlands went beyond standard battle practices. They tortured and killed en masse. They were also the ones who had spent centuries plaguing the topside peoples with corruption, possession, and sullied information. Hellions were notorious for whispering into the ears of the weak and power-hungry, twisting their thoughts and causing massive damage.
Okay, so when put into the context of what the inhabitants of the Badlands did topside and in the Netherworld, I could grasp Reaper’s distaste of the place.
But it wasn’t like these things were still going on.
Right?
“Any chance we’re not going to land somewhere in here, Pecker?”
“Working on it,” came his grunted reply. “Hold on.”
I gripped the edge of the drone as it came to a stop, floating high above a particularly dark patch of land.
It had been quite a while since the last time I’d been in the Badlands. A hellion had gone topside without proper authorization and I’d been tasked to bring her back. It wasn’t an experience I cared to repeat.
One of the precepts set forth at the conclusion of the war was that the Badlands had to agree to adhere to the PPD rules.
They had their own division, which was mostly corrupt.
Not surprising, I know.
There were a few decent cops there, and their chief appeared well-respected by Chief Carter, but they had no Retrievers on staff. So, on the rare instance when one of them went rogue, we still got called in.
Being here was not fun.
We had a hell of a view from our perch. Or maybe it was a ‘view of hell’? Either way, I could basically see everything from this height. Not in detail, of course, but at least the basics.
The land of the dragons was to the northeast. It was deep red. Volcanos appeared to be in a constant state of eruption. Not necessarily sending plumes of lava into the air, but rather just a consistent river that pooled until it overflowed into the depths of the underground. I had no clue where it ultimately settled. Some scholars suspected that it just somehow flowed back to the very volcanic opening that it came from. Gravity would seem to counter that hypothesis, but without knowledge of how the channels under the ground funneled, it was a possibility.
“I wonder what happened to the castle?” I more said than asked, noting that the place looked to be in ruins.
“Got wiped out a couple months back,” answered Pecker while keeping his eyes on his work. “Exploded or something.”
I gave him a look. “How do you know that?”
“My cousin is working on the rebuilding project.”
My first thought was to press the point, but why bother? Goblins were known to be great at doing grunt work. They were good with their hands, great with making deals, and excellent at running unions. Pecker was cut from a different cloth, stereotypically speaking.
I continued studying the landscape.
Straight ahead were the caves.
There were two of them, about a half mile apart. Both led down into nine levels of living space. Everything from satyrs to demons to goblins to valkyries lived there, among others. It was said that getting through those levels alive was a rarity. Only the strong, most cunning, or downright lucky made it. The rest fell to one ‘temptation’ or another, solidifying their own demise in the process.
On the opposite side of the dragons lived the hellions.
They were probably the worst of all, which was to be expected when you added dragon blood to demons.
It was all about power to them.
Individuals fought for supremacy within the various Houses, and those Houses battled each other constantly as well. It was just like how corporate moguls do everything in their power to get on top and stay on top. Trickery, espionage, corruption, and even murder were the norm. Now, take those already sinister corporate chiefs, and make them demons mixed with a hint of dragon.
Yeah.
That was some scary shit.
Oh, and they didn’t like outsiders.
That caused me to regard Pecker again.
Okay, so they don’t like outsiders who don’t bring something useful to the table. Worse, they had the right to kill anyone who entered their area without prior approval, including officers of the PPD. It was a clause they’d somehow weaseled into the final treaty.
“I think I’ve got it,” Pecker said, then he spoke through the connector, adding, “Harvey, do not touch anything until I tell you to, got it?”
“Got it.”
“Same goes for you, Leland,” I hissed.
“Right. Sorry.”
“Uh…” said Kix as he pointed a shaky finger toward the northeast. “What’s that?”
“Dragons,” I moaned.
Kix lowered his hand. “That’s bad, right?”
“I can’t imagine it’s good,” Brazen answered.
My voice went up a bit. “Pecker?”
“I’m working on it, Piper! Shut the fuck up!”
Chapter 20
It turned out that the speed at which dragons can fly is faster than the hands of a goblin can work.
Our goblin, anyway.
There were three flying lizards.
The one in front was easily the size of a large bus, not including the tail that whipped out behind her. She had yellow eyes and a scaled body that shimmered in various colors as she flapped her gigantic wings.
She breathed on us.
I wouldn’t say her breath was horrible. It was warm, which was to be expected, but it was also somewhat minty.
Surprising.
“You have trespassed on our land,” she said in a voice that was less ominous than it should have been. “The punishment for that is death.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” said Pecker, waving at her in dismissive fashion. “Go away, will ya? I’m busy here.”
All of us, dragons included, turned to stare in disbelief at the goblin.
“Are you fucking insane?” I rasped through the connector.
“You have to know how to manage these things, Piper,” he replied without looking up. “Let me handle it.”
“Do you have any idea who you’re speaking with?” the dragon gasped, her voice incredulous. “I could snuff you from existence in the flash of an—”
“Where did you get tripped up, babe?” Pecker asked as he stood up on the disc and crossed his arms.
“Babe?”
“Didn’t you just hear me tell you that I was busy?”
“Well, yes, but—”
“And when someone tells you they’re busy,” Pecker continued, bringing us ever closer to our doom, “do you think it’s kind to continue pesterin
g them?”
“Pestering?” she squawked with wide eyes. “I wasn’t pestering.”
“What would you call it, then?” the goblin challenged. Before she could answer, though, he motioned past her. “These your kids?”
She looked confused. “Yes. Why?”
“You ever have a situation where you’re on the phone and they keep nagging you about something?”
“All the time,” she groaned her reply. “Or when I’m watching one of my favorite shows.”
“Ah, yes.” Pecker nodded sagely. “They always bug you during the last five minutes, right?”
“Precisely,” she roared as her two kids actively studied their talons while keeping a rhythmic flap of their wings going. “And don’t even get me started on what they do when I sit down to work on my crafts! It’s unfathomable how at that exact moment they get hungry. I could be standing in the kitchen for hours and they won’t say a word, but the moment my beads and strings are in place…whammo!”
Smoke was puffing from her oversized nostrils.
“I hear ya, babe,” said Pecker. “Kids can be quite a handful at times.”
“Don’t I know it.”
That’s when Pecker pointed to the console he’d been working on. “So, would you mind if I got back to work on my project now?”
“Ah,” she said, her face losing all of its angst at the obvious realization that she’d just been led to the proverbial slaughter. Then, she cleared her throat. “My apologies.”
Pecker waved his hand at her again.
“No harm done,” he said. “I’ll just finish up what I’m doing here and we’ll be on our way.”
“Oh, of course,” she said. “Sorry to have bothered you. Was just…” She paused and then her eyes drew together darkly. “Wait a second here. Did you just dare to dismiss me?”
Pecker looked down at his hands and sighed.
Then he turned back, sat, crossed his legs, and resumed fiddling with the console.
“When you look at the people on this drone, lady,” he said in an almost aloof tone of voice, “what do you see?”
“Morsels,” she growled.
“Har har har,” mocked Pecker. “What you should see are four Netherworld PPD officers and me.”
“Yeah, so?”
“So, I’m sure you’ve heard of a particular goblin who works in the technology division of the PPD.” He paused and glanced at her. “Yes?”
She ran her massive tongue over her teeth as her brow knitted together. A moment later, she began rubbing her chin with her right claw.
“I thought I’d heard something about that,” she admitted but appeared unsure. “It was in the news a long time ago, I think.”
“Wasn’t there a story about a goblin joining the PPD, Mama?” suggested one of the smaller dragons.
“Quiet, you,” she snapped in response. “Can’t you see I’m busy?” That’s when she looked at me with imploring eyes. “One mother to another, they’re a pain sometimes, aren’t they?”
“I’m not a mother,” I asserted with a bit more froth than necessary.
“Really?” all three dragons said in unison.
“Why would you think that?”
The large dragon shrugged. “You just have sort of a ‘soccer mom’ thing going on, especially with that haircut.”
Brazen and Kix turned and looked at me. They both said “Hmmm” at the same time.
“Careful, idiots,” I warned them before looking back at the dragon. “Well, I’m not one, thank you very much.”
“What’s a soccer mom?” asked Reaper.
“Some other time, Reap,” I replied, not bothering to look at him.
“Mama,” ventured a smaller dragon, “isn’t he the goblin who headed up all the connectivity in the Badlands?”
“Didn’t I just tell you to…” She trailed off and then spun her head back to gawk at Pecker. “That was you?”
“Yep,” Pecker replied, keeping his eyes on his work.
The helidrone began to move slightly.
“Got it,” he said through the connection, before standing up and facing the dragon again. “Just hang tight and let me handle everything.”
The dragon was eyeing him more carefully now. I wasn’t sure what kind of power our lead engineer had on this side of the world, but it was clear that he was pretty famous. The look on the dragon’s face alone was indicative of that. It had moved from irritation to anxiousness.
Interesting.
“I had no idea you were…” she stammered. “I mean that you had…” She coughed. “You see, I just thought that…uh…”
Pecker allowed her to suffer for a few more moments as we drifted away from them, moving slowly back toward the Netherland’s side of the wall. We were gliding at a snail’s pace, which was a good thing since dragons were known for loving to chase prey. They were following us, but their eyes were firmly attached on the little goblin who stood between us and a bath of flame, and it was clear they didn’t see the speed of movement as being worthy of note.
“Now that you know who I am,” Pecker declared in a smooth tone of voice, “do you still think it’s a wise idea to kill us?”
“Definitely not you,” she admitted, “but the others on this flying disc of yours aren’t protected.”
“They’re under my protection,” he countered. “If you wish to kill them, you’ll have to kill me too. I’m sure that will spark an international issue, which you undoubtedly don’t care about, but it will also ignite an internal issue.” He tilted his head to the side. “Do you really want to be responsible for inciting another war with the hellions and the members of the seven levels?”
“I think you meant nine levels,” Kix corrected through the connector.
“No, I meant seven. There is no need for connectivity on levels one and nine. Slugs are on level one. They don’t use technology, and nine is the home of the basilisk. He can freely travel wherever he wants without fear of anyone fucking with him.”
Kix, having been sufficiently schooled, did not respond.
Pecker cracked his knuckles and gave the dragon a defiant look.
“Well?”
“It’s just that it’s my job, you know?” she implored him. “If I don’t kill your friends here, then that will go on my record.” She blew out a breath. “On the other hand, if I kill you, that will destroy my record.”
Pecker held up a finger.
Everyone looked at him.
“I have a suggestion,” he mused. “What say we count to ten, very slowly?”
“Count to ten?”
“That’s right,” he answered the dragon. “I’ve often found that solutions to difficult problems are usually only ten seconds away.”
“They are?” asked one of the younger dragons.
“Not now, Leo,” the mother fretted. “Sorry. Count to ten, right?”
We did.
Slowly.
Why? I had no idea, but it was giving me ten more seconds of life, which was all I really cared about at the moment. A blast of flame scattering my ashes all over the Badlands was a recipe for losing my immortal capabilities.
I assumed so, anyway.
“…and ten,” finished Pecker.
“Did we solve the problem?” asked the dragon.
“Look down, babe,” Pecker replied.
We all did.
The helidrone was just over the wall, outside of the Badlands and back on the side of the Netherworld.
“Oh,” the main dragon cheered. “That was brilliant! Now I don’t have to kill you.”
“Exactly.”
“But won’t she get in trouble for letting us get away?” I noted through the connector.
“Probably,” replied Pecker, “but that’s not really our problem, now is it?”
I sniffed at that. “And you say I’m the uncaring bitch?”
“Would you rather have stayed so she and her kids could kill us?” he challenged. “That’s the only…” He stopped and gav
e me a look. Then, with a sigh, he pulled out his datapad and tapped on it for a few seconds. “There. I just hacked the Badlands records system and entered in a report that will cover her ass.”
I knew he wouldn’t be able to just let the dragon take a fall like that. She was only doing her job, after all. Not that I subscribed to the belief that everything is acceptable if labeled under the moniker of I-was-just-doing-my-job, but in the instance of protecting their land from intruders, the label worked. Besides, it wasn’t like she would have tortured us or anything. It would have been quick.
Somehow that didn’t really make me feel any better.
“What did you put in the report?” I asked.
“That it was nothing but a weather balloon.”
“You went with UFO-coverup?”
“You’re going to give me shit about that, too, Piper?” he laughed. “Honestly, if you keep this up I’m going to have to start hitting on you even harder.”
I blanched at that.
“Uh…you did a great job on this, Pecker. I couldn’t have done better myself. You should get a medal or something. A real national hero…nay, a national treasure…that’s what you are.”
He grinned. “Bitch.”
Chapter 21
By the time we’d returned to the Netherworld PPD building, we could see a mass of people heading in toward Chief Carter and his officers.
“Shit,” I said aloud, “are you seeing this?”
“Apparently,” Brazen replied before anyone else could, “Keller’s callout for assassins was more successful than we’d expected.”
“There’s no way the cops are going to be able to hold back that crowd,” breathed Pecker. “We have to hurry up.”
Unfortunately, the helidrone only had one gear on its vertical lift and drop: slow.
“Chief,” I called through the connector, “we’re seeing a crowd heading your way. They look pretty coordinated.”
“Yeah,” he grunted in reply. “We know all about it. A couple of sentries reported it two minutes ago. And it’s worse than it looks. The ones leading that crowd are all heads of the various factions.”
Major Feeding: A Piper & Payne Supernatural Thriller (Netherworld Paranormal Police Department Book 4) Page 7